My Ex Ignores Me But Doesn’t Block Me

My ex ignores me but doesn't block me

When your ex ignores you but doesn’t block you, this isn’t because your ex is having second thoughts about being with you and working on the relationship. Your ex is merely acting on certain beliefs and values and prefers to leave the channels of communication open.

Whether it’s for emergency purposes or some other reasons is hard to say. But it’s certain that your ex doesn’t block the people he or she dated. Not unless things aren’t improving and your ex thinks that he or she has no choice but to block them and feel free.

Typically, moral people don’t block their exes. They don’t ignore them either. But since morality consists of personal opinions and experiences and is different for everyone, some exes have specific rules on what post-breakup behavior is considered acceptable. 

Some believe that ignoring is too much whereas others believe they have the right to be happy and that they can block their ex and delete him or her from existence.

All dumpers are different in terms of what they do and don’t do after the breakup. You shouldn’t expect things to be black or white – for your ex to love you or block you. You may be reaching out and annoying your ex, but your ex would have to resent you/be fed up with you and think that the only way to be happy is to block you.

At the moment, ignoring you gives your ex just the right amount of space. It doesn’t let you into his/her life, but it doesn’t push you away completely either. It allows your ex to communicate, but only when and about things that interest your ex.

The breakup is a perfect opportunity for you to get to know your ex better.  I know you had plenty of time to do that when you were together, but you never got the chance to get to know your ex’s bad/disinterested side. The chance to get to know your ex’s worst side is now.

You need to make use of it. Do that by observing your ex’s behavior. It should tell you a lot about your ex’s ability to deal with unwanted situations and emotions. It should tell you how your ex treats people he or she fell out of love with and doesn’t need anymore.

You need to watch your ex carefully and remember that the breakup puts your ex’s morals, views, and maturity to the test. Every action or the lack thereof demonstrates your ex’s ability to handle pressure and power.

Now that your ex has power, your ex is acting on it and showing you how he or she treats people who are less powerful than him/her. Your ex is showing you that he or she is okay with ignoring exes, but not blocking them. 

This is more common than you think. Many dumpers ignore their ex instead of blocking their ex. They want some (specific) level of control over their ex. Keeping their ex unblocked lets their ex express himself or herself and makes them think they’re decent human beings.

What ignoring dumpers don’t know is that it doesn’t help their ex get closure and move forward. Sure, blocking would make their ex feel even worse (in most cases), but that doesn’t mean that ignoring is the perfect solution to dumpees’ problems.

It’s merely the lesser of two evils as it gives the dumpee a little bit of hope that the dumper would reply and treat him or her with dignity and respect.

So if your ex ignores you but doesn’t block you, it doesn’t mean that your ex is considering giving the relationship another chance. All it means is that your ex has certain values and boundaries he or she doesn’t want to cross. If your ex were to block you, your ex would likely consider himself or herself a mean person who blocks exes.

Maybe in the past, your ex got blocked by one of his or her exes and decided not to do that to others. Or perhaps your ex knows that blocking is wrong and just doesn’t want to disappear from your life.

No matter what the reason behind ignoring and not blocking is, you need to understand that your ex has lost feelings and that you shouldn’t pester your ex about it. You should work on accepting the breakup and loving yourself.

The discussion for today is “My ex ignores me but doesn’t block me.” We’ll explain why your ex is ignoring you instead of blocking you and what your plans going forward should include.

My ex ignores me but doesn't block me

My ex ignores me but doesn’t block me

I can’t understand your ex’s behavioral patterns, morality, and beliefs without hearing your ex out and/or learning more about your ex. But perhaps you can if you analyze your ex’s pre-breakup and post-breakup behavioral patterns. You might discover that your ex never blocks exes or that your ex blocks exes only when they threaten him or her.

Keep in mind that by blocking you, your ex would forcefully shut you out of his or her life and ruin everything you had created. I’m not talking about the relationship aspect because that bit is already gone. I’m referring to friendship or acquaintanceship.

