I Want To Break Up With My Boyfriend But He Won’t Let Me

Dumpees often object to breakups. They’re afraid of being abandoned, so they say and do all sorts of things to prevent separation. Some beg and plead, some get angry, and some become manipulative and vengeful.

Very few dumpees accept the breakup on the spot – the moment their ex initiates it. Normally, those who accept it right away saw the breakup coming and have high self-esteem. Such dumpees have a healthy amount of pride and know that opposing the dumper’s decision won’t dissuade their partner from leaving them.

It will just hurt them and give the dumper more power and control, which would, in turn, strongly affect their perception of themselves and the way their ex sees them as well.

So if you want to break up with your boyfriend but he won’t let you, try not to worry about whether your boyfriend is okay with the breakup. The majority of breakups are one-sided, which means they don’t need permission from the other party.

They just need to leave the relationship in a way that minimizes the dumpee’s pain and suffering.

If your boyfriend disagrees with the breakup, this is a completely normal reaction as the breakup triggers shock, fear, and denial amongst other unwanted breakup emotions. The breakup makes the dumpee go through stages of post-breakup grief and forces him to experience one of the most challenging times of his life.

This doesn’t, however, mean that you should go back on your word and stay committed to your partner.

It means you should go through with the plan and support your ex-boyfriend in whichever way he needs to be supported. Support means that you give him closure (answer any questions he may have) and then leave him alone to heal.

Most people need months and months of time to detach from their ex-partner.

Your boyfriend will too. But you won’t know how he’s doing emotionally because if you do things right, there won’t be any communication between you and him. There will be silence, also known as no contact.

But you’re not in no contact quite yet as your boyfriend isn’t letting you break up with him. He’s probably guilt-tripping you and making you wonder if breaking up with him is even the right thing to do.

Although I can’t answer if it is, you need to know that guilt is not a good reason to go back on your decision to end the relationship. Guilt is a temporary feeling that will go away after a while. But the reasons for breaking up most likely won’t.

Not unless you and your boyfriend work on your differences or problems and find ways to strengthen the bond.

It goes without saying that many relationships can be salvaged even when things are looking bleak. I suppose the problem is that people don’t want to salvage it. They’re so tired and set on leaving that they lack the desire to change their opinions of their partner and grow their love.

Most people are so done with their relationship they don’t even want to think about getting back together. They’re detached, so they refuse to change their mind when their partner (or ex-partner) tries to talk them out of it.

If your boyfriend is doing that to you, know that your boyfriend can’t force you to be with him. Love can’t be forced and manipulated with guilt-tripping words and actions. It can only be smothered.

Those who come back because of guilt confuse guilt for love and almost always leave again. That’s because they don’t fix the reasons that broke them up. They just focus on not feeling bad, and as a result, fail to fall back in love.

So again, if you want to break up with your boyfriend but he won’t let you, bear in mind that the dumper makes a unilateral decision to leave. She doesn’t need her boyfriend to agree to the breakup. She just needs to treat the dumpee with kindness, dignity, and respect and provide closure.

In this post, we discuss what to do when you want to break up with your boyfriend but he won’t let you or talks you out of it.

Why won’t he let me break up with him?

If your boyfriend won’t let you break up with him, it’s because he doesn’t want to break up with you. He’s afraid of losing you and detaching from you and values the connection he has with you. The guy would do anything to stay close to you romantically and have an intimate relationship with you.

He doesn’t like the idea of breaking up with you and suffering from separation anxiety as he’s in love with you and attached to you and wants things to stay the way they are. The relationship may not be perfect, but he prefers safety and comfort and doesn’t mind the problems plaguing the relationship.

The main reason why he won’t let you break up with him is that he sees his persuasiveness is affecting you. It’s making you doubt your breakup decision and allowing your boyfriend greater leeway to guilt-trip you and confuse you.

Indecisiveness tells him that you’re weak, docile, and easily manipulated and that he can take advantage of your emotions.

The kind of message you want to send across is that your decision is final and that you need your boyfriend to respect it even if he doesn’t like it. If you appear reluctant to carry on with the breakup, your broken-hearted ex will likely see it as an opportunity to convince you to come back.

So if you’re not sure why your boyfriend won’t let you break up with him, know that he doesn’t want you to leave and fall in love with someone else. His heart still belongs to you, so he’s trying to make you reciprocate his one-sided love, ease his anxiety, and make sure he’s the only person who talks to you and captivates your attention.

