Why Do Exes Come Back When You Stop Caring?

Have any of your exes come back when you stopped caring and no longer depended on them for recognition? Or have you seen others’ exes come back when they were already over them or okay without them?

If you have and wonder why some exes come back when you stop caring, it’s because you stop giving them attention and showing them you need them to survive.

Instead of displaying codependency, you exude high confidence and self-esteem, which happen to be the most desirable traits a person can possess. Fame, money, and social status don’t come anywhere near self-certainty and self-love.

They don’t even compare to them because they’re superficial traits.

A person’s worth is both shown and perceived. If you display positive traits, you’re much more likely to appear attractive to others (even to those who left you). That’s because positive traits show you don’t need anyone or anything to succeed in life and be happy.

The only problem is that your ex might not care about your happiness or the lack of it. If your ex feels victimized and doesn’t encounter big issues, he or she could continue to view you negatively and refuse to acknowledge your worth and effort.

A negative perception of you would prevent your ex from reflecting and coming back after things have gone wrong on his or her end.

But if your ex does come back, it will probably be when you’ve stopped caring or made it seem like you’ve stopped caring.

Both ways work because your ex won’t know what you think and feel unless you openly reveal it. Your ex will know what you think, feel, and want only if you verbally or non-verbally reveal your cards via texts, calls, or conversations.

So if you want to know why exes come back when you stop caring, one of the reasons is that they don’t know anything about your post-breakup life. Your life is a mystery to them—and that piques their interest when problems and pain arise.

They basically start wondering if or why your life has improved while theirs has gotten worse over time. It doesn’t take them long to realize that you were a part of the reason they felt secure and happy and that they need you back to feel fulfilled.

Reconciliations are essentially backup plans. They occur when dumpers fail to succeed without their ex. If they can’t replace their ex and be happy, they develop cravings and expectations of their ex and return to benefit from him or her.

Many dumpees think that dumpers come back entirely for them because they were amazing partners, but that’s not completely true. Dumpers come back mainly for themselves because their happiness and well-being depend on them.

Dumpees can validate their importance and fix the issues dumpers are facing due to the lack of success in the post-breakup world.

But to fix the issues (for dumpees to have a purpose in their ex’s life), the dumper has to have certain issues. The dumper must feel miserable and think that the life he or she left behind was a million times better than the life he or she has in the present.

When your ex sees things that way, your ex will see that you’ve stopped caring about the relationship and feel more determined than ever to discover your source of strength and happiness and leech onto you to extract certain privileges and feelings.

Privileges include relationship benefits, while feelings can be any positive feelings such as validation, security, and joy.

I’m not saying this to portray dumpers as opportunists. I just want you to know that exes leave relationships because they’re unhappy and come back to the same relationships for the same reason. The incentive for leaving and coming back is the same.

Unhappiness incentivizes them to think, change perceptions and worldviews, and make big changes. The more they reflect on their mistakes and shortcomings, the more they believe that they need their ex back in their life.

As I mentioned earlier, pain and unhappiness drive them crazy and make them improve their perception of their ex. If the introspection makes them realize their ex is someone who can help them deal with their predicaments, they may check up on their ex and look for a way to get back together.

Usually, they’re quite direct about their intentions as they’re in a hurry to obtain reassurance and soothe their pain.

In this post, we answer the question “Why do exes come back when you stop caring?” We also discuss how to stop caring or at least make it look like you did.

Why do exes come back when you stop caring?

Exes don’t come back solely because you stop caring. Your contentment doesn’t make them want your validation and love. They may check up on you to see how and why you’ve stopped caring, but your happiness alone isn’t enough to make them envious or jealous and force them to come back.

They need a much more powerful reason to want to be with you again. And that reason is usually something unpredictable, unwanted, and painful. The bigger the failure, shock, and displeasure, the bigger the chance that they’ll want your support when things go south.

