Getting an ex-girlfriend back after the breakup is a long and complicated procedure. It involves high confidence and self-esteem and giving your ex space to breathe. If you don’t give her space and time to focus on herself and others, you’ll likely make things worse because you’ll present yourself as a desperate individual unwilling to let her live her dreams.
When you tell her what to do, how to live, and what you expect from her despite having no right to make demands, you’ll essentially lose her respect (or whatever respect she has left of you) and make her run for the hills. If you pester her a lot, she may even blame you for her unhappiness, call you names, and talk badly about you to others.
Hence, it’s important not to try to control her. You may really want to be with her, but you shouldn’t try to get her back with desperation. She won’t find your pain, denial, and “fighting for the relationship attractive.” Couples fight for what they believe in while they’re together, not after the relationship.
When the relationship ends, the dumpee must accept the breakup as difficult as it is and work on losing hope and getting rid of the attachment. They must spend some time away from each other, regain their identity and rationality, move on with their lives, and see if they can live without each other.
Initially, dumpers are convinced they’re better off without their ex while dumpees believe they’re happier with their ex. Their conflicting beliefs make them crave different things from each other and prevent them from getting back together. As long as dumpers are happy, they don’t see the value the dumpee brings to the table.
They see the things the dumpee was bad at and reasons they shouldn’t reconcile.
So if you’re wondering how to get your ex-girlfriend back without looking desperate, know that there’s no quick and sure-fire reconciliation method. Reconciliations require the dumper to improve her perception of the dumpee. Until the dumper gets rid of unhealthy relationship beliefs and sees the dumpee as a worthy romantic partner, the dumper feels no desire or sense of urgency to get back together.
The dumper prefers to self-prioritize and perhaps even date other people.
You can play jealousy games and appear disinterested in your ex all you’d like, but your ex still won’t take the bait. Feelings won’t come back with persuasion. Usually, dumpers return when they hit a snag and reflect on their decisions and happiness. If they discern they’re not happy or as happy as they expected to be, they regret leaving and return to their ex of their own accord.
They don’t need the dumpee to urge them to get back together.
Getting back together with an ex without looking desperate means you must leave your ex to her own devices. Stop calling, texting, and bothering your ex. Instead of asking for attention and affection and annoying your ex, show your ex you accept the breakup and want her to be happy even if it’s not with you.
That will show that you value yourself enough to avoid putting yourself at your ex’s mercy and degrading yourself. Self-respect is the most important part of the reattraction process. If your ex senses that you’re depressed, anxious, desperate, and unwilling to let go of the broken relationship, your ex will feel overwhelmed or annoyed by your pain and expectations and tempted to treat you how you treat yourself.
In other words, your ex will hurt you and show you that you’ve chosen the wrong reconciliation approach.
The best reconciliation tactic to this date is the no contact rule. Like it or not, no contact depicts acceptance and exudes high self-esteem and purpose outside of the relationship. It demonstrates the ability to move on and be happy, which is exactly what an ex needs to think about you, miss you, and want you back when things go awry.
The mistake most dumpees make is trying to make their ex nostalgic and regretful on their own. They don’t understand or want to understand that their ex has lost feelings and can’t be talked back into a relationship. Talking and begging just makes them look weak and unattractive. The more they try to explain themselves, the more they suffocate their ex and shoot themselves in the foot.
Getting back with an ex requires an understanding of breakups. It requires dumpees to know they won’t crawl back into their ex’s heart by coercion. Reconciliation has to be the dumper’s idea. The dumper has to associate pleasant thoughts and emotions with the dumpee and unpleasant ones with life after the breakup. When the dumper does that, he or she becomes open to the idea of going back to the person he or she gave up on.
That’s the natural order of the reconciliation process.
In this post, we shed some light on how to get your ex-girlfriend back without looking desperate.
How to get your ex-girlfriend back without looking desperate?
If you want to do your best to get your ex-girlfriend back, you have to give up control. This means you have to consider the relationship over and put your ex in charge of the reconciliation process. Your ex has to be the one to realize that she overvalued herself and threw away a working relationship.
If you try to gain control by telling your ex what’s best for her, you’ll achieve the opposite of the desired result as you’ll show your ex you want her way more than she wants you and in turn, disrespect your ex and scare her off. You’ll decrease or ruin your chance of getting back with your ex.
So don’t do anything your ex doesn’t expect of you now that you’re her ex. Don’t ask for things she can’t or doesn’t want to give. If you don’t know what you shouldn’t do as a dumpee, learn more about typical breakup mistakes. It will help you retain your value as a dumpee and urge your ex to consider getting back in touch.
Since you were forced to accept the breakup, it’s essential to give up on actively trying to change your ex’s mind. You must understand that your ex doesn’t expect you to apologize, give love, and show improvement. Your ex may have wanted you to be a communicative, emotional, and mature partner when you were together, but that was then.
Today, your ex expects different things from you. She wants you to give her space and let her enjoy life. Remember that your ex left you because she wasn’t happy or wanted to be happier. And for a while, your ex will be happier. She will feel empowered by the breakup and the newfound freedom.
Most dumpers experience a month or two of relief, followed by a month or so of elation. During this time, they must be left alone to feel in control of their life and process the negative emotions caused by the breakup. By focusing on themselves and others, they can temporarily forget about their ex and the problems and pain they associate with their ex.
