My Ex Cheated On Me And Left Me

Believe it or not, but cheating is quite common these days.

The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy published that nearly 20% of all surveyed men and women of different ages and ethnicities admitted to having a physical affair.

The percentage may not seem that concerning at first, but when you consider that every fifth person on this planet physically betrays his or her partner, statistics become a lot more alarming.

They prove that people are unhappy in their relationships and that they haven’t developed themselves into adults with sufficient moral values and self-control.

It’s sad to see how many people cheat on their loyal partners and cause anxiety to them, but, sadly, the bad news doesn’t end there.

If every fifth person cheated, then finding a non-cheating person would be considerably easy. Most people would find an ethical partner and with little strength and effort build a good relationship with him or her.

But unfortunately, it’s not always that easy to find someone with strong moral values as according to research, nearly 40% of the surveyed participants admitted to having an emotional affair at some point in their lives.

They may not have cheated physically, but they nonetheless talked to someone outside of the relationship and emotionally or sexually betrayed their partner’s love and trust.

If this doesn’t disturb you, I don’t know what will. 40% is nearly every second person—and I doubted it at first. But after some research, I noticed that most surveys show similar results.

Almost every second respondent has developed romantic or sexual feelings for another person and every fifth respondent has had sex.

The majority of people who cheated on their partner admitted to cheating within the first week of cheating and others, weeks or months later. Most came clean because they felt guilty and thought their partner deserved to know.

Only 20% of respondents kept it to themselves as they were terrified of the consequences.

People often think that they’re completely immune to betrayal, but the truth is that everyone is susceptible to cheating.

Everyone is capable of cheating and getting cheated on, but fortunately, people with good morals don’t do it. Their self-control is stronger than their temptations, so they distance themselves from temptations the moment they realize they’re getting too attached to someone else.

Those who don’t rationally understand why they shouldn’t cheat (poor morals) and don’t possess the emotional strength to pull away (poor self-control), tend to live life completely on impulse.

They neglect their personal values and don’t have it in them to stay loyal.

So if your ex cheated on you and it feels like you’re dying, know that it’s not your fault you got cheated on. Your ex cheated because of his or her own lackings, which include poor self-esteem, poor moral values, poor self-control, unhappiness, and the inability to communicate efficiently.

This article is for those who got cheated on by their ex.

My ex cheated on me and left me

When people are in love, they often think of their partner as the only person on Earth who can make them happy. They think that their partner loves them unconditionally and that he or she will always be there for them no matter what.

Such naive people usually make their partner their top priority, go all-in on their partner, and invest their heart and soul into the relationship.

Although there’s nothing wrong with investing in a relationship and having faith in your partner, many people make the mistake to overinvest. They put their partner first and as a result of low self-esteem and poor personal goals, neglect or underprioritize themselves.

This causes them to lose respect for themselves and consequently, forces them to over-rely on their partner for love, validation, and happiness.

If their partner likes the attention he or she receives, then nothing significant changes in the relationship. The couple continues to get along and stays in love.

But if their partner doesn’t like the attention and prefers more freedom and independence, then the imbalance in the relationship can cause a lot of problems for the couple.

It can cause emotional incompatibilities and ultimately, a loss of romantic interest.

While it’s true that lots of love can strengthen the relationship, it’s also true that too much love can kill it. If a person who lacks relationship knowledge and understanding of his or her emotions receives a lot of love, he or she can feel overwhelmed with love and as a result, start to reject it.

This is why it’s important to love your partner a lot, but no more than yourself. Self-love needs to come first and stay first no matter what.

If you don’t possess a healthy amount of self-love and you invest in the relationship significantly more than in yourself, the relationship is not really a relationship. It’s an emotional investment that could come to an end when your partner realizes that he or she can’t return your level of investment.

Keep in mind that love can flourish only if both parties are willing to give equal amounts of love. It doesn’t have to be exact same amount because some people desire less affection than others, but as long as it’s well balanced, the love and trust that couples pour into the relationship can hold the relationship together and make it stronger.

In other words, it can keep couples from looking for healthy balance in other people.

When do people usually cheat?

Cheating most often occurs at the beginning of the relationship when a relationship is still undefined or after the honeymoon phase (4 months +) when couples get to know each other and discover each other’s differences and imperfections.

4 months into the relationship is when attraction and overall infatuation wanes and couples finally begin to rely on their rationality for the success of their relationship.

If they don’t possess the aforementioned rational values (moral values and healthy thinking patterns), it’s only a matter of time before couples become susceptible to stress, arguments, and emotional disconnection and start seeking love and comfort from someone who’s willing to give it to them.

This means that people tend to cheat when they:

• lack personal values and emotional strength
• stop watering the relationship, fall into a routine, and take their partner for granted
• meet someone who makes them feel desired (emotions their partner stopped making them feel)

When potential cheaters meet another person, they initially have no intention of cheating. They still feel connected to their partner and know exactly what cheating says about a person.

But because they keep talking and meeting up with their new “friend” behind their partner’s back, they start to get closer and closer to that person.

Eventually, they get so close that they withdraw from their partner and feel confused and unsure about their relationship.

They know that cheating is wrong but despite being aware of it, they can’t resist the temptation of getting physical with someone they got to know. So what happens next is that they subconsciously enter a trial period where they choose the person who makes them the happiest.

Because their relationship’s been on a decline for a while and the new person’s making them feel better than their partner, all potential cheaters need to cheat and monkey-branch from this point on is something negative in their relationship.

Something that causes even the smallest argument or a disagreement.

Sooner than later, they get what they’re looking for and either cheat and regret it or shamelessly leap into another relationship without regret.

