When Does The Dumper Start Missing The Dumpee?

The dumper usually starts missing the dumpee when the dumpee stops missing the dumper. That’s when the dumper realizes that his or her ex isn’t chasing and that he or she may have found better people and things to get busy with.

The dumper then gets curious about the dumpee, wonders what or who is entertaining the dumpee, and becomes nostalgic.

Some dumpers reach out and try to figure out what their ex is up to whereas others, choose a more indirect approach. They check up on their ex online, ask their friends for updates on their ex, or go through their recent conversations to learn something they may have missed.

All nostalgic dumpers, however, feel emotionally ready to know more about their ex. This is a huge improvement for them as they previously wanted to stay away from their ex and focus only on things that made them happy.

When dumpers start missing the dumpee, they stop thinking negatively about the dumpee. They stop craving space and independence and start thinking about reconnecting with their ex. They no longer feel overwhelmed at the thought of having a normal conversation with their ex.

Nostalgia turns their dumpee ex into an equal who can provide them with important information and satisfy their curiosity. The more they miss their ex, the more they want to talk to their ex and have a friendly conversation with him or her.

So if you want to know when the dumper starts missing the dumpee, it’s not when the dumpee misses the dumper the most. When the dumpee feels hurt, anxious, and nostalgic, the dumper feels relieved, elated, and tired of his or her ex. The dumper doesn’t want anything to do with the dumpee because the dumper associates negative thoughts and beliefs with the dumpee.

All the dumper wants is to be free and in complete control of his or her thoughts and emotions.

Nostalgia hits dumpers much later. They start thinking about their ex and missing their ex when they enjoy their new lives for a while and fully process their negative breakup emotions. Time (provided they’re self-aware) can help them stop thinking of themselves as victims and blaming their ex for everything.

When that happens, they realize their behavior has hurt their ex immensely and that they should have been kinder and less self-centered. They realize they should have answered their ex’s questions and helped their ex cope with his or her post-breakup blues.

Unfortunately, many dumpees don’t become nostalgic just with time. Only dumpers capable of engaging in reflection can start missing their ex after a few months. Such dumpers are mature enough to understand that there are no winners and losers in a breakup and that they both contributed to the demise of the relationship.

They both took each other for granted at times and acted in ways that damaged the relationship.

Other dumpers need to encounter a problem that reminds them of better times with their ex. A problem can be a poor social life (loneliness and self-pity), a fallout with a friend, a health complication, stress at work, unhappiness with oneself, and an obstacle in a new relationship.

Anything that shows them their new life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns can remind them of more carefree times when their life was happy and stable. All they need to start missing their ex is respect for their ex, something negative that makes them want a better life, and a sentimental personality.

If they’re capable of feeling nostalgic, they can miss their ex when they process negative feelings caused by the breakup, stop playing the blame game and/or get in trouble and want to feel better.

Oftentimes, when people encounter problems, they get emotional and look for solutions to their problems in the past. They see the past as a backup plan for their mistakes and wonder if they can make their bittersweet nostalgic feelings go away.

They don’t want to stay nostalgic, so they can reach out to their ex and quench their nostalgic feelings.

Mind you, nostalgia doesn’t always go hand in hand with love. Love is a romantic craving whereas nostalgia is a non-romantic one. On top of nostalgia, your ex must desire you romantically in order to want you back as a romantic partner.

If he or she just misses the friendship part of the relationship, the dumper won’t come back. The dumper may talk to you for hours, but only to catch up and stop feeling nostalgic. As soon as the dumper gets what he or she is after, the dumper will stop talking to you and make you wonder what the purpose of his or her reach-out was.

I can tell you right now that it won’t have anything to do with reconciliation. An ex who reaches out to talk about the past rather than the present and future misses the friendship and the benefits the friendship provides. The dumper doesn’t miss your love and commitment to the relationship.

Not unless he or she dislikes the new (post-breakup) life and wants to get back together with you. But in that case, the dumper will appear sad, anxious, and perhaps even depressed. Your ex will be starved for your validation and reassurance—and will need you back urgently.

He or she will want to make a good impression on you to maximize the chances of you taking him or her back.

In this article, we focus on nostalgia and answer the question “When does the dumper start missing the dumpee?” We explain what the dumper needs to be like as a person and what he or she needs to encounter to change his or her opinion of the dumpee and miss the dumpee.

When does the dumper start missing the dumpee?

The dumper can miss the dumpee as a friend and as a partner, depending on what the dumper is lacking and wants from the dumpee. If the dumper wants a person to talk to, he or she misses the friendship and the benefits friendship provides. However, if the dumper misses love and security, the dumper wants the dumpee back as a romantic partner.

He or she wants to get back together and feel loved and needed.

Nostalgia occurs when:

1. The dumper deals with negative breakup thoughts and feelings.
2. The dumper encounters an obstacle he or she didn’t expect and needs help with it.

This can happen weeks into the breakup or years later. It depends on what kind of life the dumper lives and the kind of problems he or she encounters. If the dumper starts dating right after the breakup and the new person is abusive or incompatible, the dumper may start missing the dumpee just a few weeks later when he or she realizes the new person can’t make him or her happy.

