No contact can work if a girl loses feelings and leaves. It can slowly improve her opinion of you and make her want you back. However, for no contact to have that effect on her, the girl must be mature enough to reflect, grow, and admit her mistakes. She must be capable of evolving and understanding that she took you for granted and overvalued herself.
If she can’t think about her actions, look at the relationship objectively, and deal with negative emotions, she won’t come back even if you were a caring and loving partner. Your niceness won’t make a difference because she’ll continue to self-victimize and hold on to anger and power.
Unfortunately, a lack of reflection prevents many dumpers from coming back. Many dumpees are bitter and in control, so they continue to believe their ex can’t make them happy. Instead of forgiving their ex and giving their ex the credit he deserves, they talk badly about their ex and foster negative feelings. By doing so, they annihilate their respect for their ex and prevent themselves from growing and redeveloping feelings.
Keep in mind that the success of reconciling with your ex doesn’t depend solely on no contact. Although it’s important to start no contact and avoid annoying your ex, it’s not the only condition for reuniting with a former partner. Another important condition is your ex’s capability to deal with the past and see you as someone who added a lot of happiness and value to her life.
Your ex has to be capable of nostalgia and gratitude. If she can miss you and be grateful for the things you’ve done for her and the relationship, she can also question her decisions and actions. She can see that you’re not as bad as she made you out to be.
Many exes have occasional doubts. But exes who reconsider going back to the person they left tend to feel unhappy and hurt. They associate their pain, anxiety, or depression with their ex’s absence and develop the belief that they wouldn’t have experienced so many problems and negative emotions if they stayed with their ex.
Such dumpers want their ex close for healing and reassurance purposes—and redevelop a strong urge to reconnect with their ex.
You may think that exes come back solely for love, but that’s not entirely true. Although they fall back in love and crave reciprocation of feelings from their ex, their top priorities are easing their pain and obtaining security. If these urges are strong enough, they may leave their new partner, improve their negative perceptions of their ex, swallow their pride, reach out, and do everything in their power to express regret and willingness to repair the broken relationship.
They know it will take some time to fix the trust they broke, but they’re okay with it as long as they acquire relationship benefits and feel empowered by their ex.
So if you’re wondering if no contact will work if she lost feelings, bear in mind that it depends on 3 main things.
- How you present yourself.
- What she experiences without you.
- And how she thinks and deals with unpredictable and painful circumstances.
If she has a healthy mentality and needs help coping with stressors, pain, and regrets, no contact could work in the way you want it to. It could hit her hard and inspire or force her to value you. The worse a problem she faces and the less prepared she is to handle it, the bigger the chance that she runs back to you, confides in you, and leans on you for help.
Pain, caused by an unwanted turn of events, increases your chances of reconciliation more than anything. It’s more likely to bring your ex back than improving your flaws, dating someone smarter and better looking than your ex, and becoming a billionaire. The truth is your ex won’t care about all the changes in your life until something significant changes in hers.
Something or someone will have to give your ex the short end of the stick. This could be your ex’s new partner dumping her, a friend ending the friendship, (health) problems in the family, financial troubles, or any other major setback that shakes her sense of stability and makes her reflect on better times.
You can’t make your ex reflect on the past just by bringing up the fun times and guilt-tripping her. Guilt pressures and traps dumpers and brings out the worst in them. Oftentimes, it makes them so angry they push their ex away and lose additional respect for their ex. They feel disrespected and don’t want anything to do with their ex.
If you beg and plead and demand things from your ex, your ex will sooner or later see that you don’t care about her feelings and that she needn’t care about yours either. This realization will give her the green light to treat you as a friend, an ex, a competition, an enemy, or worse. If you’re not ready to see a detached/uncaring ex, you shouldn’t pester your ex and expect her to patch your wounds.
As long as your ex feels relieved and thinks the breakup needed to happen, your ex will keep a reasonable distance and appreciate the space. Your ex may think about you and perhaps even miss you, but she won’t miss you romantically. She’ll miss the friendship aspect of the relationship and consider reaching out.
You need to understand that exes don’t come back randomly. No contact or not, they come back when they’ve exhausted other options and realized that they’ve traded a stable/happy life for an unstable/unpredictable one. When they understand they only have themselves to blame for their failures and unhappiness, they look for backup plans and remember their loving ex.
They consider going back to their ex-partner because their ex may still have feelings and want them back. Other romantic/sexual options might not be interested in them and be able to validate them.
In this post, we explore whether no contact works if she’s lost feelings. We’ll also discuss what it may take for her to want to reconnect intimately and recommit.
Will no contact work if she lost feelings?
No contact can bring back dumpers’ lost feelings. But do keep in mind that no contact alone is unlikely to do that. No contact merely gives your ex space and respects her decisions and feelings. It allows your ex to focus on herself instead of you and live her post-breakup life to the fullest.
