Ex Says There Is No Chance Of Getting Back Together

Did your ex say there is no chance of getting back together and you’re wondering if your ex meant that?

To kick this article off with a little bit of hope, you should probably know that exes can say a lot of mean, harsh, and downright disrespectful things. They usually feel angry and smothered so they can say things that people say when emotions run high.

They don’t think weeks or months ahead because they don’t know or care how they’ll feel later. All they care about is here and now, which is why the future is uncertain.

Just how couples sometimes promise each other the world and then go back on their word, so do dumpers. And they do it for the same (emotional) reasons. Since dumpers’ feelings change over time (or rather become less intense), their beliefs, thoughts, and perceptions change a little bit as well.

They become less difficult for them to manage, so they sometimes realize that they don’t despise their exes and that they could benefit from speaking with their exes, hanging out with them, sleeping with them, or getting back with them.

They just need to detach a bit and see that their exes don’t mean any harm.

The point I’m trying to make is that exes typically don’t remain bitter, negative, and self-destructive forever. Only those who lack maturity and an understanding of themselves tend to do that.

But then again, getting back with such people would be a waste of life because someone who can’t handle negative emotions can’t improve his or her perceptions of you and maintain a relationship.

That person is used to acting on instincts and is likely going to keep doing that for quite some time. Probably until someone teaches him or her a painful lesson.

So if your ex says there is no chance of getting back together, don’t worry about your ex for now. The breakup is still fresh, which is why your ex needs more time to process it. Your ex needs to distance himself or herself from it so that your ex can cool off, see things more clearly, and feel more positive emotions.

Today’s post is for dumpees who were told there is no chance of getting back together. We’ll discuss why exes say that, when they say that, and if or when they mean that.

Why did my ex say there’s no chance of getting back together?

If your ex told you that you’re never getting back together, your ex probably didn’t say this randomly out of the blue. Your ex must have felt pressured into giving the relationship another chance and was tired of saying no and explaining himself or herself to you.

Your ex just wanted you to understand that the relationship was over and that you needed to let him or her be.

But because you kept begging and pleading with your ex or doing something your ex didn’t like, your ex saw you had no respect for him or her let alone yourself and treated you the way you allowed yourself to be treated. In other words, because you kept pushing your ex to change his or her mind, you showed you didn’t have the strength to separate from your ex and find your own peace and happiness.

As a result, you angered your ex and made your ex say something that not only punished you for testing his/her patience but also took your hope for reconciliation away. Your ex felt that he or she had no choice because your ex was dealing with other post-breakup difficulties such as guilt for breaking your heart and shame for throwing away a relationship.

Your ex didn’t have it as easy as you’d thought, so your ex told you to stop begging and making him or her feel cornered and disrespected.

You must understand that your ex broke up with you with the intention to stop investing energy in you and feeling negative emotions. Your ex expected the breakup to appease negative emotions, but instead, it made things worse because you didn’t accept the breakup and let him or her move forward without reminders of the past and the negative emotions the relationship created.

So if you’re still wondering why your ex said there’s no chance of getting back together in the future, know that it’s because you stayed in your ex’s life and told or showed your ex that you were hoping to get back together. Your actions or presence forced this response out of your ex and made it possible for your ex to protect himself or herself from your expectations.

Had you gone no contact and by doing so left your ex alone to think and feel whatever he or she wanted, you wouldn’t have gotten a response like that from your ex. You would have shown that you respected yourself and that you’re not going to beg your ex to be with you.

Not after your ex has given up on you.

With that said, here’s why your ex said there is no chance of getting back together.

When do exes mean there’s no chance of getting back together?

Exes always mean what they say. They’re exhausted from the end of the relationship, so they need time to heal. The question you should be asking yourself is how you can tell your ex is done with you for good (not just when your ex is irritated).

Generally speaking, you can tell your ex is done when the love is gone – when your ex feels smothered by you and has no more plans for you and the future. That’s when your ex is serious about the breakup and can’t see himself or herself getting back with you.

