Silence can make a woman miss you. But for her to miss you, the woman you’re using the power of silence on must respect you and care about you. She must think you’re worth her time and effort because that’s the only way she’ll miss you when she doesn’t hear from you.
Silence is a powerful tool for people who aren’t getting the desired results with their partners, ex-partners, and dating prospects. It can make the people they like nostalgic and force them to reach out.
Sadly, those reach outs are often nothing but breadcrumbs (empty, meaningless messages) as their purpose is to check up on you and obtain reassurance. But still, you’ll deal with that later. If you want to hear from a woman who hasn’t given you the attention you wanted, silence is the way to go.
Stay away from her and give her the gift of missing you. Don’t play hard to get, but do show you love yourself more than you love people who don’t feel the same way about you. She has to see that she’s no longer a priority in your life and that your interest in her can decline just as hers has declined in you.
When she understands this and sees she’s not as important as she thought, she’ll begin to question your interest in her and become curious about you. She won’t reach out right away, but she will develop a habit of thinking about you.
The more she thinks about you, the stronger the urge to reach out will become. Eventually, she’ll probably shoot you a text and try to figure out why you’ve been silent all this time.
Just makes sure not to use silence as a manipulation technique on a person who clearly likes you to make her anxious and wonder why you’re not interested. Use it only to balance out a disinterested woman’s lack of initiation, interest, and affection.
Pulling away has the highest chance of success. But again, you should pull away only as a last-ditch effort. It’s the last thing you should do to someone you like and want in your life as a friend or more.
If you do it to punish a person who doesn’t have any feelings and respect for you, that person probably won’t reach out and tell you how sorry she is for forgetting about you. She’ll need to improve her perceptions of you before she can miss you and get back in touch with you.
Without complicating things too much, know that silence often makes a woman miss you.
But her missing you depends on:
- how happy she is
- how lucky she is
- how she perceives you
- whether her relationships after you go well
- how you portray yourself
- what you do to pressure her and embarrass yourself
If you constantly call her and annoy her with texts, she could see that you’re desperate and lose respect for you. That could take a lot of damage control (silence on your end) to nullify the effects your desperation has had on her.
So don’t listen to your heart and flood her with texts and calls. Listen to your brain instead, and make the silence trigger her nostalgia. There’s no guarantee that it will, but silence has a higher chance of working on her than bothering her when she doesn’t respond, responds rarely, or responds in mean or disinterested ways.
In today’s article, we answer the question, “Does silence make a woman miss you?” We go into detail about the effects of silence (no contact) and how to stay in it when every fiber in your body tells you to speak to the woman you like.
Does silence make a woman miss you?
Before we discuss when and how silence makes a woman miss you, you need to understand that a woman could miss you in two different ways; romantically and non-romantically.
Romantically, she could miss the romantic aspect of the relationship and want your love and forgiveness. She could think her romantic goals and purpose align with yours and as a result, want the kind of close relationship she had when the relationship was at its peak.
Because of her desire to reconnect, she would essentially be in a hurry to secure a spot in the relationship with you so she could feel romantically fulfilled and not worry about obtaining your validation.
On the other hand, if she wanted you non-romantically, she would miss talking to you, laughing with you, hanging out with you, and having a familiar face to connect with. Whether it’s to express problems or just spend time with you, she’d want you back as a friend and only as a friend.
She wouldn’t have feelings for you, so she’d want you in her life to confide in you. This means she’d be okay with you dating other people and moving on without her.
If you’re not aware of these two types of missing, you could assume that a woman wants you back as a romantic partner the moment she reaches out and says or hints that she misses you. That could make your anxiety go through the roof and force you to feel hopeful and extremely eager to woo her.
It could make you do desperate things that suffocate, annoy, and guilt-trip her.
You need to know it’s much more common for ex-partners to miss you as a friend. Friendship means more to them than romance because they don’t want to not talk to you and lose you completely. They want to keep you around to the extent that suits their needs.
They have no intention whatsoever to talk about relationship matters and get back together. That’s how you can usually tell they’re a bit nostalgic and that they’re reaching out for themselves.
I’ve seen thousands of dumpers do that. They missed talking to their ex and bonding over non-relationship matters, so they made it look like they regretted losing their ex. But in reality, they just missed talking to their ex and got curious about their ex’s post-breakup life.
Most curious dumpers took their ex along for the ride and either stopped reaching out shortly after breaking no contact or stayed (occasional) friends. Their goal was to reopen channels of communication, bury the hatchet, and/or obtain forgiveness.