Once they’ve processed the past, they once again become susceptible to personal problems and pain. This means they can stop thinking highly of themselves, experience difficulties and unwanted emotions, and give their ex the credit he or she deserves.
So if you’re eager to learn how to get your ex-girlfriend back without looking desperate, know that the best thing you can do is to take a few steps back and let go of the wheel. Instead of trying to influence your ex’s thoughts and feelings directly, show your ex that you don’t need your ex close to you to be happy and feel in control.
Your ex must see that you’re fine on your own and that you won’t humiliate yourself for someone who’s given up. Even if you’re entirely responsible for the breakup (or think you are), you must wait for your ex to become receptive before you apologize and say what you want to say.
Besides, you’ve probably already said what you needed to say. It was on the day of the breakup during the closure conversation.
Now, it’s not the time to talk about feelings and regrets. You may want your ex to know you’re sorry and capable of learning from your mistakes, but you can tell your ex later if she wants you back and has regrets of her own. It takes two to make and break a relationship. One person is seldom entirely responsible.
That’s why your ex must admit to making mistakes and express regret and pain. By doing so, she can talk to you as an equal and have a productive conversation.
I’m telling you this so you don’t get any crazy ideas. There’s a lot of conflicting information on the internet about how to reattract an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Most content creators say what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear.
And what you need to hear is that you must accept your powerlessness and give your ex space to breathe. When your ex feels respected as a person and wonders about you, your ex could reach out to check up on you. It could be a breadcrumb, but it’s an improvement over you reaching out to your ex and trying to make your ex fall back in love.
If you don’t want to look desperate, there’s only one way to go about it. It includes going no contact and waiting for your ex to hit a rough patch. When that happens, your ex will engage in rosy retrospection and think about her life choices. It’s not a guarantee that your ex will come back, but if life gives your ex bitter lemons, your ex could realize that she had a happier and easier life when she was with you.
No contact lasts as long as it needs to. It ends when you’re ready for friendship or when your ex has an epiphany and wants you back. Don’t end it prematurely while your ex is still relieved and convinced the breakup liberated her.
Your ex will like and respect you much more if you commit to no contact indefinitely and let your ex do the initiating and getting back together. Don’t forget that your ex has all the power at the moment and needs to return her stolen power to you. That’s the only way you can get back together as equals.
If you get back together while your ex is in full control, your ex will likely get irritated by you within a few weeks and give up again.
You can avoid another breakup by working on your self-esteem, accepting your powerlessness, and letting your ex come to you. When your ex wants you back, your ex will reach out and treat you with utmost care and importance.
So while your ex is indirectly looking for reasons to be with you, do your best to avoid looking desperate.
Avoid:
- talking to your ex
- befriending your ex
- stalking your ex
- showing up unannounced
- texting/warning your ex’s new partners
- sending your ex letters and gifts
- involving your ex’s friends and family
Instead of acting on emotion and trying to get your ex back quickly, try to get your ex back with self-respect, patience, and time. Let your ex explore her post-breakup life and figure out if leaving you was a good idea.
If your ex fails miserably and wants your love, you’ll be the first to know.
With that said, here’s how to get your ex-girlfriend back without looking desperate.
What if I already made myself look desperate?
If you already made breakup mistakes such as begging and (over)apologizing for your mistakes and the things you aren’t even at fault for, try not to worry about it too much. As long as you understand your mistakes and start no contact relatively quickly, your ex will get past your pain and desperation.
He or she will stop caring about them and think more positively about you.
The problem is if you annoy your ex for weeks or months. That could cause your ex to lose her patience and become resentful and mean. If you pestered her for long, it may be best to count your losses and remember that your ex may not be able to let go of all the anger.
Regardless of how much damage your words and actions have caused, you should start or resume no contact and act as if you hadn’t slipped up. Focus on the present rather than the past so you can forgive yourself and improve your self-love.
Many dumpees apologize for looking desperate, beg for forgiveness, and promise not to make the same mistakes. By doing so, they make themselves look even more desperate than they already are, so they push their ex further away and make reconciliation much harder.
As a dumpee, you must learn from your mistakes and leave your ex out of them. View your mistakes as valuable lessons to grow from and do better in the future. Your ex may not directly hear from you and see that you’ve grown, but that’s okay. Your actions will nonetheless show that you respect her decision to leave and you value yourself.
The breakup isn’t the time to prove your maturity and growth. It’s time to self-invest and wait for your ex to want you back. When that happens, you can show your ex the new you and have a better relationship because of it.
So don’t plan too much while your ex is still in the process of self-discovery. Things will fall into place on their own once your ex gets in trouble, experiences pain and regret, and understands your and her true worth. For now, you must work on detaching from your ex, learning from your mistakes, and loving yourself.
You must prepare yourself for when your ex hits a snag and discovers your romantic potential.
What do you think will help you get your ex-girlfriend back without looking desperate? Share your comments below.
And if you need help with your breakup, reach out to us after signing up for private coaching. At Magnet of Success, we specialize in helping dumpees find closure and increasing their chances of reconciliation.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Always always giving the best advices!
Thank you Zan for being here for us ❤️