My Ex-boyfriend Wants Me Back After He Dumped Me

If your ex-boyfriend wants you back after he dumped you, don’t immediately jump into his arms, accept him back, and say you’ve been searching for information on how to get back with him. Actions like that could tilt the balance of power back to your ex and change the dynamics of the new relationship.

They could change them in such a way that your ex once again feels in control and stops seeing and feeling the need to invest in himself and increase his love and commitment to the relationship. You must do your best not to make it easy for your ex-boyfriend to return to you. How easy you make it for him determines how much respect he develops for you and how easy he can get away with breaking up with you and hurting you.

You broke up once—and that’s no joking matter. The breakup is proof that your ex fell out of love with you, detached, and wanted to be with someone else. Maybe your ex didn’t cheat on you and ghost you, but your ex did think he was going to be happier on his own and with someone else. This wasn’t just a “mistake” – something you should take lightly.

If anything, you must make certain that your ex has learned his lessons and that he’s committed to picking up on his temptations, negative emotions, and impulses before they spiral out of control again. You must also make sure that your ex has learned to express the things that bother him and developed (or is in the process of developing) a mechanism to overcome them.

Therefore, your ex has to evolve a lot. It’s not just his relationship mentality that needs to transform, but how he perceives you, handles emotions, and invests in the relationship. Without these changes, the relationship will without a doubt fail. It won’t be able to survive old and new issues as your ex will think and act the same way as before.

An unchanged mentality and old behavioral patterns are why couples usually break up after getting back together. They don’t work on themselves enough to give their relationship a new beginning, so they take each other for granted and sooner than later encounter the same problems and detach. That’s when they realize that they merely continued their relationship rather than started a new one and that they’re not meant for each other.

So if you’re contemplating taking your ex-boyfriend back after he dumped you, self-improvement is the first thing you and your ex must be open to. You as a dumpee must have already made changes by the time your ex wanted you back whereas your ex will have to make changes now. The most important thing is that he’s realized your worth and gotten serious about growing as a person and making things right.

If he’s not sure whether he wants you back and wants to feel things out first, he’s of no use to you. His commitment to the relationship will keep getting weaker until he gets tired, bored, or annoyed and leaves again. You can avoid another heartbreak by asking him lots of questions and measuring his love and interest before taking him back.

This post is for dumpees whose ex-boyfriend wants them back. We’ll talk about some red flags you need to be aware of and give you some tips on what to say and do when your ex says he wants to be with you.

My ex-boyfriend wants me back after he dumped me

If your ex-boyfriend wants you back, you most likely gave your ex space and retained your worth. You showed your ex you can handle the post-breakup blues and that no matter what happens, you’ll keep carrying on and enjoying your life.

This was the message that inspired your ex to improve his perception of you and enabled him to crave your strength and independence. But this message only inspired your ex after he or she encountered some kind of issue. Something or someone must have hurt your ex, caused him to reflect and become nostalgic, and convinced him that you can give him what he currently lacks – happiness and security.

Always keep in mind that exes come back because they need something from you. Whether they need reassurance, emotional/financial support, or safety, they need something only you can provide. You are their safety net and a person who can help them deal with internal demons and make them feel whole again.

So before you let your ex come back, try to figure out what changed your ex’s mind about you. Your ex might be reluctant at first and tell you things like, “I realized I love you,” but that’s just an excuse. The truth is that exes don’t come back without a reason (just because they still love you). Love is gone after the breakup. It’s replaced with guilt, shame, depression, and other negative emotions dumpers oftentimes confuse for love.

That’s why you should start by asking your ex some important questions. Ask your ex what made him come back all of a sudden. If he says it’s love, be more firm and say you know it’s not just that and that you need to know the truth. After some hesitation, he should say he hasn’t been happy and that he misses the time he spent with you.

All you need to do after that is ask him what made him unhappy. If it was a failed relationship with someone he dated, he should admit it so you can start trusting him.

Once you’ve learned your ex’s reasons for coming back, it’s time to figure out your ex’s mentality – whether your ex respects you, loves you, and wants to be with you even after his reasons for coming back are gone. As I mentioned, exes come back because they’re hurting and need something from you.

If they don’t appreciate you as a person, they will leave again once they’ve recovered in whichever way they need to. So make sure your ex’s intentions are good before you let your ex back into your heart.

You can do that by setting your emotions aside and observing your ex’s attitude and behavior. You need to see that your ex is into you, invests emotions in you, plans the future, answers any questions, treats you fairly with respect, listens to your suggestions, cares about your feelings, assures you he’s learned his lessons, deals with problems patiently, and works on his flaws every day.