Moreover, if the woman in question isn’t your ex, but rather someone you went on a few dates with, then the exact same principles apply. You still need to leave her alone and let her miss you if she wants to. She’ll realize she made an impulsive decision and that she likes you if she processes what she needs to or if she gets herself into trouble.
Trouble could be anything unpredictable, painful, and self-esteem-breaking. Pain and regrets could make her see that what she had was good but that she wasn’t able to appreciate it at the time.
The good thing about a woman who abandoned a new/developing relationship is that she has fewer negative things to remember and cling to compared to an ex. In other words, she might start missing you and give the relationship a chance if she realizes she stopped paying attention to you because of her own issues.
Some of the issues that might have stopped her from getting closer to you could be:
- emotional unavailability
- other romantic options
- confusion and doubts
- family issues
- health issues
- depression
- or anything unrelated to you
If she associates stress with you and realizes you were a good dating option, she could disassociate stress from you and return to you. Just bear in mind she first needs to engage in introspection and reflect on her decisions and direction in life.
And to reflect on her decisions and future, she probably needs to fail with other people or in some other way that makes her realize she messed up badly.
Because you can’t predict when or if that will happen and if she will learn her lessons, it’s best to stay silent indefinitely. Go indefinite no contact so you can detach from her and stop caring about her validation. You need to put yourself first and preserve your value.
Women don’t like needy men who fight for love after a breakup. They want them to value themselves and exude strength. The same goes for men.
So does silence make a woman miss you? It does, or rather it can. But for her to miss you in ways you want her to, certain unpleasant things need to happen to her first.
That’s why silence alone isn’t the solution to your problem. Silence merely prevents her from finding new reasons to dislike you and gives her the space she needs to do what she wants.
And as a dumper, she wants to do lots of things that don’t involve you. She wants to be free and feel that she can make her own decisions.
To miss you (especially romantically), something must go wrong. Not only that but she must also think of you as someone who can help her deal with her problems.
If her problems have something to do with rejection pain and self-esteem issues, you could accept her as she is (validate her) and heal her wounds. The million-dollar question is whether she’ll realize your worth or come back just to take from you.
You can tell what she wants by observing her behavior toward you. If she’s just nice (hot) when she needs you, and she’s unreceptive (cold) when she doesn’t need you, she probably came back for herself and doesn’t care about you and the relationship.
She doesn’t have the energy and willpower to invest in a relationship with you.
But if she’s asking you important questions, investing in the relationship consistently, and doesn’t display any hesitation or doubts, she’s in it to win it. You can let your guard down a little bit and continue to guide her. Show her you want to trust her but that you need to see some consistency from her first.
This will convey the message that you’ll lose your patience and leave if she doesn’t commit or stay committed this time.
Anyway, here are some things that make a woman miss you.
Should you go silent on a woman just to make her miss you?
If you’re contemplating ignoring or delaying your responses with the intention to trigger her separation anxiety and fears of abandonment, you already know the answers you’re looking for. Hurting her to make her show affection isn’t going to make you look any cooler or your relationship any stronger.
It’s just going to make her wary about your commitment and ability to provide safety and stability.
So no, you shouldn’t go silent to make a woman miss you when she misses you and loves you. You should express your gratitude and talk about the importance of her expressing it as well. Healthy couples communicate with each other. They don’t play push-pull games and make each other anxious.
By talking and bonding, they feel connected emotionally and see that they have the same relationship expectations.
Those who go silent do nothing but hurt their partner. They’re insecure and lack relationship skills, so they have no idea how to make their partner care about them or care about them in ways they want to be cared about.
As a result, they play mind games and portray themselves as busy and disinterested individuals.
If you’re thinking of doing that too, you need to give up on it. Remember that your partner won’t love you and give you what you need if you keep hurting her. It’s much more likely that your partner will get tired of feeling unworthy after a while and that she’ll find ways to care and depend less on you.
Your girlfriend could go out more, make new friends, or do something that makes your girlfriend pay even less attention to you. And that will increase your separation anxiety and worsen the situation you’re in.
The only time you should let silence do the talking for you is when the relationship has ended and there’s no sign of getting back together. In that case, going silent won’t just give the woman the space she needs to focus on herself, but it will also help you detach from her and see that she’s not worth your time.
What do you think? Does silence make a woman miss you, not miss you, or forget about you? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.
