How To Get An Ex Back After Cheating?

If you cheated on your ex and got dumped because of it, it will take much more than begging and pleading to get back with your ex. It will require your ex to have strong feelings and be unable to find happiness without you.

Dumpers don’t take their cheating exes back just because they love them. Sure, love is important, but the main reason they take them back is because they feel insecure and scared without them. Despite knowing they deserve a loyal partner, they fear losing them and staying unhappy. They don’t want to break the attachment and start anew from scratch.

That’s why they often do irrational things and take back exes who cheated and hurt them emotionally and physically. They return to exes they depended (and still depend) on because such exes make them feel the strongest feelings. Abusive exes make them miss the volatile relationship and remember mostly the good times—the times they felt happy and safe.

Of course, not all cheaters are abusers. Many cheaters had a good relationship prior to cheating and cheated “only” once. They lacked the ability to resist their temptations to feel desired by someone new, so they cheated when they got an opportunity to do so. They didn’t intend to get involved with someone else and leave their partner for another person.

Although codependent dumpers come back the most often, other types of dumpers come back too. The most common type, after codependent dumpers are those who struggle with self-love. Those with low self-esteem often instantly or quickly forgive their ex for cheating.

They feel they love their ex when, in reality, they don’t love themselves. They want their ex back even though getting back with someone who betrayed them is unsafe and requires a lot of work.

Dumpers also return when then they lack power and ways to feel in control. When they’re used to having a person “chase them,” they miss the feeling of being desired and go back to their ex to feel empowered. Such dumpers come back whether they were cheated on or did the cheating themselves.

And lastly, those who lack romantic or sexual opportunities also come back from time to time. They realize they were happier when they had a relationship and that they should have tried harder with their ex.

Whether exes (cheatees or regular dumpers) return depends on how they perceive their ex and if they’re able to forgive their ex for cheating. Not all dumpers can sweep something as big as cheating under the rug. Many dumpers can’t because they believe infidelity is a sign of a broken relationship that needs to end rather than continue.

So if you want to know how to get an ex back after cheating, bear in mind that it mostly depends not on what you’re willing to do to prove your worth but on your ex’s happiness, attachment to you, and whether your ex believes in reconciliations after cheating. If your ex grew up in a cheating family and thinks relationships end when someone cheats, your ex likely won’t change his or her beliefs and take you back.

On the contrary, your ex will strengthen his or her beliefs and find it incredibly difficult to trust you with his or her feelings.

If you cheated and got dumped, you should apologize for hurting your ex and thank your ex for everything. Do this during the breakup (not after) because if you do it after, you’ll make it look like you’re saying nice things just to woo your ex back. You’ll tell your ex what you want and ignore your ex’s decisions and feelings.

The decision to get back together must come from your ex, without begging and coercion. That’s the only way your ex will respect you and feel motivated to restore lost trust. If you keep telling your ex you’re sorry and that you’ll do better, you’ll pressure your ex and show your ex once again that you don’t care about anyone but yourself.

That will probably anger your ex and cause your ex to stop responding to you.

No matter how badly you regret cheating, prepare yourself for the possibility that you might not get another chance with your ex. Accept that cheating has consequences and that your ex might not want to trust you even if you do everything right.

Some couples or ex-couples don’t withstand cheating and get second or third chances. They break up permanently because they ruin trust in the relationship. Trust is hard to rebuild after infidelity, physical abuse, lies, stealing, irresponsible financial decisions, and prioritizing drugs and addictions over the relationship.

It’s much easier to discard the relationship and start a new relationship that doesn’t need fixing. A new relationship can be a gamble and may come with challenges of its own, but some dumpers prefer to go through the stages of a new relationship with someone they know nothing about.

They prefer to try again with a stranger than to work on a broken relationship with a person they know. The reason for that is that they change how they think and feel about their ex. They lose feelings for their ex and want to feel how they felt before they got cheated on. For a while, the new person almost always makes them feel good.

