The One Time When You Can Break The No Contact Rule

The question I see people ask often is whether they should break the no contact rule and reach out to their ex. In this article,

I will explain when it’s okay to reach out to your ex first after being dumped. This post is only for those who have been dumped (dumpees). 

Signs to reach out

You may be seeing signs your ex is trying to lure you into reaching out and breaking no contact, days, weeks or even months after you have started following the indefinite no contact rule.

Your ex may be talking to your mutual friends, saying she misses you or perhaps you see her posting melodramatic posts on Facebook about her sad and depressing life without that special person in her life.

Maybe her actions are completely opposite and she’s saying how great life is, instead.

In most cases, exes are trying to elicit some sort of reaction out of you for their own gratification. This may be to stroke their ego, strengthen their decision for breaking up with you or to make sure you don’t hate them.

If you see any clear signs, your ex may be trying to extract a response out of you, my advice to you is to stay in no contact no matter what.

Don’t fall for your ex’s schemes, as it will only hurt you and put you back towards the beginning of the breakup.

The best response is no response as it will keep your ex’s ego down and promote your recovery. It will also raise your value in your ex’s eyes and make you a challenge again.

You’re breaking the no contact rule because you’re in pain

Without hearing your story and the background of your relationship, I can completely understand your pain and how you are feeling.

I can say cliché things and tell you time will heal all wounds (and it will), but you are hurting in the present moment and you want to assuage the pain. In my opinion, the best way to make an intense pain go away is to do something of equal or higher intensity.

When I was in my teenage years, I had a school mate who was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

He was not to reach the age of 15 and was well aware of that. One of the things he said was “When you are in physical pain and a part of your body is hurting, hit yourself in a different spot and your attention from initial pain will be alleviated.“

Human beings cannot differentiate physical pain from emotional. That means there are a ton of ways to prevent yourself from stopping the agony.

What you need to do is distract yourself, either physically or emotionally to an extreme degree so your body won’t be reminded of the suffering from the breakup. To do this, you will need to meet the following conditions:

• be motivated to help yourself
• find the coping mechanism to deal with stress
• develop the ability to snap out of depression at any given moment

Extremities to avoid breaking the no contact rule

The absolute best way to cope with the post-breakup blues is to train your body mentally and physically.

If you are successful in this, you will have come out of this breakup recovery process as a new and improved person. You will have developed extreme self-control and perseverance on your journey to a healthier life.

1)Physical exercises

Now, when I say exercise, I don’t mean just taking the stairs to your apartment or walking to the nearby store.

Sure, if this is what gets your heart racing to the point of you getting a good workout, then that will do.

But for most people, this won’t be the case. I need your physical pain to surpass your breakup pain.

If you are new to working out, consult your doctor and start jogging, lifting, kicking and sweating.

Do at least an hour of extreme workout a day (heart rate more than double your resting heart rate) and stick to it. You will feel exhausted while you’re working out, but the reward after will be priceless.

As you develop stamina, increase the intensity and the duration of your workouts to keep pushing yourself. This truly works for everyone and anyone, so take my advice seriously.

2)Emotional-wellbeing

This one is for you to figure out. I’d like you to write down 3 – 5 things that make you extremely happy. My list of things I enjoy indulging in looks like this:

• reading
• socializing
• exercising
• working
• writing

Next, I want you to become obsessed with them. Take it to another level and go absolutely crazy about it.

Get yourself so distracted, you will have no time to think about the breakup. You will find it hard at first, but I know you can do it. It’s the best way to beat your thinking obsession.

I would also suggest doing some meditation to lower your heart rate when it seems out of control.

3)Suffering

You can always motivate yourself to get out of your comfort zone and push yourself to your limits.

Do things you previously didn’t have the time or the motivation to pull off. Always wanted to go skydiving, but couldn’t muster up the courage?

This is your time to shine. If you’re afraid of snakes, try visiting the zoo and face your fears. Can’t stop thinking about your ex? How about you ask that cute girl/boy out for coffee?

Basically, do the things that scare the living pants out of you, and the pain of the breakup will fade away. I dare you to challenge yourself.

When is it okay to break the no contact rule?

You should never break the no contact rule when you have been dumped unless there are children involved.

If that’s the case, make it solely about them and nothing/nobody else. I may sound like a bad person, but, even if your ex is on deathbed and you find out about it, you shouldn’t make your move, and here’s why.

Since your ex has cast you out of his or her life, this person doesn’t want you anywhere near them. If they have the ability to contact you, they will. By no means should you force yourself closer to them just because they are in a vulnerable position.

You don’t ever want your actions to be the last nail in the coffin.

You should only break the no contact rule with your ex when they have reached out first.

Then again, they would have been the ones to break no contact anyway.

So let your ex do the work and fix the things he or she has broken. You want to avoid your ex giving you breadcrumbs to keep you hooked, so appear unaffected by the breakup and wait for the initial message.

You want your ex to say he/she misses you and to actually want to have you back.

Remember, your ex needs to be the one to bring up this subject, so be patient.

Many times exes come back between 6 months to 3 years.

You don’t want to jinx your chances forever by reaching out too early. If you do, your ex might reject you and set you back in your recovery.

So wait for him or her to come back to you on his/her terms. It’s impossible to force someone to love you. Emotions can’t be manipulated that way unless you win the lottery, of course, and literally win your ex over.

Have you broken no contact with your ex? Let us know how that went for you in the comments below.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.