But I suppose most dumpers feel that way right after the breakup. Most of them feel pressured and will push you away if you try to get too close to them. They can’t interact with you because you remind them of the past and trigger unwanted emotions.

It’s the dumpers who push you away months after the breakup that you have to worry about though. Those dumpers are much more determined to stay broken up with you because they’ve had time to disassociate negative emotions but didn’t.

Instead of improving their perceptions of you, they kept thinking poorly of you until they decided there was no point in keeping you around. Pushing you away felt like a much better idea because it gave them the freedom to make their own decisions and worry about themselves.

So keep in mind that exes who tell you things like “we’re not getting back together, I’m done, I don’t want you back” months after the breakup usually don’t go back on their word. They don’t see a reason to because they lost respect for their ex and haven’t processed their negative emotions.

This, of course, doesn’t mean that they’ll never get back with you. But the chances of a successful reconciliation with them are much smaller because they’re still upset and possibly holding grudges when they should be feeling much better.

The only way such dumpers could come back is if they get hurt badly (really badly) and realize your worth through pain and suffering. That could make them come back even if they talked badly about you, tried to ruin your reputation, and told you there’s no chance of getting back together.

Pain can force dumpers to forget about the things they said, the harm they’ve caused, and the way they feel about their exes. It can change their emotions almost instantaneously as it makes them pity themselves and look for help from people they used to get help from in the past.

So whether your ex told you there’s 0 chance of getting back together right after the breakup or months or years after, try to understand that all breakups indicate the end of romantic feelings and often respect. They show that dumpers started looking after themselves and that they may not come back unless they fail and get hurt when they date other people and do things without their dumpee.

What to do when an ex says there is no chance of getting back together?

The first thing you must do when an ex says you’re not getting back together is to tell or show your ex you accept the breakup and that you’re not going to try to change his or her mind. Show that you feel secure and content on your own and that you’re not desperate about getting back together.

You probably need your ex back more than you need physiological needs such as air and food, but you can’t let your ex know that. If your ex knows you’re thinking about getting back with him or her, your ex will pity you and/or feel smothered by you and run for the hills.

So instead of making your ex feel emotions he or she doesn’t want to feel, exude confidence and show that you’re not a threat. Show that you know your worth and that you won’t stay in your ex’s life just because you’d spent some time together.

Do that by starting no contact and letting go of hope. It’s the only way you’ll take the pressure off your ex and perhaps even make your ex miss you and want to be with you.

No one knows if your ex will come back after telling you there’s no chance of getting back together, but if you don’t follow the rules of no contact and leave your ex alone, you probably won’t just annoy your ex but also bring a bad reaction out of your ex.

This reaction will show you that your ex doesn’t care about you and hurt you. So avoid making things difficult for both of you by distancing yourself from your ex while your ex still has some respect for you. Do it out of respect for yourself and your loved ones.

It won’t be easy to stop thinking about your ex and the things your ex has said, but rest assured that no contact gets easier with time. It helps you detach and see that your ex wasn’t the best person in the world for you. If he or she was the best, the breakup probably could have been avoided.

My experience with exes who say they’re not coming back

I’ve worked with a few dumpees whose ex told them that he or she would never come back and be with them. But despite their ex telling them that, their ex still came back. He or she realized that the relationship was great and that he or she had made an impulsive decision to leave.

I’ve also read a story online where the dumper talked badly about her ex, prank called the guy with her new boyfriend, and came back when karma hit her hard. Apparently, the new guy betrayed her with her friend and made her lose her relationship and her friendship.

But when she came back, her ex didn’t want her back anymore. He’d regained self-respect and realized that he can do better than his demeaning ex.

I’m telling you this not so you can hold on to hope and stay dependent on your ex but so you can understand that sometimes (although rarely) even the most impulsive and toxic dumpers come back.

Such dumpers need something to go wrong so they can run back to an ex who kept his or her worth and has the strength to help them cope with the injustice that was done to them.

What do you think about an ex who says there is no chance of getting back together? Do you think there’s any hope? What did your ex tell you? Post your breakup story below the post.

However, if you’d like to discuss your ex’s behavior privately, visit this page for more information on coaching.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.