How To Stay Strong During No Contact?

Are you struggling with the breakup and wondering how to stay strong during no contact? If you are, I know how you feel. You’re looking for ways to lower your anxiety and stop yourself from losing your composure and reaching out on impulse.

You probably already know how important it is for you to stay in no contact, but because separation anxiety and/or depression are eating you alive, you’re occasionally doubting no contact and wondering if reaching out will make you feel better.

As a breakup coach who’s been studying breakups for years, I can tell you that it won’t make you feel better. It won’t give you what you want because your ex has a drug-like effect on you. He or she controls how you think and feel, which is why any unwanted reaction from your ex is going to harm you and make you crave your ex even more.

It’s going to make you much more obsessed and dependent on your ex for recognition than you already are.

So don’t reach out to your ex unless you need to discuss something your ex actually wants or needs to discuss. Something like kids, finances, divorce, etc. These are valid excuses to break no contact whereas anxiety, worries, remorse, regrets, and fears of losing your ex forever aren’t.

They’re just anxiety-driven actions that tell your ex you’re reaching out for yourself.

I know that you’re dying to see that your ex cares about you, but you mustn’t break no contact now that you’ve started following it. Breaking it will delete the progress you and your ex have made on yourselves and push your ex further away.

If you beg and plead with your ex or express your irresistible desire for validation, closure, or reconciliation, it may even push your ex away forever. So ask yourself, is destroying your ex’s remaining respect worth it? Will it make you feel better when you find out that your ex isn’t ready to get back with you?

Think about that before you grab your phone and contact your ex.

Today, we’re going to talk about how to stay strong during no contact. We’re going to discuss what to do when you’re struggling with no contact and how to stop obsessing about your ex.

Believe in no contact

Staying strong during no contact requires a very dedicated mindset. It requires emotional self-control, extraordinary commitment, and most of all, the knowledge that messaging or calling your ex is going to smother your ex and complicate things for both of you.

Staying strong in no contact isn’t just about making a one-time decision to stay in no contact. It’s about perseverance, constant reminders that no contact is the best course of action, and lots and lots of self-control. That’s what it takes for heartbroken dumpees to resist the powerful urge to reach out to their dumpers.

So if you’re wondering how to stay strong during no contact, start by improving your faith in no contact. Talk yourself out of sending your ex a text and engrave the conviction into your mind that the no contact rule is your one and only solution to getting back with your ex and/or healing from the breakup.

When you understand that the only way to be happy again is to leave your ex alone, you’ll start to strengthen your resolve and slowly make no contact more bearable. Of course, emotionally convincing yourself that you mustn’t reach out will take time.

But if you start today, you should get through the worst separation anxiety in just a few months. This is especially true if you follow the rules of no contact vigorously and religiously no matter what your ex is doing or saying.

Avoid post-breakup mistakes

How stressed and anxious you get during no contact will greatly depend on the post-breakup mistakes you make. And that’s because breakup mistakes will give or kill hope, hurt you, and set you back emotionally.

They will make you feel used (trigger your anger), prove you don’t deserve recognition (shatter your self-esteem), or tell you that your ex is moving on and make you more depressed, anxious, or lonely.

Some of the post-breakup mistakes you need to avoid when you’re anxious are:

• stalking your ex online or in person
• sending love, acceptance, or apology letters
• sending your ex gifts
• asking your friends about your ex
• adding your ex from fake social accounts and pretending to be someone else
• taking revenge on your ex
• dating someone new (rebounding)

You shouldn’t do anything that gives you information about your ex, hurts you or your ex, or puts expectations on your ex. You should instead focus on yourself and try to get closure on your own. By learning how to cope with fears and anxiety, you can slowly come to terms with the breakup and make it easier for yourself to grieve.

So as difficult as it may be, do your best not to keep an eye on your ex. Stalking your ex is not going to help you get leverage on your ex, not make you feel better. But it will make you more obsessed and permit you to break no contact when your ex does something that goes against your code of ethics.

This takes us to the next point.

Prepare yourself for emotional setbacks

You will most likely have days when you feel defeated and want to text your ex so bad. You’ll want to reach out to your ex and expect him or her to give you some kind of good news. I’m talking about something hope-instilling that validates your worth as a person and gives you the strength to keep going.

It’s of utmost importance that you stay aware of the consequences of breaking no contact and hold it together on your worst days.

