Many dumpees fall for the 30-day no contact rule trick. They’re convinced that 30 days of no contact are enough for their ex to miss them and be receptive to them. That’s why they get their hopes up, reach out to their ex while their ex is still processing the breakup, and receive an unwanted response.
That unwanted response sets them back emotionally all the way to the beginning of the breakup as they didn’t expect their ex to treat them with anything less than love. They expected to be welcomed back with open arms and apologies, but instead, they got a cold shoulder and a lot of pain.
If you’re contemplating breaking no contact after only 30 days, I strongly encourage you to stop listening to devious YouTubers and bloggers who have no respect for you, let alone themselves.
Most of them know that the 30-day no contact rule is a hoax, but they promote it anyway because they know that if anyone buys their services, it will be desperate dumpees who want immediate results.
Such dumpees will not listen to any other advice regardless of how healthy it is. They’ll want their ex back right away and as a result, fall for this 30-day no contact scheme.
If you’re still reading this, chances are that you’re rational and have enough common sense to know that 30 days of no contact sounds like some random number. There is no psychological evidence behind this number at all.
No one has been able to prove that your ex will miss you and want to be with you exactly a month since you stopped talking to your ex.
What you will find instead are thousands of victims all over the internet who gave this short period of no contact a try and wish they didn’t because they got rejected again.
Many victims of the 30-day no contact rule joined this website after they contacted their ex and got hurt. You could find some of them in the comments section below articles or in our Discord channel.
Anyway, the 30-day no contact rule should only be followed temporarily when your breakup is fresh. Counting the days up to 30 can give you a feeling that you’re in control and make the days more bearable.
But when you get to the 30th day of no contact, you should be out of denial and feel much stronger in general. That’s when you should try to stop counting the days since you started no contact (or do it for a while longer if you’re in a lot of pain) and start the indefinite no contact rule.
This rule is the only rule that will kill your reconciliation hope and encourage you to forget about your ex. All other pre-determined no contact rules will force you to stay hooked on your ex because they’ll tell you to say or do certain things to impress your ex.
I don’t know what quacks on the internet say you should do during and after the 30-day no contact rule, but if you’re going to follow it, make sure to adhere to all the rules of no contact.
The 30-day no contact rule means no:
- calling or texting
- showing up at your ex’s house
- interacting with your ex on social media (liking, commenting, tagging, opening stories…)
- posting depressing quotes and comments
- sending your ex gifts or letters
- bothering your ex’s friends and family
- or doing anything that shows interest in your ex’s life
If you’re in no contact (which you should be), you will let your ex go through the dumper stages at a natural and healthy pace and give yourself a chance to process separation anxiety and fears.
No contact is essential, but sadly, not every dumpee follows it. Oftentimes, only those who are tired of being their ex’s friend or those who get treated poorly by their ex start following this rule.
Such people realize that they’ll recover faster if they start no contact and force themselves to push their ex out of their lives.
In this article, we’ll talk about the psychology behind the 30-day no contact rule and share some tips you might find useful.
No contact rule psychology
The psychology behind the no contact rule is that your ex is finally free to live a happy and independent life. Your ex can do whatever he or she wants and doesn’t have to worry about anything other than his or her friends, hobbies, and interests.
Your ex’s renewed sense of freedom can feel very liberating and rewarding to your ex as your ex suddenly has no responsibilities and commitment. Your ex has time on his or her hands and must spend that time away from you.
Time away from you lets your ex relieve pressure and enables your ex to prioritize things that matter to your ex.
If you refuse to let your ex do that, you could see a very annoyed and smothered ex. You could see a side to your ex you never had the privilege to see.
Dumpers normally show their mean and cold side when their ex won’t stop guilt-tripping them and making them feel that he or she still needs them. That’s when the dumpee learns the hard way that he or she has made breakup mistakes that won’t be easy to dig out of.
With that said, here’s what could happen if you break the 30-day no contact rule.
Whatever you do, don’t show or tell your ex that you still need him or her. Your ex doesn’t deserve to know that, nor does he or she want to know it. What your ex wants is to see that you’re handling the breakup maturely and that you’ve got what it takes to detach and live happily ever after.
Yes, some immature and toxic exes don’t want you to be happy, but exes like that aren’t worth your time anyway. They’re a danger to themselves and should be avoided at all costs.
