When dumpers reach out after months, it’s not always to reconcile. Many dumpers contact their exes just to see how they’re doing and if it’s safe for them to offer friendship. Romantically, they have no intention of reconnecting and being in a committed relationship with their ex.
They may appear as if they want to be with their ex, but they usually just want a familiar person to talk to. They want someone they can open up to and rely on in times of need. The problem is that they typically don’t want to talk for long. As soon as they get what they need, they get tired of speaking to their ex and once again feel the need for space.
As a result, they pull away from their ex and disappear.
They confuse their ex and make their ex think it’s his or her turn to reach out and try to establish a strong connection. The reality is that dumpers already got what they hoped for. They got to see how their ex thinks and feels, and feel no desire to keep reaching out and engaging in meaningless conversations.
They value their freedom and independence more than reconnecting with their ex. Especially if they sense that their ex is getting his or her hopes up and still wants them back. When they realize that their ex has romantic feelings and expectations, they often feel pressured and guilty, and may even regret reaching out.
Some dumpers stop responding while others simply ignore, block, or ask for space. What they do during emotionally charged situations, of course, depends on their maturity, but also on the values and beliefs they inherited from their parents and the society around them.
If they grew up in a household where strong or negative emotional reactions were common, they tend to project their frustrations onto their ex and repeat those patterns. Many times, they don’t even realize they’re re-enacting unresolved childhood dynamics and mistaking their emotional reactions for justified behaviors.
If your ex got back in touch and you’re wondering what it means when an ex reaches out after months, it means a few things. Firstly, it indicates that your ex has processed the most difficult emotions created before, during, or slightly after the breakup. Your ex no longer feels so smothered that he or she can’t handle talking to you about random things.
The silence after the breakup gave your ex time to release bitterness and other negative emotions. This suggests that your ex respects you and is ready to talk. Whether it’s just a one-time thing or the beginning of something more, you’ll find out shortly. Your ex will soon verbally or non-verbally show you what he or she thinks and feels about you.
You just have to wait and let your ex do the initiating.
If your ex reaches out once or a few times but doesn’t show any romantic interest in you, you can deduce that your ex just misses the non-romantic aspect of the relationship (the friendship part). His or her lack of regret and urgency to reconnect intimately proves that your ex likes you, cares about you, or misses talking to you.
Don’t immediately assume that your ex has feelings for you. Although it’s possible that your ex has learned to value you through the distance, it’s safer for you to consider your ex’s reach-out a breadcrumb. Think of it as your ex being curious, feeling guilty, or needing advice, support, or validation.
If you avoid jumping to conclusions and remain patient (in control), you’ll keep your hopes low and wait for proof that your ex loves you. You’ll basically avoid pouring your heart out and overwhelming your ex with unmet feelings, needs, and expectations.
As a dumpee, you don’t want to be the first person to admit to having feelings. You want to wait for your dumper ex to reach out first, apologize, profess feelings, and return the power he or she took from you. Reconciliation needs to happen in this order otherwise, you risk pushing your ex away or entering a relationship where the balance is off.
And if the balance is off, your ex could take you for granted and leave you.
So if your ex reached out after months of no contact, remember that your ex might not want you back just yet. Your ex might only feel guilty, curious, or doubtful—and needs more time to find to see you as an equal partner.
If you make it too easy for your ex to take you back, your ex may not consider you an equal – someone he or she has to work hard to impress. Instead of respecting and needing you, your ex could move forward alone or with someone he or she is less compatible with.
Your ex could choose a completely new/random person simply because that person makes him or her feel stronger emotions.
Therefore, it’s in your best interest to let go of the wheel and allow your ex to steer his or her way back into a relationship. Your ex will do that provided he or she rediscovers your romantic potential and falls back in love. Feelings are required not just for getting back together, but also for staying together.
Exes who reconcile without feelings (due to guilt, kids, financial conveniences, sexual attraction, or pressure from family) break up relatively quickly. They don’t stay together (at least not emotionally) longer than a few weeks because they lack a healthy bond that keeps them on the same page.
That’s why it’s extremely important to figure out why your ex reached out. Was it because he or she was bored and curious about you, or because your ex genuinely missed you and wanted to see if his or her feelings were real? If your ex truly loves you, your ex will feel nervous around you. Deep down, your ex will know that he or she messed up badly and needs to make things right. Your ex won’t let you go when his or her happiness depends on how you see him/her and whether he or she can convince you to get back together.
In this post, we shed some light on dumpers’ reasons for reaching out and what to do when an ex reaches out after months of silence.
What does it mean when an ex reaches out after months?
When an ex reaches out after months, it’s clear that no contact is working. It’s given the dumper the space to process difficult emotions and retain the dumpee’s value. It may not have increased the dumpee’s value because that would require a deep reflection, but it’s nonetheless made the dumper feel respected.
The dumper’s reachout can mean various things. It depends on what the dumper experienced after the breakup. If he experienced boredom, curiosity, guilt, loneliness, anxiety, or unhappiness, he’s reaching out to regain control of his emotions and/or feel fulfilled.