You can do that by learning how to keep your anxiety under your control. You may not be able to take control of every negative emotion attacking your defenses, but if you emotionally prepare yourself for setbacks in advance, you should remain strong and in control of yourself enough not to reach out and make things worse.

You should have enough breakup information to know that your ex will respond poorly to your desperate reach out and cause your anxiety to shoot through the roof.

This is why one of the most important things to remember about setback days is that they are a part of your healing and that most dumpees experience them from time to them. Most of us have days when we barely think about our ex and days when we find ourselves missing our ex and wanting to be with him or her.

As a dumpee, you need to educate yourself about breakups (know what to expect) and work hard on developing self-esteem and self-awareness.

Practice self-control

Staying strong during no contact is all about self-control. The more control you have over your emotions, the easier staying in contact is. That means that if you haven’t worked on your emotions before the breakup, you’re going to have to work on them now.

You’re going to have to focus on developing self-control not just on bad days, but on good days as well. The thoughts you think about and the emotions you create on the good days will essentially determine how well you handle the bad days when they arrive.

And that’s because the emotional strength you develop on the good days will be put to the test on the hard ones.

So take no contact seriously, gather the determination to persevere, and get it right from the start. The more self-aware you become and the longer you practice self-control, the easier no contact will get. Just be patient with yourself and keep practicing even if you don’t feel like it.

You can practice self-control simply by resisting the temptation to reach and reminding yourself why it’s important to control yourself during this challenging time.

Practice relaxation techniques

Another thing that will help you stay strong during no contact is relaxation techniques. This includes things like deep breathing, meditation, yoga, music, art therapy, and positive affirmations. These things will help keep you calm and in control of yourself when things get tough.

You may not feel that they’re working right away, but stick with them long enough and eventually, they’ll help you stay free from the noise of internal dialogue.

Some people practice these techniques 2 or 3 times a day, and others, more than that. I recommend that you practice relaxation techniques in the morning, before sleep, and whenever you get anxious. These take time to master. So give them a serious chance before you say that they don’t work.

Exercise

Exercising during no contact is so, so important. I can’t stress how important it is because it’s one of those things that will temporarily push anxiety out of your system and force you to feel better. It will help when relaxation techniques and affirmations fail.

So exercise at least 30-60 minutes a day, every day even if you feel like staying in bed all day. It’s important to force yourself and get your heart beating because moderate-intensity exercising will release happy hormones into your brain and help you relax and sleep at night.

Sign up for therapy

A lot of dumpees feel much better and find it much easier to stay strong during no contact after speaking to a therapist. Therapy makes them feel listened to and understood, helps them get things off their chests, and encourages them to look for happiness within themselves.

Friends usually do the same, but sometimes they lack the patience to talk about their friend’s ex and answer the same questions over and over again. If you think your friends are getting tired of listening to you, talk to your family members and/or sign up for therapy.

Talking about the breakup with understanding and empathetic people will feel soothing. It will feel so calming, it will reduce the time you spend worrying about your ex and make it less likely for you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Get busy

I say this all the time, but what you do with your time after the breakup is extremely important. If you do nothing but think about your ex 24/7, you’ll feel much more tempted to reach out to your ex than if you hang out with friends, focus on work, and do the things you like.

That’s why the key to staying strong during no contact is to focus on anything other than your ex. Get excited and passionate about something you love and you’ll soon see that you obsess about your ex and think about breaking no contact mainly when you’re stuck at home with nothing to do.

Give it time

The thing with no contact is that it gets easier with time. At first, you feel rejected and lost and can think only about your ex. But as you stay in no contact and do the things mentioned in the previous points, you slowly let go of your ex, find your own strength, and become more interested in yourself than the person who left you.

Don’t get me wrong, it takes time to go from being completely blindsided by the breakup to being over your ex, but if you do your best to keep your ex out of sight, it’s not a matter of “if” you’ll get over your ex but “when.”

Breakups are one of the most painful struggles people have to go through, so be patient with your healing process and know that it gets easier the longer you stay in no contact. It’s already gotten easier. You just don’t see that it has because you’re tired of hurting and want all of your pain to disappear right away.

Are you staying strong during no contact? What are some of the things you’re doing to distract yourself from thinking about your ex? Post your breakup experience below.

And also, if you’d like to speak with us about no contact, go to our coaching page to see how.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.