So if you want to do a 30-day no contact rule with your ex with the intention to reattract your ex, go no contact immediately. The sooner you go no contact, the less you’ll pressure your ex, and the more your ex will respect you for it.
You should start no contact without informing your ex about it. Your ex doesn’t need to know what you’re about to do because frankly put, your ex doesn’t care.
Your ex will care if things go awry for your ex. But that will likely be months later when you stop feeling the overwhelming need to receive your ex’s love and validation.
When does the 30-day no contact work?
30-day no contact works in two situations. It works when your ex broke up with you in the heat of the moment and overreacted and when your ex still has feelings for you and is merely waiting for the perfect chance to reach out and ask to get back together.
In both cases, the dumper will eventually regret breaking up with you, miss you, and become afraid that you’ll move on and forget about him or her.
This doesn’t, however, mean that you should break no contact and make the job easier for your ex. Your ex has to be the one to reach out and do all the work because your ex was the one who left. He or she decided you weren’t good enough, so your ex must apologize and give you power back.
If you do all the hard work, your ex might take you back, but your ex won’t respect you for it. That’s because people only respect the things and people they have to work for.
But before you get excited and think that your ex is waiting for you, you need to know that the 2 situations we described are extremely rare. Most dumpers don’t wait for dumpees to come back to them. Most dumpers (99.9%) feel relieved and want to be left alone.
That’s why you must stick to no contact regardless of whether you think your ex secretly wants to talk to you and be with you. You must be patient and wait as long as it takes. You could stay in no contact for months or years before your ex finally contacts you.
Heck, you could wait for decades.
But even if your ex contacts you, that doesn’t necessarily imply that no contact is over and that your ex-back strategy needs to change. No contact ends when your ex wants you back or when you’re fully healed and okay with being friends with your ex.
That’s when it’s okay to communicate with your ex from time to time. Unless, of course, you, your ex, or both have new partners.
How to tell if no contact is working?
You can tell no contact is working if you feel that it’s working for you (making you feel better). That’s a sign that you’re detaching and getting your old happy self back. As for no contact working on your ex, you usually won’t know what’s happening.
You won’t have a clue because you’ll be minding your own business and letting your ex mind his or hers.
But despite not knowing what your ex is doing and feeling, you can be certain that no contact is working on your ex in the background as it’s giving your ex the space he or she has asked for. No contact is letting your ex experience the kind of emotions your ex was hoping to experience by breaking up with you.
And if by some chance your ex gets hurt or goes through something unpleasant, no contact will be even more effective as unpleasantness makes dumpers think about the past and crave it.
For now, you need to understand that if your ex isn’t reaching out, no contact is helping your ex enjoy space and privacy every day. It’s doing its magic without your awareness.
And when your ex no longer feels relieved, your ex will probably reach out and have a confusing conversation with you.
You need to be prepared for that conversation so you don’t get your hopes up and think your ex has come back for you. Most dumpers contact their exes just to appease guilt and catch up. They don’t like to be left in the dark about how their ex perceives them.
Uncertainty makes them uncomfortable.
What if my ex starts dating someone else?
If your ex gets involved with another person, no contact, limited contact, or full contact won’t make any difference. You won’t be able to stop your ex from dating, so the best thing to do is to accept that and look after yourself.
Stay in no contact and show your ex you’re not going to break no contact regardless of what your ex says and does. No contact is for you to heal, so keep healing for as long as you need to.
The only time you can reach out to your ex is if you need to talk about something important such as mortgage or kids. That’s when you can communicate with your ex only about the thing you’re reaching out for.
You need to keep in mind that dumpers eventually start dating someone else. Most dumpers find another person in a matter of months whereas others take a few months longer. Almost all dumpers, however, say yes to new romantic opportunities the moment they come across them.
They sometimes tell exes they “just want to be single” or “don’t want to be in a relationship,” but that is seldom the cause. Usually, they just don’t want a relationship with the dumpee and are happy to be with someone else.
If you expect your ex to remain single and come back to you during the 30-day no contact rule, that likely won’t happen. Your ex will need much longer than that to find your worth and want you close to him or her.
It will probably take months (not a month) for your ex to make enough emotional progress to stop feeling empowered by the breakup and start thinking about you more. That’s because a lot of time needs to go by for your ex to process the breakup, date other people, and compare those people to you.
