Is It Better To Be Mysterious After A Breakup?

Some dumpees wonder if it’s better to be mysterious after a breakup than it is to post on social media and let their ex see and hear what’s going on with them. They want to know whether they should stay in their ex’s life or disappear altogether.

Although every breakup is different, the truth is that most dumpers feel smothered and need time to themselves. They don’t want to see and think about someone they left because doing so could result in feelings of guilt, anger, disgust or even sadness and self-blame if they were depressed.

Dumpers would rather think thoughts and feel emotions that they want. They’d prefer to stay in control of their minds and the breakup and not worry about the past at all. That explains why they usually focus entirely on themselves and pursue happiness elsewhere.

If you try to get in the way of the pursuit of their happiness directly or indirectly (in person or through social media), you could make them feel repressed breakup emotions and risk receiving unwanted responses from them.

Unwanted responses include projections of their anger, bitterness, and contempt that arise due to a lack of personal space and independence.

So if you’re a dumpee who wonders whether it’s better to be mysterious after a breakup or to reveal what you’re doing, you need to know that most of the time mystery is good because it creates curiosity and regains some respect.

Mystery makes dumpers think about their dumpee from time to time and encourages them to get back in touch with them. This isn’t necessarily a good thing because most of the time, dumpers reach out just to breadcrumb the dumpee, but it does show that dumpers have been thinking about their ex for a while and that they wanted to communicate.

Very few dumpers reach out the moment they think about talking to their ex. Most dumpees think about communicating with their ex numerous times before they finally act on their urges to converse.

How they act after the breakup depends on many factors, but the two big factors you need to learn about today are the dumper’s unhealthy emotions such as anger and resentment toward you and how you portray yourself (what you post and how often you used to post).

For example, if you used to post once in a blue moon, posting tons of happy pictures all of a sudden wouldn’t make any sense. It would feel pretentious to you and appear inauthentic and perhaps even manipulative to your ex.

Different, braggy, or dramatic behaviors could quickly make your ex feel overwhelmed/uncomfortable, turn your ex off, and perhaps even force your ex to avoid you like the plague physically and online by unfollowing or blocking you.

I can’t say what your ex will do if you turn into a different person after the breakup, but if your ex feels uncomfortable or gets annoyed by your increased social media presence or strange behavior, you can be certain your ex won’t continue to look at your posts/stories much longer.

If your ex is like most dumpers, your ex will want to avoid being reminded of you. And your ex will avoid reminders of you by pushing you out of sight.

Some dumpers initially open their exes’ stories and like their posts. But many dumpers do that because they’re curious and want to show support rather than because they still have feelings for their ex. Because they feel guilty and don’t want to disappear overnight, they often stay friends for another month or two until they see their ex is doing okay.

That’s when they normally stop feeling guilty and delete their ex.

So if you’re in a dilemma between being mysterious and posting on social media, my advice is to do what feels right. By “feels right,” I don’t mean that you should act on anxiety and try to get noticed by your ex and/or the people your ex associates with.

That’s probably what you’d like to do as you’re eager to make your ex see your changes, improvements, or presence.

But what you should do instead is act how you always act. If you enjoy posting on social media from time to time, keep posting from time to time. Just make sure that the things you publish have nothing to do with relationships, breakups, or your ex.

If they are related, your ex could think you’re talking about him/her and/or that you’re hoping for some kind of acknowledgment. Right after the breakup, you need to remember that your ex isn’t very eager to communicate with you and see you and that the less you post, the smaller the chance that your ex will get annoyed by you.

In today’s post, we talk about whether it’s better to be mysterious after the breakup than it is to tell or show your ex what you’ve been up to.

Is it better to be mysterious after a breakup?

It’s way better to be mysterious than it is to post 10 times a day and pretend the breakup didn’t affect you. Even if your ex thinks you’re okay with the breakup and falls for it, your ex won’t enjoy seeing you pop up on his or her Instagram feed or whatever social media platform you’re using.

Your ex will see that you’re acting strange rather than confident and that you’re trying to prove something to your ex, yourself, or others.

You probably already know that only insecure people try to prove themselves to others. They crave validation and happiness, so they try to appear better or healthier than they are. Due to a lack of confidence and internal peace, they often hide their hurt feelings and appear abnormal instead of normal.

This makes dumpers be on guard and continue to keep a healthy distance.

Exes who see dumpees posting like crazy don’t have to be personality and body language experts to notice dumpees acting weird. They just have to know their pre-breakup posting habits and compare those habits to the habits they exhibit after the breakup.