But if the dumpee doesn’t date or dates someone understanding and compatible, the dumper may not miss the dumpee at all. He or she could keep moving on and getting his or her wants and needs met elsewhere.

It’s hard to miss the dumpee when life is fulfilling in all or most ways. Nostalgia kicks in only when life slows down and becomes unexciting and unfulfilling. That’s when dumpers start thinking about their recent ex and wonder if or why they were happier in the past.

Dumpers who miss the dumpee the most usually lack something. Whether it’s decent friends, a partner who listens, or a healthy lifestyle, they aren’t as happy as they’d like to be and wish they’d once again feel as complete as they used to. They’re emotional about the past because they used to have something or felt something they currently don’t.

Therefore, dumpers start missing the dumpe when they stop feeling excited to be alone or with someone else and notice that something’s missing and that they must obtain it to be happy. That’s when they start posting nostalgic posts, analyzing their ex’s social media, reaching out, and saying things like “I miss you, I think about you a lot, I wish things didn’t end the way they did.”

These things don’t necessarily indicate regret and desire for love. They show that dumpees are emotional and that they’re looking for ways to help themselves feel better. When they feel better, they could stop relying on you and stay away from you again.

So if you’re wondering when the dumper starts missing the dumper, it happens when life doesn’t go as he or she expected. When problems arise and stop the dumper from feeling good and reaching his or her goals, the dumper improves his or her perception of the dumpee and thinks about him or her.

The dumper remembers the dumpee’s positive personality traits and ignores some of the bad ones. This allows the dumper to contact the dumpee and indulge in nostalgia.

Don’t expect your dumper ex to miss you just because you had a good relationship. A good relationship allows the dumper to miss you rather than force him or her to miss you. The things that force dumpers to change their thoughts and behavior tend to work better (make the dumper more nostalgic) as very few dumpers willingly engage in reflection and become nostalgic.

It’s not just the healthy couples that become nostalgic. Unhealthy ones also miss each other. I’d say they miss each other even more than healthy ones because they encounter more problems and lack the tools to help themselves.

Your ex can miss you in various ways. He or she can miss the intensity of the connection, the company, the emotional support, the validation, and all kinds of relationship benefits. If your ex misses just your company, your ex misses talking to you, laughing with you, and exploring life with you. It doesn’t mean that your ex wants you back as a romantic partner.

To want you back romantically, your ex must have feelings for you and consider you the best and only person to be with. If you mistake regular nostalgia for romantic nostalgia, you’ll get your hopes up for nothing and get hurt when your expectations fail to manifest.

Having said that, here’s when the dumper starts missing the dumpee.

Don’t expect the dumper to miss you while you’re still desperate for reassurance

By the time your ex misses you and reaches out, you’ll miss your ex much less. You won’t be as hurt and obsessed with your ex as you are now. That’s because you won’t need your ex to validate you and give your life purpose. You’ll be detached or semi-detached and capable of moving forward with your life.

You won’t care if your ex misses you or not because you’ll have dealt with your longings for your ex and feel okay on your own. You’ll think of your ex as just an ex and love yourself better because of it.

When your ex discovers how you think and feel about yourself, your ex will see you’re not fixated on him or her. This will make your ex think about you and want to talk to you more than ever. Your happiness and confidence will impress your ex and demonstrate that you’re not a threat to his or her well-being.

If your ex wants to talk to you, rest assured that your ex will reach out as soon as he or she realizes you’re doing great and that you don’t need him or her to be happy. Your ex will sense that you’re doing okay and that you have something valuable to give him or her. Something he or she may be able to benefit from.

Dumpers usually start missing their ex when their ex stops missing them. They realize they lost their ex even as a friend and that they better make an effort if they want to be friends or get back together.

You probably don’t want to be just friends with your ex. You want to be more than that. Despite that, you must give up on getting back together with your ex. You must accept the breakup and get used to not having your ex in your life. When you do that, you’ll have a much higher chance of reattracting the person who dumped you.

This is because the dumper will feel unwanted romantically and think you’ve found better people or things to focus on. I’m not saying the dumper will get jealous. But the dumper will consider you emotionally strong, detached, and much more attractive. Due to your independence and a change in priorities, he or she will think positively about you and may even miss you.

It’s much more likely that your ex will miss you when you get your happy self back and become unavailable to him or her.

So don’t worry too much about how to make your ex miss you. You won’t be able to make your ex miss you directly with words and actions. Worry about how to restore the relationship with yourself—and your ex could miss you when he or she encounters problems that make him or her reflect and think about you.

If your ex lacks the answers to his or her problems, your ex could reach out to confide in you, indulge in nostalgia, or get back together with you. What your ex does depends on how your ex perceives you and what desire or need your ex intends to fulfill.

No matter how long it takes your ex to miss you, continue to give your ex space, preserve your worth, and let your ex come to you when he or she is ready. The dumper must always take the first step, otherwise, you could overwhelm the dumper with your expectations.

In your opinion, when does the dumper start missing the dumper? What does it take for the dumper to miss a former partner? Post your experiences, thoughts, and questions below.

And lastly, if you want to talk about the specifics of your relationship and learn how you should act to improve the chances of making your ex miss you, subscribe to our coaching services. Together, we’ll talk about ways to portray yourself in an attractive light.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.