Here’s when people usually cheat.

My ex cheated and left me for someone else

Sometimes no matter how much trust, love, care, and attention we give to a person we love, we still can’t make that person stay loyal to us. We can’t do it because there are certain things in life that we can’t control.

Some of those things are people’s thoughts, beliefs, values, and feelings.

Each and every individual gets to decide what his or her views on life will be like and what morals and convictions he or she will possess.

All a person has to do is think about them long and frequently enough until they become a part of him or her. The more a person thinks about fairness, equality, principles of right and wrong, etc, the more he or she instills them into the belief system.

But he or she mustn’t just think about them. He or she must also believe them by attaching appropriate emotion to them.

Once they’re a part of a person’s belief system, everything opposite of these beliefs disturbs and repulses a person, including cheating. And fortunately, it stays that way until stronger emotions replace them.

Keep in mind that you can be taught morals (inherit them from caregivers) or develop them yourself. Parents usually instill only their basics beliefs (morals) into us. They teach us to be kind, grateful, respectful, humble, etc.

But, unfortunately, they normally don’t teach us much about loyalty, perseverance in a romantic relationship, balancing out the power, and self-control.

These are the lessons most of us have to discover through experience on our own. Once we do, however, we then have to 1)want to learn them and 2) keep improving them until the end of time.

What people don’t know is that you can be a good, loyal person simply by thinking about doing good deeds and staying loyal. You just need an emotional incentive to become/stay loyal.

I suppose the real question is why don’t 20% of people who physically cheat have these strong reminders not to cheat in them.

I think that cheaters treat others fairly for the most part. They have friends and get along with family members just fine. But when it comes to controlling their urges and understanding the consequences of their actions, they tend to underperform.

They fail to resist their emotional urges because they’re not afraid of losing that which they already have. In other words, they don’t value their partner enough because they put a higher priority on momentary emotions and instantaneous gratifications.

If your ex cheated on you and left you for someone else, know that not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever. Some people are only meant to teach us valuable lessons.

Lessons that help us respect ourselves better and educate us on which red signs to look out for in the future.

The most common signs a person is going to cheat on you are:

• emotionally-driven behavior (impulsiveness)
• poor self-control
• inadequate moral values
• treating you and others poorly
• a challenging childhood and difficulties in the family

If you got cheated on and left for someone else, you’ll feel sad and depressed for a while. Your self-esteem will hit rock bottom and you’ll probably blame yourself for your ex’s behavior.

You’ll think to yourself that your love, effort, care, and emotional/financial investment wasn’t enough and that you ended up getting abandoned and replaced despite giving it your best.

If this is what you end up thinking and feeling, know that you’re not alone. My ex also cheated on me a few years ago and made me feel that I wasn’t good enough for him.

But after some time in indefinite no contact, I realized that it’s exactly the opposite. My ex wasn’t good enough for me. I just couldn’t see it before because I was too emotionally dependent on my ex for recognition.

Today, I’m proud to say that getting cheated on has changed me as a person and taught me a valuable lesson. A lesson to value myself more and to date men who respect themselves enough not to cheat.

My ex is dating the person he cheated on me with

I know how hard it is to see your ex dating the person he or she cheated on you with. My ex did it to me too. He ghosted me after a serious relationship and a year or so later, impregnated the girl and married her.

Trust me, I feel your pain and understand the self-doubting questions running through your mind.

You’re probably wondering if your ex ever loved you or if it was all a lie. You have so many burning questions for your ex, yet so few answers.

Even if you don’t want your ex back anymore, you at least want an apology or some kind of bs excuse that would make you feel better. I get that. Been there, done that.

But before you reach for your phone and get angry with with your ex, let me assure you that punishing your ex for what he or she has done to you is not something you should do.

You shouldn’t do it because it won’t make you feel much better. At least not for very long. If you care about your actions, you’ll soon regret your behavior and wonder why you lowered yourself to your ex’s impulsive level. So just don’t do it.

Your ex will get hit by karma when the time is right.

Maybe your ex won’t get karma right away because karma takes its sweet time to hit hard, but one thing is for certain. Your cheater dumper won’t have improved much if at all during his or her new relationship.

Your ex will remain exactly as he or she is because your ex lacks the aforementioned emotional incentive to improve thoughts, beliefs, morals, and behaviors. Think about that for a minute.

Happiness doesn’t make people grow. It’s the unhappiness that gives them the kick in the butt and makes them look for solutions. So don’t worry too much about karma getting your ex right now.

It will likely happen when you’ve stopped caring about it and moved on.

Also, if you still want your ex back despite your ex being with someone else, I’d like to encourage you to forget about your ex for now. There’s nothing you can do to get your ex back at this moment.

But on the other hand, you can do a lot to recover from the breakup and be happy again!

So take your time to focus on that which you can control and get over the cheating/breakup. When you’re no longer desperate for your ex, chances are that you’ll stop wanting your ex back, anyway.

You’ll probably be happy on your own or with someone else and won’t care if your ex is dating the person he or she cheated on you with. You’ll have more important things to worry about.

However, if you still want your ex to come back even after you’ve fully healed, then keep in mind that reconnecting with your ex will most likely terrify you to death. Not only will it scare you that your ex could cheat again, but it will also scare you that your ex could leave.

Personally, I don’t think it’s worth the trouble. But that’s just my opinion. Let me know what you think about giving cheaters another chance by commenting below.

Angelie

I’m Angelie, a writer and a designer at Magnet of Success. Whether I’m writing compelling content or designing engaging pictures, I create content that resonates with our visitors and aids them on their self-improvement journey. I enjoy writing about relationship dynamics and the difficulties couples may face.