An ex-boyfriend who has the right kind of mentality will do whatever it takes to win your trust and love back. He’ll do it because your affection will mean the world to him, and won’t want to risk losing you again. The pain from losing you once will be more than enough for him to develop the self-awareness to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

If your ex-boyfriend wants you back after he dumped you, you should also figure out if you really love him and want him back. Your heart may tell you that he’s the right guy for you, but feelings may be misleading. You likely want your ex back mainly because your ex broke your heart and made you suffer from separation anxiety and fears.

So before you try to get back with your ex, figure out if you even respect your ex and want to be with him. If he cheated on you, treated you poorly during or after the breakup, or avoided you like the plague whenever he ran into you, getting back with your ex probably isn’t a very good idea.

Your ex knows that he doesn’t deserve another chance after what he did to you. He doesn’t even deserve to be your friend, let alone your partner. But despite that, he doesn’t care. His healing is more important than your feelings and the things you went through because of him. So be very careful about a guy like that. It’s unlikely that he’s changed in a couple of weeks, months, or years even.

When someone you love shows no empathy and lacks self-control, he needs lots and lots of thinking to change his ways. In all honesty, sometimes even months of self-reflection aren’t enough as they don’t change people’s morals and empathy.

With that said, here are some things to be aware of if your ex-boyfriend wants you back after he dumped you.

Keep in mind that something could go wrong

Getting back with an ex-boyfriend is always a bit of a gamble as it’s hard to say if the dumper has come back for you, himself, or both. You don’t know if what he says is true or if he just wants to butter you up to get what he needs from you.

But even though it’s difficult to think rationally, you can minimize risk by analyzing your ex’s behavior and taking things slow. Instead of picking up where you left off, discuss relationship goals and set some new healthy relationship standards.

Doing so will let your ex know you’re not willing to forgive your ex on the spot and get hurt again. You respect and value yourself too much to mindlessly jump back into a relationship with someone who broke up with you. The first week or two after getting back together are the most important ones because your behavior shows what your self-esteem is like, what you’re willing to put up with, and what you expect out of your ex and the relationship.

If you don’t tell or show your ex that he only has one chance to make things right, he could take you for granted again and leave you when things get tough. He could leave even if you do everything right.

But people do normally respect those who respect themselves. So make sure that you carry yourself with confidence and have plenty going on in your life.

Your ex mustn’t think that he’s the only thing you care about. He must be certain that you feel confident in your skin and that you’ll move on and be happy alone or with someone else if he breaks up with you. Don’t play jealousy games, but do hang out with friends more and engage in activities outside of the relationship.

That will let your ex know that your priorities have changed and that you’ll be the one to leave if he doesn’t reach your expectations.

One thing you should keep in mind is that just because your ex wants you back, it doesn’t mean that your ex will stay with you forever. Every time a person leaves, he loses some determination to improve himself and work things out. He starts thinking it’s okay to leave if he’s not happy because he already quit once.

And that’s a temptation that’s hard to overcome.

Your ex became your ex for a reason, and unless he’s grown (or is willing to grow) significantly, getting back with him would be a big mistake. Nothing would change unless he’s prepared to put the work in and make amends by giving the relationship everything he’s got.

How to make the relationship work again?

You can make the relationship work only if your ex (the dumper) is ready to make it work. If he’s displaying indecisive, strange, hot and cold, behavior, he’s already doubting his loyalty and will soon dump you again. He’ll probably do it when you express discontent and make him do something he doesn’t have the energy to do.

So work on the relationship only if your ex is capable of putting emotions and time into the relationship and willing to cooperate with you. Once you have your ex’s full attention and commitment, you need to communicate better than ever before.

Communication and understanding will determine whether your new relationship is different and stronger than the one before.

The things you need to communicate about include:

• Gratitude
• The things that bother you
• What you’ll inform each other about
• What you want out of the relationship
• How you feel about each other
• How you wish to communicate
• What you can do to grow love and avoid breaking up again

Relationships require a lot of work. Those relationships that seem easy oftentimes only seem to be easy. In reality, they are prone to breaking up because couples don’t discuss important relationship matters and grow their determination.

So if you want your relationship with your ex-boyfriend to work long-term, start communicating better. Apologize when you’ve hurt your boyfriend, show concern, ask questions, be involved, ask for feedback, express your feelings, forgive your partner, lower your expectations of him, and be the best version of yourself.

You might be able to make the relationship work for a while even if you don’t become more self-aware and a better partner, but the relationship will probably only work temporarily. When you get used to each other, you’ll once again succumb to the same relationship killers that broke you up before.

And that will give you unnecessary anxiety and pain.

Does your ex-boyfriend want me back after he dumped you? What did he use as an excuse for dumping you? Post your breakup story below the post.

And if you want to learn more about what to do now that he wants you back, talk to us privately by signing up for breakup coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.