Why Does My Ex Keep Contacting Me When He Has A Girlfriend?

Does your ex keep contacting you even though he has a girlfriend? Does his behavior confuse you and hurt you?

If it does, you need to know that your ex perceives his ex-girlfriends differently than you perceive your ex-boyfriends. He acts differently around them too. While you leave your exes alone and focus solely on the person you’re with, your ex stays friends with his exes and tries to get along with them.

He thinks he needn’t stop talking to old flames just because he broke up with them and found someone else. He actually believes he’s earned the right to keep them around.

This is because he has a typical “guy” mentality that goes somewhat like this. “I can talk to whoever I want. It’s my right as a person, and no one can take it from me. The only thing I mustn’t do is cheat on my partner. That would be wrong.”

There are many variants of this mentality, but the point I’m trying to make is that many guys don’t emotionally understand why they need to stop talking to their exes.

Most of them are very rational and stop talking to their exes only when they:

• feel overwhelmed, smothered, and pressured
• lose respect for their exes
• or hold ill feelings for them

They don’t usually stop talking to their exes if the breakup was mutual/respectful or if they moved on from them and met someone new.

So if you want to know why your ex keeps contacting you when he has someone new, it’s because he doesn’t think he’s causing any harm to his relationship. On the contrary, he thinks he’s being polite and friendly for checking up on you.

Most girls, of course, aren’t okay with a guy who does this. Unless they also stay in touch with their exes, they don’t want their boyfriend to keep talking to people he used to be intimate with. Seeing their boyfriend happy and talkative with an ex makes them uncomfortable, anxious, and oftentimes even jealous.

That’s why it’s possible that your ex keeps talking to you even if his girlfriend is against it. Either that or his girlfriend doesn’t know that he still talks to you.

Aside from not seeing anything wrong with staying in touch with you, there are other possible explanations as to why your ex keeps reaching out to you. He could also be bored, guilty, afraid, anxious, in pain, curious, or maybe even nostalgic about you. Something clearly inspires him to string you along. And you need to figure out what it is so that you know what to do.

If you learn that he just wants to stay friends, you need to ask for space so that you can heal from the breakup. Pulling away from him will probably be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but it’s something you must do out of respect for yourself.

You must do it because if you don’t, your ex will give you bucketloads of false hope and make you think that he still loves you and is considering getting back with you.

Why does my ex keep contacting me when he has a girlfriend?

If your ex keeps contacting you when he has a girlfriend, you mustn’t immediately assume that your ex’s new relationship is falling apart and that he wants you back. You need to understand that most dumpers who want their ex back don’t keep contacting their ex. Most of the time, they contact their ex only once or twice. And they do it because they’re regretful (hurt) and certain that they want to get back with their ex as quickly as possible.

Some dumpees think that by reaching out that their ex is comparing them to the new partner and figuring out which of the two women is better, but the truth is that dumpers seldom compare their partner in that way. Dumpers already know what their ex is like and how their ex feels about them because they’re in a position of power. They’d made a decision to leave a long time ago and can, therefore, get back with their ex as long as their ex shows interest in conversing.

That’s why they don’t compare much if anything by reaching out. They don’t usually reach out just to find out if it’s possible to reconcile either. They may do it indirectly, but more often than not, it’s not their main priority. Normally, they reach out because they’re curious and want to have a few words with their ex about each other’s new lives.

And that’s it.

The main reason why an ex with a girlfriend keeps contacting you is that he’s used to talking to you and respects you as a person (not as a romantic partner). He wants to be nice to you and act as if the breakup didn’t destroy relationship dynamics and made post-breakup conversations uncomfortable.

The reason your ex does this is that he wants you in his life to a certain extent. He wants you around as a friend, a confidant—and talk to you without committing to you emotionally.

You may hear your ex apologize and say he misses you, but make sure not to mistake apologetic, guilty behavior for regret. Guilty dumpers often apologize for treating their ex poorly, but after they’ve apologized, they get what they’re after (forgiveness) and oftentimes disappear for a while. They don’t see a reason for sticking around anymore because they get their closure.