You can’t expect your ex to think fondly of you just because it’d be nice. If you expect it, you could get disappointed.
Something must first happen to your ex before your ex can start wondering about you and missing you. And that something is some kind of unfortunate event.
The worst things go for your ex, the more your ex can see that breaking up with you was bad for his or her health and happiness.
So give your ex space and perhaps your ex will contact you when the time is right.
Let us know what you think about the 30-day no contact rule in the comments below.
And finally, if you want to talk to us about the 30-day no contact rule, visit our coaching page for more info.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi! I don’t know how to categorize my situation, so I’ll try to be brief in describing it. I was in a not-exclusive relationship for six months with a guy who had been dumped by his ex of 7 years 3 months before. I know it was a stupid idea, but at the time I wasn’t searching for anything serious so it was perfect for me. With time it started to be not so casual anymore, mostly because of him. He was often jealous/sad if he thought I was going out with other people (but he knew he was what he asked for), he wanted us to meet each other’s friends (we didn’t because I thought it was too much), he was always down to talk if there was something bothering one of us, he usually modified his behavior after fights. In general he didn’t only care about sex (not only did he said that to me, but he demonstrated that multiple times), there was a good emotional connection (we would talk about ourselves and our problems, he was often encouraging me to open up to him), he was consistent (we usually texted everyday, he organized dates). At the same time, I knew he wasn’t over his ex (I’m fairly sure he was still in contact with her).
During the last month, though, we fought every time we saw each other. To me it seemed he was the one that wanted a casual relationship (he confirmed it multiple times saying that he was still processing his last relationship), but that he was also the one that wanted more. Honestly I was just going with the flow, trying to make the most of it, and I never tried to modify the structure of the relationship. But after all these fights about the fact that he wanted to do things with friends or was angry because he felt neglected I started to think that maybe he wanted things to progress.
Because of the fights, though, I wanted a break in order to think things through and I asked him for one. I said that we were fighting too much and that it was probably because we had a borderline relationship that wasn’t casual anymore but wasn’t serious either. Initially he said that he respected my decision but didn’t feel the situation was so dire.
The day after, though, he wrote a long paragraph to me saying that it was time to end things
– because he couldn’t give me more than this, but wanted more out of me and it wasn’t fair
– because he didn’t want something casual anymore and wanted a “yes or no” thing, but he was too confused at the moment
The gist was that he felt the situation couldn’t go on like it was, but right now he didn’t feel ready to have something serious (with me or in general, who knows). He also said that sometimes the type of relationship we had hurt him, but since it was his decision he could deal with it, but he didn’t want to hurt me too. He was very kind, he said he liked me a lot and a lot more than he would thought possible, but that it wasn’t the right moment. He even went so far as to say that sometimes the right person can arrive in the wrong moment (yeah, sure) and that the fact that we had to end things had nothing to do with me.
After we saw each other one last time to say goodbye (it was always an agreement between us to end things in person), I wrote to him one last time to ask if he was absolutely sure he didn’t want me in his life anymore in any form. I asked if he wanted to be friends (that was bad, I know) or if he wanted us to take some time and see where things would stand after. He answered saying that he didn’t want to be friends because it would be a downgrade and that he would like to see me again or hear from me, but not right now. He said we both need a period of distance in order to avoid anything lingering between us (I wholeheartedly agree, since I was the first one to ask for space).
Starting with the fact that no contact is a given since we both asked for it, could it work? Or could it ever work in the future between us? I know he has his things with his ex to process, but I’m stupidly keeping up the hope that after he could consider me since both of us were surprised to be so taken with the other. Right now I’m doing my thing and even seeing other people, so I’m not really waiting for him, but I still have this hope that he’ll come back.
(sorry for any mistake, english is not my first language)
Hi Alice.
You must remember that he got into this no-label relationship with you to get over the loss of his previous relationship. Eventually (when he got closer to you) he developed some feelings and wanted to get more serious with you. But because he wasn’t over his ex, he couldn’t. He was still analying the separation and obsessing about his ex. That’s why he decided that he couldn’t give you what you deserved and that he needed to take the time to process the breakup.
It’s best that you stop letting go of hope as there’s no way to tell if he’ll want to give the relationship another chance in the future. This probably depends on how much he suffered while he was with you and how much he suffers after you.
