Why Does My Ex Keep In Touch With My Family?

Does your ex keep in touch with your family?

There may be a simpler explanation for this than you think. Your ex probably talks to your family because your ex gets along with your family and wants to keep them in his or her life.

By talking to your family, your ex can prove to himself/herself and others that he or she is a cordial and mature person who doesn’t stop talking to everyone related to you just because the relationship with you has ended.

Your family may be your family, but your ex considers them to be a part of his or her life.

That’s why your ex reaches out to them from time to time and tries to maintain a healthy relationship with them.

If it bothers you that your ex still talks to your family, perhaps this is something you can talk to your ex about. Tell your ex how it makes you feel when he/she communicates with the people you love and see what your ex has to say about it.

You may learn that your ex is just trying to be polite and grateful for everything they did for him/her.

Although you don’t have the right to tell your ex to stop talking to your family members, you can, however, explain that his or her messages give you anxiety and false hope. This isn’t the most ideal thing to say to your ex if you want your ex back because it depicts vulnerability, but it should be enough for your ex to sympathize with you and stop contacting your family for a while.

If you’re the dumper, however, and your ex’s relationship with your family aggravates you, then telling your ex to stop contacting your family might not be the best idea. Your ex could be brokenhearted (probably is if the breakup just occurred) and likely still talks to your family to cling on to hope.

If that’s the case, you need to understand that your ex is having a hard time coping with the breakup and that it’s best to let your ex converse with your family.

You can always ask your family not to share anything your ex tells them. Just ask them not to talk about your ex anymore as it reminds you of the past that you’re trying to disassociate from.

They’re your family, so they should understand that distancing yourself from your ex will help you feel better.

Just don’t think that they should already know what the right thing to do is without speaking to you first.

If you don’t talk to people about your feelings, you shouldn’t expect them to understand how you feel. They likely won’t know what’s going on inside your head because they can’t read minds and detect how you feel.

So communicate your thoughts and feelings and try to understand why people do the things you do. When you understand their motives and they yours, you’ll find it much easier to agree on things and get what you need.

Today’s topic is why your ex keeps in touch with your family and what you can do about it.

Why does my ex keep in touch with my family?

Before you assume that your ex wants you back, you should know that an ex staying in touch with your family doesn’t always indicate that your ex is trying to win you over.

More often than not, it just means that your ex had (and still has) a good relationship with your loved ones and that he or she wants to stay close with them.

This may not be something you’re too keen about because you don’t want your ex around anymore, but you need to know that your ex isn’t in the same emotional and rational state as you. At this moment, your ex thinks it’s okay to converse with your family because they aren’t you.

They’re a separate entity, which means that your ex considers the act of talking and bonding with them a kind and polite gesture.

Usually, dumpees and dumpers stay in touch with their exes’ families for different reasons. While dumpers stay in touch to selflessly water the relationship, dumpees tend to do it because their exes’ families are one of the few things left in their lives that give them a sense of control over the breakup.

They make them feel accepted and understood and make it easier for them to deal with separation anxiety and grief.

Of course, dumpees sometimes also stay in touch with their exes’ families to be friends with them, but normally, there’s more to it than just friendship.

Some dumpees also hope that dumpers will change their mind about the relationship if they see that they get along with their family.

I don’t want to generalize and say that all dumpees or dumpers do this or that, but from what I see, many dumpees are hurt and wish to get something out of their ex’s families.

They either want their ex to realize their worth on his or her own and include them in the family just like before. Or they want to use the family as a means of getting closer to their ex and getting back together.

Dumpers, on the other hand, don’t have any hidden motives. They tend to talk to their ex’s family because doing so feels right to them. Unlike dumpees, they are in a position of power and don’t need anything from the family to feel better. They are self-sufficient.

So if you’re wondering why your ex keeps in touch with your family, bear in mind that the answer likely depends on whether your ex is the dumpee or the dumper.

If your ex is the dumpee and the breakup is fresh, your ex likely has expectations of your family and intends to use them to confide in them and get back with you. But if your ex is the dumper, then your ex probably wants to keep the bond with your family strong even though the relationship with you has ended.