If you were to break up with him, he’d feel that he’s lost a relationship worth months or years of emotional investment. And that would leave him devastated.

With that said, here’s why he won’t let you break up with him and go your separate ways.

If your boyfriend won’t let you break up with him, you need to understand it’s not in his power to decide what you do and don’t do. He can tell you he doesn’t want to break up, but that’s about it. You’re still the one who gets to decide what you want and don’t want—and you need to be decisive about it.

The less certain you appear about the breakup, the higher the chances that your boyfriend will talk you into giving the relationship another try.

And if you give it another try (a half-assed one), you won’t be doing anyone a favor as you’ll continue to feel uncomfortable, give your partner hope, and end up breaking up anyway. So make sure that when you break up with someone, you break up with him for good.

Don’t message him, call him, tell him you love him, or conversely, tell him you hate him. Just be indifferent about what you feel about him and give him a chance to move on.

You owe him that much for breaking his heart.

Break up with him and don’t worry about what he says

If you want to break up with your boyfriend, you have every right to do so. You get to decide what’s best for your well-being and those around you. Meaning, if you determine your boyfriend doesn’t make you happy despite giving it your best, you need to be fair to everyone involved, including yourself.

You need to pick an appropriate date, time, and location and break up with him. It won’t be easy to crush your boyfriend’s heart and risk losing him completely (even as a friend), but you need to do it. It wouldn’t be fair to string him along with false promises and confusing actions.

People don’t understand that when you fall out of love, it’s very difficult to fall back in love. Only those who realize their partner’s worth actually work on themselves and their relationship. But this doesn’t happen very often.

Most people need to initiate the breakup, go through the stages of a breakup for the dumper, fail in some significant way, and only through pain and suffering, reflect on their mistakes and come running back.

In other words, something or someone will have to convince you that your partner is the best option for you before you can be with him and love him. Guilt and confusion won’t do that for you. They’ll just delay the inevitable, which is the breakup.

So if you don’t love your partner anymore and have no desire to fall back in love and invest in the relationship, it may be best to muster up the courage to end the relationship. By doing so, you’ll stop feeling uncomfortable and allow your partner to start detaching from you.

To break up with someone you no longer love, be honest, yet compassionate. Tell him that you’ve put a lot of thought into it and that you’ve decided to go your own way. Your boyfriend will likely try to reason with you and prevent you from leaving him, but you mustn’t go back on your word.

Tell him assertively (but not aggressively) that you’d like him to accept the breakup and see things from your perspective as well.

If you want, you can say he can reach out if he needs closure, but to avoid messaging you if it’s about anything else. Say you’re trying to be honest and fair and that you’re not going back on your word.

Whatever you do, though, make sure to avoid saying anything that gives him false hope.

This can be things like:

• I still love you
• I just need some time to myself
• I need to find myself
• I don’t know what I want
• I’m confused
• Maybe we can get back together in a couple of months

Such statements will make your ex think you’re going through something temporary and that he needs to stick around until you change your mind.

So to avoid that, say only what helps your boyfriend detach. Do that so you can be considerate of his feelings and allow him to heal as quickly as he can.

What if he begs, threatens, or manipulates me?

If your boyfriend is forcefully trying to avoid getting broken up with by doing something extreme such as threatening to harm himself, you need to insist on breaking up with him. You mustn’t let him have his way because if you do, he’ll keep manipulating you for a very long time.

You must remain set on your decision and keep in mind that he’s saying the things he’s saying because he’s hurting and needs help. He needs to see that he deserves love and care and all the good things in life.

To make things easier for him, you can contact his family or friends or talk with him about signing up for therapy. Do whatever you can to help him stop focusing on you and craving your validation. There’s not much you can do about that in all honesty, but you can contact his loved ones/professionals and have them take care of him.

Just don’t tell him that someone else will love him better than you will. Lots of dumpers say that, thinking they’re encouraging their ex to move on. But the truth is they’re hurting their ex as their ex doesn’t want to be loved by another person.

He wants to be loved by his ex and only his ex.

Your job is to avoid rejecting him multiple times, showing him you’re annoyed with him, and pushing him in the direction he doesn’t want to go in. Your ex will recover quicker if you understand what dumpees go through and what they need from dumpers.

Do you still want to break up with your boyfriend? Are you worried that he won’t let you? Let us know what you’re afraid of in the comments below.

And if you want to talk with us privately, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.