Why Do I Still Think About My Ex When I Have Someone New?

Are you thinking about your ex even though you’re with someone new? If you are, try not to worry about it too much. It’s completely normal to think about your ex even if you’re with someone new and your relationship is as perfect as it gets.

This is because you’d spent a lot of time with your ex, bonded with your ex, went through ups and downs with your ex, made plans for the future, picked up some of your ex’s traits, behaviors, and hobbies, and created lots of memories together.

You were very close to your ex.

But now that your relationship with your ex is over, something or rather someone is missing. Your ex is no longer a part of your daily routine, so you remember the good (or the bad) times and feel a certain way about your ex.

How you feel depends on how you felt during and after the relationship. For instance, if you were happy, you probably remember only the good times. You remember how much your ex loved you and what your ex did to win your love and trust.

But if you weren’t very happy with your ex, then you probably feel hurt, angry, or victimized and remember how poorly your ex treated you. The reason for this is that your brain is wired in a way so that it learns and improves from pain, mistakes, and peril. It doesn’t want the past to repeat itself, so it keeps telling you what predicaments you need to avoid in the future.

The point is that thinking about an ex while you’re in a new relationship is normal as both dumpers and dumpees think about each other from time to time. They especially think about each other when something goes wrong in their new relationships because that’s when they reflect and compare their new relationships to the previous relationships.

I think you should be concerned about this matter only if you recently got dumped or if you did the dumping yourself and feel emotionally connected to your ex. This could be a sign that you’re in a rebound relationship and that you’ll rebound with the new man or woman and suffer because you tried to date a new person (possibly the wrong person) too soon.

In this post, we’ll talk about why you still think about your ex when you have someone new.

Why do I still think about my ex when I have someone new?

Most people think about their ex every now and then even if they’re with someone new. They can’t just forget about an ex and pretend that their ex never came into their lives. They spent way too much time with their ex and invested too many emotions into the relationship to completely erase their ex.

The problem though isn’t in thinking about an ex. It’s in feeling strong emotions. That’s because emotions indicate that a part of your ex is still in your system and that you may not be ready for a new relationship.

It’s important for you to be aware of your emotional and mental capabilities because if you aren’t, there’s a risk that you will:

• develop feelings for your ex again
• start playing the blame game and hate your ex for the way you feel
• lose sight of your partner and focus on your ex
• lose willpower and stop working on yourself and the relationship
• live in the past when you should be living in the present, making plans for the future

These are just a few things that can happen to you when you have strong positive or negative feelings for your ex. Basically, if you don’t fully process the past, you can eventually become nostalgic and wish that your ex would come back and give you what you had before (even if what you had before wasn’t making you happy).

It’s unfortunate, but sometimes people leave their decent, new partners and go back to their exes. They do this because they aren’t over their exes or because they think that the unstable relationships they had before were more fulfilling or stimulating than their new relationships.

In reality, though, their old relationships usually just appear to be more emotionally satisfying because of all the ups and downs they went through as couples. I’d like you to be aware of this so that you don’t immediately assume your new relationship is boring or unfulfilling when you compare it to a relationship that was more hectic.

A few days ago, I had an interesting discussion with my carpenter–and he made me think. He said, “I hate it but I think about my ex-girlfriends who were the meanest to me the most. I remember when they threw things at me and threatened to call the cops on me. I was scared for my life and I wish I never met them, but I think about them even today even though it’s been over ten years. I dream about them too. I bet they’ll haunt me in the afterlife too haha.”

What happened to this person was that he went through a lot of hardships with his ex-girlfriends. He was probably partially responsible for some of the incidents, but the point is that he suffered a lot of abuse and still remembers that abuse like it was yesterday.

It’s the bad times that stand out for him because those were the times that emotionally scarred him.

Maybe your relationship with your ex wasn’t abusive, but the exact same principle applies. Your relationship had defining moments that forced you to feel a certain way and remember certain things.

I’m talking about some happy or painful (highly emotional) moment(s) that made you feel your ex was the one. For some couples, it’s bad moments like miscarriages or arguments that make them bond. And for others, it’s happy experiences like their children, memorable vacations, and common goals or hobbies.