And if you’d like to discuss the power of silence with us, sign up for coaching here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Thank you again for your response… I ask her so by the end of this year.. you are a saver to my broken heart. I wish , I would read your blog before executing all breakup well written in your article.. I did big mistakes craving her for love by begging and pleading, even cried like a baby on the phone when she reached out me. In addition to that, I also wrote her 5 letters with CRAVING . Since reading your every topic, I learn how to be a man and regain my composure to strengthen my mind . Very much appreciated to your advice …
You’re welcome, Lone survivor.
You’ve made some mistakes, but you’ve also learned from them. Now you know that you can’t beg and plead and pressure your ex.
Hang in there,
Zan
Hi Zan,
I have read every articles you write… very impressive for avid reader like me, you truly rescue my soul from being traumatized the lack of breakup experience in over months of depress, loneliness, anxiety, and deeply wounded heart. I did tons of mistakes with craving of love from her with all my texts, I even drove almost 12 hours from phoenix to san Francsico over night where she lives to ask for ‘plea and beg’ for being loved. she just not turns down on me but humiliate all vulnerable words at my face. lately that Saturday night, I found that she money branched me while we were in relationship. heartbroken on my way home another 12 hour drive… not days go by, I don’t think of her every mins of my days and nights, even dream of her in my sleep oftentimes. As you said, she breadcrumbs me with all sweet words AND hopes leading me to write her 5 letters with AGAIN CRAVING from my weak emotion. LOOKING BACK now, I feel ashamed on me for what I had done as a man. I am in indefinitive no contact since Feb. she did shooting a text of wishing me “happy father day and happy birth day” I politely repond every text we exchange.
My question to you is, I still hold her stock account with original amount of $108k invested. I did ask to transfer back to her account , but she said that ” If I don’t mind holding for her son until he is 18 years old, which is another 6 years away. what is in her mind having me in control of her money. Since she dumped me, I have never touched it again because I don’t want to deal with tax as i told her so. Do you think she tries to sting me as a backup guy because of her stock account? We were in 3 year long distance relationship, and she fell out of love with me 10 months ago. please advice me what should i do with her stock account as I already promised to hold it until her own son 18 years of age.
very much thankful for what you have contributed your rich knowledge to inexperence heartbroker like me..
Hi lone survivor.
Thanks for being an avid reader of MOS. It’s great to have you here.
You made some big breakup mistakes at the beginning of the breakup, but you’re doing much better now. You’re following indefinite no contact and learning to live on your own. Great job for getting this far! You’re getting closer to recovery. Make sure to deal with her breadcrumbs as mentioned on the blog. That way, you’ll obsess as little as possible.
As for the stocks, you can give the account back and be done with it or you can hold it for 6 years. If you choose to hold it, make sure not to get hope from it. She’s not doing this to control you or keep you as a backup plan. It appears that she wants to trust you and show you she can. What you promised her was under the condition that she stayed with you. Since you’re no longer a couple, it’s okay to tell her you’re returning her stock money. That way, you can close this chapter of your life and move forward. She won’t bother you about it in the future.
I would return what I owe her and allow myself to move on. If she can’t trust herself with the responsibility of having so much money, that’s her problem. You have plenty of more important things to worry about.
Sincerely,
Zan
Wow this article is super good Zan! Thank you for writing it!
I see that a dumper must respect you and care about you to come back!
But I decided to heal and never look back thanks to your bug help!
I wouldn’t be here without your help ❤️
Thanks as always, Linda!
I’m glad I was able to help!
Zan
Since I went No Contact over 6 months ago, I never heard another word from my ex. In fact, her life seemed to improve greatly since then. She got out of a house she hated being in, moved closer to her family and replaced me all in a matter of a few short months. Though I am almost certain that she may have monkey branched from me to her new boyfriend, just not 100% sure. I was really hoping everything she was doing since dumping me would blow up in her face and she would realize my value and the love I had for her, but instead the opposite has happened. She moved in to a new house, and she has a new man, so the thought of me probably never crosses her mind as it will now be 7 months since we ended. She is probably the happiest she has been in a very long time. While I on the other hand, have missed her every day. I still can’t stop thinking about her and I am still completely heartbroken wishing she would come back to me.
Hi Ed, I feel you, I can relate.
It’s very hard to move on from someone you loved. The fact that you know she moved to a new house and has a new man shows that you’re not following strict no contact… I know how hard it can be as I did many mistakes too during the first 4 to 5 months, looking for clues she was unhappy. The only thing you’ll find is that she is happy and moved on.. No contact is FOR YOU. Not for her to come back.
It might be hard to hear, but the truth is, she probably won’t come back… Breakups are the worst for the dumpee… it might take time but you’ll be ok. Focus on you, don’t pay attention to what she’s doing and stop looking for clues she’ll come back. Time will help you heal and fall out of love and eventually not care anymore, if you do the right things. Zan wrote many articles about someone leaving you for someone else or monkey branching, you should read those, if not already done.
