I’m Feeling Lonely After A Breakup

It’s normal to feel lonely after a breakup. A romantic relationship provides companionship, emotional support, reassurance, and an emotional bond. When a relationship ends, the bond and relationship perks end with it, leading to feelings of emptiness, sadness, nostalgia, and depression.

The breakup initiates dumpees’ grieving process and brings them to a low point.

Initially, dumpees feel lost, anxious, hopeful, and in denial. They don’t know whether they should beg and plead for another chance, play jealousy games, or start no contact. They’re so confused and hurt that they think about their ex 24/7, obsessively look for the reasons behind the breakup, and neglect themselves in the process.

But when they leave their ex alone for a while and accept that their relationship has ended, they understand that crying over their ex won’t change their ex’s feelings and that it will just make them feel sad and miserable.

That’s when dumpees make the emotional progress necessary to further increase the distance from their ex. Some dumpees focus hard on work and gym whereas others miss feeling loved and download dating apps. They feel lonely after the breakup they hope someone new will take their problems away and keep them busy.

Such dumpees aren’t ready to start a new romantic relationship. They may feel lonely, but loneliness isn’t a good reason for them to start a new romantic relationship. Those who meet someone new solely because they hate being alone tend to overinvest in the new person and neglect themselves.

That means they risk pressuring the new person and scaring him or her off.

In many cases, though (especially when people have just been dumped), the opposite is true. Dumpees are still processing the end of the previous relationship and don’t feel as connected as they normally would. They want to take things slow and keep the relationship light.

Despite trying their best, the new relationship still often fails because it progresses or is expected to progress quicker than the grieving person is willing to progress. The relationship goes through the new relationship stages way too quickly for love to develop naturally.

And that causes emotional disconnections and unmet needs.

So if you’re feeling lonely after a breakup and think that someone new will help you feel less lonely, know that he or she probably will. For a while, you’ll feel wanted and distracted.

But when you get used to the new relationship and start to notice its flaws, you’ll likely realize that the new person isn’t your ex and that you don’t feel as strongly for him or her as you felt for your ex.

That realization will make you doubtful about the relationship and could trigger sentimentality for your ex.

If you’re struggling with loneliness, know that it’s okay to feel lonely at times. You were used to being loved and needed by your ex. The happy hormones your brain released felt extremely empowering.

Now that you lack this source of empowerment, there’s a big void in your chest. You lack validation and self-love and feel like a part of you is missing.

Because you miss having someone to talk to, rely on, love, and feel loved by, you feel lonely and want to act on your urges. This is completely understandable. I felt lonely and looked for a new person to be with after my breakup too.

But when I found that person, my loneliness and excitement disappeared quickly. In a month or so, my interest in her dwindled and made me rebound. The rebound triggered another painful setback and made me even more desperate to be with my ex.

Maybe another failed relationship won’t make you feel as anxious as it made me feel, but it will still hit you hard and bring back unprocessed feelings.

It won’t affect you or you won’t rebound only if you wait a while to process the breakup before you get into a new serious relationship.

If you take the time to improve your self-esteem and grow, you’ll stop caring about how your ex perceives you and eventually find a person you’re emotionally ready for. That means you’ll have a higher chance of going through all the stages of a new relationship and making the new relationship work.

So if you’re feeling lonely after a breakup that happened recently, don’t look for a person who would ease your anxiety, boost your self-esteem, and solve your problems for you. Instead of jumping into a new relationship and expecting the new person to heal you, acknowledge that you’re hurt and that you have things to work on.

This will allow you to identify and fix your flaws and things that are preventing you from moving on and having a successful long-term relationship with yourself and someone else.

In this post, we discuss why you feel lonely after the breakup and what you should do to get rid of loneliness.

Why am I feeling lonely after a breakup?

The reason you’re feeling lonely after the breakup is that you don’t have anyone to replace your ex with. You don’t know how to occupy your time after the breakup and what to do with the cravings and longings triggered by your ex’s departure.

As a result, you feel alone and lonely.

You feel abandoned and unloved and experience increased feelings of nostalgia and loneliness. The breakup heightens your anxiety, fears, and loneliness and exposes your weaknesses. It does this by reminding you that you’re not happy and that you need to stop feeling unhappy.

Of course, it doesn’t tell you how to fix the problem, but it does drop clues in the form of feelings. In your case, it makes you feel lonely. So much so that you’re reading articles and feel motivated to figure out why you feel lonely and what you can do about it.

If you had a poor social life before the breakup and your ex was one of the main people you confided in and bonded with, the breakup has likely made you feel lonelier than ever. It has destroyed your social life and revealed that you lack people to communicate with.

The breakup showed you exactly what your shortcomings and weaknesses are and encouraged you to do something about them.