Best regards,
Zan
The 30 day rule doesn’t work, I tried it twice with a message of nostalgic memories. Those who spread them are fraudulent and take money from people. When a year passed, the ex contacted me to ask me to forgive him without being together. He wanted to sleep without regrets. After two years after I was happy in another relationship, it reappeared. What attracted him was the feeding of his selfishness, but I never gave it to him. Chase your dreams and love will come where you least expect it. Either from ex or from another person. 🫶🏼
Hi Rina.
Thanks for your comment. 30-day no contact is just a scam. Fake coaches advocate it because it’s a quick cash grab. I hope you recovered from it and moved on from your ex.
Best,
Zan
Hi
My ex broke up with me after 10 years (7 years living together) and I went no contact the next day (it’s has been a month) but the problem is that only two weeks ago I found out she’s dating my (used to be now) good friend who since the break up I talked to every day and cried my heart out with him , and pretended to be a real friend until he broke and told me the truth . So my question is for the two week I was in contact with him (and he always told her everything I said to him) does it count as proper no contact ?
Thanks
Hi Daniel.
You’ve been in no contact, you needn’t worry about that. But what you should be doing right now is reconsidering your ex’s and friend’s intentions and morals. They may feel bad, but from what I see, they don’t have the self-control necessary to do what’s best for you.
Kind regards,
Zan
Ok so I was dumped. My ex just came out and said We are not on the same page. . We were together for a aboiut six months. She played the dating game and new all the stops and starts in relationship building, She hooked me then dumped me. I mean we were together every weekend , introduced me to all her children, gran children, we never argued, I mean I literally made this lady she is 62 I am 65 laugh so hard she pissed her pants. . She said said she could not reach me sexually and did not have these deep feeling s for me. She said she loved me and I said I loved her. What happened. Not sure, confused and hurt. She suggested no contact, and we did it for a week or so, and then I used all your tactics to text your ex back. I felt that I was manipulating her into liking me , reminding her of all the good times and lastly telling her I wanted her. W e met after three weeks apart and she said now I am confused and do not know , and I am doubting my own decision. I had a break down in front of her , I mean I cried as I told her that my ex wife was texting me that she was dying and that I did not tell her and felt bad about her ex dying and I had said a few things to her about her hanging on to objects. ( one being a coo coo clock that went off every hour and reminded me and I guess her of him. I did not like it and wanted her to remove it. So all and all here , I left and said some emotional heart felt things, non abusive or anger, and then her last response was that we should not communicate for a while . Oh one note we met on line, so we both ended up on the dating site Zoosk again and Presto who comes up as my match . Her. So after her last comment, of no communication I responded to her that it is over and do not try to contact me , and I said I want you to be perfectly clear that I am not your back up , if your dating fails and decide otherwise. I also cancelled my Zoosk dating site. as I find th3ese dating sites to be overwhelming tiring and in my opinion people seeking happiness, is the wrong approach, happiness is not sought after it happens within I am a very happy person, healthy and well. Yet my mind hind here is somewhat confused . What do you suggest I do, if anything. I have many opportunities to date other woman and have, and have turned away a few hours. Should I just move on?? Should I play the 30 day no contact, ( I think you will say yes do that) Is there something in all this I truly do not trust her judgement , Please advise HH tks for reading this.
Hi Howard.
Don’t play any games, especially 30-day no contact ones. She won’t change her mind because of a little bit of space. For some reason (I can’t figure out why) she fell out of love. Maybe when she came out of the infatuation phase, she showed her ability to stay committed long-term. Regardless of why she left, you need to give her the space she asked for and leave her alone permanently. Go indefinite no contact and show her your life doesn’t revolve around her.
Also, stay off the dating sites so you don’t find something you’re not supposed to and get hurt. This is the time for you to detach and get yourself back.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi Howard.
The 30 no contact rule is a scam. I suggest you leave your ex alone permanently. Show her you respect her decision and that you have what it takes to move on successfully. If she wants you back in the future, she knows where to find you.
Also, stay off the dating apps for a while. As long as you crave your ex, you’re not ready to date.
