If you want to know how your dumper ex feels after seeing you, I can tell you that your ex doesn’t feel anything special that would make it easier for your ex to get back together with you. Like most dumpers, your ex probably feels relieved the encounter is over and that your ex can once again focus on people or things that distract, empower, and support your ex.
Your ex feels the same way about you feelings-wise as before the encounter because your ex hasn’t yet discovered a reason to reconnect with you. Your ex still believes the breakup needed to happen and that your ex can finally do his or her own things.
Depending on why and how the breakup happened, how you presented yourself in person, and what feelings your ex has processed, your ex might also feel a bit nostalgic and curious. Dumpers may not think about their ex as often as dumpees, but they nonetheless wonder about their ex and check their ex’s social media.
They want to know how their ex is coping with the breakup, what their ex is up to, (and if they’re not doing well) why their ex is happy when they’re not. How they think and feel largely depends on their happiness and unpredictable and difficult circumstances. The happier they are, the less they think about their ex and their ex’s reasons for having his or her life under control.
Most of the time though, the encounter itself makes them feel uncomfortable, nervous, and anxious. They don’t know what to say and do with themselves, so they resort to basic actions like smiling, laughing, and making small talk about everyday or random topics. They engage in a conversation that feels odd to them but stimulating to their ex.
When they end the conversation, they immediately stop feeling pressured and feel a weight lifted off their shoulders. Not only do they get out of a suffocating situation, but they also understand that their ex is doing okay and harbors no hard feelings toward them.
If the breakup happened recently (less than a year ago), the chances of the dumper feeling attracted and in love are small. The encounter tends not to stimulate the dumper in such a way that allows the dumper to redevelop romantic cravings. It usually merely assuages the dumper’s guilt, shame, curiosity, or nostalgia.
To feel a desire to reconnect emotionally, the dumper needs to be doing very badly. He or she has to feel unfulfilled emotionally and miss the dumpee’s closeness and support. But then again, when the dumper misses the dumpee romantically, he or she normally reaches out. The dumper doesn’t wait to randomly run into the dumpee and ask him or her out for coffee.
When the dumper invites the dumpee out, it’s normally because the dumper is curious about the dumpee and wants to catch up and/or be friends.
Now that your ex has seen you in person for the first time since the breakup, your ex got to see how you’re doing emotionally and how safe it may be to talk to you if he or she were to reach out. Despite seeing you, indifference remains your ex’s main emotion. Your ex continues not to obsess over you simply because your ex is in control of his or her life and emotions and doesn’t need your help with them.
This is probably hard to read if you want your ex back, but you need to know that dumpers seldom feel happy and excited to see their ex. They may appear happy at first, but this is because they’re nervous and don’t know what to expect. They don’t know if their ex dislikes them or feels desperate for their love and recognition.
After the first conversation, though, they usually revert to their space-seeking selves and tend not to engage in any productive conversations that help their ex feel better. They already got what they wanted, so they tend to keep their distance and focus on themselves.
Dumpees, on the other hand, usually feel extremely anxious and hopeful when they run into their ex. Their heart rate increases twofold if not threefold, which indicates that their ex’s opinion is extremely important to them. It’s important because their ex rejected them, obliterated their self-esteem, and made them emotionally reliant on their ex.
After the encounter, dumpees obsess about their ex even more. They wonder why their ex looked happy or disinterested and why he or she said or did certain things. They analyze their ex’s appearance and behavior thoroughly and try to obtain new information that would put their anxious mind at ease.
Contrary to dumpers, dumpees feel worse after seeing their ex. They feel sad, anxious, depressed, and obsessed with their ex as seeing their ex tends to give them hope or take their hope away. Usually, they feel less hopeful because their ex doesn’t give them any recognition and signs of wanting to get back together.
If you ask yourself, “How does my ex feel after seeing me,” you’re probably the dumpee in your breakup. You wonder if being seen by your ex affected your ex similarly to how it affected you.
Unfortunately, that’s highly unlikely. Your ex, as the one who terminated the relationship can’t feel the way you do. It’s impossible because you have different wants, needs, and expectations. You want your ex to come back and empower you whereas your ex already feels empowered and needs space and time to self-prioritize and process the breakup in his or her own ways.
It would be unreasonable to expect your ex to feel like you. If your ex felt like you, your ex would have come back by now. He or she would have expressed romantic feelings and regrets and recommitted to loving you.
Since your ex hasn’t done that, it’s clear that your ex still feels okay with the way things are and that your ex loves himself or herself significantly more than you. As long as your ex’s self-love far exceeds his or her love for you and expectations of you, your ex wants to stay broken up and keep his or her distance.
So how could your ex’s self-love decrease and love for you increase?
That’s simple. Your ex “just” needs to experience problems that affect his or her self-esteem and ability to feel positive emotions. Something or someone must affect your ex’s perception of him/herself and show your ex that emotionally and safety-wise, things may have been better in the past.
When your ex feels nostalgic and regretful and struggles to love him/herself and feel safe, it’s only a matter of time before your ex wants you back and reaches out to reconcile.
In this post, we discuss how your ex feels after seeing you and what you should do if you can’t stop loving and obsessing over your ex.
How does my ex feel after seeing me?