Your ex may not want to throw all of that away in case it’s possible to be friends one day.

Right now, that’s obviously out of the question. Your ex doesn’t feel comfortable talking to you, so your ex chooses to ignore you. He or she doesn’t see anything wrong with it because your ex thinks it’s the appropriate method for keeping you at a reasonable distance.

Your ex doesn’t find himself or herself responsible for helping you figure things out and let go of the relationship. Conversely, your ex thinks it’s your job to do that. You’re dealing with separation anxiety, fear, and romantic expectations, so naturally, you must be the one to fix them.

Your ex doesn’t rely on you for healing, so your ex doesn’t think you should rely on him or her either. This is your ex’s mentality because your ex doesn’t have the level of empathy it takes to sympathize with you and do what’s best for you.

At the moment, your ex is prioritizing his or her well-being and recovery. Your ex is doing that by staying away from you and doing what YOUR EX thinks is morally acceptable. Think about that for a minute. Your ex is keeping you unblocked while ignoring you because your ex thinks it’s appropriate to do that.

It’s got nothing to do with what you were like as a romantic partner. Your ex simply does what he or she thinks is right.

Sure, if you were a threat to your ex, your ex probably wouldn’t hesitate to block you. But in that case, moral values wouldn’t matter anymore because safety would have taken priority.

Don’t think of your ex’s lack of blocking as a way to get on your ex’s good side. If your ex is ignoring you, it means that your ex doesn’t like what you’re doing and how you make him or her feel. Your ex finds your behavior smothering/annoying and has decided not to entertain it.

You need to take this seriously so you don’t keep irritating your ex and getting hurt. If you annoy your ex a lot, you could eventually get blocked. It happens to many dumpees because their ex prioritizes his or her well-being over morality.

Many people do this when emotions overwhelm them. They ignore their values and do what they need to feel in control of their emotions and life. Such dumpers want to feel that they’re in charge by making their ex leave them alone. 

So if you don’t want to get blocked, stop reaching out immediately. Show your ex you’re aware of your actions and that you understand his or her wants and needs. Your ex needs to see that you respect him or her and yourself.

If you don’t respect your ex and care about yourself, your ex could treat you any way he or she wants. That means your ex could ignore you, block you, and do literally anything that hurts you. You probably don’t want that as you’ve been through enough already.

You want to recover from the separation and perhaps even get another chance with your ex.

Well, as long as you think your ex needs to give you a chance, I guarantee that you won’t be happy because you’ll continue to rely on your ex for happiness, get ignored, and push your ex away. 

To get back together with your ex and have a balanced relationship, you must understand that your ex needs to come to you. Your ex needs to learn to value you and develop feelings for you. Begging your ex for another chance won’t do that.

Instead of making your ex love you and regret ignoring you, it will make your ex feel uncomfortable and glad that he or she left you.

So if you think you need to make it up to your ex for your negligent or unfair treatment throughout the relationship, know that this isn’t the time for that. Your ex doesn’t want you to fix matters from the past. The time for fixing things is over. Now it’s time to figure out what went wrong.

Consider the relationship an exam; a test to prove your skills and abilities. Once the exam ends, you don’t get another chance to change the results. You have to accept the results and wait for an opportunity to fix things. In your case, you need to wait for your ex to realize he or she graded you unfairly.

When that happens, your ex will come to you and admit that he or she has made a huge mistake. Your ex will do everything you’ve been wanting him or her to do all this time.

Every time you reached out, you essentially showed your ex you didn’t care about his or her feelings and decisions and that you weren’t capable of accepting the breakup and moving on. 

This perception of you that you instilled into your ex’s brain wasn’t the healthiest, to say the least. It will probably take months if not years as well as quite a bit of luck to undo the damage your desperation has caused. I can’t say if your ex will ever see you the way he or she did when you were a couple.

But if you want to maximize your chances, I encourage you to stop bothering your ex. 