Regards,
Zan
Your advice resonates with me even though it’s not what I wanted to read. I can’t help but wonder if my situation is unique and if there’s any get out of gaol free cards to play. He definitely meets the criteria for being fear avoidant, and is experiencing severe mental and physical health issues. I was actually worried that he a a suicide risk. Our relationship had problems, but there was never a time to address them. He’d lost his job, he was failing his exams for a very difficult course, he’s fighting a custody battle and has unhealed trauma from a previous custody battle that he lost. I actually thought that my love for him was one of the few things in his life that was going right and I have been supportive of him. So when he calmly told me he doesn’t have the energy for a relationship and that we’ve run out of things to talk about I was blindsided.
I shouldn’t have been. I even recognise that if he’s finding our relationship draining then he’d be right there. But I didn’t think I was being draining. I thought I was being supportive and helpful. So now as much as grieving for our relationship I’m stuck going over my behaviour and wondering how and why I got it so wrong. I saw him struggling so I helped. I was careful to do that in a supportive way. I’ve encouraged him to get mental health help. I reached out to a friend of his to quietly tell him to check in on him as I do think he’s at risk of suicide.
Despite all that. I was with him because I loved him. He is a wonderful man and he is quite capable of getting well again. I’m just wondering if this fear avoidant man might ever come back to me.
Hi Berenice.
He’s dealing with a lot of stress at the moment and may be depressed. But that doesn’t give him the right to discard you and avoid you. He needs to change his mentality and understand that partners work on personal issues together. Now that he left, you’re no longer liable for his emotional health. This is something he needs to work on alone if he wants to.
I don’t know if he’ll come back. Uncertainty makes breakups so difficult.
Best regards,
Zan
6 months later…. I still want him back, but I have held fast to no contact and moved on with my life. I’m studying. I have new friends and new interests. A new, healthy, meditative mindset. I’m actually feeling really happy about a lot of my life. Just missing my other half. I know he’s not the only man on earth. I know he’s not perfect. But I really do feel that he was right for me. Such a shame he didn’t agree on that subject.
Hi Margaret.
He may have been a decent guy and a compatible romantic partner for you, but you have to keep moving forward. You can’t look back as he hasn’t realized your worth yet. You can stop and look only when he grows and sees he’s made a terrible mistake.
Stick to NC and you’ll be okay, Margaret!
Best,
Zan
I wonder how many otherwise good relationships have been ruined by the pop psychology of the No Contact rule. A petty spat couldn’t be resolved because one of them was convinced to cut off communication, which is the lifeblood of a good relationship. No contact should only be used when one of the partners is truly toxic or abusive. Otherwise, it’s just psychobabble for “relationship experts” to scam unsuspecting couples.
Hi Jeff.
You’re forgetting that couples need communication whereas ex-couples need the opposite. Communication can’t change a person who doesn’t want anything to do with you. It can only smother him/her and hurt you.
Sincerely,
Zan
This article is very confusing. You say the no contact rule is a scam, but turn around an promote it and back up claims, why it works and how it works. It is a scam. Every situation is different. It don’t matter when or if you contact them them, its still up to the person that got dumped. If they want to come back or not. Playing mind games and trying to trick someone into liking you again isn’t a good way to get them back
No, he says the 30 day no contact rule is a scam. It should be indefinite or until they contact you.
Hi Tiffany.
The 30-day no contact rule is a scam, not the indefinite one. Also, it’s not a game. It’s a means of healing and preserving your worth.
Sincerely,
Zan
My ex bf (his name was Shaman) broke up with me nearly a month ago. I’m still confused about the breakup because Shaman didn’t exactly give me a clear answer as to why he broke up with me. I have my suspicions as to the reason, but I can’t enter his mind and read his thoughts. 2 months before the breakup, Shaman said he was depressed because he had failed a couple of important college classes, and that he was afraid that his depression would negatively affect me. Then during the breakup, he said he felt emotionally unavailable, and that he couldn’t see himself in a relationship with anybody right now, at least until he got over his depression.
During the breakup, Shaman appeared to contradict himself on what he wanted. First, he asked if we could remain friends. Second, Shaman told me not to get my hopes up of us ever getting back together. Then he immediately turned around and told me he didn’t want to see me dating other guys. Like, what the hell?
I’ve been trying the no-contact rule, but I still wonder how the separation is affecting him- if at all. There was a wild spark between us for the first 70% of the relationship. Shaman said that I was the perfect girlfriend, and that dating me had made him realize his own faults. Considering what he said about being upset if I started dating other guys, do you think Shaman is likely to reach out to me again?
