Did you recently find out that your ex-girlfriend is pregnant with her new boyfriend’s baby? Did it shock you and make you crave your ex even more?
If it did, it’s because you still had expectations of your ex-girlfriend. You had hopes that she feels something for you or that she would show you she cares about you and the things you went through as a couple.
But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. She barely knows her new boyfriend, yet she’s already pregnant with the guy’s baby and is forced to plan a future with him. It’s like she’s a completely different person.
You used to be intimate with her, and now you’re watching her progress in life while you’re still thinking about her and recovering from the breakup.
As her ex-boyfriend, you don’t like what she’s doing because you get the feeling that she’s rushing things and that your relationship with her will never be the same again.
You fear that if she were to come back that you would obsess about the fact that she’s pregnant with another man’s child and that you wouldn’t be able to trust her for being so careless. You probably wouldn’t even want to date her or would be hesitant about it.
All these things combined kill your hope and hurt you.
They make you feel that your ex has made it impossible for you to date her again and that you have no choice but to move on with your life.
Before you act on your pain and judge your ex for moving on with some random guy, know that your ex probably didn’t plan a baby with this person. She was most likely just “a bit” reckless with him and behaved irresponsibly because she was excited about the newness of the relationship.
She just wanted to make use of the love phase and have fun. Little did she know that “fun” would result in a pregnancy with a guy she barely knows and trusts and that her life would change so much. So don’t envy, criticize, condemn, or accuse your ex of things. Unless she really wanted a baby, the truth is that she hasn’t foreseen this and that her life is going to change from a carefree life to a life of responsibility and commitment.
It’s going to be stressful and probably painful for her at times. Especially when she discovers that the person who got her pregnant has many flaws that she wasn’t aware of before.
To you as an observer, it probably seems as if your ex has had it easy – that she didn’t think about you much and that she neglected all her issues. And that is probably true. She likely just focused on moving on and enjoying herself. But now that she’s pregnant, the reality is going to catch up with her and cause her relaxed life to end. It’s going to make her get serious very quickly and force her to start preparing for bringing a new life into this world.
Mind you that she’s going to do that with a guy she doesn’t even know that well. For all she knows, he could be immature, a wife-beater, or someone she can’t communicate with when things get heated.
So again, don’t think that your ex will have it easy or conversely, that you’ll have it hard because you’re single or in a relationship with your new girlfriend who isn’t pregnant. Comparing yourself to your ex-girlfriend and envying or fearing what she has isn’t worth worrying about.
What you see is only what your ex allows you to see. The truth is obscured far beneath the surface and will be revealed to your ex first when infatuation wanes and your ex gets to meet the real version of the person she’s dating.
In today’s post, we’re going to talk about what to do when your ex-girlfriend is pregnant with her new boyfriend’s baby.
I found out my ex-girlfriend got pregnant by her new boyfriend
If you still have feelings for your ex and want your ex back, finding out that your ex is having a baby with her new boyfriend must be devastating news. It must feel as if all your hopes and plans for reuniting with your ex instantly went up in ablaze and that the only thing left to do is to move on.
Deep inside, you know that children and marriage are a big thing as they indicate that your ex wants to leave the past behind and start a family. She wants to get serious and become a parent.
And you really don’t like that.
You’d been hoping she would take some time to herself, preferably not date anyone, and eventually come back to have a family with you. But instead, your ex got pregnant by her new boyfriend and revealed that she isn’t thinking about getting back with you.
She’s thinking about starting a family.
So now, you probably feel perplexed and have no idea what to do next. You feel that your ex’s unborn baby has made it hard or impossible to be with her and that she may have a happy ever after with her new boyfriend.
That’s what your anxiety is telling you.
The truth, however, is that this discovery has shocked you so much that it’s now playing with your rational thinking and preventing you from seeing things clearly.
It’s convincing you that your relationship with your ex can’t be restored because 1)she’s in love with her new boyfriend and 2)you don’t want to take care of their child. You want a child of your own.
