Why Does My Ex Hide When He Sees Me?

If your ex hides when he sees you, his actions show that he doesn’t want to see you and engage in conversation with you. He has a fear of the unknown and wants to continue to enjoy his space and freedom without you. Seeing you brings back unwanted feelings and gives him anxiety or stress he doesn’t know how to deal with.

All he knows is that he feels better when you’re not around and that he must do everything he can to feel comfortable.

To avoid feeling uncomfortable, he hides or pretends not to see you and hopes that you won’t start a conversation with him. An unsolicited conversation would force him to face his fears and talk about things that don’t interest him.

Keep in mind it’s common for dumpers not to want to engage in conversation with their ex. Most dumpers are space-deprived and don’t really know what to say to someone they’ve abandoned and hurt. They don’t want to relive the breakup and see that their ex is in pain and still wants to be with them.

Seeing their ex hurt would increase their feelings of guilt or shame and force them to work on alleviating their guilty conscience.

Hence, they hide when they see their ex and stay in control of their feelings.

They don’t handle the situation very well, but they don’t care about that. They’re happy to just avoid feeling uncomfortable and dealing with the suffocating, scary, and unpredictable situation. As long as they don’t have to talk to their ex and feel awkward, they feel in control of their emotions and life.

So if your ex hides when he sees you, bear in mind that your ex associates stress, anxiety, or pain with you and doesn’t feel ready to talk. Your ex may want to talk in the future, but at the moment, he lacks the tools and willpower to talk about random things. He doesn’t feel the need to catch up because he’s perfectly happy with the way things are and the happy emotions he feels when he’s away from you.

It’s not your fault he feels uncomfortable around you (unless you begged and pleaded for ages). The distance and guilt are mainly to blame for this as they constantly remind him he’s hurt you and that you may say or do something unpredictable and difficult for him to deal with.

He doesn’t want to risk dealing with your emotions and expectations, especially if you have a history of making demands. He’d rather stay in his comfort zone and avoid any potential conversation that could make him uncomfortable and obstruct his post-breakup independence, freedom, and control.

His avoidant behavior shows that he hasn’t processed the separation and excluded you as a potential threat. Whether you did something to make him feel unsafe or not, he feels threatened at the thought of conversing with you and seeing what you think and want. His emotions warn him that you could say or do something he doesn’t have an answer for and is emotionally unprepared for.

Perhaps he should have acknowledged your presence and greeted you when you locked eyes with him. But because he was so uncomfortable and afraid, he ran away and hid. He made you think something was wrong with you when in reality, his reasons for hiding were directly related to his nervousness, fears, and a lack of emotional strength and/or morality.

I don’t know your ex on a personal level, but I do know that an ex who hides when he sees you either doesn’t perceive you very positively or has unprocessed emotions and fears. He’s scared that you’ll approach him and put him on the spot. To not get caught unprepared and be forced to communicate with you, he quickly runs away from you and continues to enjoy his space and quiet.

Don’t take that personally. Think of it as him acting on fears and avoiding emotions he lacks the skills and will to resolve. Instead of facing his fears and being respectful, he prioritizes his emotions and indirectly lets you know that he’s not interested in conversing with you.

Currently, he wishes to keep his distance and act like you don’t exist.

That’s okay! It doesn’t matter if he hides when he sees you. By hiding from you, he actually makes your moving-on process easier because he lets you avoid talking and obsessing about his new life. He lets you focus on yourself rather than his changes and happiness.

You may want him back, but consider his hiding a positive thing – a blessing in disguise. The less you interact with your ex, the quicker you can expect to heal and get your detached self back.

In this post, we discuss why your ex hides when he sees you. We also share some tips on what you should do about it.

Why does my ex hide when he sees me?

The reason your ex hides when he sees you is that he feels uncomfortable, scared, shy, ashamed, guilty, anxious, or a combination of these and other negative emotions that make him want to avoid you. He thinks it’s safer to avoid you than it is to greet you and converse with you.

Because he feels unsafe at the thought of conversing with you, he runs away and hides the moment he sees you. This is how he eliminates the possibility of getting stuck in an uneasy situation with you, ensures his own safety, and stays in control of his thoughts and emotions.