Hi Shannon.
He was depressed, so he didn’t want to see you with another guy. Seeing you with someone else would hurt him more and make his depression worse. So basically, he was quite selfish as he didn’t want to see you happy while he was struggling emotionally. He’ll reach out when he’s ready, not because you’re dating again. Jealousy likely won’t work on him because he’s detached.
Try to get over him, Shannon. You mustn’t wait for him to get out of depression because he’ll then have to discover your worth.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hello,
My ex boyfriend and I broke up about two weeks ago as of Friday and we were together for a year and half and we still live together currently. He told me that he was “depressed and need space” before the break up, happened. So I’ve been sleeping in the spare bedroom and staying with my parents, respecting his wishes for space. But then we broke up, shortly after that. Then during our break up conversation he said “I think we should break up” but right before he left he said “it’s just best if we are apart for now”. And we haven’t talked since the break up, and we’re still live together. And I’m back in the spare bedroom. My question is, how much time do I give him before he is ready to talk to me?
Hi, my partner/ ex left 9 weeks ago. There were some issues with my family (we were living together) and he was finding it hard I think. We he said he was going to move back in expected that to be all but he’s completely cut me off since then- barely any communication. I saw him once after in a work scenario and he said he didn’t want to talk at the moment and that he just needed time and space. He was really tense and angry. I have respected that and have left him bar one Christmas card which he ignored. Not sure what to do. I will continue to give space and try to improve my life without him but I miss him every day and we did have such a good connection.
Hi Lucy.
There’s not much to do at this moment. You should continue giving him space and focus on yourself. He knows where to find you.
Best regards,
Zan
Thank you! We were together for 7 years. He didn’t actually break up with me, he just said he needed to do some work on his house and since then has cut off all ties – I can’t believe he could be this cold.
Hi Lucy.
He may not have discussed breaking up, but that’s what’s happening here. He no longer wants to communicate as it seems he’s developed resentments. From now on, you need to focus on yourself and let him put in the work.
Best,
Zan
Thank you so much for your reply! He has since text to wish me happy birthday and said it looked like I’d had a nice day (from photos on Facebook) I sent thanks the next day and asked if he was ok and he sent a fairly brief reply so I didn’t reply again, guess I need to go no contact again and see if I hear from him again- thank thou so much for your articles I’m finding them so helpful! Xx
Hi again, Lucy.
You need to go no contact and ask him not to reach out when he does again. He needs to see you’re not going to be his friend just so he doesn’t feel guilty.
Best,
Zan
Idk if he is a Virgo it may take a year or more. Its hurtful and so mean and immature. Blocking is abusive to me.
Hi Gina.
Blocking is immature as it prevents a person from learning how to handle negative emotions.
Best,
Zan
She has me blocked on everything for 1 yr and 8 months. I haven’t tried to contact her in any way in over 6 months and have no plans to. I had to make payments from my divorce every month until 2/15/21. I’m moving on with someone new. Hopefully this new relationship will push her somewhere way back in my mind. She has no family here so lets see when someone turns her life upside down what happens to my ex wife.
Hi Bill.
Dumpers come back when life gets hard. I just hope that you’re over your ex-wife by the time she hits a snag. It would be a waste of time to wait for her when she blocked you and treated you so poorly. You’ve got better things to look forward to.
Kind regards,
Zan
He blocked me on everything after 1 month of break up. He is pissed off I am looking at his stuff even after break up. Do you think he will come back after 30 days of no contact?
I don’t understand this article, does it refer Man dumpers only? What about women dumpers?.
I really love my ex bf. He is so kind. One thing i am jealous which i didnt tell him is hwne he kept his ex gf messages on his phone . I saw that when we meet and stays for one month. I didn’t want to say it because he said it is a memory to him. When we back to ldr again i trust him but the thing is he is somewat cold and distant that time. I downloaded a dating app and only used for a couple of hours 2 months before our breakup. He saw it and broke up with me. I apologize but he didn’t even want to hear my explanation. What do i do? I do love him and willing to take the risk to go to UK to be with him. i don’t have any contact with that man i talk because i uninstall the app. Any advice for me. He told me he doesn’t love me anymore and don’t wanna waste his time with me.
My partner of three years broke up with me out of the blue and for no apparent reason, other than feeling nervous about moving in together. He said some very erratic, nonsensical and hurtful things.