Regretful dumpers, on the other hand, don’t just apologize and leave. They stay and invite their ex out or wait for their ex to invite them.

If their ex doesn’t take the initiative (which he or she shouldn’t), they eventually see that their ex has self-respect and that they must overcome their fears and take the first step. That’s how they give their ex his or her power back and await further instructions.

So if your ex has a girlfriend and you can’t stop wondering why he keeps contacting you, here are 5 reasons that might explain your ex’s behavior.

.

Exes often think about us and message us when we leave them alone and focus on ourselves. This is because no contact tells them that we’re independent, moving on, and regaining our identity. In a way, we attract them with silence because silence tells them we love ourselves more than them.

What does my ex want from me when he has a girlfriend?

Since your ex has a girlfriend, we can say that he’s not after the usual relationship benefits such as sex and love. He already has that and is after something only you can give. That something is your attention and guilt-relief. He wants you to pay attention to him because you haven’t been giving it to him recently.

You’ve been doing your own things—and that made him think about you.

As a dumpee, you must keep in mind that your ex doesn’t need to talk to you to be happy in his new relationship. Yes, he can be happier if he knows that you’ve forgiven him, but he doesn’t need your approval to commit to someone new. All he needs is to be detached, which he likely is, otherwise, he wouldn’t be your ex.

This means that your ex’s reasons for continuously reaching out are most likely boredom and curiosity. You used to be his go-to person throughout the relationship, so he still thinks that he can reach out whenever he’d like.

Some dumpers also reach out because they feel guilty, but such dumpers tend to directly or indirectly ask for forgiveness. It’s much more likely that your ex gets stressed or bored every now and then and talks to you out of familiarity.

Maybe his new girlfriend is busy and can’t reply to him, so he looks for a person who will entertain him.

If you’re that person, you need to know that you’re getting breadcrumbed and that staying in frequent contact isn’t going to make you feel better nor make your ex come back. It will, however, hurt you, slow down your healing, and tell your ex that you’re always at his disposal.

What can I do if my ex keeps contacting me?

When your ex keeps contacting you, there’s only one thing you can do. You can tell him that you need more time to process the breakup and that you’ll reach out to him when you’re ready to talk. And that’s it. Don’t tell him he’s being disrespectful to you and inconsiderate of his girlfriend. Don’t contact his girlfriend and tell her he’s been up to no good either.

Just inform the guy that you’ll be distancing yourself from him and that you’ll appreciate it if he respects your request.

If your ex wants what’s best for you as well as himself, he won’t oppose your decision. He’ll understand where you’re coming from and stop reaching out.

But if he isn’t that mature and doesn’t understand what reaching out does to you and his relationship, then he may react differently. He may get upset, say that he isn’t doing anything wrong, and insist on being friends with you.

In that case, you should be more firm and say that you don’t have anything against him but that he needs to respect your needs and focus on his new relationship.

Telling your ex to stop reaching out is an absolute must. It’s a must whether you still have feelings for him and want him back or if you don’t want anything to do with him at all. Your ex should be focusing on the new relationship and not on you.

The only time it’s okay for him to reach out to you is when:

• his partner is okay/aware of it
• you’ve dealt with separation anxiety
• and when you have something important to talk about. Something like children, divorce, finances, etc.

Any other time is probably inexcusable.

Your ex needs to understand that exes aren’t friends. They can’t be friends as long as someone has feelings. His girlfriend knows this, too. She knows that he used to be close to you and is afraid that he may consider getting back with you if he gets too comfortable with you.

Although it’s unlikely that he’ll develop feelings for you when he’s serious about his new partner, you need to know that by communicating with you, he’ll trigger your unprocessed feelings, reset your emotional progress, and make you anxious.

To avoid this, you should get some space from your ex. You should do it for yourself and out of respect for your ex’s new relationship.

Why do you think your ex keeps contacting you when he has a new girlfriend? Is it because he wants to be your friend or because he needs you for some other unexpressed reason? Share your thoughts below the post. 👇

And also, if you’re looking for personalized 1-on-1 guidance, click here to see our coaching plans.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.