What Goes Through A Guy’s Mind During No Contact?

You’d think that a guy wouldn’t think and feel anything in no contact, but the truth is that a lot goes through a guy’s mind in no contact. The guy experiences a lot of different emotions, starting with elation and relief and sometimes even nostalgia, sadness, and some minor doubts.

What the guy thinks and feels depends on his self-awareness and the kind of relationship he had with his ex towards the end of the relationship. If he was mature and knows that he caused a lot of pain and problems for his ex, he could think about his ex a lot and perhaps even reach out to apologize and alleviate guilt.

His conscience could make him want to make certain that his ex is okay and that he can continue moving on without regret.

But if the guy blames his ex-partner for everything that happened to him and the way he feels now, then his victim mentality typically doesn’t allow him to think fondly of his ex. It makes him seek power and control over his ex by putting his ex down and making him feel better.

Such an ex may talk badly about his ex, ignore her calls and texts, get angry or cold with her, and tell her she has to move out right away. He simply doesn’t want to see his ex and be reminded of her anymore.

As a dumpee, you’ve got to understand that many if not most dumpers put themselves first after the breakup. They don’t care if their ex still loves them because they think they had to put up with their ex too much when they were together. Or if the relationship wasn’t bad, some think they deserve someone who will love them for who they are (that’s just an excuse) and that they need to move on and be happy.

Because they aren’t happy and think they deserve to be happy, they usually don’t worry much or at all about their ex’s problems. They don’t want any more problems by interacting with their ex. They want a stress-free and doubt-free life, which is why they think only about their own wants and needs and let their ex suffer alone while they try to obtain less rewarding but more immediate benefits.

Sometimes they get these benefits by dating someone else right away and other times, they go out a lot, meet new people, and party like they’ve been single all their lives. Dumpers tend to make use of the immense relief given to them by the separation. The opportunity feels too good for them to let it go to waste.

Relief is the feeling they’ve been waiting for since they started having doubts about their ex. So naturally, they act on it and do everything in their power to convince themselves that breaking up was the right thing to do. They think that emotions don’t lie because they wouldn’t feel so empowered if they still loved their ex and wanted to be with their ex.

But that’s what emotions tell them. Emotions, especially love isn’t there by default. It’s created by thoughts, perceptions, and experiences. And the same is true for a lack of love, resentment, and relief. Unhealthy thinking activates unhealthy feelings and makes them larger in size if a person doesn’t do anything to detect them and resolve them.

So next time your ex does something mean or uncaring, remember that it has nothing to do with you. How your ex treats you is strongly determined by the kind of (unhealthy) thoughts and feelings your ex invites into his system and the things your ex does to control them.

People will show you (not tell you) how mature and moral they are when they feel stressed and trapped. Always believe them because their actions won’t lie.

In this post, we’ll discuss what goes through a guy’s mind during no contact. The guy’s mind during no contact can be difficult to read, but that’s usually because you feel hopeful and emotional and lack rationality.

Once rationality comes back, you’ll have a much better understanding of what your ex is going through or went through. But when that happens, you might not care about your ex much anymore. You might feel so confident in your skin that you know that your ex isn’t worth your time and doesn’t deserve you.

Not even if you made some big mistakes.

Until you’ve improved your self-esteem and let go of hope, you’ll want to know as much as you can about your ex so you can keep your anxiety under control. And that’s what this article is all about. We’ll talk about the things that go through your ex’s mind during no contact.

What goes through a guy’s mind during no contact?

Initially, dumpers (guys and girls) are extremely relieved and happy with their breakup decision. They think that dumping their ex saved them a lot of pain and time and that they’ll finally be able to focus on themselves. Such beliefs help them stay away from their dumpee and do the things they love.

Dumpers may have days when they wonder about their ex, but their thoughts are just thoughts. If they aren’t loving thoughts, dumpers don’t change the way they feel about their ex.

To change how they feel, they would have to change the way they perceive their ex. And sadly, dumpers tend not to do that. Most of them would do anything to keep seeing their ex the way they currently do. Doing so helps them feel victimized and allows them to stick to their decision.

That’s why you shouldn’t expect your ex to change his mind about you just because you started no contact.