All of this after we have just booked a holiday together for Three weeks in the coming November. I am unsure how to deal with this, as honestly our relationship was very stable and healthy.
Just curious to know how did this work out in the end?
Are you together now?
I was with a friend on our way to find the party which was cancelled. So trying to find solution B, on a McDonald parking I finally met this guy with his friends, I don’t know I felt a strong connection with him. Long short story we end up to his place and I end up with him having sex. The next day everything went well but felt strange and wanted to go home asap. But I think the guy likes me he went out to buy some errands to make breakfast for my friend and I (so cute). Anyway he end up paying a cab for our way back home too. He sent me a text, I never replied and I ghosted him for like 2 years …. for no reason (I mean I was still thinking about my ex) but I kept his number I don’t know why either. So, 4 months ago I sent him a text and asked him how he was doing. 2 days later we met in my place this time and end up having sex (It was great better then the first time). We dating for like 4 months we were seing each other like twice a month and was talking to him via text ( because I dont like video call or phone calls). He obviously didn’t like but respected my choice and doing it. For me, I wasn’t looking for anything serious so I didn’t know if he was the same for him. I prefered not to ask… He was sending me a lot of good mornings* with cute differents nicknames text. He was saying things like we gonna do activities together. Sex was great with him and had my first orgasm wih him. The only issue was communication and trust. I knew he was on a dating app because I saw his profile on it. At some point like 2,5 months later he removed all his pictures on this app I thought like hum maybe he is not there anymore so I decided to delete my profile too. Once I was at his place and saw a notification of the dating app on his other phone … SURPRISED! I decided to create a new profile and that time we were doing the in off contact. At some point I saw his new profile, so I visited his profile so he can see that I saw him. He literally saw it but never mentioned to me. Then it happened we spent days like a week without talking. I did that at the beginning because I didn’t want to get attach. But when he end up doing it too I got mad and show him I don’t like it. I know its ridiculous.. I also know for sure he was seing other girls. Once I told him whenever he is free I want to see him not to his place or mine he said good idea, then ghosted me for 8 days. I talked to him again and asked if I can see him the next day in the afternoon. He said his working from home all day, his bf will come to spend to weekend with him, I can still come and spend the night with him but he needs to confirm. Wft.. he never said something like that to me “spend the night, need to confirm” lol I didn’t bother to answer he pissed me off. The following Tuesday he came talking like nothing happened I did the same. We spoke till friday. I was literally waiting for him to propose a day so we can meet. The weekend passed no news from him, at this point I took the decision to stop all of this whenever he comes and talk to me. On Monday as usually he sent me his good morning I didn’t bother to answer, 15mins later he called me didn’t pick up the phone I was surprised he usually don’t call me. So I was like hum maybe he realised he was acting like a dum too 3 days I haven’thad any news from him.. Anyway called him back an hour later. Basically the guy wanted to come for like 3h because he was doing an “intense course” and had a meeting at 2.30pm. He wanted to see me and give me a hug because he was “missing me” I was like what hum well the engineer is coming soon so no. I this point I didn’t realised he was really bad what he just did. That was literally a conversation of 3mins. The we hung up the phone. Angry at what just happened an hour later I sent him a long text explained How I was feeling, I want to stop, the reason why and wished him all the best. Seems he didn’t really understood that I was serious, he still wanted to come the night after his class saying he understoodbut this descision should be said in my face and not whe mn I call you then you text me. Told him off beside that was a month and an half he putt me on hold. He sent me another text wanted me to send him my postcode lol lol if he really wanted to come he would have come because he knew my postcode. Anyway the next day he deleted my number uppdated his new profile pics on the dating app. I deleted his phone number too. A week later I updated my pics on the dating app he literally did the same few hours later or the next day (not sure). Lol since I removed all my pics in the dating app plus this daying app was sucks anyway never meet anyone for real. It’s been nearly 4 weeks but I still thinking about him I’m trying to do new things be occupied but when it comes to moment I’m not focusing doing things well he comes into my mind. And not sure what to do. I knew this was the good decision to take but feels like weird……… I guess I was hoping him to come back so we could finally be real and talk.
Hi Guys
I dont believe the 30 day no contact rules or 60 days or whatever. Each relationships are unique which is why each of them have different points. If you want to get back, your ex you are supposed to know the best way how to do it , not the experts.