Pain, anxiety, nostalgia, and loneliness after the breakup are signs that you were attached to your ex and reliant on him or her. Although it’s normal to be attached to the person you’re with or were with, it’s not normal to be over-reliant or codependent.

Codependence means you let your partner take care of your necessities such as food, shelter, and self-love and that you lack stability or the tools to gain stability.

No matter the role your ex played in your life, you need to take matters into your own hands and gain control over your life. Do this by identifying your reasons for feeling lonely and learning if those reasons are related to the breakup or to some other (bigger) issue that you previously swept under the rug.

If the breakup made you lonely, you can probably stop feeling lonely by surrounding yourself with people and staying busy. But if you don’t have a lot of friends and people to lean on for emotional support, then the lack of reliable people in your life is likely the culprit for your loneliness and pain.

You need to be more social and establish a healthy support system. This won’t make you forget about your ex instantly, but it will help you feel more socially included and less lonely. Loneliness is one of the major causes of depression and other mental and physical health conditions.

If you feel depressed and lonely, you need to understand that you have some things to figure out. Firstly, you must understand where your loneliness comes from and if you felt lonely even before the breakup or before you met your ex.

If you did, you need to pay more attention to your social life and make some healthy changes.

If you didn’t feel lonely in the past and your social life is active enough, then you’re probably lonely because the breakup makes you want the kind of social lifestyle you had before the breakup. Because you can’t have it, it constantly reminds you that you’re missing an important person in your life and that you need to do something to change how you feel.

You need to get back with your ex, replace your ex with someone new, or improve your social life or other lackings in your life.

So if you’re feeling lonely after the breakup and you can’t figure out why, bear in mind that the breakup destroyed the social aspect of your life and made you want to feel socially accepted and included. It revealed your weaknesses and heightened your separation anxiety and other cravings caused by the breakup.

That’s what breakups do. They display dumpers’ worst traits and test dumpees’ self-love and ability to live without their ex and the benefits their ex provided.

With that said, here are 6 reasons why you’re feeling lonely after the breakup.

You’re expected to experience these cravings in small to medium amounts. You’re not, however, expected to feel lonely to the point where you need someone to keep you company. If you’re super lonely and scared to be alone, you probably have insecurities and various fears to discover and overcome.

Do that by getting professional help and engaging in lots of self-reflection and introspection.

As a dumpee, you should make the most out of the breakup by wanting to understand your reasons for feeling unwanted emotions. If you possess the drive to understand the root cause of your urges, you should also have the drive to do something about them.

You should feel in control of your life and be prepared to do what it takes to improve it.

Self-awareness and self-improvement are fundamental parts of every breakup. They’re the deciding factors in whether a dumpee grows from the breakup or caries on with no or minimal changes and improvements.

What to do when you’re feeling lonely after the breakup?

First of all, don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t look for someone new and try to replace your ex and feelings of loneliness with someone else’s affection. You won’t be able to do that because everything will remind you of your ex and convince you that your ex was a better partner.

Instead of trying to bond romantically with another person, improve your social life and get your confidence and self-esteem back up. Talk to lots of people, hang out with friends, make new friends, spend time with family, and just be social.

That’s the best cure for post-breakup loneliness and loneliness in general.

You should also avoid things that trigger your post-breakup loneliness. Avoid comparing yourself to your ex and other couples. If others are happy in their new relationship or appear to be happy, you shouldn’t let that get to you and think you’re a loser.

You’re a dumpee who needs more time than your ex to process the breakup and find someone else. You need to get your ex out of your system first before you become emotionally ready for a new romantic connection. Don’t expect to be over your ex as quickly as your ex was over you.

That won’t happen because your ex was over you before he or she even left you.

Moreover, make sure to talk to someone who empathizes with you. You need to talk about your problems with people who genuinely care about you. If you don’t have anyone like that near you, open up to a therapist or journal your feelings while you’re working on expanding your social circle.

Although you could get used to feeling lonely after a while, it will probably take some time. Hence, it’s better that you take control of your life and address your problems.

If you’re depressed and lonely at the same time, you need to know that loneliness and depression often go hand in hand. They can trigger one another and make you suffer longer as a result.

Make sure to get rid of any mental health problems and other problems making your loneliness worse. The fewer problems and the less pain you have, the less likely you are to feel lonely after the breakup.

And finally, learn to be more comfortable in your own company. You should be emotionally independent and stand on your own two feet. If you feel that you need someone by your side to feel complete, you have some work to do.

You have to learn who or what is the cause of your codependence and loneliness and begin working on it. Take this seriously because the success of your future relationships and your happiness depend on it.

Are you feeling lonely after a breakup? What makes you feel the most lonely? Share your reason or reasons for loneliness and how you deal with it in the comments below the post.

And if you want to confide in us about your post-breakup loneliness, subscribe to our 1-on-1 coaching services and get in touch.