It will take much more than space to force your ex to outgrow his mentality and develop healthy beliefs and cravings to see you. It will take something shocking that causes a lot of reflection.

But until your ex gets shocked, your ex will occasionally think about you. Your ex will compare the people he meets to you, go through various dumper stages, and try to stay in control of his post-breakup life. Your ex will do his best to stay happy and consider you too different and incompatible to get back with you.

By remembering your bad traits, your ex will stay determined to stay away from you and focus on himself and other people. Remembering the bad moments will help your ex feel victimized whereas self-distraction will serve as a means to look forward to a future without you.

If you started no contact with your ex only recently, your ex probably appreciates it a lot. He can now do the things he’d been wanting to do without feeling pressured and guilty. This is good so that he can go through all the stages he needs to go through at his own pace. But you mustn’t forget that your ex needs a lot of time to process all the negativity he developed before, during, and after the breakup.

Ignoring the problems that you and your ex faced won’t make them disappear. But it will give your ex some emotional distance to see that you respect yourself and don’t need him to complete you. That could eventually make your ex curious about you and force him to reach out to learn how you’re doing and if you’re with someone new.

Many dumpers get curious some time after the breakup. But curiosity, unfortunately, doesn’t indicate romantic interest. If anything, it shows that the dumper has been thinking about you for a while and that he doesn’t resent you or despise you.

You can expect a curious person to keep reaching out, ruining your healing, and giving you tons of false hope and anxiety. He likely won’t stop bothering you because he’ll think communication is what you want. You’ll probably need to tell him to stop reaching out and that you’ll contact him if you want to.

But if you haven’t heard a peep from your ex-boyfriend since you started no contact, then you can assume that he’s still focusing on himself and living his life. He’s recovering from the breakup in his own way and needs to be left alone to do what he wants.

It will be extremely difficult to stay away from your ex when every fiber in your body tells you to contact him, but you have to be strong for your ex as well as yourself. You can’t reach out or you’ll tell him you need him to be happy, and in turn, receive a disinterested/mean response from him.

That will make you feel rejected again and trigger your fears and insecurities.

As long as you’re in no contact, you must remember that your ex is going through different emotional and psychological processes. Your ex is starting on the opposite end of the breakup. While your ex is detached, you’re attached and emotionally dependent.

You need to become independent so that you can stop pressuring your ex with expectations and caring about what he thinks and feels about you. When you detach, you’ll become much more interesting to your ex because you’ll be emotionally self-sufficient and in charge of your life.

Confidence and self-esteem are attractive as they’re the key to being happy and getting back with an ex when your ex hits a rough patch. So figure out how to increase them while your ex is living his best life.

Here’s what goes through a guy’s mind during no contact.

How to control what goes through a guy’s mind during no contact?

As a dumper, you have very little (if any) control over your ex’s thoughts. Your ex has a mind of his own, so the things you say and do don’t impact him the way you may think they do. If your ex still loved you, you’d be able to get back with your ex by talking with him.

But since your ex lost feelings, any attempt to reconcile will trap your ex and make your ex feel extremely uncomfortable. If you want to control the guy’s mind in no contact, you have to do it indirectly by taking a few steps back and looking after yourself.

That will show your ex that you’re moving on and affect your ex in the best way possible. It may not reattract your ex back, but it will help your ex see that you’re handling the breakup well and that you’re not a threat to his well-being.

So forget about influencing the way your ex thinks and feels by interacting with your ex in some direct way. You won’t be able to impress your ex no matter how hard you try.

But you can try to make your ex think about you more and hopefully improve his perception of you by letting your ex think and feel what he wants. You have to learn to let go of control and embrace the unknown.

You have to use reverse psychology and show your ex that you’re not desperate to reconnect. Proving that you’re okay with the breakup is essential so that your ex stops feeling pressured or guilty and sees that you won’t overwhelm him when he finally finds a reason to reach out.

You need to be patient and stay in control of your anxiety until then. How well you control yourself could determine whether your ex redevelops respect for you and thinks it’s okay to converse with you and get back with you.

Did you learn what goes through guys’ minds during no contact? Do you have any questions or suggestions you’d like to share? Post them in the comments section below.

And lastly, if you wish to talk about no contact with us directly and devise a solid breakup plan specifically tailored to your situation, get in touch with us through coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.