If your ex is lying to you or others about why you broke up, it’s clear your ex has a negative opinion about you and wants to justify his or her decisions and actions. By making you look like a bad person, your ex expects people to take his or her side and continue to self-victimize. Self-victimization allows your ex to keep thinking poorly about you and stay away from you to feel in control of the breakup.
Many exes lie during or after the breakup. They say half-truths or blatant lies because they feel angry about what their ex said or did or have a distorted view of the relationship. Regardless, they feel the need to defend themselves, so they lie about why they broke up to make themselves look better in contrast to their ex.
Oftentimes, they say deceitful things because they broke up for reasons completely unrelated to their ex. Reasons such as falling in love with someone else and single-handedly destroying the relationship. Such dumpers are afraid of telling the truth because they fear backlash from their ex, family, and friends. They want to protect their persona by lying and denying their ex closure.
So if your ex is lying about why you broke up, bear in mind that your ex is trying to protect himself. Your ex doesn’t want the truth to come out because the truth could damage his or her image and force your ex to explain things and empathize with you. Sadly, your ex doesn’t care about you enough to empathize and help. If your ex cared, your ex would have gladly given you closure, prevented you from reaching your own conclusions, and protected your feelings.
Your ex didn’t even try to do that. Your ex decided to protect him/herself and ensure the quickest recovery for himself or herself.
Many dumpers are like that. They find something or someone better to focus on, so they completely forget about their ex and their ex’s feelings. All they care about is how relieved and empowered the breakup makes them feel. That’s why they tell themselves they weren’t happy and that they should have left the relationship much sooner.
Dumpers are detached, so they associate some pretty negative things with their ex. As long as they only associate negative beliefs, they tend not to hurt their ex (too much). They cause pain mainly when they lie, act cold, become impatient, spread rumors, ignore, or block their ex. That’s when they show their ex who they are, how they think, and how little their ex means to them.
Dumpees and dumpers often have slightly different views about why the relationship ended. Dumpers tend to feel frustrated with the suffocating relationship and think the dumpee is entirely responsible for the breakup. They’re angry, in total control of the breakup, and have no regrets, so they avoid ending things maturely by taking responsibility.
To take responsibility, they’d have to lower their ego, let go of power, and acknowledge their imperfections. That would make them feel vulnerable and might even give their ex hope.
On the other hand, dumpees experience a loss of self-esteem and blame themselves for the things they did or didn’t do. Unlike dumpers, they think the relationship could have been salvaged if dumpers just expressed their problems. By talking about problems, they could have worked on them alone or together before they became unresolvable.
Anyway, your ex thinks that lying about why you broke up is the safest thing to do. It’s far from moral, but it lets your ex avoid seeing you angry, hurt, or depressed.
If your ex lied to you about why you broke up, your ex decreased the risk of bringing a negative reaction out of you. Your ex saved him/herself from dealing with a potentially highly emotional situation.
And if your ex lied to others about the reasons for breaking up, your ex likely tried to make him/herself look better and avoid being judged. Your ex wanted the people closest to him or her not to judge and give him or her a hard time.
No matter who your ex lied to, his or her lies reveal a lack of accountability and growth. Your ex hasn’t learned and improved from the breakup, which implies that his or her next relationship will struggle in similar ways.
If you want your ex back, you need to know that it won’t happen until your ex stops lying and avoiding responsibility. Reconciliation (especially a lasting one) can happen only when both parties seek the truth, recognize their mistakes, commit to working on them, and treat each other with care and respect. They must truly love each other and want to be together.
A lack of determination to succeed romantically as a couple is bound to lead to another breakup. It’s not a matter of if but when.
In today’s post, we shed some light on why your ex is lying about why you broke up. We also talk about why you shouldn’t care too much about what your ex is saying and doing.
Why is my ex lying about why we broke up?
Your ex is trying to conceal the real reason behind the breakup because doing so allows your ex to protect his or her ego. It lets your ex manipulate you and others and feel safe and in control. The more your ex lies about why you broke up, the stronger your ex believes that he or she is the victim and that he or she needn’t feel bad for dumping and hurting you.
Your ex can just believe what he or she believes and live happily ever after. It’s all about self-protection as lies assuage your ex’s guilty conscience and protect his or her image and pride.
If your ex can convince you and others of his or her version of the breakup, your ex can reshape the narrative and gain sympathy instead of facing condemnation. Your ex can live life on his or her terms and avoid questioning his or her morality.
It’s clear that your ex currently can’t face the truth and act responsibly. The truth scares your ex and conveys the idea that he or she messed up and has a lot of work to do. That’s why your ex lies about the breakup and hopes that both he or she and others will believe the new narrative.