If there’s a noticeable difference between before and after the breakup, they can tell the dumpee is putting on a show and is unhappy with the breakup. That, sadly, doesn’t make dumpers want to talk to their ex and find out why they’re hurting. Instead, it makes them want to avoid their ex more and focus on people who aren’t looking for attention.

You have to remember that dumpers feel overprioritized, emotionally depleted, and victimized. They are detached and done worrying about their ex’s health, happiness, and behavior—and just want to do what feels right.

And what feels right is avoiding memories and reminders of their ex that could bring back their unprocessed emotions and cause them problems.

Anything that digs up the past or distorts the present can make dumpers angry and make them think to themselves, “Why are you posting this/so much and trying to look different? You were like this for x months/years, so don’t pretend that you’re someone you’re not.”

Such thoughts can increase their bitterness and the emotional distance between them and their ex.

So know that posting excessively could be seen as bragging and asking for attention. Even posting normally could be too much for the dumper as the dumper could feel uncomfortable to the point where he or she reacts in ways you aren’t ready for him or her to react in.

The dumper probably won’t message you and tell you that you’re a phony, but he or she could get more frustrated and certain that leaving you was the right thing to do.

Therefore, it’s better to not reveal all your cards and overwhelm your ex with information your ex quite frankly doesn’t care about. Doing too much too soon is the opposite of what your ex expects and needs from you. Your ex left you to stop interacting with you and being forced to deal with unpleasant situations.

You mustn’t continue to say or do things that would let your ex interpret your behavior wrongly.

Although there’s always some risk that your ex will see or find something he or she doesn’t like, it’s best not to post about the past relationship and the changes you’ve made that could save the relationship.

You must refrain from talking about such things in an open and direct manner because it could make your ex see what you’re doing and infuriate your ex.

Posting openly about your post-breakup realizations, growth, and happiness looks like this:

• I’ve changed and truly enjoy the new me
• I’m applying for jobs and becoming the best version I can be
• I must say therapy has been great
• Breakups teach us so many things
• To everyone going through a breakup, walk away, they don’t deserve you
• I’ve realized how important communication is
• I’ve met some amazing people yesterday
• Super grateful to my new girlfriend for her care and support
• I’m much happier now and wouldn’t change a thing

Cheesy relationship/breakup quotes, your new life/happiness, and the improvements you’ve made thanks to the breakup don’t interest your ex anymore. Your ex may have left you because you were unambitious, stubborn, lazy, or angry, but your ex isn’t concerned about matters of the past anymore.

Your ex has bigger problems, which is that your ex associates negative thoughts, beliefs, and emotions with you and doesn’t care whether you change or not. If your ex is competitive and feels victimized, your ex may even want you not to change. Your ex could have a crab mentality that stops your ex from wanting you to be happy and different.

You can’t and shouldn’t try to prove anything to an ex who wants you to stay as you are. You should focus on healing and post things you want to post.

In this particular case and in cases where dumpers can’t stand seeing their ex, it would be way better to be mysterious after the breakup. To be mysterious, you need to divert your attention away from your ex and/or post only occasionally about non-relationship/breakup things.

Things such as your achievements, selflessness, and updates you want to share with your friends, not your ex.

Here’s why it’s usually better to be mysterious after a breakup.

You have a decision to make

You have to decide whether to be completely mysterious or post from time to time. What you do is up to you because it comes down to preference, but if you’re going to post, make sure your posts are unprovoking in nature and that they’re for you and your friends.

They have to be infrequent (especially right after the breakup), confident, and mature and must depict your biggest achievements and interests.

Just because you can share everything with friends and post all the time, it doesn’t mean you should. You probably still care what your ex thinks and feels, so sharing too much with your ex probably won’t make you or your ex feel very good.

Your ex will likely think that you’re looking for attention and that you’re not happy with the turn of events. This will further decrease your ex’s respect as well as interest in you and give your ex additional reasons to stay away from you.

So if you decide not to disappear after the breakup, post on social media only now and then. Make sure your posts are positive and light and that they mildly show acceptance and detachment. Your ex probably won’t come running back the moment he or she sees you’re moving on, but your ex will let his or her guard down a little bit and be more patient and understanding.

However, if seeing your ex online hurts you, if you think it’s better to disappear and be mysterious, or if you’re not sure what to do yet, then I strongly encourage you to stop using social media for a while. Deactivate or delete your social profiles and give up trying to control the breakup.

You’ll heal faster if you stop checking up on your ex and wondering whether your ex likes or watches your posts and stories.

Do you think it’s better to be mysterious after a breakup? Share your views on this topic below the article. We look forward to your comments and questions.

And if you’d like to discuss what the best thing to do is with us, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.