You shouldn’t be telling your ex that his or her perception of you is wrong and that you deserve another chance. You shouldn’t try to stop your ex from enjoying life either because if you do, your ex will probably block you and be done with you for good.

So as hard as it may be, try to accept things and let go of control. You’ll feel much better when you recover emotionally.

With that said, here’s why your ex ignores you but doesn’t block you.

Why my ex ignores me but doesn't block me

What to do when your ex ignores you but doesn’t block you?

If your ex hasn’t blocked you despite reaching out and asking for time and affection, you should consider yourself lucky. You either haven’t pushed your ex a lot or your ex has above-average self-control.

Either way, you’ve been making the most common breakup mistake in the book. You’ve been begging and pleading with your ex and showing your ex that the relationship means more to you than your dignity and life outside of the relationship.

Your ex will have a hard time respecting you for that. He or she probably won’t ever respect you if you don’t regain control of your emotions and behaviors. That’s because your ex will feel in total control of your post-breakup life and feel no desire to reconnect as an equal partner.

To be equal and feel love for you, your ex has to want you about as much as you want your ex. That means your ex has to either be desperate like you or you must be collected and self-sufficient like your ex. 

Until your ex learns your value and regrets leaving you, you must work on becoming emotionally dependent. Dependence will make you look attractive whereas codependence will decrease your value and make it harder for your ex to want to be with you even if your ex comes back.

Your job as a dumpee is to stop feeling anxious, and depressed. You must improve the aspect of your character that is presented to or perceived by others. In simple terms, grow as a person and watch how you act in front of your ex.

If you get that part right, your ex will be able to see your value and benefit from being with you, provided that your ex finds the incentive for wanting to be with you.

An incentive could be anything (usually negative) that triggers your ex’s cravings and develops expectations of you. 

So if your ex ignored you a few times but hasn’t blocked you yet, know that your ex currently doesn’t feel annoyed enough to distance himself or herself from you completely. Your ex still wants to do the virtuous thing, which includes letting you reach out and say what’s on your mind.

But if you abuse this privilege and keep contacting your ex, this could change very quickly and take a turn for the worse. That’s because your ex could feel that you’re not taking his or her feelings and wants into consideration and just want what’s best for you.

My advice is to stop putting your ex in situations where he or she can ignore you. Ignoring needs to stop so your ex can feel free while you stop feeling rejected and anxious about reconciliation.

Put yourself in your ex’s shoes and ask yourself what you would want if you were your ex. Would you want your dumpee ex to keep texting and calling you and making you feel guilty or would you rather not be reminded of the breakup and the things you could have done better?

My guess is that you’d want to be left alone and process the separation. You wouldn’t need to accept the breakup and learn to let go of your ex, but you’d still need to focus on yourself and distract yourself from the breakup.

Self-distraction is necessary for dumpers to go through all the dumper stages and reflect. If they don’t get enough space and time to process the breakup and think/do what they want, they don’t improve the way they see their ex either. They tend to move on to someone else and think their ex is incompatible with them.

The moral of the story is that your ex doesn’t want you to fight for love. Love is no longer there, so your ex needs you to accept the breakup and let the broken relationship rest. By letting it rest, your ex might be able to let go of unhealthy perceptions of you and come back when he or she runs into unresolvable problems. 

Don’t take my word to heart, though. A lot needs to happen before your ex can forget your reachouts and fall back in love. Not only must your ex fail in some painful, probably self-esteem-breaking way, but your ex must also think of you as someone who can quickly make his or her problems better.

If your ex thinks that being with you can solve his or her problems and create happiness, your ex might let go of old perceptions of you and give the relationship another shot.

You need to make sure your public persona is as non-intrusive and positive as it can be. Do that by starting no contact with your ex, improving your shortcomings, and doing your best to get your ex out of your system.

Your ex won’t find you attractive if you overwhelm your ex with expectations and demands the moment your ex checks up on you.

Does your ex ignore you but not block you? Did you learn why your ex is doing that? Comment below and let us know.

