My Girlfriend Cheated On Me But I Still Love Her

It’s completely normal to love your girlfriend despite her cheating on you. Love is hard to get rid of. Especially when you have high expectations of your girlfriend and see yourself getting old with her.

When you’re in love, betrayal destroys your self-esteem and makes you extremely dependent on your girlfriend for validation and closure. It hurts you so much you want to talk with her and be with her even though she showed you she doesn’t value you as much as you value her.

Of course, many guys and women don’t forgive their partner for cheating. But such people have been betrayed before and learned not to forgive cheating. Either that or they have good self-esteem or have detached from their partner and/or found someone else already.

They know that a person who cheats on them has a poor relationship mentality, isn’t committed to them, and doesn’t deserve their love and loyalty. He deserves and needs to face the consequences of his actions.

Consequences such as guilt, shame, self-blame, and a need to be a better human being.

So if your girlfriend cheated on you but you still love her, know that your girlfriend betrayed you in the worst way possible. She connected with someone else behind your back and refused to break things off with him before she cheated on you with him.

This means she had plenty of chances to pull away and stop herself from cheating. But she didn’t want to do that because she liked the guy’s attention and didn’t want to stop receiving it despite knowing it wasn’t morally okay.

You shouldn’t immediately forgive a person who cheats on you. If you do, you’ll show her you don’t value yourself and that you’re emotionally weak and insecure. This will in turn show her that she can get away with cheating—which might tempt her to cheat again in the future.

What you must do is discuss her reasons for cheating and start from scratch. You must repair the foundation of your relationship which comprises trust, love, and commitment.

But before you do that, you should figure out if your girlfriend is even worth the effort and if she wants to fix what she broke. If she doesn’t seem regretful and eager to learn from this ordeal, you shouldn’t give her another chance because she’ll most likely dump you again after she’s stopped feeling guilty.

And that will make you feel used and stupid for trusting her again.

It’s not easy to walk away from a cheater because a cheater devalues you. But sometimes it’s necessary so that you can disconnect from her, regain your self-worth, and avoid putting yourself in situations where people can take you for granted and hurt you badly.

Today’s post is for people who have been cheated on by their girlfriends but still feel in love. We’ll discuss how to recover from infidelity, how to repair a relationship in which someone cheated, and when you should end things.

Guys who usually stay with their cheating girlfriends

I gave my cheating ex-girlfriend a chance, so I know that guys who forgive a cheater normally do so because they don’t respect and love themselves. They don’t want to give up on their partner and suffer from separation anxiety, so they forgive their partner and make it seem like they’re giving their partner another chance.

In reality, though, their partner is giving them another chance because they don’t stand up for themselves and demand that their partner works for their love and forgiveness. They’re in too much pain to condemn their ex’s behavior and risk losing their ex.

That’s why they often prioritize security over loyalty and forget about their relationship standards.

Forgiving cheatees don’t feel secure within. They need their partner to feel happy and complete as their confidence in their worth and abilities is under par.

Some guys also stay with their cheating girlfriend because they’re gullible and think their girlfriend only cheated once and still loves them. They don’t want to consider the possibility that their girlfriend merely wants to atone for her sins before she leaves and moves on to someone else.

People with such beliefs are usually inexperienced in dating and want to think positively of their dating partners. They don’t know that their partner isn’t them and that many cheaters don’t learn their lessons on their first try. It’s a shame that their naivety gets them betrayed so often.

Anyway, not every cheater continues cheating and/or leaves, but unless a cheater feels super bad about what she did, takes the time to understand her tendencies, and works on herself, chances are she will cheat again when she feels unfulfilled or unhappy and thinks that she deserves someone better.

Cheaters only change when they feel a strong desire to change. They don’t change just because they know they messed up and hurt their partner. It takes a lot of regret and willpower to outgrow their immoral selves and commit to respecting their partner and keeping dangerous people away from them.

Guys who think their girlfriend has learned her lessons right after she admitted to cheating or was caught cheating are usually in denial. They want to be validated so badly that they think their girlfriend is some perfect being who has instantly changed her way of handling temptations and that she’s ready for a serious relationship with them.

But this isn’t true. A cheater has to go through certain self-improvement phases before she can get rid of her cheating temptations. She has to become aware of her tendencies, admit to having them, regret having them, and finally, develop a strong desire to get rid of them.

This is how she can avoid entertaining guys who find her attractive and give her attention.

You see, cheating doesn’t just happen for no reason. People allow it to happen because they flirt back, show they’re single, act on their temptations, and refuse to say “no” despite wondering if they’re doing the right thing.