For me, some of those defining moments were the positive times I’d spent with my ex-girlfriend. Since my love language is quality time, I still remember simple things like walking to the store and going to the park. Such memories got engraved into my brain because I enjoyed them a lot.

They aren’t a threat to my new relationship or anything like that because I’m happy with my partner today. But after my ex and I broke up, I started dating someone else and had difficulties not thinking about the past.

My past made it difficult for me to move on because it continuously reminded me that my ex was the person with whom I created the strongest emotions. So naturally, my past convinced me that I’ll never find a strong connection again and that my ex is the one and only.

Of course, back then, the connection I craved wasn’t really a connection. It was a wish to be loved and respected, caused by a mixture of fear, anxiety, depression, nostalgia, grief, low self-esteem, and the mistakes I made.

It was only months later when I realized that I think about my ex because I rushed into a new relationship and ignored the importance of working on my self-esteem.

Anyway, the picture below will explain why you still think about your ex when you’re with someone new.

So if you’re thinking to yourself, “Why do I still think about my ex when I have someone new,” keep in mind that you can’t immediately replace your ex with your new partner. You especially can’t do it if you and your ex have been through a lot and have strong positive or negative feelings for each other.

Moving on from an ex requires time and strength to:

• let go of the past
• heal the wounds
• accept the outcome whatever it may be
• and get closure with or without your ex

If you’re hurt and try to rush the process like I did, chances are that you’ll find yourself in a rebound relationship and suffer twice as hard when your relationship comes to an end.

But if you’re perfectly happy in your new relationship and you only think about your ex occasionally out of the blue, then you probably have nothing to worry about. You’re thinking about your ex because your ex was a big part of your life for a long time.

If you hate the fact that you think about your ex when you’re with someone new, bear in mind that you’ll probably think about your ex more because you’ll push your ex into your subconscious. So you may as well accept your past (stop feeling angry or disgusted by your ex) and forgive your ex as well as yourself.

The less spite and negativity you allow to enter your heart, the less you’ll think about your ex.

How can I stop thinking about my ex when I have someone new?

If there are certain things you don’t want to think about (not just your ex), the best way to force your brain to stop thinking about the past is to use the “technique” I use whenever I want to stop thinking about something unpleasant.

That technique is called “Just stop empowering your brain with unhealthy thoughts and emotions.”

You might not like the way it works at first, but trust me that it’s the best way to stop thinking about exes, mistakes, insecurities, shortcomings, and anything unpleasant.

Here are 4 steps you need to take to stop thinking about your ex when you have someone new.

Step 1:

If you want to stop thinking about your ex, the very first thing you must do is to get your ex out of sight. You can do this by unfollowing/muting your ex on social media and putting all your ex’s gifts away. Getting your ex out of sight will give your brain the rest it deserves.

Step 2:

Acknowledge that your ex is on your mind from time to time. But whatever you do, don’t create any emotions. Especially not negative ones because negative emotions are what anchor your ex to your subconscious and give fuel to your thoughts. They are what stop you from focusing on your partner, so acknowledge the fact that you sometimes think about your ex.

Step 3:

Forgive yourself and accept that it’s okay to think about your ex. You read it right. In order to stop thinking about your ex, you have to become okay with it. Earlier, we talked about the effect negative thoughts and emotions have on a person (how they blindside people). So do yourself a favor and accept your ex’s injustice and let go of any ill feelings you have for your ex. It’s absolutely necessary for you to forgive your ex and yourself for the damage you directly or indirectly caused to each other. Without negating the negativity (or positivity), you’ll have a hard time moving on from your ex.

Step 4:

This is the hardest step, but you have to convince yourself that accepting your ex’s actions or behavior is for the best. It could take time before you fully accept your ex, but once you manage to pull it off, your ex will start to leave your subconscious mind. At first, your ex will try to cling to you like a tick. But as you practice forgiveness and acceptance, he or she will slowly let go of you and allow you to focus on yourself. Remember that the key to stopping your ex-thoughts is awareness, patience, determination, and time.

Obviously, you have a lot of work to do. So try not to get frustrated about it because emotions make things worse. Instead, accept, forgive, and carry on as if nothing happened and you’ll soon stop thinking about your ex.

Are you still wondering why you think about your ex when you have someone new? Let me know how often you think about your ex by leaving a comment below.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.