However, if you’re still looking for answers and/or want to discuss your breakup situation with us, sign up for relationship/breakup coaching on this page.


27 thoughts on “My Ex Ignores Me But Doesn’t Block Me”

  1. Hi,

    I stupidly pushed my ex into blocking me by continuing to reach out as she was ignoring me. She seems to be moving on, do I have a chance of her coming back as she seems to be angry and have a bad perception of me now. Can I get her back or have I ruined it?

    Thanks,

    1. Hi Ethan.

      It’s not just your behavior that pushed her away. It was her pre-breakup perception as well. So even if you hadn’t continued to reach out, she would still have perceived you negatively. From now on, avoid making breakup mistakes.

      A lot of (bad) things will have to happen on her end to let go of the past and want you back.

      Best regards,
      Zan

  2. My husband x started trying to contact him out the blue he ignores it but in my opinion she should be blocked . You know he’s married yet you’re still reaching out , it disrespectful .

  3. “It will probably take months if not years as well as quite a bit of luck to undo the damage your desperation has caused”.

    This I cannot understand. If a (former) partner would beg and plead with me, I most certainly would not “lose respect” for them. On the contrary, I would think they really love me

    1. Hi R.

      You certainly would lose respect for your ex if you were angry with him/her and couldn’t focus on yournew life/the new person. It would make you feel guilty or just disrespected.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

  4. zan you shine in every new article that you do!
    Thank you for helping us learn more about the dumper point of view

    all the best,
    Linda xx

  5. My saga has taken another screwed up turn. My ex who I was in a relationship with for 10 years texted me on Thursday and said enough time has passed that we should talk. So after telling her to call me anytime she did not and said “tomorrow” in a text. I received 3 texts Friday saying she was unable to talk at the moment even though she doesn’t work then heard her voice for the first time Friday night to tell me she couldn’t talk. What? I asked what the deal was, was it her new boyfriend that she monkey branched me for stopping her? I also said that didn’t stop her from doing just the same thing under my nose when she was living off me. She then said “tomorrow”. No call this afternoon so I texted her and told her this was ridiculous. I told her if she wanted to cut contact I would exit her life right away. Her response was “no don’t do that” but said she would call but did not know when she could talk. 3 days of this bullcrap. I have taken a major step backwards emotionally but am putting on the front when she texts. Then I get ghosted for hours until the next text. I don’t want to block her and I don’t want to not respond. Confused. Zan has given me sound advice so far.

    1. Hi Tony.

      Sorry this happened to you. I’m not sure why she wants to talk, but clearly, she’s in no hurry to talk. And if she’s in no hurry, she has nothing important to talk about. Nothing that concerns you, at least.

      Best,
      Zan

  6. My ex blocked me immediately after dumping me during an argument then he unblocked me 4 weeks later. I have to admit as a dumpee it was ironically easier being blocked 🚫 cause at least then I knew where I stood. This on the other hand is straight up crazy-making.

  7. Got dumped by my ex girlfriend 1,5 months ago after a 7month relationship, my first ever relationship. We had been friends 4 years prior when she was still married. She told me that she had lost the attraction to her husband almost halfway through the marriage and finally got the courage to break up.
    I know from my part the breakup was because of my bad communication skills and I was bad at expressing my appreciation to her. We didn’t talk for 3 weeks and then I found out from a mutual friend she was in a new relationship, long distance with a guy she got to know a year ago. I panicked and broke almost every post breakup rule. For almost a week I wrote to her, got to meet her once also, just to explain myself. It fall on deaf ears, and she eventualy ignored me. This was 2 weeks ago. Last week I found your articles after alot of research, I had never heard of the no contact before since this was my first ever breakup. It still hurts but I get by, I have been into no contact for 1,5 weeks. I have reflected on my issues I go to the gym 5-6 days/week and I have signed up for guitar and dance classes. I have my gameplan set and even though I have to do this for my own sake this is the only slim chance of getting back with her even though I know I shoudn’t hold on to hope. Sooner or later we will see eachother again since we were friends before all this and we have mutual friends and gatherings. But they know we broke up and they know we need some months apart. I really miss her, even when we were just friends there was always some kind of spark between us, something she also confirmed

