My Ex-husband Hates Me So Much It Hurts!

If your ex-husband hates you, it’s evident that he’s been thinking negative thoughts and feeling negative feelings for quite some time now. He’s been focusing on the reasons why the marriage doesn’t and won’t work rather than looking for solutions to fix it.

As a result, he developed a lot of anger (resentment) and appears to be very impatient and reactive to you. He wants to avoid you (avoid dealing with negative perceptions and feelings) and spend time with his friends or by himself instead.

A man like this has, unfortunately, reached a point of no return. He’s lost control over his emotions and won’t be able to regain them and respect you and love you any time soon. Not even therapy will help him because he intentionally destroyed your value in his eyes and needs first to go through the stages of a breakup for the dumper.

Once he gets through the stages, he might stop hating you and blaming you for the end of the relationship. But until that happens, you could see your ex-husband say and do mean and hurtful things. If you still live together, your presence alone could smother him and make him act cold or strange. Whatever you do, don’t take his behavior personally and confront him about it as it’s got nothing to do with who you are.

Bitterness occurs when someone stops valuing you and wanting to be with you. It happens because the dumper wants to be in control (have things happen the way he wants them to happen) and avoid taking responsibility. He’s in a highly reactive state, which is why the moment things don’t go the way he envisioned, he gets furious and tries to push you away and put you in your place.

Anger does the job for your ex as it warns you to be mindful of his decision (to stay broken up) and forces you to leave him alone until he’s calmed down and ready to speak.

If your ex-husband hates you a lot, you need to understand that the guy isn’t in a reasonable state of mind. He can’t be talked out of being angry because this isn’t your typical anger that subsides after a while. It’s resentment – the kind of feeling you have toward those who have hurt you physically or emotionally, humiliated you, or made you feel trapped.

If your ex keeps reinforcing the idea that something’s wrong with you, that obviously won’t help him stop resenting you. If anything, it will make him remember your negative traits more vividly and hold on to them to make himself feel even more victimized.

This is how some people manage to stay bitter for tens of years. Their thoughts and beliefs don’t improve, so their feelings don’t either. You can’t expect them to when people do the opposite of what it takes to let go of resentment.

So what does make extreme anger go away? Well, for starters, it’s time. Time on its own doesn’t get rid of bitterness, but it does allow a person to get some emotional distance and see things clearer. A healthy and mature person usually notices that his ex shouldn’t be hated for making relationship/breakup mistakes and that she was just doing her best in her own way.

That’s normally enough for his anger to decrease and resentment to disappear. The interesting thing about hatred is that every person deals with it differently. Some internalize it, some express it, and others, do a combination of both.

How quickly a person processes it, however, depends on what he does to process it. And what he does to process it normally depends on his self-awareness, level of maturity, morality, and the ability to empathize with his ex and control his impulses.

Negative emotions in general need a lot of practice to manage. That’s why only those who pay a lot of attention to their emotions develop emotional intelligence and resolve unwanted emotions quickly.

In today’s post, we’ll talk about the biggest reasons your ex-husband hates you. We’ll also talk about what you should do if he’s being resentful and mean to you.

Why does my ex-husband hate me?

First of all, your husband hates you because he remembers all the bad things that happened to him towards the end or after the relationship. He probably felt suffocated, hurt, and disrespected and thought that your behavior or presence was overbearing.

It made him feel extremely uncomfortable. So much so that he started avoiding you and the negative emotions he associated with you. Because he kept experiencing negative emotions and pondering about them, he slowly grew resentful and started treating you the way resentful people treat others.

Eventually, he lost all respect for you and showed you he couldn’t communicate with you the way you expect him to. He had different post-breakup plans and expectations. You have to understand that one of the most difficult things for your ex to do now that the relationship is over is to measure up to your expectations. Doing what you want him to do traps your ex and guilt-trips him.

It tells him that he needs to try harder to impress you, help you deal with anxiety, and be there for you. And that’s not what your ex wants. He broke up with you to avoid responsibility and investing time and emotions in you. He doesn’t expect things to work the way they worked before.

That’s why you mustn’t pretend that you’re still together. Doing so will infuriate your ex-husband as he’ll feel trapped and disrespected. Suffocation is one of the hardest emotions for him to deal with right now. This is especially true if you begged and pleaded with him and insisted on getting back together with him.

You need to do your best to avoid making your ex feel that you have expectations of him. You need to stop interacting with him and leave him completely alone. The guy will never respect you and redevelop feelings for you if you refuse or fail to give him the space he needs.

