If you have a feeling your ex will come back, it’s probably because you’ve been abandoned and hurt by your ex. You haven’t experienced pain like this in a long time (if ever), so you became dependent on your ex for healing, love, and reassurance.
Separation anxiety, pain, and depression put you in survival mode and made you think about your ex 24/7. They disoriented you and turned your ex into someone who could save you from your problems and pain.
Because you became obsessed with your ex, you put your ex on a pedestal and started looking for signs that your ex-boyfriend might come back.
You don’t know if he’ll come back, but since you feel many difficult emotions, you want your ex to return to you and bring stability to your life. You’re hoping that your gut feeling is correct and that you’ll get back together with your ex one day.
If you wonder why you feel your ex will come back, it’s because you’re convinced there’s a high chance your ex will come back. Your ex may have come back in the past, reached out recently, experienced difficulties without you, or had such a tight bond with you that you can’t imagine your ex not feeling anything for you.
Due to certain convictions and feelings, you believe your ex will fail to find happiness without you and start to miss you and want you back for similar reasons you want to be with your ex.
I’m not saying that won’t happen, but do keep in mind that your ex is the dumper and that dumpers go through different post-breakup experiences. Dumpers go through dumper stages and feel the opposite of how dumpees feel.
Most of the time, they feel relieved and happy to be single or with someone else. The breakup empowers them, so the last thing they think about is their mistakes and feelings for their ex.
Although they occasionally have doubts, they tend to remind themselves they weren’t happy with their ex and that staying away from their ex is the right thing to do. The new physical and emotional distance feels liberating, puts them in charge of their life, and allows them to do the things they want to do.
So if you have a feeling about your ex coming back that you can’t explain, know that it’s a mixture of hope, anxiety, and desire to be rescued from the unwanted situation. You’re pinning your hopes on your ex coming back and filling the void his abandonment and absence created.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting your ex back. In fact, most dumpees initially do. But if you dedicate your whole life to being with your ex, you’ll waste your time, give your ex power, and probably scare your ex off.
It’s better to be detached or at least semi-detached. That way, your ex will respect you for putting your priorities straight and loving yourself more than anyone else.
If you’re in a lot of pain and feel hopeful about your ex coming back, it’s a sign you have some detaching to do. You have to figure out how to improve your self-love and depend on yourself for basic human needs.
When you figure that part out, you won’t think about your ex obsessively, dream about your ex frequently, and feel spiritually connected to your ex. I know that a lot of people believe in signs from the universe, but from my experience, it’s better for your safety and happiness not to rely on feelings for your future.
It’s best to analyze your ex’s chances of return by looking at the things your ex says and does. Actions prove how your ex perceives you and what he’s willing to do to come back and recommit to you.
Your feelings, on the other hand, don’t prove much. Mostly, they prove that your ex has wounded you deeply and that you want to feel better as quickly as possible. Because there’s no quick way to heal, nor any tangible proof of your ex coming back, you’re basing your future with your ex on how you feel.
Let me remind you that your feelings happen inside you, not outside. First, you see or think about something. If you like it or don’t like it (if it’s important to you), you then feel strongly about it.
And depending on the severity of your emotions and the options available to you, you attach certain meanings to it.
If you want your ex to validate you, you may think that your ex is thinking about you, missing you, and on his way back to you. This is a sign of what you want and what’s going on with you rather than your ex.
So try not to convince yourself that your ex thinks and feels the same way as you. I know it gives you hope and a sense of control, but try to be more realistic. Look at your ex’s actions and inactions and wait for your ex to give you something to work with.
If you’re in no contact or if your ex is treating you badly, your feelings are probably all over the place. You crave your ex’s closeness and are willing to do anything to reunite with your ex. Remember that it’s completely normal and understandable to feel that way.
Your feelings indicate a strong desire to regain what you lost. This could be love, support and other relationship benefits, purpose, and self-esteem.
What’s not normal though is to base your ex’s wants, needs, and feelings on your intuition rather than facts. If you do that (especially multiple times), you’ll reject common sense and may feel tempted to ignore all you know about breakups. You may even hire a love doctor – a con artist preying on people’s (usually women’s) desperation.
As much as I’d like you to believe your ex will come back, I’d rather you believe your ex may not come back. You don’t have to think your ex won’t come back, but a least consider the possibility that your hunch is wrong and that it may have something to do with how you perceive your ex and your relationship and how you feel in general.