    1. Hi Gordon.

      It looks like history has repeated itself. She continues to avoid problems and branch from one guy to the next. This is a recipe for disaster as she’s deliberately avoiding personal growth and maturity. You need to stay away from her and let her come to you. Don’t beg her for time and love anymore.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

  8. Beverley CL Johnston

    Hi Zan, I’ve told you my story, of my ex leaving me after 23 years, having two teenage daughters and my ex getting involved with a very toxic woman.
    I’ve done as you said, kept away from my ex except when dealing with our daughters.
    Ex was very amicable at our daughter’s 17th birthday party, but when our 19 year old daughter’s life hit rock bottom lately I spoke out and asked ex to be more loving and understanding of daughter’s situation. He told me to butt out and now doesn’t want to hear from me. He’s so angry he wouldn’t go to our youngests dancing show as I was in it!!
    Ex’s girlfriend has caused trouble for the oldests daughter to the extent she screamed at her dad she never wanted to see the girlfriend ever again so now ex has to keep them apart!
    He’s admitted to our daughter his girlfriend makes him feel worse and the girlfriend sat and berated him for one and a half hours in the car the other day for helping his own daughter!!! But it’s me he’s gotten angrier with and doesn’t want to see me…..I just don’t get it!

    1. Hey Beverley,

      I suspect he is projecting his anger onto you. Your request seems pretty reasonable to me and he responded in a quite rude manner. He must be very stressed by the overall situation with his girlfriend but it is his responsibility. I suppose you would like more support for your oldest daughter who needs help, but he is not in a state where he can provide it. Have you considered counseling for her to help her navigate this difficult time ?

      Best wishes,

      Benoit

      1. Beverley Johnston

        Hi Benoit,
        Thankfully she is seeking counselling via her university.
        Things have taken a positive turn for her this week, she’s been able to terminate the tenancy on the flat with her ex girlfriend and has been offered student accomodation for her last year in uni.
        Plus now my exe’s girlfriend is no longer visiting whilst my daughter is there both her and my ex are less stressed.
        As you rightly say, it’s down to my ex to sort out the situation between him and his girlfriend. Personally I’ve chosen not to date until I’m in the right frame of mind and my girls wellbeing comes first.
        Zan’s blog has been invaluable to me since my ex left, but I want to say to anyone going through this difficult time, you WILL survive. I’ve been through widowhood and a stillbirth. Being dumped is a whole new form of heartbreak, but it’s imperative that you give yourself time to heal. The easiest thing in life is to find ‘someone/anyone’ to have a relationship with, but we are worthy of so much more 🙂

    2. Hi Beverley.

      He’s become resentful toward you. This could be due to his girlfriend’s controllingness. He probably feels hurt by her and does what he needs to avoid problems. Sadly, he expresses himself in a way that hurts you. I suggest you stay away from him. His relationship won’t last by the looks of it.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

  9. I am nearly 2 months into a breakup of a 10 year relationship where my girlfriend lived with me in my home for 7 years and I supported her even though she made more money than I did. I was monkey branched and without warning she just up and disappeared. I have no idea where she is living, with whom, or how she is dealing with the financial mess she created for herself. That made no sense because she paid for zero here. For the first 3 weeks she would answer my incessant calls and texts until finally she admitted she was “sort of” seeing someone then stopped talking to me and only occasionally returning texts with very short answers. I have no seen her physically since she left on May 19. I am not blocked but have been ghosted in a big way. I sent her a final text message about 4 days ago telling her that I have decided to move forward and not backwards and that I thought we should not talk or text for awhile. I also said goodbye. I’m the one who sent the letter if anyone read it in a prior blog asking for reconciliation which she has not read to the best of my knowledge. I am putting on the air that I am stronger now and do not intend to even text her for at least a month. Truthfully I am still a mess and broken but there’s no way she can see that. I have no idea why I would entertain the idea of taking her back after she betrayed me and after all I have done for her with little in return. I have to make this month of silence work and truthfully I think after a month she will still ghost me as long as her needs are being met by whoever because I have no idea who it is and she is not on social media. Thanks for letting me vent again. Hoping with therapy and some inner strength which is hard to find right now, I can overcome this heartbreak. Sad part is that I would consider taking her back.

