Will We Get Back Together After A Breakup?

If you broke up with your ex, you probably aren’t wondering if you’ll ever get back together with your ex. You’re perfectly happy with the way things worked out as you’re tired of the relationship and want time to yourself.

You want to know if you and your ex are done forever only if your ex broke up with you. That’s because the breakup caused you a lot of separation anxiety and made you want to be with your ex more than ever before. It has hurt you so much that all you can think about is your ex and how you would feel if your ex came back and validated you.

The breakup triggered the worst of your fears, so you’re now wondering if your ex will ever come back and make the suffering go away. But before we get into detail about whether your ex will come back in the future, we need to make something clear.

Every breakup (unless it’s a fakeup) signifies the end of a romantic relationship, regardless of what the reasons for breaking up are. The two of you no longer want the same things from each other romantically because you had an emotional separation, so you now need to process the breakups in different ways.

As a dumpee, you need to detach and rebuild your worth whereas your dumper ex needs to stop feeling relieved and elated and hit a rough patch. Once your ex has suffered a blow to the ego and self-esteem and got hurt, the chances of your ex realizing your worth will increase significantly.

Your ex might realize that you were a good partner and want to feel secure with you once more.

Therefore, time is important, but something significant would also need to happen to your ex for your ex to regret breaking up with you and run back to you. Something that makes your ex as desperate for love and connection as you are (or were if it’s been a while since you broke up).

So if you want to know if you will get back together with your ex, the questions you should be asking yourself are, “How developed is my ex as a person and what are the chances of him/her failing badly and realizing my value through pain and suffering?”

If you know your ex isn’t ready for a serious romantic relationship because of some serious flaw, your ex will likely fail in his or her next relationship and come back. This is especially true if your ex has low self-esteem and is demanding and likely to overwhelm and smother his or her partner.

Dumpers in general don’t grow much after the breakup. They don’t have the emotional drive to invest in themselves. All they want is to focus on themselves and have fun. And fun isn’t a catalyst for growth. It’s a recipe for disaster.

This means your ex will remain the person he or she is and be at great risk of making the same mistakes with someone else in the future. Now, you probably don’t like the idea of your ex dating someone else. The thought of it gives you overwhelming anxiety and makes you sick to the stomach. But you have to understand that your ex needs to fail in some way that is important to him or her.

And the thing that makes the biggest impact on people’s thoughts and feelings is relationships. Poor mental/physical health could also be an incentive for self-reflection and coming back, but it tends not to compel dumpers to want an ex back as much as relationships and breakups. That’s because relationships (breakups especially) affect a person’s self-esteem, happy hormones, goals, and everything about his or her life.

Your best bet is a romantic failure and the pain that ensues after.

Today we’ll answer the question, “Will we get back together after a breakup?” We’ll talk about different ways to tell if your ex will return to you or just keep moving on.

Will we get back together?

Whether you get back together with an ex depends on many things such as what kind of trouble your ex gets himself or herself into, what your ex’s self-esteem is like, how your ex thinks of you, how your ex copes with difficult situations and emotions, and whether your ex can drop ego and pride and reflect on the past and become nostalgic.

Not all people can ruminate about the past and want to relive it. Some dumpers are resentful, keep moving forward, and don’t look back. Even if they get hurt, they pick themselves back up and carry on with their lives without regret. Such dumpers don’t reflect nor change. They remain who they are and stay set in their ways.

If your ex is that headstrong, you probably shouldn’t want to get back with your ex anyway. You should soon realize that the best person you can be with is someone who’s always changing (in good ways, of course). You don’t want an emotionless robot who doesn’t need you (or anyone else) and is unable to express feelings, mistakes, and regrets.

Breakups teach us a lot. And yours could teach you that you don’t want what you think you want right now. It might take a while for you to detach, lose hope, and see things differently, but when the time is right, you might realize that the person you want to settle down with is someone totally different from your ex.

Personally, it took me 4 or 5 months to realize this. It might take you longer if your relationship was long and/or codependent.

No matter how long it takes, you should know that you will get back together if your ex needs a lot of approval and affection and can’t stay single very long. A lack of self-reliance could make your ex want to feel secure again when your ex starts to doubt his or her worth and needs to experience love again.

Your job is to remain strong both internally and visually so that when your ex encounters issues, your ex thinks of you as a worthy person to rely on and reconcile with. If you look needy and clingy, your ex likely won’t get back with you because your ex won’t be able to benefit from you.