The dumper needs the dumpee to feel or stop feeling something. I can’t say what that is because each dumper reaches out for different reasons, but from my experience, the most common reasons for reaching out are curiosity, guilt, and boredom. The dumper usually regrets treating the dumpee poorly and wants to assuage his guilty conscience.
Sometimes he apologizes, whereas other times, he merely checks up on the dumpee, sees his ex is doing okay, justifies his decisions/behaviors, and forgives himself.
A no contact period of 3 to 4 months is often a common timeframe for dumpers to improve their thinking and reach out. Many dumpers stop feeling pressured by their ex and relieved by the post-breakup freedom, so they think more positively about their ex. They convince themselves their ex is a decent person and didn’t deserve to get treated so poorly.
Such convictions urge them to contact their ex weeks or months into no contact. Their reach-out, unfortunately, doesn’t help. Most of the time, it floods their ex with false hope and destroys their ex’s emotional progress. Very few dumpees actually benefit from hearing from their ex.
I suppose the ones who benefit are those who receive an invitation to reconcile. Others get confused and wish they hadn’t heard from their ex.
So bear in mind that a reach-out from your ex months after the breakup/into no contact can mean many things. The most likely explanation is that the power of silence affected your ex positively and made your ex redevelop respect, interest, or guilt.
A bit less likely scenario is that your ex is bored or misses the familiarity of talking or spending time together. And the least likely, but still possible scenario is that your ex has rekindled romantic feelings and wants to be with you again.
Keep in mind that if your ex wanted you back, you wouldn’t be searching for information on the internet. You’d be with your ex as your ex would make it clear that he or she loves you and regrets leaving.
Having said that, here’s what it could mean when an ex reaches out after months of no contact.
If your ex doesn’t express the desire to reconnect romantically during the first reach-out, your ex probably won’t do it during the second or third one either. Your ex will keep contacting you strictly for non-romantic purposes. It’s in your best interest to dig deep and find out why your ex keeps contacting you instead of focusing on himself or herself.
The sooner you figure that part out, the sooner you can take appropriate action.
What to do when your ex reaches out after months?
It’s important not to jump to conclusions based on a single reach-out from your ex. Remember that one text or call doesn’t indicate remorse. It usually indicates that the dumper has processed some parts of the breakup and wants to talk to you.
The first thing you should do is figure out why your ex reached out after months. Your ex might tell you the reasons for reaching out him/herself, but if that doesn’t happen, you have some probing to do. Ask your ex why he/she contacted you all of a sudden. You can be direct if you want to be.
It’s better to be direct than to entertain your ex’s breadcrumbs, become hopeful, and hinder your recovery. If your ex wants you back, rest assured that your ex will use the opportunity to tell you how he or she feels and what he or she intends to do to win your trust back. Your ex will feel the need to impress you and reduce the chance of getting rejected and hurt.
All you need to do is express how you feel and what you need to start to trust again.
If your ex doesn’t show interest in you and appears unregretful, you shouldn’t talk to your ex. You should say that you’re not ready to be friends and that you’ll let him or her know when you are. Your ex will probably leave you alone once you ask for space and time to focus on yourself and the people who make a difference in your life.
If your ex doesn’t respect your boundaries and doesn’t back off, reiterate that space is non-negotiable and that you’ll have no choice but to block if you don’t get what you need. Don’t worry about how your ex will take it. When your ex doesn’t see or care that you need time to recover, you must do something about it.
You must stop talking to your ex, resume no contact, and act as if your ex never reached out. As I mentioned before, no contact ends when your ex wants you back and is prepared to invest in you and the relationship, not when your ex just feels like talking. Talking doesn’t make you partners. It makes you two people having a conversation.
If you respect yourself and want what’s best for you, you’ll express your boundaries and stay in no contact until you’ve healed or received something from your ex that you can work with.
What does it mean when a dumpee reaches out after months?
Dumpees need much longer than a few months to regain their emotional independence and get over their ex. They need closer to a year to lose hope and open their hearts up to new romantic opportunities.
That’s why those who reach out just a few months after the breakup usually still have feelings for their ex. They’re hurt and anxious and want their ex to recommit and validate their importance. Unfortunately, that usually doesn’t happen because their ex is still enjoying his or her space and freedom.
All they get is another rejection and emotional setback.
Many dumpees contact their ex in the hope of getting back together. Some give in to pain and impulsively break the no contact rule, while others mistakenly believe that no contact automatically ends after a few months. Both types of dumpees should remember that breaking the no contact rule is a mistake and that no contact should end only when their ex reaches out with genuine intentions to get back together, not just out of boredom, guilt, or curiosity.
In conclusion, dumpees usually reach out because they’re in pain and need to feel better, whereas dumpers reach out because they feel curious and want to talk. Both parties have conflicting wants and needs and must respect each other’s space until they both feel, want, and need the same things.
Did your ex reach out after months of silence? What did your ex’s reach-out look like? Share your experience with your ex in the comments area below.
However, if you’re interested in discussing your ex’s message and how to approach the situation, reach out to us directly. At Magnet of Success, we’re dedicated to helping dumpees find clarity and navigate the challenges of a breakup.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