    1. Tony, it’s good to try a month. Once you’re done, try another one, and another one, until you don’t care anymore. Also, no contact should be for you and forever. Not for a month. Hence the need to extend it.

      Let her miss you, by the time she’ll see what she lost, you will have move on. Also, please don’t stay hopeful she will come back. I know it’s almost impossible to control but the sooner you accept that it’s over forever, the sooner you’ll be able tofocus on yourself.

      TIm

      1. Thank you Tim. I am trying so hard to get to that point but therapy visits are so far between and my heart is shattered. I was actually going to propose to her on our annual vacation at the beginning of August which is obviously not happening now. The thought of her with another man and certainly in his bed is driving me insane. Right now I am using every ounce of energy I have and a med or two just to get through each day. I know that one day I will get there but after 10 years with her, 7 weeks is not enough to heal a whole lot.

        1. I’m sorry you feel that way…. I know how it is. What you’re describing, I went thru as well, and still do btw. After almost a year broken up, I still think about her with another man but came to realize the pb was about me, not about her being happy with someone else.

          I wanted her to not find anyone so I would be reassured that what I brought to the table was valuable and rare. By having a new boyfriend quickly, it made me think that I was easily replaceable and that I didn’t mean anything. It’s not true, just that what I had to offer, she didn’t like anymore. People change, and they want different things in life as you will.
          You need to find your value from within, not thru the eyes of your partner, or ex partner.

          Unfortunately, only time in no contact will help you. It gets better but gosh it’s slow… She’s still on my mind every day almost one year after a one-year relationship… It’ll take time. You’re at the beginning of your healing journey and I know how difficult it’s going to be. There is nothing you can do to expedite it or rush the healing. Time only can help you. Everything else will help and change your perspective but my friend, be patient with yourself and aknowledge that it’s normal to feel sad and devastated. Whatever the time it takes, you will be ok.

          One thing I wish ppl would have told me is that she won’t regret it, nor come back.. sorry I know it’s horrible and not what you want to hear. But kill your hope. More good things are waiting for you ahead. But you can’t live in the hope she’ll regret or come back or be sad she did it. I waited for so long (around 5 to 8 months) for my ex to finally come to her sense and realize she made a mistake: she hasn’t. I recently had a shower thought. If rn, myself who was dumped, broken and sad to the extreme end of the spectrum, starts to care way less and forgets about what she was, how can someone who MADE THE DECISION and felt happy for doing it feel the same? They can’t, and they won’t.

          Courage bud, take care of yourself.

    2. Hi Tony.

      Feel free to vent whenever you want. Your ex betrayed you with someone else, so she definitely doesn’t deserve your love and attention. She can get these things from the guy she branched to. As you detach, you’ll stop valuing and obsessing over her, Tony. Just give it a few months and you’ll stop wanting her back. Right now, hurt feelings (emotions) are the reason you’d consider taking her back.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

  10. Zan, want to pick your brain on somth.

    What if you never reached out to your dumper, but they still haven’t blocked you?

    I guess they have no reason to… but why keeping the channel of coms open? Especially if they’re in a new relationship

    Just a different situation than what you explained in your article.

    Tx
    Tim

    1. Why would they bother? They have neither animus nor affection. Their actions (or the lack thereof) reflect their feeling of neutrality. Maybe if you did reach out for whatever reason, they’d be able to be cordial without giving any encouragement.

    2. Hi Tim.

      Like you said, they have no reason to block you. You’re respecting their boundaries and minding your own business.

      Best,
      Zan

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