I’m not trying to paint cheaters as wicked people, but cheaters simply don’t care about what they’re doing and how they’re hurting their partner.

They care about it once they’ve done the deed and experienced relentless and merciless waves of guilt and shame. That’s when they start questioning their morals and thinking about how their betrayal is going to affect their partner and relationship as they know it.

It’s not just people with low self-esteem who give their cheating girlfriend another chance. Inexperienced people also forgive their girlfriend as they think of cheating as a mistake. They downplay cheating and as a result, put their faith in their partner once more.

The picture below shows why you still love your girlfriend after she cheated on you.

How to get over cheating and fix the relationship?

Getting over cheating is a long, tiresome process. Most people who get cheated on need at least a couple of months to stop hurting from betrayal. They need that long because destroyed self-esteem, fears, and anxiety make it difficult for them to accept that a person they loved slept with someone else and ruined trust in the relationship.

If your girlfriend cheated on you, you should try to be patient with yourself and understand that cheating takes as long as it takes. Some people get over it quickly whereas others need a bit longer.

If your girlfriend loses her patience and tries to rush you to get over it every time you say you’re hurting, it’s evident that she lacks empathy and care and may not be your ideal partner.

She’s someone who wants to shut you up so she can stop being reminded of her immoral deeds and stop feeling guilty.

Such a person is only thinking about herself. She doesn’t care that you’re battling your inner demons and that your demons are much more difficult to handle than her guilt.

That’s why you need to keep in mind that a person who cares about you will tell you and show you that she regrets cheating. Not only will she apologize about it (numerous times), but she’ll also validate you when you need validation and support you when you’re struggling emotionally.

This is a strong sign of regret, maturity, and desire to make things right.

She won’t get angry, neglect your emotions, and try to justify her cheating if she cares about you. Only cheaters who lack understanding of what they’ve done do that. But such people walk the path of destruction and often cheat again.

To get over cheating, you should communicate with your partner about your emotions when you’re hurting. You should express that you’re in pain and that you’d like to get some answers.

The right kind of partner will willingly communicate about her cheating. She’ll know you’re looking for closure and that she needs to show that she cares about the pain she’s putting you through.

Keep in mind that you only need to ask questions that help you process cheating. Don’t ask anything sexual that you don’t need to know and aren’t prepared to discover. Some things are better left unasked because you don’t want to get hurt more.

Your goal should be to understand what happened and heal.

If talking doesn’t help, you can always sign up for therapy or couples counseling. A person who specializes in mental health may motivate you and your partner to communicate better and forgive each other.

A therapist probably won’t fix the way you feel after just one session, but he or she will give you the tools to express yourself properly and encourage your partner to do the same.

Trust is hard, but not impossible to restore. It can be done as long as you’re both willing to communicate and show each other you’re together for the right reasons.

As you probably already know, healthy communication is extremely important. But don’t forget that you’ll also need to improve how you perceive each other, how you handle difficult emotions and temptations, and how you can fix problems and stay in love.

Since your girlfriend cheated on you, she’ll have to redeem herself before you start telling her how glad you are to have her in your life. You’ll want to make sure she’s doing everything she can to earn your trust back and be the person she should have been ages ago.

My advice is to take charge of your new relationship and show her (not hell her) that this is her one and only chance to make things right. Your girlfriend needs to see that you respect yourself and that you’re going to be okay no matter what she says and does.

If she knows you won’t tolerate another betrayal, she’ll take you way more seriously.

What if I don’t want my cheating girlfriend back?

If you’ve decided your girlfriend can’t be trusted or that you can’t forgive her, you can tell her you’re breaking up with her and that you don’t want to stay in touch.

This will let her know she made it impossible for you to trust her and that you need some time to yourself. Whatever you do, though don’t specifically tell her you need just a little bit of time to figure things out.

She may have hurt you badly, but you must avoid giving her false hope and making her think you’ll reach out after a while. Your girlfriend or ex-girlfriend must start going through the breakup stages, accepting the breakup, and improving herself.

That’s how she can grow in ways that she needs to and do better in her next relationship.

If you don’t want to be with a cheater, you don’t have to say or do much. You just need to act maturely, avoid accusing her of horrible things, and let her know you’ve decided to go separate ways and that your decision is final.

Your ex might try to change your mind, but try not to let her play with your emotions. If your love and respect for her are gone, you’ll break up again when she makes you feel uncomfortable.

So avoid that by ending things when you feel that the relationship is over.

Did your girlfriend cheat on you but you still love her? What do you love about her that makes you forgive her for cheating on you? Comment below the post.

And if you wish to discuss her cheating directly with us, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.