She wants to be independent. But independence comes with both pros and cons. One of the cons is that it makes her fully responsible for her happiness and that she can no longer blame you for her mistakes, problems, and unhappiness. If she encounters problems now that you’re out of the picture, she has to take accountability and do something about them.
If she can resolve them on her own, she probably won’t talk to you and ask you for another chance. But if she can’t resolve them without you, then chances are she’ll contact you and want something from you. She may only want validation without commitment, but at least she’ll show that she finds you valuable.
For your ex to come back during no contact, something must go seriously wrong in her life. Something (or rather someone) must hurt her and show her that the life she chose won’t give her the satisfaction she craves. When she feels hurt and sees that she made a bad decision, she may finally engage in self-reflection and realize that leaving you worsened her life rather than improved it.
That could alter her negative perception of you and cause her to crave your affection and care.
Feelings can return after the breakup. They can return even if a couple had an ugly breakup where they called each other bad names and did bad things. It comes down to their happiness, forgiveness, and reasons for needing each other. If they date other people but fail badly with them, they could get hurt and tempted to choose predictability, stability, and safety over starting anew with people they know nothing about.
Not all dumpers go back to an ex they left, but those who do usually consider it the quickest way to get and/or avoid something. They act on their urges to obtain love and security and avoid pain and reminders of their failures. We could say that emotions compel them to abandon their post-breakup plan and go with a backup plan, which they perceive as a much safer option.
That’s why you should remember that no contact can work if you give it enough time to work. You must wait for your ex to face a problem she’s not ready to resolve. When that happens, she could breadcrumb you, ask for another chance, or rely on someone else and move on.
It’s hard to predict what will happen when your ex hits a snag because it depends on your ex’s level of pain, coping mechanisms, self-awareness, ability to learn, and the things she learns. But if your ex still respects you and thinks she felt happier and safer with you, she will likely return to you and deal with her failures, problems, and pain with your help.
That’s what exes do when they discover their ex’s importance and want to be a part of their ex’s life.
Of course, don’t put all your eggs in the no contact basket. Your ex may never get hurt enough to reflect and realize your worth. Even if your ex does get hurt, your ex could deal with pain in other ways. She could confide in her friends and family or start dating someone else right away.
That could postpone her reflection or avoid it altogether.
Keep in mind that insecure, codependent, and anxious exes are more likely to return than secure and independent dumpers. Dumpers who rely on others for essential needs lack security or self-love and, therefore, come back to fulfill their needs. The stronger their needs and cravings, the bigger the chance of missing their ex and coming back.
Having said that, here’s when no contact will work if she lost feelings.
No contact can work whether the dumper loses attraction, respect, love, or feelings—but only under certain conditions. When those conditions are met, the dumper will have an incentive strong enough to question her self-worth and decisions in life. Once she knows she messed up, feelings will quickly come back and urge her to secure a spot in your heart.
No contact will heal your wounds
If no contact doesn’t bring your ex-girlfriend back, you may not get what you want, but you’ll nonetheless get what you need. And what you need is to reconnect with yourself and rebuild your self-esteem. You need to love yourself and find your passion for life. It’s worth more than any ex-girlfriend.
You can always count on no contact for self-discovery, self-improvement, and healing. Its main purpose is to ease your separation anxiety, fears, obsession, anger, resentment, and guilt. When it does that, it will help you forget about your ex and move on.
You can be certain that no contact will make you happy again. It may take a few more months for you to get your ex out of your system, but once she’s out, you’ll wonder why you spent so much time obsessing over your ex. You’ll realize you have better people to interact with and things to think about. Your ex won’t be on your mind 24/7 because she won’t make you anxious and trigger your need for validation.
So if you’re struggling to focus on yourself and keep your ex out of your head for long, remember that no contact will make things better. It will slowly reduce your ex’s importance in your eyes and the psychological effects she has on you.
Most dumpers feel much better a few months into the breakup. They’re able to eat, sleep, and function better. Every month returns some of their lost power and proves they can reach their goals and be happy without their ex.
On average, it takes 8 months for dumpees to get over the breakup. The detachment time may take longer if dumpees have low self-esteem and/or make breakup mistakes. It may also be shorter if they love themselves and/or have been dumped before. I encourage you to stay in no contact even when you start feeling better and think you have nothing to lose by reaching out.
The dumpee always has something to lose. That something is called self-respect. If the dumpee’s self-respect falls, he or she may become desperate and hold on to the dumper for months or years to come.
So feel free to trust the no contact rule when it comes to getting over the breakup. If you deal with temptations to talk to your ex successfully and stay in no contact, you’ll soon rediscover your worth and take your ex off the pedestal. Your life will get much better when you regain control over your thoughts and emotions.
Are you wondering if no contact will work if she lost feelings? Are you doing anything else to increase your chances with your ex? Share your post-breakup plan below.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