If your ex is a dumper, your ex feels far from excited. Your ex most likely feels relieved that the danger has passed and that he or she can go back to focusing on things he or she considers more important. Your ex would rather focus on friends and hobbies than think about how you feel after seeing him or her. Your thoughts and feelings no longer concern your ex because your ex feels happy and in control of the breakup.
Your life could concern your ex if or when your ex becomes curious, gets overwhelmed with guilt, or encounters some kind of problem he or she needs your help with. That’s when your ex will think about you and perhaps even want to be a part of your life again.
But now that your ex gets to feel free, your ex doesn’t worry about matters and people from the past. He or she has processed them a long time ago and feels more excited to focus on exciting things that give your ex purpose and a sense of progression.
Don’t take it the wrong way, but your dumper ex doesn’t care about you very much right now. Your ex is glad he or she got some space from you and found ways to keep himself or herself busy and content. As long as your ex stays distracted and feels happy, your ex’s perception of you will remain the same.
Your ex will process the breakup and think more rationally over time, but love-wise, your ex won’t make any progress. Time alone won’t change how your ex feels about you because time can’t bring back feelings. Time merely allows your ex to think and feel certain thoughts and emotions. If those thoughts and emotions aren’t healthy and don’t align with your ex’s expectations, your ex might rediscover your importance the hard way (through pain) and fall back in love with you.
Your ex could want you back and feel more motivated to have a fulfilling relationship with you as long as you maintain your dignity and demand your ex to put in a lot of effort.
Right now, though, that’s far from happening. It’s unlikely that a random encounter with your ex has triggered your ex’s longings and made your ex want to be with you. On the contrary, it’s probably made your ex feel uncomfortable and hungrier for more space and time.
It made your ex see that he or she isn’t ready to be friends or even occasional friends. Not while your ex is still space-deprived and feels scared of your expectations, feelings, and reactions.
Your ex may want friendship or more than that later, but at the moment, your ex doesn’t feel ready (feel the need to) reconnect and fix the broken relationship. Your ex prefers to stay broken up as the breakup feels liberating and puts your ex in full control of his or her life.
With that said, here’s how your ex feels after seeing you.
If your ex is a dumpee, however, then your ex probably feels a lot more anxious than before. He or she takes your happiness and independence to heart and obsesses over it day and night. Your ex wants to figure out why you looked, sounded, or even smelled the way you did. Your ex was used to having a different impression of you, so your ex wonders if your physical and emotional changes have something to do with his or her absence.
Your ex’s ruined self-esteem plays tricks on your ex’s mind and makes your ex want to understand what’s changed and feel validated.
Dumpees tend not to feel great after seeing or talking to their ex. Most of them feel miserable because they absorb tons of useless information they need days to process and stop thinking about. They become more obsessed with their ex and as a result, need longer to recover and love themselves.
One of the worst things dumpees can do is watch their ex or talk to their ex. Not only do such things hurt them and reset their healing, but they also lower their chances of staying mysterious and making their ex wonder about them. That’s why it’s crucial for dumpees not to work/live with an ex after the breakup and go to places where they know their ex will be.
Dumpees must avoid their ex for a while. By avoiding their ex, they can block out unnecessary information regarding their ex and guarantee the fastest recovery for themselves.
Stop caring about how your ex feels and start caring about how you feel!
The more time you spend thinking about how your ex perceives you and feels, the worse you’ll feel and the longer it will take you to regain your independence. Not only will you stay emotionally dependent on your ex, but you’ll also waste your post-breakup time and risk making breakup mistakes such as reaching out and begging your ex for another chance.
Your goal as a dumpee should be to heal and love yourself. Once you’ve accomplished that, you can care about your ex’s feelings and consider getting back with your ex (if that’s what you want). You’ll be better prepared to make healthy decisions for yourself; decisions that benefit you in the long run, not just in the moment.
So as much as you want your ex to be on the same wavelength as you, remember that your ex is incapable of caring about you as much as you want him or her to care. Your ex is probably still enjoying his or her post-breakup space and independence, thinking about people and things that create positive thoughts and emotions.
Such people and things make your ex feel excited and let your ex avoid thinking about the difficult past.
Your ex will respect you and like you much more if you appear emotionally strong and independent. He or she will understand that you’re moving on with your life and that you possess the ability to enjoy your life with or without your ex.
This won’t bring your ex back in the near future, but it could change how your ex feels in the long run. It depends on many factors, such as how you present yourself, your ex’s personality and coping mechanisms, and the problems your ex encounters without you. If your ex gets into a new relationship and experiences a painful rejection or betrayal, your ex might think back and remember you used to be there for your ex.
This kind of thinking could trigger longings for the past and a better future and tempt your ex to seek your validation and commitment. There’s no guarantee that your ex will become regretful and want you back, but if your ex does, you’ll be in a much better position to decide if you still want a relationship with your ex.
That’s because you’ll know your worth as a person and feel happy on your own.
So keep in mind that you won’t care about your ex forever. When you process the separation and rebuild your self-esteem, your opinion of your ex will change significantly. It will let you see that your ex abandoned the relationship when it needed work and that you deserve someone who works through issues with you.
Are you still wondering how your ex feels after seeing you? Why do you worry about how your ex thinks and feels? Share your reasons for analyzing your ex’s thoughts and feelings in the comments section below.
And if you want to discuss your breakup concerns with us via text, call, or email, visit our coaching page to learn how we can help you.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