Normally, the more hurt a person is and the less he knows about his ex, the more he clings to feelings and spirituality for explanations he badly craves. Some people even attempt to attract their ex with the law of attraction and try to feel as much love for their ex as they possibly can.
They don’t realize they’re creating feelings of desperation and that they’re setting themselves up for failure. Not only are they less likely to attract their ex when their ex decides to check up on them, but they also deepen their feelings for their ex and need their ex more.
If they want to attract their ex with LOA (the law of attraction), they should remember the law states that you attract what or who you are. If you’re desperate, you won’t attract a non-desperate ex. You’ll likely attract a person hungry for recognition or a fun time.
To attract someone who left you, your value has to equal or exceed his. This can happen when you pull away and let your ex experience problems without you. I’m talking about problems your ex lacks the tools and willpower to fix.
In this post, we talk about why you have a feeling your ex will come back and what you can do about it.
I have a feeling my ex will come back
Try not to entertain unrealistic thoughts and intentionally hold on to hope. As good as it feels to imagine your ex coming back, keep in mind that hope delays your healing and self-love. It makes you focus on your ex rather than yourself.
It’s okay to wonder if your ex will come back. It’s especially okay to do that if you’ve accepted the breakup and gotten out of denial. But don’t think of your feelings as a dependable indicator of whether your ex will come back.
What determines your ex’s return is your ex’s forgiveness and ability to be happy and deal with difficult situations and emotions. How you feel is irrelevant. Your feelings matter only when your ex comes running back and admits to making a huge mistake.
That’s when your feelings will tell you if you still respect and love your ex. Until then, you’ll find that feelings mostly get in your way. They make it harder for you to focus, take care of yourself, and enjoy your life.
The reason you suddenly became highly intuitive (but only about your ex) is that the breakup has intensified your longing for connection. It triggered your fears and insecurities, affected your self-esteem, forced you to take responsibility for the breakup, pushed you out of your comfort zone, and made you question your direction and purpose in life.
If you didn’t get broken up with, you would be feeling so strongly about your ex. You’d be focusing more on your wants and needs and not listening to inner voices that assure you of your ex’s return.
Even though your ex might return (some dumpers realize that the grass wasn’t greener on the other side), it won’t have anything to do with what you thought and how you felt. It will have almost everything to do with your ex’s failure to create a fulfilling life without you.
When your ex fails in his quest to find happiness, your ex will want you back whether you still have feelings or not. He’ll probably apologize and promise to do better.
Having said that, here’s why you have a feeling your ex will come back.
Dumpees don’t like hearing that their anxiety and unreciprocated feelings are responsible for their unexplainable feelings, but it’s the truth. The sooner they accept it, the sooner they can let go of (false) hope and (unrealistic) explanations.
What to do about the feeling that your ex will come back?
When you get a strong feeling your ex will come back, you shouldn’t listen to it too much. Instead of prioritizing your intuition and acting on it, remember that your feelings are the last things you should give meaning to.
If you listen to your feelings, you’ll probably buy your ex’s favorite food and show up at your ex’s house unannounced. You’ll try to make your ex feel how you feel and suffocate your ex more than words can describe.
That will put your ex off and perhaps even force your ex to get a restraining order against you. By all means, acknowledge your feelings and learn more about the reasons for having them. But don’t give them the power to control you and affect your healing process.
My advice is to get as busy as you can. The busier you are, the less time you’ll have to think about your ex. When you think about your ex less frequently, chances are you’ll relearn to love yourself and prioritize people and things that matter. Your top priority is to get your ex out of your system (not back into it). Talk to friends and family about your thoughts and feelings and see what they think.
Some might advise you to contact your ex and try to get back with him.
Ignore such comments. Remind yourself that your ex hasn’t redeveloped romantic feelings and isn’t waiting by the phone. Listen to realistic advice instead and you’ll guarantee the quickest recovery possible.
Also, avoid advice on the internet that implies your ex is missing you and trying to get back together with you. Hope may give you strength, but it will do so only temporarily. Long-term, it will do a lot of harm because it will poison your brain with unhealthy beliefs.
Instead of absorbing unhealthy information, read some good self-help books. Learn more about relationships and how to resolve unwanted emotions. This will help you leave the past behind and have a better relationship with your ex or someone else.
Why do you think you have a feeling he will come back? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
And lastly, for 1-on-1 advice with your breakup, subscribe to breakup coaching here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