The infographic below will explain the differences between dumpees and dumpers staying in touch with their exes’ families after the breakup.

What to do if your ex is staying in touch with your family?

There are only two things you can do when your ex continues to talk to your family after the breakup.

You can politely explain how it makes you feel when your ex converses with your family and hope that your ex understands how you feel.

Or you can try to accept that your ex still talks to your loved ones and not get upset about it.

If you don’t have kids or any responsibilities binding you to your ex, your ex likely won’t stay in touch with your family much longer anyway.

Relationships without a strong basis tend not to last very long because nothing is holding them together.

So if you’re not too happy with your ex talking to your family, know that it likely won’t last long. The relationship your ex has with your family will probably fizzle out because it will lack the will and purpose to maintain it.

Before the breakup, it was you who connected your ex to your family. But now that you’re no longer there, it will take interest on both sides to keep the relationship together.

You may not even have to say or do anything to make your ex stop talking to your family. It will happen on its own when your dumpee ex heals or your dumper ex detaches from your family.

It’s mostly mature ex-couples with kids or grandkids who stay in touch with exes and exes’ families for years after the breakup.

So if you’re a young man or woman with nothing tying your ex to you, try not to worry about it too much. Things will likely sort themselves out on their own.

And if they don’t or if you’d like to speed them up, simply talk to your ex and your family about it. If you explain your views, they’ll be able to understand why it’s making you uncomfortable.

How long could it take my ex to stop contacting my family?

If your ex is the dumpee and you don’t tell your ex that talking to your family bothers you, it could take as long as your ex is brokenhearted and lacks control. This means that your ex’s eagerness to connect with your family strongly depends on your ex’s self-esteem, confidence, and the things your ex does after the breakup.

If your ex keeps messaging you, stalking you, and making post-breakup mistakes, it could take your ex a very long time before he or she detaches and stops feeling the need to control the breakup.

But if your ex follows no contact and is aware of the things he or she must do to heal, then your ex will likely leave your family alone in just a couple of months.

Every person is different when it comes to healing. But usually, dumpees get out of denial a few months after the breakup. This also depends on the length of the relationship and whether the dumpee was emotionally dependent on the dumper.

If your ex is the dumper, however, then your ex could keep messaging or calling your friends and family for as long as he or she has a reason to do so. Dumpers usually disconnect from their ex’s family when someone gets busy with life and invests in the relationship less than the other party.

I can’t say when or even if that will happen, but from what I see, most dumpers forget about their ex’s family very quickly – just a few months after the breakup.

Relationships with family can fizzle out just like friendships do

All in all, a relationship with an ex’s family is no different than a relationship with a friend. Both relationships require nurturing and proper amounts of care. They can exist only when both parties are equally invested.

When someone pulls away, the other tends to follow—and the connection between them tends to decline.

This means that all parties involved will have to maintain the relationship by continuously investing in it in person or long-distance over the phone. It doesn’t matter how they do it as long as they stay in constant communication and wish to benefit from each other.

You’ve probably unintentionally stopped talking to friends or acquaintances before, so you already know that relationships can fizzle out if people focus on other things.

In your case, it’s likely that your ex will eventually stop talking to your family because you and your ex are no longer together. You’re living separate lives which means that when your family stops being used to seeing your ex around, they’re probably going to lose the connection they currently have with your ex.

That’s when they’ll stop showing interest in your ex’s life and focus on things and people that are more important to them.

So if you’re still wondering why your ex keeps in touch with your family, remember that your ex has a connection with them and doesn’t associate the negativity from the relationship with them. He or she thinks you have nothing to do with them, and as a result, thinks it’s unnecessary to stop talking to them.

Only time will tell whether your ex will maintain his or her relationship with your family. But if you’re not too happy about it, consider talking to your ex and your family about it.

You should be able to find a solution that works best for you and everyone involved.

Did you learn what it means when your ex stays in touch with your family? What do you think it means? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.