How To Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back After Cheating?

Getting your ex-girlfriend back after cheating can be difficult.

Cheating can cause psychological trauma, destroy trust, ruin the innocence of the relationship, and kill romantic feelings. It can make the cheatee distance herself from the source of pain even if she craves recognition and love.

Emotionally strong and detached women tend not to take their ex back after cheating. They don’t want to trust their ex with their well-being and be vulnerable around him. They want to be in charge of their happiness and keep their at away from them.

If they can control how they feel, they’d rather do that than talk to the person who betrayed them and destroyed the foundation on which the relationship was built.

In a relationship, cheating is one of the worst things you can do. It breaks your partner’s heart and hurts her more than any words. Many cheatees discover they prefer physical pain over the pain caused by betrayal.

They’d rather experience physical abuse than accept the fact that their partner has found another person attractive and did the deed with him or her.

That’s why apologizing and begging for forgiveness and another chance probably won’t convince your ex to give the relationship another chance. Desperation works mainly on people who have low self-esteem and are codependent.

But even such people don’t always reconcile and relax around their partner. Oftentimes, they remain anxious and keep some distance due to fear of getting betrayed and hurt again. If they don’t redevelop trust and get comfortable around their partner, they detach and leave.

They don’t see a reason to stay because they don’t see their partner the way they did before they got cheated on. Cheating changes their perception of their partner and makes them prioritize their health and happiness over their ex’s regret and desire to reconnect as partners. 

So if you cheated on your ex and want to know how to get your ex-girlfriend back after cheating, know that your ex has a mind of her own. She decides what she thinks about you and what she wants.

If she doesn’t respect you, love you, and want to give you another chance after you’ve expressed the desire to bond and fix trust, there’s nothing you can do to change her mind.

Every attempt to be with her will only give her more power and allow her to reject you and punish you. She may not hurt you intentionally, but hurt people tend to do that out of self-protection. They say and do hurtful things to prevent the person who hurt them from getting close to them and causing them more pain.

By pushing the source of their pain and unhappiness away, they think they’re standing up for themselves and doing the right thing. They feel powerful and in control of their thoughts and feelings—and refuse to let go of control.

If you try to change your ex’s mind by force (by reasoning with her and telling her how you feel), you’ll give her control over your emotions and anger her. You’ll make her think you’re putting the effort in way too late and that you’re doing it only because you’re in pain.

You didn’t care when you were betraying her and having a good time. 

Betrayal could be difficult for your ex to overcome. She may not want to reconnect and live with the thought of her partner looking for sexual gratification outside of the relationship. She may accept the common belief that once a person cheats, he or she continues to cheat.

That’s especially likely to be the case if she was cheated on before and experienced continuous acts of infidelity.

That would imply that she’s developed trust issues and/or that she doesn’t have much patience when it comes to cheating. She thinks cheaters have serious issues to address and that she shouldn’t be around them.

Starting anew with someone else would be easier than healing from betrayal and learning to trust again.

As a cheater, you shouldn’t force your ex-girlfriend to forgive you and give you a chance to prove your worth. You should remember that you had your chance and that she already knows who you are and what you’re capable of.

She knows if you can grow and give her the security and love she needs.

The problem is that she may not want to open up her heart to you and let you win her back. She may have become resentful and overprotective of her emotions and health. In other words, she may have developed defense mechanisms that prevent her from seeing you as an equal moral partner.

Her values could differ too much from yours to take you back and work on the relationship. 

So don’t think that getting back after cheating rests entirely on your shoulders. It’s not all about apologizing and proving you care about her and want to work on yourself. It’s mainly about her willingness to hear you out, accept your immoral deeds, and live with betrayal. 

If she doesn’t want a cheater for a partner, your words and actions won’t be able to get her back. They won’t be able to do it no matter how sincere and regretful they are. Again, it’s not just about how sorry you are and how badly you want to work on the relationship with the girl or woman you cheated on.

The reconciliation with her also depends on your ex’s post-breakup experiences and preparedness to forgive, love, and get hurt again.