They could, of course, choose to deal with their issues alone or with their friends and family, but if their issues are too big to deal with and they want to feel cared for right away, they may run back to you and rely on you for happiness.

By relying on you emotionally, they would avoid staying hurt and slowly picking themselves up.

No one wants to go through painful situations slowly and alone. People prefer not to hurt and worry a second longer than they need to.

That’s why they often look for quick solutions and cling to others for support. Usually, they cling to people who know them, understand them, validate them, and make a difference in their lives.

Their exes are usually the ones they think of first as their exes empowered them until the very end. And although they didn’t want to be empowered at the end of the relationship when they fell out of love, the past doesn’t matter to them anymore.

If they’re in pain and realize their ex can take their pain away, the present is all that matters. They feel they need to do something to feel better, so they feel tempted to reconnect with the person who can instantly make them feel better.

And the person who can instantly make them feel better is a strong ex who walked away with his or her head held high. A confident ex who knows his or her worth pops into their mind first and attracts them more than anyone else.

This is why it’s super important to present yourself as an emotionally strong individual capable of supporting and empowering your ex when he or she hits a snag. You must do everything you can to avoid making breakup mistakes and giving your ex reasons to associate negative beliefs with your persona.

If you leave your ex alone (go no contact) and create the impression that you’ve stopped caring, your ex could become curious about you and want you in his or her life again. “All” your ex needs is a motive for wanting you back.

So keep in mind that exes come back when you stop caring because you can help them stop feeling unwanted emotions and make them feel positive ones. You can make them skip out on pain and enable them a quick transition back into a relationship that makes them feel secure and gives them all kinds of relationship benefits.

If you don’t stop caring about them (feel and appear dependent on them), you won’t make them feel secure and attracted. On the contrary, you’ll show them you need them more than they need you and diminish their respect and sense of urgency.

Always remember that not caring is one of the most important requirements when it comes to getting back with an ex. It’s more important than showing you’ve matured and changed.

So if you want your ex to come back, detach from your ex and find a purpose outside of the relationship. Your ex’s attraction to you greatly depends on your emotional strength and ability to pull away when you’re not wanted anymore.

Do your best to cut your ex off and self-prioritize. Do that regardless of whether you want your ex back or just want to know why exes come back when you stop caring.

If your ex wants you back but you don’t want the same, you can just let your ex down gently and keep your distance. You can show you care about people whether you can get something from them or not.

But if you do want your ex back, then work on your post-breakup anxiety. Talk to friends about your feelings and sign up for therapy if you need to. Do what you need to go from thinking about your ex 24/7 and dreaming about your ex to not caring about your ex.

Not caring doesn’t necessarily mean you’re over your ex or that you resent your ex and don’t want to see him or her ever again. It means that you regain control of your thoughts and feelings and that you’re ready to have a new serious relationship with someone else.

That makes you the most attractive you can be. It makes you look unbothered by the past and capable of living in the present moment. Nothing makes the dumper (who’s going through a difficult time) more impressed and envious than seeing a thriving ex.

So if you want to make the best impression that you possibly can, stop caring about your ex as soon as you can. If the breakup just happened, you probably can’t turn off your feelings and pretend that you’re fine with the way things are.

That’s okay, though! You don’t need to! As long as you do no contact (or limited no contact if you work/live together), your ex will be oblivious to what’s going on inside you (emotionally). Your ex won’t even care about it until something goes majorly wrong on his or her end.

If you really want to show that you’re doing fine, occasionally post on social media. Publish your achievements and things that have been keeping you busy. Do so in a non-braggy manner.

My advice is not to concern yourself with what your ex thinks about you right now. Don’t worry about it especially if you just got broken up with. Your ex is probably still going through the elation and relief phases of a breakup and can’t remember a single good thing about the relationship.

This will change when anger, resentment, and suffocation subside or disappear and get replaced by cravings to feel validated and supported.

Don’t forget that your ex needs a good reason to think fondly of the breakup. He or she first needs to process the breakup and then get in some kind of trouble that affects him or her emotionally and ultimately, rationally.