You see, a guy who hides when he sees you is afraid that you’ll get your hopes up, ask him about his new life, or dump your emotions on him and give him a hard time about the breakup. He’s an overthinker who doesn’t want to spend any more time thinking about your problems and emotions. He just wants to leave the past behind and focus on things that are working.

If he broke up with you recently, his new life is probably working. He feels empowered by the breakup and doesn’t regret breaking up. The only thing he might regret is breaking your heart and causing you overwhelming pain. If he feels bad about hurting you, he probably doesn’t want to face you. By talking to you, he would relive the breakup and feel guilty.

And he doesn’t want to feel like a bad person and feel responsible for hurting you. He just wants to leave the past in the past and focus on the present and future. By avoiding you, he can avoid thinking about his mistakes, outbursts, and your unmet wants and needs.

So if your ex hides when he sees you, know that your ex is essentially trying to cut off the past. He wants to avoid any unwanted reminders of the past and focus on people who make him feel good. You currently don’t make him feel good because he associates negative beliefs and feelings with you and needs space.

Most dumpers need space after the breakup. They need to focus on themselves for a while and see their ex accept the breakup. When they know their ex has accepted the breakup and stopped chasing them, they get curious about their ex and may check up on their ex. Sometimes they even reach out and breadcrumb their ex.

Your hiding ex isn’t at that stage yet. If he or she was curious about you and ready to talk, your ex would have had a quick chat with you. This chat probably wouldn’t have lasted long, but at least it’d show that your ex respects you and isn’t afraid of you.

You should never blame yourself for the things your ex does and doesn’t do. Always remember that your ex developed a negative view of you and the relationship and that his emotions instruct him to avoid you and self-prioritize.

He doesn’t care that his avoidant behavior could hurt you and make you take things personally. He’s not worried about how you feel and how you perceive him because he thinks it’s time to put himself first and enjoy life.

That said, here’s why your ex hides when he sees you.

What should I do if my ex hides when he sees me?

If your ex hides as soon as he sees you, you need to understand that your ex doesn’t want to look at you, let alone talk to you. Your ex wants to be left alone and live safely and comfortably. If you ignore your ex’s need for privacy and space and reach out to your ex, your ex will feel even more uncomfortable than he already does and think even worse of you.

Your ex might even get angry with you and say something mean and hurtful that hinders your ability to love yourself and delays your recovery.

So whatever you do, don’t talk to your ex after the breakup. Don’t do it especially if your ex appears scared, repulsed, or uncomfortable. Not only would the conversation be forced and strange, but it’d also leave you with more questions than answers. It’d make you wonder why your ex acted strange and if you did something to make your ex wary of you.

When you notice your ex avoiding you and trying to leave, you must let your ex walk away. Allow your ex to make a fast and clean exit so that your ex doesn’t feel pressured by you and forced to interact with you. Forcing your ex to talk won’t improve your ex’s perception of you and bring back lost feelings.

It will only suffocate your ex and urge your ex to respond instinctually. An instinctual response is any impatient response that lowers your ex’s respect and care for you and hurts you.

So instead of stopping your ex from walking away, let your ex run away if he wants to. Let your ex be free so he can go back to processing the breakup and moving forward with his life. He obviously isn’t interested in catching up, nor getting back together. At this point, he needs more time to focus on himself and those who make him feel good.

If he changes his perception of you and wants to talk to you the next time he sees you, your ex will appear receptive and interested in having a conversation with you.

He won’t walk away and look for a place to hide.

You don’t need to do anything when he hides. You just need to let him go and mind your own business. That will make him feel in control of his feelings and avoid disagreements and problems.

Although it won’t bring him back, it also won’t cause any more damage. It will simply let him carry on with his life and perceive you how he wants. His perception of you wouldn’t have changed even if you chatted for a while. To want you back as a partner or a friend, he has to first reflect on the breakup and his behavior.

He has to realize your worth and acknowledge his mistakes.

When that happens, your ex will put in the work and appear much more approachable.

Why do you think your ex hides when he sees you? What could he gain by hiding? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.

And if you want to go into detail about your ex’s reasons for hiding, check out our coaching options on this page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.