In this post, we discuss how to get your girlfriend back after cheating. We share things you must do and avoid doing if you want to regain her trust and love. 

How to get your ex-girlfriend back after cheating?

To get your ex-girlfriend back after cheating, you must understand what your ex needs from you. If she needs space to focus on herself and process the betrayal, you shouldn’t talk to her and rush her to get back with you.

You should give her the space to think things through and decide if being with you is worth the trouble. Your ex needs to decide on her own or she could feel pressured and disrespected.

On the other hand, if your ex is open to discussion and wants to understand why you did what you did, you should be patient and take accountability. Confess to giving in to temptation and lacking self-control.

Don’t blame your ex for your immoral actions. Even if the relationship wasn’t the best at the time of cheating, let her know it wasn’t the reason you cheated. You did it because you took the relationship for granted and couldn’t say no to the sexual opportunity that came your way.

Your ex must see that you understand why cheating happened. Once she understands it, you can move on to step 2, which includes appearing sincere and regretful. Show remorse by apologizing for damaging the relationship and hurting her feelings and trust.

“Sorry” may not instantly fix everything, but it will show her you regret acting impulsively and neglecting the time and feelings she invested in you.

Apologize once or twice during the breakup, and leave it at that. But if she keeps talking to you and telling you how hurt she is, continue to say you’re sorry for putting her through so much pain and that you’d go back in time and do the right thing if you could.

Sadly, most dumpees don’t get a chance to talk to the ex-girlfriend they cheated on. They get pushed away the moment they try because their ex doesn’t want to relive the cheating.

Such dumpees must avoid reaching out, apologizing, begging, sending gifts, guilt-tripping, and bothering their ex.

They must accept that their ex currently doesn’t want to work on getting back together and that they must avoid making things worse. Dumpees can make things worse simply by pestering their ex with their problems, pain, urges, and desires and not letting their ex self-prioritize and heal.

So don’t think you can fix a broken relationship by showing up at your ex’s house unannounced with a guitar, a love letter, and a hundred apologies. You can’t bring back your ex’s feelings and get rid of her pain with determination alone.

As a dumpee, you don’t have that kind of power. You lost it when your ex convinced herself the relationship wasn’t working and initiated the breakup. That was when you needed to change the tactics from convincing her to be with you to accepting her decision and giving her room to breathe.

You may have messed up badly, but that doesn’t mean your ex wants you to abandon your pride and fix her problems for her (her lack of feelings, trust, and commitment). All your ex wants from you is to give her space and let her decide what’s best for her.

If she still has feelings for you and thinks she can trust you, she’ll keep talking to you about the cheating and with your help, try to accept it and move past it. But if her feelings are gone and/or she thinks you’re a cheater who can’t be trusted, she’ll avoid you like the plague and show you she feels angry or repulsed by you.

I suggest you watch what she does.

An interested but hurt ex will likely talk to you and try to make the relationship work. She might appear hurt and angry, but she’ll initiate conversations and respond to you when you contact her. 

An uninterested ex, on the other hand, will ignore you, unfriend you, block you, blame you, call you names, tell others what you did, and try to stay busy with other people and activities. She’ll treat you like a stranger or an enemy and make you sorry for backstabbing her.

Nothing you say or do will calm her down and help her see the good parts of the relationship. When you cheated, the good parts instantly vanished. The only thing that can change her mind is if you show respect for her decision and yourself.

Therefore, getting your ex-girlfriend back after cheating requires the right approach.

You must either:

1. Converse with her (if she’s open to it), give her a bit of space to think, and express regret and willingness to work on yourself and the relationship. Tell her what she means to you and that you’ll understand if she doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore.
2. Give her space (if she doesn’t want to converse), respect her decision, preserve your worth, and let her process her emotions so she can figure out what’s best for her.

If you cheated and got dumped, your ex probably doesn’t want to talk. She’s set on leaving and keeps you away from her. Physical distance prevents her from getting reminded of you (and what you did) and protects her feelings.