The only thing which I can recommend is try to be as happy as possible , be aware of the circumstances , determine the best timing and lastly attempt. It is nice if it works nevertheless if it does not work erase the hopes and move forward , the sorrow of love does not kill you moreover can not negatively influence you unless you idolize it.
hello, me and my ex were dating for a year and 5 months. and we broke up about 3 months we had a good relationship yes we did fight and argue but we’d always get through it without a doubt. she has anxiety and depression and I tried to understand and support her with everything I had. last summer I supported her through heart surgery. however, towards the end of our relationship, she started showing a lot of interest in her ex after I trusted her with the situation. in the relationship I did get somewhat insecure but got over it. one weekend she just turned on me after having a breakdown and after giving her a week break to focus on herself. but she wouldn’t let me leave and said she loves me and we can get through it together. but I said we need to do something I’m still here if she needs me it’s just a week so she can have a breather. but then the next day just blew up on me and we broke up. I was really hurt and removed all the pictures and everything of social media which I fastly apologized for. we met that night to talk and she said she thought it was for the best and I supported her through her decision even though I didn’t want to. however, she messaged her ex 2 weeks after we broke up and I reacted badly to it because after the last month of our relationship she was showing a lot of interest but told me it was nothing. I did trust her until this. I reacted badly and said some stuff and got blocked on social media apart from Snapchat and my second insta account. we both apologied and she said she regretted messaging him but then about 2 weeks later she started hanging out with him and lied about it. and i got really mad and blocked on everything its been about a month since i messaged her since the block.
and ive been in no contact for over 2 months now and still no sign or word from her. i’m still blocked on everything even though im getting over worrying about the ex because i know im better and my relationship was better with her but i dont think no contact is working. any advice?
sam here. It’s been a more than a month and to no avail. I miss him. He untagged himself on my fb account and unfriend my family and friends on his facebok.We are in ldr relationship and willing ot take the risk to be with him.
They say the no contact only works if a women does it to a man not men doing it to women. Check youtube …Something to do with how men and women interpret things differently.
My ex broke up with me 3 days ago after dating for 6 months. He said I wasn’t the girl for him and that he wasn’t the guy for me. It happened completely out of nowhere especially because he was coming to visit me to stay the weekend. He called me baby and even called me like usual that same day. I feel like ive been blindsided and its not fair how he had time to process this, and I just had a bomb explode on me and was left alone. I met his entire family and friends and felt like it was a serious relationship.
I am now trying the no contact rule but I dont know how long I should wait. Should I message him after a month? Should I just wait for him to message me if he does?
Also, its my birthday in 2 weeks so I am wondering if he will even wish me a happy birthday.
What do I do?
I would highly recommend to stay strong and not contact him whatsoever. I made the ig mistake of pushing my ex girlfriend too much so she ended up blocking me that’s when I realized I should have just given her space and focus on myself. As should you. Focus on your health, your friends or your job for instance, take walks in the park hang out with friends and talk talk talk about it, even if they have to hear the same story one hundred times.
I’m sorry to hear that. You have to discover if he liked you in the beginning for something long term. You have to come to learn whether he was serious in the beginning or just playing around with you. If he was, then there may be hope, there may not be, but if he wasn’t, then there’s no hope. But don’t judge. Don’t assume. Don’t ever just assume. Take all the time you need to discover.
Do NOT contact him.
He told you exactly what he is feeling inside. I don’t mean to sound rude….but he doesn’t want a relationship with you for whatever reason. His reasoning may have NOTHING to do with you. If you value yourself, if you consider yourself a “high value” woman, you don’t need to beg or plead for someone to be with you. You simply know you will find another partner suitable for you in time.
Go no contact.
Cut him out of your life! Completely! He is full on REJECTING you to your face which is hurtful as hell. It shouldn’t be a reason to CHASE after him. Spend the next 60 days of your life learning something, doing something for yourself. Get a therapist if you need. But running back to him or attempting to reach out to him is NOT the answer. If he comes back to you with a proper reason for his behavior that makes sense AND an apology, then maybe consider him again…..BUT make it hard as hell for him to come back to you. But just know…..when someone can leave you ONCE… they can turn around and easily do it AGAIN. For this guy though, I wouldn’t hold my breath. Move on. You deserve better.