If you keep pressuring him, he’ll get annoyed fast and loathe you even more. He might even call you names and try to ruin your reputation. There’s no telling what he’ll do. So just keep in mind that people tend to respond poorly to pressure and anger.

They often lack control over these two emotions and do something impulsive.

The following picture illustrates why your ex-husband hates you so much all of a sudden.

All in all, your ex-husband could hate you for many reasons. But the reasons you need to focus on the most include a lack of patience, unhealthy perception of you, poor self-control, empathy, understanding of breakups, and willingness to help you process the breakup as quickly as possible.

Bear in mind that it’s normal for dumpers to feel smothered after the breakup. But acting on difficult emotions isn’t acceptable. It’s far from it because they can incite mean behavior and cause the dumpee to fall into depression and doubt her worth as a person.

That’s why dumpers need to be aware of the pain they’re causing their exes. They must put their grudges and unhappiness aside and understand that the breakup is much more difficult for their ex than it is for them. If they understand that, they will cause a lot less pain to their ex than those dumpees who lack awareness and breakup knowledge.

So if your ex-husband hates you, the first thing you should do is look at your own behavior. Are you doing something your ex doesn’t like or want from you? Are you triggering your ex’s knee-jerk reactions? If you are, stop doing that immediately and go no contact. Your ex needs to be left alone so he can deal with his problems alone and think about whether the breakup is what he truly wants.

For a while, he will likely think that the breakup was the best thing that ever happened to him. But that’s only because he’d been unhappy for so long that he developed unhealthy associations and resentments. Once he processes unhealthy breakup emotions, he could realize that he shouldn’t have treated you so badly and apologize for it.

If you aren’t doing anything that demands attention and annoys your ex, though, then your ex either perceives you in poor light or wants to get back at you for the things you did in the past. Whatever the case may be, you shouldn’t tolerate mean behavior.

You should express that you don’t want to communicate and that you’d appreciate it if he stopped reaching out and let you focus on yourself. A mature ex-partner will gladly back off as he’ll want space and understand your need to focus on yourself. Only an immature, vengeful, and self-destructive person will see your behavior as a power move and fight you head-on.

My ex-husband hates me but I love him

It’s okay to love your ex-husband for a while after the breakup. Your ex-husband shattered your heart into tiny pieces and made you question your worth and probably affected your direction in life. But whatever you do, don’t seek validation directly from your ex. Your ex won’t give you what you’re looking for because he’s emotionally exhausted and wants to be left alone.

The guy wants to be happy. And he can be happy only by distancing himself from you and doing things he enjoys.

That means you must let him be for as long as he hates you and can’t have a normal conversation with you. Not only that, but you must let him come to you otherwise you could chase him and pressure him before he’s ready to speak.

You already know that he doesn’t respond well to pressure. He finds it suffocating and impossible to handle maturely. So you don’t have a choice but to walk away and let him hate you if he wants to. What he thinks and feels is out of your control. You can’t change his perception of you by interacting with him. You can only make it worse.

You’ve got to remind yourself that you can’t force someone to love you. You can’t do it whether this person is someone you’d been with for a year or tens of years. Love comes and goes. It can return only if your ex-husband realizes that you’re a good person and a romantic partner worth committing to.

Right now, your ex doesn’t think you’re worth his time. He thinks you’re a hindrance to his health and happiness and that he’ll never get back with you. I can’t tell you if the relationship is over forever, but I can tell you that you can’t talk your way back into a relationship with him.

Breakups aren’t relationships. They’re emotional disconnections after which the dumper wants nothing to do with you anymore. Frankly, you shouldn’t want anything to do with your ex either. Especially not if he hates you and treats you like a stranger (or worse). You should keep in mind that waiting for the dumper to love you is a waste of time and that you deserve someone who won’t become resentful.

That someone likely isn’t your ex-husband. You may think he’s the love of your life and the best you can do, but relationships define your happiness in life. If you get back together with someone who makes you anxious and unhappy, you’ll settle for a very miserable life.

In fact, you’ll settle for a guy who will likely leave you again and make you miserable once more. Exes who deserve another chance aren’t bitter. They are caring and supportive.

Does your ex-husband hate you and you don’t know why? Share your breakup story below the post. We’ll get back to you soon.

However, if you wish to talk privately about your ex-husband’s hatred, sign up for a coaching session with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.