When your ex lies about why you broke up, your ex’s actions show that your ex is at least partially embarrassed or disappointed about his or her relationship performance and how he or she ended things. Your ex wouldn’t lie and hide the truth if he or she had no regrets and guilt. On the contrary, your ex would be honest with you and those who’d like to know why you broke up.
So remember that even though your ex lies about why you broke up, your ex isn’t entirely satisfied with his or her behavior. Parts of your ex wish he or she handled things differently and was able to tell a more realistic version of the breakup. But because your ex isn’t an honest (moral) person and doesn’t tell the truth when his or her image is on the line, your ex refuses to be honest.
He or she tells lies, makes excuses, and avoids facing his or her karma (at least for now).
Another possibility as to why your ex is lying about why you broke up is that your ex is trying to justify his or her quick detachment and lack of post-breakup support. Your ex is hoping that by changing the narrative, you and others will believe his or her side of the story and give your ex a get-out-of-jail-free card. By rewriting history, your ex hopes to feel better about talking to other dating prospects and/or not paying much or any attention to your wants and needs.
Lies are your ex’s way of protecting him/herself from your negative reactions and others’ judgment. If your ex can manage to convince people that he or she is innocent and has your best interests at heart, your ex doesn’t have to think badly of him/herself for causing you problems and pain—and can just move on to someone else.
Your ex can start dating another person and receive people’s full support. He or she needn’t wait for you or others to fully accept the breakup and give up on getting back together. Since your ex has already cleared his or her name, your ex can just cut off the past and focus on moving forward.
If moving forward includes dating other people, then so be it. Your ex can do that because your ex doesn’t feel responsible for talking to you and helping you get through the breakup.
Having said that, here are five possible reasons why your ex is lying about the breakup.
What to do when you catch your ex lying about why you broke up?
You may feel tempted to confront your ex for lying to you or others, but before you do that, ask yourself what it’s going to accomplish. Will it humble your ex and make your ex tell the truth or just make your ex defensive and distant? If your ex is like most dumpers, your ex will defend his or her lies and ego to the ends of the earth. Your ex won’t apologize for making up lies because that would mean you’re right and he/she is wrong.
Your ex will likely get angry with you for digging for information in places that “don’t concern you” and call you obsessive or crazy.
You can avoid angering your ex by letting your ex think, say, and do what he or she wants. If your ex chooses to lie, that’s on him/her. It’s something your ex is comfortable having on his or her conscience. You may not be okay with it, but you’re not your ex. Your ex is his or her own person and gets to decide what’s best for him or her, even if it’s bad for you.
So don’t react to your ex’s lies. What your ex says may be the furthest from the truth, but that doesn’t mean you should punish your ex for it. Your ex had a chance to tell the truth but decided to go with a different story. You should avoid taking it personally and consider your ex’s statements a part of his or her perception and personality.
Your ex didn’t lie because you don’t deserve the truth. Your ex lied because he or she is afraid to face the truth and deal with the consequences of his or her actions.
If your ex told you different things than he or she told his or her friends, you should consider the possibility that your ex was afraid of your reaction, especially if you previously reacted strongly to difficult situations. This time, your ex lied just to ease the tension and avoid getting caught in an uncomfortable situation.
Many dumpers use breakup excuses (cliches) such as, “It’s not you, it’s me” and try to downplay the breakup. They say things dumpees want to hear rather than need to hear. Such dumpers lie to avoid hurting their ex and bringing a guilt-inducing reaction out of him or her.
They care more about how they’ll feel if they see their ex hurt than the truth their ex needs to hear and process.
If your ex lied about the reasons for the breakup, your ex showed you who he or she is. You should remember this version of your ex to avoid missing your ex and blaming yourself for the breakup.
It will take time to forgive your ex fully and move past the lies, but eventually, you’ll heal completely and see your ex as someone who couldn’t be honest. You’ll no longer doubt your worth and acknowledge your ex for the person he or she is.
So let your ex lie if lying makes him or her happy. Lies burden your ex’s conscience and karma while freeing you to move on with your life. Yes, you’ll need a little bit longer to understand the breakup and detach from your ex. But once you detach, you’ll think of your ex as a liar who couldn’t tell the truth.
You shouldn’t worry about your ex’s words because your ex’s story will soon become irrelevant. Just make sure your friends and family hear your side of the story and that you have their support. If they don’t support you because your ex manipulated them into thinking you’re the villain, you should distance yourself from them for a while and surround yourself with people who empathize with you.
Is your ex lying about why you broke up? What is your ex saying? Share it in the comments section below. We’ll get back to you shortly.
However, if you’re looking for explanations and support with your lying ex, reach out to us. We’ll take a deep dive into your ex’s lies and find ways to heal from them.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