You’ll have to go with approach 2 and let her think, feel, and do what she wants. If she wants to think poorly of you and blame you for cheating, you’ll have to let her do that. You don’t have the right to tell her she’s wrong and that you can be the person she wants you to be.

In her mind, you’re not the right person for her. She thinks you’re solely responsible for the breakup and the way she feels.

Because of that, you must give up on getting your ex-girlfriend back directly. You must choose a more passive approach that puts her in control of her life and lets her see you in a positive light.

It won’t be easy to do that, but you’ll have to go full no contact with your ex. No apologies, professions of love, and promises to be a better partner will make her lower her guard and think you deserve another chance.

Since she’s made up her mind, the only thing left to do is to leave her to her devices and “hope” that she has a change of heart. She could regret leaving you if she fails to find a replacement for you, gets hurt, and wants to feel secure with you (a person she already knows).

Getting your ex-girlfriend back is a waiting game that requires a lot of patience and acceptance. It requires you to come to terms with the breakup and improve your morals, behaviors, and things that could use improvement.

When/if your ex decides to check up on you and see if you regret cheating on her and ruining the relationship, she will need to see that you’ve worked on yourself and become the best version of yourself.

Your improvements combined with her failures and/or (separation) pain could make her miss her life with you and return for validation and security purposes.

Make sure you’re a better person, capable of maintaining a serious relationship before she initiates a conversation and feels tempted to get back with you. You don’t want her to see you’re still talking to the same person you cheated with or that you’re dating others.

If you love this person, you should work on your flaws and temptations rather than stay busy with other females. 

With that said, here are my tips on how to get your girlfriend back after cheating on her.

Make sure to also delete and block the person you cheated with. Don’t keep this person around just in case your ex doesn’t come back. If you regret cheating and want to be with your ex, you shouldn’t have any backup plans.

You should get rid of them and show your ex you can be trusted.

Accept the outcome and be patient

Whether your ex forgives you and desires your love and validation, remember that the decision to reconcile lies with your ex. You can’t and shouldn’t try to change your ex’s opinion of you and pretend like getting back together is best for your ex.

Your ex knows what’s best for her. She relies on her feelings for guidance and shouldn’t be told her feelings are wrong. Your ex should be encouraged to do what’s best for her, even if that means she won’t get back with you.

Giving her the freedom to do what she wants can have a reverse psychological effect on her and make her see that she’ll lose you and be unhappy if she doesn’t make an effort to reconnect.

Unfortunately, she probably won’t come back as quickly as you want her to. Your ex will probably view you as a cheater and a bad person until she processes betrayal and/or gets in some kind of trouble.

Pain, problems, and inability to deal with stressors could tempt her to check up on you and let go of the past. They could make her forgive you and want to be with you again.

The chances of that happening, though, aren’t very high. It’s much more likely that she’ll detach completely and move forward with her life. She’ll probably meet someone else and try to make that relationship work.

If she likes the guy, she’ll stay with him. But if she can’t connect with him and misses you, she could come back to you even though you betrayed her. If the relationship was healthy and the bond was strong, she could fall back in love with you and want to make things work.

That means the reconciliation also depends on your ex’s ability to forgive and desire for validation when she gets hurt. Some dumpers get their self-esteem crushed and want their ex back whereas others handle problems on their own and don’t crave their ex’s attention, validation, and support.

If your ex doesn’t get in a pickle, she probably won’t come back after the breakup. She won’t come back whether you cheated, lied, hit her, or did nothing wrong at all. Exes need a good incentive to come back. They need to hit a snag and realize their ex was a good partner to them.

When they realize that, they come back on their own as long as their ex lets go of control and preserves his or her worth.

What’s your opinion on getting an ex-girlfriend back after cheating? What do you think can make her forgive you and want to be with you? Comment below and let us know.

However, if you’d like to talk to us in detail about your cheating and ways to get back with her, sign up for 1-on-1 coaching with us. You can learn more about our services here.