You simply won’t have what it takes to emotionally support your ex during his or her most difficult time. So If you still love your ex and want to get back with your ex, remember that how you portray yourself is extremely important. It’s probably the most important thing because your ex has developed negative opinions of you and doesn’t want to see you beg and plead or do something desperate.

Desperation will only push your ex further away as it will kill your ex’s respect for you and make him or her lose all interest and curiosity. You must steer clear of behavior that pressures, angers, saddens, guilt-trips, annoys, repulses, or does anything negative to your ex.

You must avoid it out of consideration for your ex and respect for yourself. Refusing to take this advice will most likely lead to failure and even more pain.

With that said here are some things that could determine whether you will get back together with your ex.

If you get back with your ex, it will happen on your ex’s terms – when your ex is ready (not when you’re ready). You’ll have to wait for your ex to get through the dumper stages, experience issues, and think and feel more positive things about you.

That’s when your ex will contact you and perhaps even try to get back together with you. Your ex will say that he or she wants to see you and try to set up a time that suits you. Your ex will be very flexible all of a sudden.

In the meantime, you need to worry about yourself and stop obsessing about your ex. The less you obsess, the faster you’ll heal and figure out if getting back with your ex is even good for you. Right now, you’d probably give anything to get another chance with your ex.

Heck, you’d abandon all your pride and let your ex know you’ve messed up badly. But this is something you can’t do. A big part of the reconciliation depends on your emotional strength and self-love. If you exude emotional weakness, low self-esteem, and a lack of direction and purpose in life, you won’t reattract your ex.

You won’t attract anyone for that matter because you’ll overwhelm people with your lack of internal peace, happiness, strength, and the ability to contribute to other people’s lives. That’s why I strongly suggest that you take your focus off your ex and put it on yourself and other people.

By focusing on literally anyone and anything other than your ex, you’ll decrease your addiction to your ex and by doing so, enjoy your life more and leave a better impression on your ex when your ex checks up on you. That’s because you’ll let your ex know that you’re doing great after the breakup and that you’ve found better things or people to pay attention to.

All dumpees should choose a path that helps them detach and forget about their exes, but not all dumpees do that. Many dumpees are in so much pain that they keep chasing after their ex and ruining their image as well as health.

If you want your ex back badly, you need to work hard to develop self-control. You can do that by starting no contact, journaling, signing up for therapy, and learning more about the consequences of breaking no contact and pestering your ex.

The most important thing you need to memorize and understand emotionally is that your ex will come back for you if your ex realizes you’re the right person for him/her. If your ex determines you’re the person who can make him or her happy now and in the future, your ex will run back very fast because your ex will be afraid of losing you.

Just as you’re scared your ex could find someone else and have a fairytale-like relationship with that person, so too could your ex fear that you’ll find someone better and forget about him/her. But for that to happen, your ex will have to first improve his or her perception of you and develop a desire to feel the way he or she felt in the past.

Remember that you can get back together only when there’s a mutual desire for connection, love, and recognition. Both you and your ex must go through the stages of getting back together and agree to leave the past behind.

When should I give up on getting back with my ex?

The reason breakups are so hard is that you can’t be 100% certain if your ex will ever come back and want to be a part of your romantic life again. Your ex might only come back as a friend or an occasional texting buddy, and make your healing process much more painful and difficult.

That’s why you must prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome while also expecting that anything can happen. Your ex could come back or your ex might not. If the breakup just happened, it’s probably too early to tell what will happen as your ex is still in the process of enjoying the breakup.

But while you’re waiting for your ex to give you some indications of how he or she is doing emotionally, you have to start letting go of your ex. You have to do it so you can let go of control and be okay with anything (even your ex dating someone else). It won’t be easy to let go of your ex, but you must do your best to detach and keep looking forward not backward.

If you don’t give up on your ex, you’ll appear very eager to converse when your ex breadcrumbs you and tries to get you to talk again. And that will tell your ex that you’ve been waiting and that you haven’t lost feelings and found internal peace yet.

Do you think that you and your ex will get back together at some point in the future? Would you accept your ex back if you found out your ex was dating someone else while you were struggling to love yourself? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

And if you’d like to discuss the things that could make your ex come back privately, learn more about our coaching services here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.