The thing I can tell you is that you will feel better one day, it’ll take time. I know it’s hard to believe but one day you won’t care if she comes back or reach back. You’ll just be fine by yourself and be happy with how things turned out. Only time will help unfortunately, and everybody’s different.
Also, moving on is a decision, not someting you wait for to happen. You can reminisnce about all the good times you two had, and that now she’s having them with someone else, but it doesnt not change anything about your own self. I too was like you even a few weeks ago.. waiting for her to come back, and hoping she’d reach out. After 6 months tho, I gave her enough time to come back and she hasn’t. Then I made the decision that I would move on with my life and control my thoughts. Whenever I think of her, I remind myself that she doesnt matter anymore, and that I need to think about me, be selfish, and that life goes on. What is she doing? Who is she fu****? Is she happier now than I’m not in the picture? Who cares.. You should ask these questions towards yourself, and find things that make you happy.
At the end of the day, the decision to move on will come with time and time apart from her (in all ways including social media). Please dont check her socials etc. Every time I did, even just typing her name in the google bar, made me think about her for days.
It doenst matter if she moved on and do not think about you. It hurts yes, it sucks, yes, it stings, yes. But think about that, what is it going to bring you to remind yourself of it…? What are the cons of moving on and letting her go? None, on the contrary, if ever she was to come back, you’d be in a better position to assess if you really want that relationship.
Hope it helps
Tim
My gf broke up with me almost 7 days a go after we got back from a trip I was very frustrated with her drinking and snapped and said some very rude and hurtful things to her but when I calmed down I tried to apologize but she didn’t want to listen to a word I was saying and basically ended all communication with me it’s been tough but I’ve been trying to stay busy and have no contact with her at all then just out of the blue she texts me to ask about a bill that could have got charged on my credit card that I gave her I politely responded no and ended the conversation right there I hope she doesn’t text me back because iam definitely trying my hardest to move on with my life without thinking of her
Hey Ed,
Sorry for your loss, I can only guess the amount of pain your are going through. You have every right to find the situation unfair, being infuriated at her for her behavior, while still missing her. I can imagine how much you crave her validation right now, but the only one you need come from within. You don’t need to prove her anything: from what you wrote, it seems to me you gave your best to the relationship, and the fact that she left is not a reflection of your worth and/or your ability to make someone happy.
As suggested by Tim, I think it is best for you to avoid getting any new information from her situation: it will most probably erode the last remaining of trust you have for her.
Take care,
Benoit
Hi Ed.
6 months seems like a lot, but it hasn’t been enough for your ex to fail in ways she needs to. She needs more time. I don’t know if she’ll reflect, but that’s why you need to stay in NC at all costs. If she’s with someone else, she’s going through new relationship stages with him. Don’t expect her to be miserable just yet.
Best,
Zan
Great article Zan.
At 6 months no contact and not one single word from her, I reflected on many things and only recently started to realize that no contact was for me to move on and not for her to miss me. People need to be aware that going no contact will not make her come back. On the contrary, I think it will give her the space she needs to forget you. Will she be nostalgic at times? Maybe, but it does not mean it’s enough to reach back to you.
Time really does help realizing that the only thing that matters is you. I read countless articles stating that at some point, you won’t care if she reaches out or not. I am slowly but surely getting there. At first, I was obsessed with holding back and finding out what she was doing, but letting go was the solution. Only time would help me do this, regarless of my effort to be self aware about not having hope. Sometimes, even with the greatest intentions, you can’t force your mind to do something it doesn’t want: let go.
I think for me, I waited a long time for her to reach out, but after 6 months, I’m starting to care a bit less. If she wanted to, she would have. Also, something that delayed my healing was to constantly remind myself that while I was heartbroken thinking about her all day every day, she probably stopped thinking about me the min she broke it off. Thinking that someone moved on rapidly is the best way to be angry and frustrated with yourself.
This whole article is interesting. Human beings are weird. We use these 2 sayings that totally contradict one another:
– “Distance makes heart grow fonder”
– “Out of sight, out of mind”
Which one is it? I think the latter is way more accurate, at least in my situation. I’m still new to NC, but I truly believe that it helps both party, not only the dumpee. The dumper gets is easy during no contact. Tho they would get is even easier if we kept contact.
At some point, as you said in many articles, none of that will matter anymore. Hearts heal, minds drift, and you won’t thing about that person anymore.
