How To Know When Your Ex Is Truly Done With You?

You can tell your ex is truly done with you when your ex’s attitude and behavior toward you change permanently (not just for a few hours). When your ex goes from respecting and loving you to not caring about you, communicating with you, and working on the relationship, the romantic relationship as you know it is dead.

It no longer has the key elements it needs to exist and flourish.

The moment your ex stops maintaining the relationship and considers it an inconvenience, your ex is truly done with you and sees more positives in focusing on himself or herself than you. It’s time to let go of your ex because your ex has already let go of you.

I know it’s hard to do that when you love your ex with all your heart, but begging and holding on to your ex won’t make your ex realize he or she has lost someone great. On the contrary, it will tell your ex you don’t respect yourself and deserve his or her respect and that he or she has gotten rid of the burden.

So don’t pester your ex with feelings, regrets, and wishes. If your ex is truly done with you, your ex won’t take your pleas seriously and change your mind because of them. If anything, your ex will become more convinced that it was necessary to break up with you and regain control of his or her life.

The biggest sign that your ex is truly done with you is emotional detachment. If you notice that your ex lost feelings and the drive to regain feelings, it’s time to grab your things because your ex can’t and doesn’t want to fall back in love with you. He or she prefers the newly discovered freedom and wants to keep feeling empowered and responsibility-free.

The breakup allows your ex to focus only on him/herself and things/people who create positive thoughts and feelings.

When spending time with you and thinking about the relationship and its future becomes an issue, you have proof that your ex is done with you and looks forward to life without you. Your ex doesn’t associate happy feelings with your presence, personality, or behavior and thinks about ways to spend time more productively (without you).

You can also tell your ex isn’t coming back (at least anytime soon) if your ex is dating and sleeping with other people. New romantic or sexual relationships indicate a complete loss of romantic interest and desire to patch things up. They show that your ex gave up on you and finds other people more interesting and attractive.

A disinterested and detached ex is done with you completely. And so is an ex who associates negative feelings with you and despises you. Someone who feels resentful and treats you terribly hasn’t only changed his or her perception of you and behavior toward you but also developed beliefs that prevent him or her from seeing you in a positive light and appreciating all the things you did for the relationship.

Resentment isn’t the same as anger. While anger fades, resentment doesn’t or needs a long time to subside. It’s a feeling of being victimized for a prolonged period and not wanting to resolve disagreements and conflicts. When an ex becomes resentful, it’s game over because he or she feels no desire or need to stop feeling resentful.

The dumper likes feeling bitter and in control of his or her emotions and life. In the dumper’s mind, it’s better to feel victimized than to be miserable and stuck in an unfulfilling relationship.

So if you’re wondering how to know when your ex is truly done with you, pay close attention to your ex’s thoughts, emotions, and attitude toward you. If your ex is irritated when talking to you and elated and relieved when he or she is not, your ex is done. He or she is going through the dumper stages of a breakup and isn’t contemplating giving the relationship another chance.

Your ex gave up on the relationship long before he or she officially pulled the plug on you.

You may not be able to talk your ex back into a relationship, but you can still keep your dignity and pride. You can do that by accepting the breakup and moving on. By coming to terms with the breakup, you’ll respect your ex’s decision confidently, keep your self-love under control, and let your ex focus on his or her post-breakup life – the life your ex had been dreaming about.

Truthfully speaking, most breakups (that aren’t just arguments) are real breakups. They’re the end of mutual feelings and the relationship. You don’t need to look for signs that a breakup is a real breakup (unless your ex keeps breaking up with you).

When your ex breaks up with you and is done with you, you’ll feel it in your guts.

You’ll know that your ex is serious about breaking up and that he or she isn’t working on resolving the issues behind the breakup. Separation anxiety, fears of being alone and abandoned, destroyed self-esteem, and the inability to function without your ex will be all the proof you need that your ex has left for good and that no amount of talking about the relationship in a logical way will change your ex’s determined mind.

Talking with the dumper and expressing strong emotions will only overwhelm the dumper and put him or her on a pedestal. It will make reconciliation in the future harder because the dumper will lose respect and struggle to see how he or she could benefit from you emotionally.

An ex who is done with you won’t act the way he or she did during arguments and difficulties. He or she will be closed off emotionally and unreceptive to your apologies and attempts to continue the relationship.

Instead of fixing things, your ex will bring up bad moments from the past (possibly from years ago) and attempt to justify his or her decision to leave and ignore your feelings. Your ex’s change in behavior will tell you that your ex isn’t just looking for attention and a sincere apology, but that your ex has also lost interest in conversing (especially about the relationship) and that he or she no longer needs to be around you to be happy.

That’s an obvious sign of detachment and loss of feelings. You won’t be able to convince your ex to think about the good times and give you another chance.

Once your ex makes up his or her mind, the relationship is done for good and needs to be left alone. You shouldn’t insist on getting back together and promising to do better. If you try to reason with an ex who sees things differently from you and wants to be left alone and respected, you’ll disrespect his or her feelings and risk bringing an unwanted reaction out of him/her.

A reaction that gets you rejected and hurt again.

You need to understand that the majority of breakups are real breakups. They may happen for different reasons, but they’re serious/permanent separations that can’t be avoided. Couples disconnect emotionally, fall out of love, and want a different life.

Usually, only one person wants to break up – the dumper.

He or she wants out of the relationship even though the dumpee wants to work on the relationship. Due to conflicting wants and feelings, they break up and feel forced to look for happiness elsewhere.

In this post, we continue to talk about how to know when your ex is truly done with you.