You can’t spend up your ex’s recovery process and force him or her to hit a snag ahead of time. Your ex must live life on his or her terms, get enthusiastic about the post-breakup life, and then get his or her hopes and expectations crushed.

A high high followed by a low low can cause your ex to hit an all-time low and spiral into a negative headspace. If your ex lacks the tools to get out of it in time, your ex could decide to contact you and lean on you for support.

With that said, here’s why exes come back when you stop caring.

Several things must happen for exes to come back. A lack of care is important, but it’s just one of them. Read this post to learn more about when exes come back.

How to stop caring about your ex?

If you want to increase your chances of reconciliation or just get over your ex, you must find a way to break your obsessive patterns. A great way to start is to admit that you crave your ex this much because your ex rejected you, destroyed your self-esteem, and left you to fend for yourself.

He or she ruined your plans for the relationship and the future and made you feel alone and undeserving of love. It will probably take you a few months to understand that your worth doesn’t depend on your ex’s love and that you don’t need your ex to be happy.

When you understand this, you won’t be back to your cheerful self yet. But you will start to heal at a faster rate and encounter fewer setbacks. You’ll have more good than bad days. That’s one way to tell your healing is progressing nicely.

Another way to tell how you’re doing post-breakup is to measure your desire to communicate with your ex. If you feel that you’re having a hard time restraining yourself from reaching out to your ex, you’re probably still in the first or second month of the breakup.

Either that or you’ve made numerous breakup mistakes that delayed your healing.

Whatever the case may be, you want to stop caring about your ex as soon as possible. Do this by figuring out what makes you forget about your ex and care about yourself.

What makes you happy, gives your life purpose, and makes your days go by quicker? After some thought, you should understand when you’re the happiest and what you need to focus on harder.

I can’t tell you what makes you happy, but generally, dumpees stop caring about their ex the fastest when they sign up for therapy and surround themselves with empathetic individuals. A good support system enables them to recover faster than dumpees who spend most of their time alone, analyzing their ex’s post-breakup behavior.

There’s no quick way to feel better. That’s why you’ll need to find ways to keep your mind and heart occupied. Instead of sitting at home and scrolling through old photos with your ex, delete your ex’s number and old photos.

Cut your ex off completely and commit to living a life without your ex. Make sure to also focus on your hobbies and activities you enjoy. Living with purpose and acting as if you dated decades ago will rewire your brain in such a way that your ex stops being important to you.

Do that every day and it’s only a matter of time before your ex becomes a matter of the past.

One day, you’ll simply realize that you haven’t thought about your ex for a while and that you don’t care what your ex does and who he or she is with. This realization will take you by surprise because you’ll have created a life independent of your ex.

What if my ex doesn’t come back when I stop caring?

The good thing about your ex not coming back when you stop caring is that you won’t care anymore. You’ll be okay without your ex and will have better things to think about. Things such as work, school, hobbies, friends, family, and things that you enjoy.

Right now, you’re probably afraid of not hearing from your ex and losing your ex forever but know that you won’t always have this fear. When you detox from your ex and develop healthy self-love, you’ll be your happy, non-attached self again.

You may even prefer your new life to the hectic life you had with your ex. It’s hard to predict what will happen in the future, but if I can say one thing with certainty, it’s that you’ll soon kick your ex off the pedestal and rediscover your worth.

When that moment comes, you’ll realize you were destined to meet your ex but not destined to be together. Your ex won’t matter to you anymore because you’ll prioritize your emotional well-being and dislike the idea of getting involved with an ex who hurt you so badly.

So for now, push onward and keep in mind that you’ll be happy again whether it’s with your ex or someone else. It’s not a matter of if but when.

Are you still wondering why exes come back when you stop caring? Why do you think they come back? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

And if you found this article helpful and have other topics you’d like to discuss in private, feel free to get in touch with us via our personal coaching program.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.