Should I Get Back With My Ex-girlfriend?

Are you trying to figure out if you should get back with your ex-girlfriend and give your relationship another shot?

If you are, you have a lot to think about. You have to consider your ex’s pros and cons, her commitment to the relationship, her attitude, ability to grow, relationship skills, relationship goals, personal ambitions, level of maturity, the quality of relationships she has with people, and much much more.

You should never get back with your ex-girlfriend out of convenience, fear, emotional dependence, or because you can’t find another person to date. These things aren’t good reasons to get back with an ex. They’re personal matters you need to address by yourself.

I know that you don’t like being lonely or in pain after the breakup. But if you get back with your ex because of the way the breakup makes you feel, your relationship won’t be much different from before.

It will be very much like before—which means that it will likely fail when the same issues occur. Of course, you might not face the exact same problems, but you’ll still resort to the same problem-solving techniques to tackle differences and uncomfortable situations.

So if your ex was controlling, emotionally unstable, severely underdeveloped, or has a tendency to be unfaithful, don’t think that she’ll be any different this time around. She’ll most likely be exactly the same because it takes time to improve behavioral patterns.

It takes months for a person to change within. And that’s only if she really wants to change.

Without a desire to change, you can’t expect your ex to magically learn her lessons and be the person you always wanted her to be. Vices, unhealthy behaviors, and shortcomings require self-awareness, commitment, and lots of willpower to change.

They require so much work that only those who want to change or are forced to change actually change.

So if you’re thinking to yourself, “Should I get back with my ex-girlfriend,” the answer to this question depends strongly on who dumped who and what lessons you’ve learned in each other’s absence.

If you dumped your ex, has she made the necessary post-breakup changes that will allow her to prevent the relationship from failing again? As for you, have you forgiven her and learned to respect her and desire her again?

If you have, that’s great. You may be able to start a new, hopefully, healthier relationship with her. But if you blame your ex for the way she made you feel and don’t think you can trust her, then you obviously shouldn’t get back with your ex-girlfriend.

You should stay away from her because you’d only give her false hope and hurt her when you break up with her again.

However, if she was the one who dumped you, then the same principles apply to your ex. Your ex has to discover your worth and rebuild her commitment. She has to find good reasons to be with you and come back or make a decision to leave you alone forever.

Dumpers and dumpees have different responsibilities after the breakup. Dumpees have to take back control and dictate how reconciliations go whereas dumpers have to do what dumpees say for a while and adapt for the sake of the new relationship.

I know it sounds strange to give someone your power, but it’s necessary so that the dumper who’s lost the will to fight can regain his or her willpower and respect and focus on his or her partner.

If your dumper ex were to come back with a half-as*ed attitude and told you how the relationship was going to work, your relationship with your ex wouldn’t be strong and healthy. It’d be severely unbalanced in terms of power and loyalty and would as a result fail once your ex got fed up with you and lost the will to fight.

That’s why you have to ponder about a lot of things now that you’re wondering if you should take your ex back.

You have to understand how you feel about each other, how developed you and your ex are, and whether your relationship is even worth reviving.

It goes without saying that unhealthy or abusive relationships shouldn’t get another chance. And neither should relationships where couples were too stubborn to lower their pride, grow within, and work with their partners as equals.

Today, we’ll talk discuss whether you should get back with your ex-girlfriend. We’ll talk about when it’s okay to reconnect with an ex and when it’s better to move on with your life.

Should I get back with my ex-girlfriend?

If you’re thinking of getting back with your ex-girlfriend, you must figure out if anything’s changed that will set you and your ex up for success?

Has something significant happened in your lives that encouraged you both to mature up? Did anything inspire or force you two to self-reflect and become the best versions of yourselves? These are some very important questions you need to answer honestly.

If a lot of time has passed since the breakup and you guys changed your thinking and behavioral patterns, you might be able to work together this time. But before you do, you’ll need to relearn how to cooperate and contribute to each other selflessly.

That’s why one of the most important things to do if you want your ex back is to talk to your ex and ask her questions.

If she dumped you, ask her:

• How come you want to get back with me?
• What were you up to while we were broken up?
• What lessons have you learned?
• What makes you think the relationship is going to be any different this time around?
• Have you thought about your mistakes and worked on them?
• Are you ready to hear my suggestions about what needs to change?