How to know when your ex is truly done with you?

Most dumpees feel when their ex is truly done with them. They may not be able to verbalize it, but they can feel that something has changed since the last time they argued/broke up with their ex. Their ex no longer talks to them, respects them/treats them well, shows affection and regret, and wants them back.

Unlike last time, their ex is focused solely on his/her wants and needs and doesn’t care about the dumpee. All their ex cares about is his or her new and exciting post-breakup life. The new life empowers the dumper and gives the dumper meaning whereas the pre-breakup life suffocates, angers, or depresses the dumper.

Hence, your ex’s overall happiness is a good indicator of whether your ex is done with you. If your ex appears to be happy and in control of his or her life, your ex is done with you and the relationship and wants to do things that positively affect him or her. This is different for each person, but generally, it includes hanging out with friends, meeting new people, going on vacations, or even dating someone else.

When the dumper changes into a new/more active or social person, it doesn’t mean that the dumper’s changed or improved (permanently). All it means is that the dumper feels free and is excited to move forward with life.

A change of character is one of the best signs that the dumper felt trapped toward the end of the relationship and that he or she now feels relieved and needs space.

If it’s been days since your ex left you and there’s no sign of your ex coming back, you can probably conclude that the breakup is a real breakup rather than a fakeup and that your ex is truly done with you. Your ex isn’t scared that you’ll move on and meet someone new to replace your ex. A lack of fear and a sense of urgency to come back before you move on indicate that your ex lost feelings and eagerness to work on looking for solutions together.

Your ex feels perfectly safe, calm, and happy with the way things currently are. Space gives him or her a sense of freedom and determination to start anew (with someone else).

If you want your ex to respect you (or not make him/her despise you more) and preserve your self-worth, you have to leave your ex alone and let him or her enjoy space and quiet. Don’t contact your ex just because you’re in pain and want things to go back to normal.

Remember that your ex is the dumper and that it’s the dumper’s responsibility to return and fix things. If the dumper doesn’t want to return and work on the relationship, you have nothing to talk to your ex about. You have to take care of yourself and work on getting through the breakup.

How your ex left you is important too. If your ex used a breakup excuse and said “You deserve someone better,” your ex’s “care” shows that your ex doesn’t want to hurt you and that he or she wants you to be happy (even if it’s with someone else). Expressions like, “I want the best for you, I hope you find someone who loves you, let’s be friends” demonstrate that your ex has lost everything a romantic relationship consists of.

Your ex may want you to be happy and not to get hurt, but that doesn’t mean your ex wants you back. It only means that your ex understands you’re hurting while he or she is not.

So how to know when your ex is truly done with you?

Observe your ex’s attitude and behavior. If your ex treats you like a friend or a sick puppy, your ex has sympathy (not love) for you. Your ex wants you to get better so he or she can stop feeling responsible for causing you pain. Moreover, if your ex is furious and unforgiving, your ex is bitter. Bitter dumpers don’t love you so passionately that they treat you badly.

They consider themselves victims who have the right to project their anger onto you if you overstep their boundaries.

If your ex is truly done with you, your ex will ignore you or refuse to talk about the relationship. Your ex will show you that you’re no longer a priority and someone he or she needs love from.

How your ex treats you depends on his or her personality and the things you do to obstruct his or her post-breakup happiness and freedom.

If you (constantly) reach out and ask for attention and another chance, you make your ex feel pressured or uncomfortable and see an unattractive side of your ex. You see that your ex isn’t just using power to make you regret hurting him or her but that your ex feels bothered by you and doesn’t want to get back together.

Having said that, here’s how to know when your ex is truly done with you.

If your ex is done with you, be done with your ex

If your ex doesn’t come back a few days after the breakup, start accepting the breakup and letting go of your ex. You mustn’t keep your hopes up for weeks or months and wait for your ex to save you from pain and anxiety. You’ll have to save yourself by keeping in mind that the relationship has ended and that the best way to handle it is to cut your ex off and detach from your ex.

Detachment probably scares you because you want your ex to realize how important the relationship is to you and take you back, but if your ex doesn’t show any signs of love and regret, holding on to your ex won’t change the outcome of the breakup. It will just stress you and keep you reliant on your ex’s validation.

By refusing to let go of your ex, you’ll stay obsessed with your ex instead of ensuring a bright future for yourself. You’ll waste a lot of time thinking about being with someone who isn’t thinking about being with you.

Your only option after the breakup is to focus on yourself and look for ways to detox from your ex. It won’t be easy to do that (especially at first), but the longer you stay away from your ex (do no contact), the stronger and better you’ll feel. Slowly, your ex’s abandonment and opinion of you will stop bothering you because you’ll realize your ex had flaws too, and that your ex doesn’t determine your worth.

That’s when you’ll know you’re done with your ex and move on to better things.

So forget about an ex who doesn’t value you and want to be with you. Forget about anyone willing to invest back in you and have an equal relationship. If you can’t get what you desire, the best thing you can do for yourself is walk away with your head held high.

It’s better to be alone and a bit lonely than to chase people’s attention, acceptance, and validation. You’ll love yourself more and be happier if you don’t constantly feel rejected and unworthy.

Hence, I encourage you to start getting over your ex as soon as the breakup occurs. Don’t wait for your ex to have an epiphany and a change of heart. It could take years before your ex is ready for a simple conversation, let alone getting back together.

Did you learn how to know when your ex is truly done with you? Do you have any opinion of your own to share? Let us know in the comments section below, and we’ll get back to you.

However, if you’re looking for 1-on-1 support with your ex, get in touch with us through our coaching program here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.