He or she empowers them with validation and hope and distracts them from their cheating ex.

Things may change months into the relationship when the new person fails to meet their expectations and makes them miss their ex. That’s when they consider coming back to an ex even though he or she cheated once or multiple times. People (this includes dumpers) always do what’s best for them. They leave a relationship when the relationship makes them unhappy and come back to the relationship when it gives them hope and positive vibes.

You’ll have to learn how to make your ex think and feel positive and see your romantic worth.

Those who get another chance should be grateful for their partner’s forgiveness and work hard on rebuilding trust and making sure cheating doesn’t happen again.

In this article, we discuss how to get an ex back after cheating.

How to get an ex back after cheating?

Getting your ex back after cheating won’t happen just because you want it badly enough. It will require a healthy, realistic ex-back approach and an understanding of what your ex needs after the breakup.

And what your ex needs is to feel respected. He or she didn’t feel respected when you cheated, so your ex must feel respected now that he or she left and feels in control.

Your ex can feel this way by getting the space he or she asked for by leaving you. Some space doesn’t mean a few days of quiet before you start bombarding your ex with love letters and apology texts. It means giving your ex as long as he or she needs to process cheating and see if he or she can forgive you and trust you again.

That means you should leave your ex alone and stop/avoid apologizing, explaining, convincing, begging, or making excuses. Remember that you can’t change what happened and how your ex thinks about you. Only your ex can change his or her thinking by learning that you were a good partner who made a terrible mistake.

I don’t know if you can call cheating a mistake, but you have to let your ex think, feel, and do what he or she wants.

If your ex wants to think negatively about you and date someone else, you mustn’t try to stop your ex. You mustn’t make affectionate gestures and try to talk your way back into a relationship. At the moment, your ex isn’t open to reconciliation. Your ex is convinced you don’t deserve another chance and that you can’t give him or her long-term happiness and stability.

Infidelity completely changed your ex’s perception of you and annihilated your ex’s feelings and relationship goals. It shocked your ex so much that it stopped your ex from seeing a future with you.

Although some dumpers still have feelings for their ex after their ex cheated on them, their determination to stay broken up is usually stronger than their desire for validation. They know they didn’t deserve to get cheated on and that they must keep their distance for their own good.

Only those who crave validation more than they love themselves run back to their ex for healing. Such dumpers reconcile with their ex and hope their ex won’t cheat on them again. If they don’t set the bar high in terms of relationship expectations, they let their ex in very quickly and discourage their ex from learning from his or her impulsive actions.

I know that you don’t want to keep your distance from your ex and that distance scares you and gives you anxiety, but you don’t have a choice right now. Since you’ve broken your ex’s trust, you need to let your ex feel safe and comfortable in whatever way he or she chooses. This will allow your ex to feel respected as an individual for the first time since you cheated and prevent your ex from despising you (further).

Your ex will be able to focus on the present rather than the past and focus on healing.

You must keep in mind that your ex’s pain, self-love, morals, and crossed boundaries currently prevent your ex from giving you another chance. As long as your ex loves himself or herself more than you, your ex will stay away from you no matter how sorry you are and how badly you want to make things right.

Due to feelings of betrayal and an understanding that your ex can do just fine without you, your ex will close the chapter with you and move forward. You won’t be able to influence your ex’s decision and reconnect emotionally.

So how can you get your ex back after cheating?

First of all, know that it won’t be easy. If your ex doesn’t forgive you after a few days, your ex probably won’t forgive you in the short term. Your ex will continue to blame you for being unfaithful, causing pain, and wasting months or years of his or her time. Your ex will think you’re a cheater who lacks gratitude, self-control, morals, and respect.

You may still love your ex, but love isn’t enough to fix this mess.