My 2 cents 🙂
Tim
Hello Tim,
I am impressed by your progress, I think you are on the right tracks.
The amount of time someone thinks about an ex during no contact depends on so many parameters (attachment style, maturity, events that hurt their self esteem during NC, reasons for breaking up) that trying to guess on which side of the two idioms you fall is as complicate as quantum mechanics: both idioms are valid to a certain extend.
Depending on their personality, NC could potentially be very hard for a dumper as well, especially if they got hurt by the break-up or they experience separation anxiety. However breaking up should never be taken lightly and be accompanied by consequences. No contact is one of them, another may be to loose you forever: taking back a dumper for the wrong reasons is not doing yourself or them any favor and rejecting them may be the purest expression of love you can actually give them.
Continue the hard work,
Benoit
Thanks Benoit.
Yes I too think that I’m finally moving on and on the right track (today is a good day, and I’m sure I’ll still have doubts and setbacks).
One thing that helped as well was reading a book on self esteem. I should be grateful that a lot of things are going very well for me in life. Though that whole time after the breakup, I kept comparing myself to other men I’d see on the metro, imagining how better than me the guy she’d be dating would be, how much better sex was going to be, how much taller this new guys was going to be, how much more confident, fun, attractive, successful and so forth.
This came from a place of scarcity and doubts since she crushed my self esteem by leaving me abruptly. Now that I’m rebuilding my confidence and self esteem bit by bit, I realize that my value isnt defined by 1 person. At the end of the day, what is important is how I see myself. If I see myself as valuable, it helps me to accept that she decided we were not compatible, but that I’m still of value, just to other ppl. Again, time helps with all of that (and comments from ppl on Zan’s blog 😉 )
She’s probably happier now without me but I know that I have no regrets since it’s not my decision but hers. I’m gradually learning to live with it.
Thanks
Tim
Tim,
I’m on month 4th with my breakup, and I’ve also had those exact thoughts: taller guys, better sex, more money, more attractive, etc.
Time does so much and I’m happy to hear you’re also starting to come around. Life isn’t over, and there’s still plenty of amazing women out there.
Keep moving forward!
Best,
Al
Hi Tim.
Distance doesn’t make the dumper’s heart fonder. It makes couples miss and appreciate each other more. As for “out of sight, out of mind,” space helps dumpees distance themselves from the person giving them anxiety. It allows the dumpee to get the dumper out of his/her system and enjoy life again.
Thanks for the comment!
Zan
Hi Zan,
I think it’s easy on the dumper regardless.
I’m not sure if a dumper ever missed his/her dumpee tbh… even with time. Maybe they missed having someone but if they decided they didn’t want someone or something, how can they miss them?
If you leave a house because you don’t like it anymore, you won’t look back in the future and tell yourself how good of a house it was.. maybe I’m simplifying things but I think there s no coming back from a breakup.
I dumped a woman years ago and I can say with confidence that I was over her the night I dumped her (yeah it took me months to decide whether or not I should leave her). I never looked back, never missed the relationship nor thought about getting back together.
At best I thought about reaching out 7 years later (when my current ex dumped me 6 months ago) coz I wanted to tell her than I now know how she felt. Didn’t reach out either way since the relationship is buried deep in the past.
Breakups in 99% of the cases are final.. the sooner dumpee realized it (me included) the sooner they’ll start healing.
I waited MONTHS for her to come back, hoping she d soon realize how big of a mistake she did. I can’t say for sure since she never contacted me and I never contacted her in anyway but I’m pretty sure she stopped caring and thinking about me a lonnnnnggg time ago
The hard part for the dumper is executing the breakup. They’ve likely thought about it for a long time and let guilt hold them back longer than necessary. It’s never an easy conversation for anyone with a heart to have, even if the decision is the right one, and they may feel bad about it for a time immediately afterward. The good news is that if the breakup truly was the right decision, the dumper won’t confuse you with breadcrumbs. They’ll just keep moving on, regardless of what you say or don’t say, and let you be a memory.
And, yeah, reaching out seven years later would have been a mistake. She wouldn’t have wanted to hear it.
Hi Tim.
People usually miss their exes when things go wrong on their end. That’s when they become nostalgic and regret leaving. I know what you mean, you wouldn’t suddenly start missing someone you dumped. You’d contemplated leaving her for weeks or months, so you’d probably continue to feel relieved more than anything.
Some dumpers come back more than others. Because you can’t know if she’ll come back, moving on is always the best strategy.
Great job on getting this far, Tim.
Sincerely,
Zan