When Your Ex Starts Dating Someone That Looks Like You

When your ex starts dating someone that looks like you, your ex doesn’t do this deliberately. Your ex didn’t go out and look for a person who looks, talks, and acts like you.

That would be ridiculous and counterproductive, especially if your ex dumped you as it would indicate that your ex still finds you attractive and associates positive thoughts and feelings with you.

Your ex wouldn’t have left you if he or she perceived you in such a positive way. On the contrary, your ex would have stayed with you and continued investing in the relationship with you.

Dumpees are typically the ones who find their ex’s looks and traits attractive. They’re heartbroken, so they gravitate toward people who resemble their dumper ex. They normally do this for a few months because they’re obsessed with their ex and want to feel the way they felt when they were with their ex.

But because dumpees look for a replacement – someone to be like their ex, they more often than fail. They rebound because the new person almost always fails to meet their expectations and can’t give them what they’re looking for.

Instead of validating them, the new person asks for time and energy they don’t have. By doing so, he or she puts a strain on the relationship and waits for the relationship to end.

Anyway, keep in mind that most people don’t have dozens of options to choose from. Dumpers typically get one or two romantic opportunities they tend to immediately take. If the person they agree to date looks like their ex and has similar hobbies and background, that doesn’t mean they went out and looked for a replica of their ex.

Rational people (dumpers) don’t do that. They want a completely new experience that distracts them from their previous partner (not reminds them of him or her). Dumpers want to forget the negative experiences they shared with their ex.

And they do this by focusing on new things and people that keep them focused on the present moment.

Dumpees follow a similar principle. They too want to feel happier emotions. The only difference is that they can’t move forward that quickly. They got rejected, so they keep thinking about their romantic failure whether they want to or not.

Due to pain and inability to move on, they sign up for dating apps with the intention of meeting someone new.

Someone who would take their pain away and help them feel good.

If dumpees have multiple options to choose from (they usually don’t), they may consciously or subconsciously choose someone who looks like their ex.

But if they’re not very successful with the desired gender, they tend to go with any person who gives them attention and keeps them busy. If that person looks similar to their ex, it’s nothing but a coincidence.

These things happen once in a while as sooner than later, people encounter someone with a similar hairstyle, physique, height, fashion style, and physical attributes to their ex.

So it’s not that your ex looked for someone who looks like you but that your ex found him or her by chance and probably didn’t even see any similarities at the time. Your ex just wanted to take his or her mind off the past and stop hurting.

The new person enabled your ex to do that whether he or she looked like you or looked completely different.

In today’s article, we shed some light on what it means when your ex starts dating someone that looks like you. 

Why is my ex dating someone who looks like me?

Most dumpers aren’t very selective in who they choose to date. Most dumpers feel empowered by the breakup and are happier than ever. That’s why they tend to date the first person who gives them attention and distracts them.

Of course, they must like that person and find him or her attractive, but despite that, they typically don’t wait very long before they get back into the dating pool and say yes to new romantic opportunities.

This is especially true if they were in a long-term relationship in which they felt smothered and pressured. Unhappiness caused by the previous relationship tends to make them impatient and eager to meet someone who makes them feel good.

That someone is anyone who validates them and gives them something to focus on and look forward to. If that person looks somewhat like their ex, then so be it. They’re okay with it because it’s no longer about their ex. It’s about their new life and the people they meet after the breakup.

New people are much more important to them than an ex they lost feelings for and abandoned.

So if your dumper ex started dating someone that looks like you and you’re wondering what that means, keep in mind that it doesn’t mean much. Your ex is merely moving forward with people he or she likes and enjoys spending time with.

He or she may have started dating someone that looks like you, but that person isn’t you. It’s someone completely different on the inside. 

Yes, your ex may be attracted to certain body types, races, and hairstyles, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your ex is looking for your body with a different mind. Your ex isn’t doing that even if you’re the reason your ex developed certain physical preferences.

What your ex is looking for is a different person; someone who keeps your ex entertained and emotionally fulfills him or her.

So whatever you do, don’t assume your ex wants to date a you 2.0. If your ex left you, your ex wants to date someone who is attractive both physically and mentally.

That means your ex doesn’t need a person who looks like you. He or she just needs someone he or she finds attractive and can connect with.

Dumpers want to be loved and cared for. They don’t care about whether the person they like looks like their ex. As long as they have strong feelings for that person, they’re happy to give him or her a shot.

Keep in mind that the person they connect with may look similar to their ex because of two reasons:

1. They developed certain preferences before their ex or while they were with their ex.
2. They randomly met someone who appeared to look or behave similarly to their ex

As I said, dumpers don’t look for people who resemble their ex. They break up with their ex because they associate negativity with the dumpee. But if they do find someone they like, and that person is somewhat similar, they tend to give that person a chance even though he or she occasionally reminds them of their ex.

It doesn’t bother them because they know that personality-wise, the new person is completely different. He or she may have the same hairstyle, but they don’t care about it when they look their new partner straight into the soul.