To get your ex back after cheating, you’ll have to accept the breakup and stop pestering your ex with apologies, promises, and love gestures. Apologize only once or twice sincerely and tell your ex you respect his or her decision to leave. If you want, you can say that you’d probably do the same if you were him or her and reassure your ex that you’ll give him or her some space.

Don’t tell your ex to contact you if he or she changes his or her mind. You may have messed up, but your ex still needs to feel a sense of urgency. If your ex has doubts but knows you’re waiting to reconcile, he or she won’t be in any hurry to come back. Your ex will take his or her sweet time, date someone else, or consult friends and family who will all advise him or her not to give you another chance.

Your best bet is to exude high self-esteem and let your ex know you want the best for him or her even if it’s not with you. That will tell your ex you’re strong and trying to be a better person. Everything else will show you don’t respect his or her decisions and need for space and that you’re still only looking out for your own wants and needs.

So start by respecting your ex’s decision to break up. You don’t have to like it, but you must accept it quickly and confidently. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can expect your ex to stop feeling pressured by you and thinking you’re being selfish and inconsiderate.

Don’t treat the breakup like an ordinary relationship argument. If you were still together, you’d be able to change your ex’s mind simply by apologizing, expressing feelings, and promising not to make the same mistake again. But now that your ex doesn’t want to forgive you, you’re in a completely different situation.

You’re in a breakup, which requires you to respect its dynamics and change your reconciliation tactics.

Relationship problems require an active approach whereas breakup issues require a passive one. You must let your ex process the betrayal, recognize your value, and reach out of his or her own volition. As much as you want to help your ex deal with his or her issues and speed up the reconciliation process, you must understand that your ex is responsible for coping with emotional pain, discovering your worth, and reinitiating contact.

You can’t help your ex with issues your ex doesn’t want your help with. Help your ex only if your ex contacts you, asks for explanations, and looks for reasons to trust you and want you back.

With that said, here’s how to get an ex back after cheating.

Getting your ex back after cheating will take time

If your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend can’t or doesn’t want to trust you and give the relationship another chance, you obviously shouldn’t keep asking your ex to do something he or she doesn’t want to do. No means no, and you must respect it. Respect it whether you’ve learned your lesson, realized your ex’s worth, and committed to evolving as a person.

How your ex feels about you depends on how many and which mistakes you make during and after the relationship, how your ex copes with betrayal, whether your ex can forgive you, what kind of advice your ex listens to, and what kind of problems your ex encounters without you.

If your ex has a hard time breaking the attachment or finding someone who loves him or her and wants to be in a committed relationship, your ex could come back even though you cheated.

Many couples get back together despite infidelity and trust issues. Some break up shortly after reconciliation, whereas others invest in themselves and each other and make the relationship work. They understand they have a lot of work to do if they want to make their relationship stronger.

Sadly, it can take dumpers many months or years to redevelop feelings and want their ex back romantically. Something must usually go wrong in their lives. Something that triggers immense pain and desire for validation and love.

This can be anything soul-destroying that makes their new issues overshadow their ex’s cheating and causes them to forgive their ex.

It has to be something they can’t work through on their own and need their ex’s help with. When they believe their ex can help them with their problem, they can redevelop feelings and consider getting back with their ex.

So don’t think you must say or do the right thing to reconnect with your ex. Your job is to preserve your worth and wait for your ex to get in a pickle. When your ex has a hard time dealing with his or her problems, your ex could regain respect and run back to you for familiarity and safety.

You could get another chance with your ex if you avoid looking desperate and ignoring your ex’s need for space and let your ex realize that besides the cheating, the relationship was good.

I strongly encourage you to stay away from your ex until your ex realizes the things he or she needs to realize and contacts you to express feelings. When you know you both still love each other, you can then start working on the relationship together as a couple.

How do you want to get your ex back after cheating? Do you expect your ex to return if you talk to your ex and explain how sorry you are? Share your views and plans in the comments below.

And if you want to discuss your infidelity and reconciliation tactics with us, subscribe to breakup coaching and get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.