And if you dumped your ex, ask yourself:

• Did my resentment, disrespect, or dislike for my ex disappear?
• Did my ex improve herself or fix the issues I dumped her for?
• Did I improve my shortcomings and things that led to the breakup?
• Do I trust my ex?
• Do I love her?
• Am I 100% certain I want her back? If I do, do I want her back for the right reasons?
• Can I leave the past behind and invest in her with everything I’ve got?

If you discern that you and your ex have both processed the past, improved yourselves, and still love each other, you can get back with your ex. You can give it a few weeks to see how things are and then decide if staying together is the right thing to do.

But if you have doubts, fears, or unprocessed resentment for your ex or your ex for you, you should forget about giving the relationship another chance. There’s no point in going back to an ex when you, your ex, or both haven’t made the necessary internal changes and figured yourselves out yet.

It’s better to just not force things and start a relationship with someone you don’t associate stress, pain, anxiety, or fear with.

So if you can’t decide if you should get back with your ex-girlfriend, keep in mind that you needn’t get back with your ex right away. If you’re certain your ex wants you back, you can safely wait another day or two and then make your decision.

With that said, the picture below will show you when getting back with your ex could be a good idea.

Do exes who get back together stay together?

If ex-couples get back together because they’ve improved themselves and love each other, they can make space for each other in their hearts and grow their bond. They can have fulfilling relationships and stay together for years to come.

However, if they lack patience and other fundamental traits people in relationships need, they usually revert to their previous selves and break up again.

Such couples don’t have the emotional maturity and the know-how to stay committed. All they have are the issues and shortcomings that they thought would go away on their own.

Many ex-couples who get back together break up again after just a few weeks or months. They don’t grow their patience, respect, and love for each other, so they break up when they encounter issues and exhaust each other.

Furthermore, some couples also break up multiple times, but eventually break up for good.

Only those couples who have adequate emotional intelligence, patience, gratitude, mutual respect, willpower, and the skills to make a relationship work actually stay together after getting back together. And that’s because they’re willing to listen to each other’s wants and needs and put in the work to improve themselves.

What makes reconciliations successful isn’t how much time goes by since the breakup but how motivated couples are to overcome their differences. The more motivated they are, the more likely it is that they’ll learn from their failures and accept each other’s flaws, conflicting opinions, and differences in personalities.

So if you’re thinking of getting back with your ex, remember that you and your ex will have to be much more mature and ready for a serious relationship than last time. You’ll have to overcome the issues from the past and consider your new relationship a completely new relationship.

If you bring up the past, react to stressors impulsively, and argue over unimportant matters when you were supposed to have dealt with such matters while you were separated, don’t expect your relationship to be different from before. It likely won’t be because you’ll disagree over similar stressors or issues.

The only way your relationship will be able to work is if you both resolve your issues and weaknesses and come back to invest in the relationship as improved people. That way, you’ll give your relationship a clean start whereas getting back together out of boredom and convenience will bring out your incompatibilities and split you up again.

How to have a successful relationship with your ex?

If you decide to get back with your ex, there are a lot of things you’ll have to change and improve. Not only will you have to communicate much much better than before and be open-minded to suggestions, but you’ll also have to gain control over your thoughts, emotions, and actions and act maturely.

You and your ex will both have to be careful not to repeat the same mistakes. Especially if one of you broke the other’s trust by cheating, lying, ghosting, or doing something harmful. It won’t be easy to trust blindly after betrayal, but that’s why you have to rebuild self-esteem and resolve most of your trust issues before you get back together.

If someone got dumped cold-heartedly, the one who did the dumping will also have to be patient with his partner. He’ll have to make sure his partner doesn’t have a reason to doubt him and feel anxious, jealous, or insecure.

By providing reassurance, he’ll have to take the slow route to rebuild trust and allow his partner to relax when she’s ready.

So if you take your ex back, don’t play any games with your ex. Give it your best instead and encourage your ex to do the same. Only time will tell if the two of you are ready and have what it takes to be with each other.

Are you thinking of getting back with your ex-girlfriend? Do you fear that the relationship will end for the same reasons as before if you get back with her? Comment below.

And if you’re looking for personalized relationship advice and would like to talk one-on-one about whether you should get back with your ex-girlfriend, visit our coaching page for more information.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.