They don’t associate his or her looks with the pain and unease their ex has caused them. They only care about the way the new person makes them feel.

If you want your ex back, I encourage you not to look for hope in the people your ex dates. Don’t think that if your ex chooses to date someone who resembles you that your ex will rebound and come back.

This doesn’t happen to dumpers. It happens to dumpees because they expect the new person to make them feel the way their ex did.

Because he or she can’t and doesn’t, they start missing their ex like crazy and want their ex back more than ever.

Dumpees rebound way more often than dumpers. That’s because they have feelings for their ex and can’t replace their ex by dating someone new. They can’t move on until they’ve processed the breakup and opened their heart to someone new.

You need to keep in mind that when your ex starts dating someone who looks like you, your ex isn’t crying and hurting like you. Your ex isn’t thinking about you 24/7 and appreciating the fact that he or she has your look-alike to replace you with.

Your ex doesn’t need to be with someone who reminds him or her of you. In fact, your ex doesn’t want any reminders of you at all. Reminders only make your ex feel uncomfortable as your ex painted a black picture of you and needs to not think about you for a while.

Space and self-distraction are essential for your ex’s happiness. Your ex needs to enjoy life without any guilt, shame, and suffocation. That’s the only way your ex can respect you and care about you as a friend or more.

So try not to overthink your ex’s reasons for dating someone that looks like you. Think of it as a coincidence instead and remind yourself that it doesn’t make a difference even if your ex dates your clone. It’s not the looks that matter but what your ex’s new partner has inside his or her head.

I know it seems strange that of all the people in the world, your ex picked someone who resembles you, but these things happen. We don’t choose who we get attracted to. We develop an attraction towards certain kinds of people based on our upbringing, experiences, and beliefs.

My ex and I also got involved with people who looked similar and had similar hobbies and interests. The people we got involved with after breaking up were similar because we hung out with people who were into the same things as us.

We found them easy to bond with because we had something to talk about from the get-go rather than because we were open only to those who looked like us.

The assumption that we liked each other and wanted to be together could have been very dangerous for us as it could have encouraged us to make breakup mistakes and prolong our suffering.

It probably took me half a year or so to see what else was out there and find my new best type. I found this type only when I detached from my ex and improved as a person. Reflection helped me realize that I prefer different types of women and that they don’t have to look, act, talk, or think like my ex.

No one says that the “type of person” you dated is the best type for you. You may think it is right now because you’re hurting, but when you ponder about it for a while and bond with others, you’ll realize that common interests/hobbies and things you liked about your ex physically aren’t as crucial as personality, personal/relationship goals, and values. 

How you get along and how successful your relationship is depends mainly on your upbringing, personality, and the work you do on yourselves.

That’s why I don’t want you to think of your ex’s dating choices as signs that your ex is coming back. Think of them as coincidences or your ex’s preferences.  

With that said, here’s what it means when your ex starts dating someone that looks like you.

What to do when your ex starts dating someone that looks like you?

When your ex starts dating someone that looks like you, remind yourself that it doesn’t change anything for you. It doesn’t improve your ex’s feelings for you, nor does it put you in a situation where you can reattract your ex.

All it does is make you overthink things and hurt you when you act on impulses and get your expectations crushed.

If your ex is with someone else already, there isn’t much you can do. You should leave your ex and your ex’s new partner to their devices as you don’t have the right or the power to break them up. Now that your ex is dating again, you must respect his or her relationship and show you don’t feel insecure and desperate to reconcile.

If you can show that you’re doing fine on your own, your ex will respect you for it and may even contact you and consider you a viable backup option.

So make sure not to annoy your ex, empower your ex’s new partner, turn them against you, and embarrass yourself. You shouldn’t do anything that shows you’re trying to break them up and be with your ex again.

That won’t just make you look insecure and disrespectful. It will also kill your ex’s respect for you and lower your chances of getting back together in the future.

Always remember that your ex isn’t waiting for you to initiate a conversation and beg for another chance. If your ex left, your ex wants things to stay as they are and move forward with the new person. No matter how difficult this is for you and how badly you want your ex to be with you and love you, don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

Don’t act on pain and desperation because it will make you look extremely jealous and self-centered.

Instead of hurting yourself and causing problems for all parties involved, give your ex space and let them do what they want. They need to be left alone so they don’t find you disrespectful and do disrespectful things to you.

On the other hand, if you’re the dumper, bear in mind that your ex might still not know what his or her type is. Your ex might be so broken-hearted and obsessed with you that he or she finds those who resemble you irresistibly attractive.

If that’s the case, your ex will probably stop feeling drawn toward people like you when he or she detaches and finds someone else to date. My advice is to let your ex discover this on his or her own while you focus on moving on.

Don’t contact your ex just because you think your ex wants to be with you.

Did you learn what it means when your ex starts dating someone that looks like you? What does this mean for you? Share your views in the comments below.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.