If this is what you’re pondering about day and night, you need to take a deep breath and relax a bit. Your ex may indeed be infatuated with her new boyfriend, but what you see on Facebook or Snapchat isn’t an accurate representation of their relationship.
The things you see online are only the best moments of their lives because those are the moments they allow you to see.
You have no idea about the stressors, arguments, and trepidation they deal with or will deal with when their fun ends and forces them to face reality.
When they need to step up their game, trust me that you’ll no longer envy your ex and wish to be a part of your ex’s intimate life. You’ll get over the shock of the pregnancy and see that you were hurting because you thought your ex would be more careful and considerate of your feelings.
So don’t panic. Your ex may be pregnant with another man’s baby, but that doesn’t mean that she’s happy and you’re not. All it means is that she wasn’t careful and responsible and that she’ll have to face the consequences of her reckless actions.
Here are a few reasons why you’re so worried about your ex being pregnant by another guy.
What to do when your ex gets pregnant by her new boyfriend?
If your ex’s pregnancy came as a shock to you, you mustn’t allow yourself to act on that shock and reach out to your ex. You mustn’t do it because if you cave in, you’ll disrespect her new boyfriend and annoy or guilt-trip your ex.
You’ll force her to explain herself to you (give you closure) and get even more hurt when she reveals that she’s serious about building a life with her new boyfriend.
So instead of preaching to your ex about her lack of respect, caution, and responsibility, don’t reach out to your ex at all. Let her and her boyfriend take care of their responsibilities while you focus on taking care of yours – on getting over the breakup.
By distancing yourself from your ex, you won’t instantly feel better. But you will avoid making post-breakup mistakes and allow your heart to process the shocking news as fast as it possibly can.
And if you’re wondering whether you should congratulate your ex and wish her well, I say you should do that only if she reaches out and shares the news with you. That’s when you should be mature about it and show her that you want the best for her even if it’s not with you.
You may not emotionally mean what you say because you’ll feel hurt and maybe even betrayed, but at least you’ll do the right thing and stop yourself from resenting your ex. You’ll make it easier for yourself to forgive your ex and let go of her.
If that doesn’t help, keep in mind that your ex’s life will be far from easy from here on out and that she’ll have to learn a lot of new things and adapt. Not only that. If it’s been just a few months since they got together, your ex will also have to learn how her new boyfriend reacts to issues, arguments, and various unpleasant emotions and figure out how to communicate with him efficiently.
If you think about it, she’s taking a big gamble with him.
She’s committing to him not just because she wants to commit to him but because she needs to commit. She doesn’t have a choice right now as she could use all the help she could get.
So if you’re hurt and confused now that your ex-girlfriend is pregnant with someone else’s kid, try to understand that your ex is out of options. She may not be 100% certain about her new boyfriend yet, but she doesn’t want to get an abortion just because of that.
She wants to be responsible and see things through.
With that said, here are a few things to remember when your ex gets pregnant with another man’s child.
Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. But when you get pregnant by a guy who’s had a chance to show you only his best side, you’re taking a shot in the dark. You have no idea how reliable your partner will be when he needs to put in the work and provide for his family.
He could be loving and hardworking or he could be cold-hearted and neglectful. No one knows, and neither does your ex. That’s why more time has to pass so they can get to know each other better and see if they can work well under pressure.
How to cope with your ex being pregnant by another guy?
Learning that your ex-girlfriend is pregnant can be heart-crushing. It can take all your hope away in one blow, re-open your breakup wounds, and make you more anxious than you’ve been in a long time.
That’s why the most important thing you can do is to go no contact. Cease all communication, unfollow your ex online, and delete social media profiles if you have to. Do whatever it takes to stop information about your ex’s life from getting into your mind.
Doing so will distance you from the cause of the problem and slowly but surely make the problem smaller. If you do this successfully, it’s only a matter of time before you get over the fact that your ex is pregnant with another man’s child.
However, if you don’t stick to the rules of no contact, then you’ll probably keep finding out unnecessary things about your ex and watch as your ex’s belly grows and her relationship progresses.
As a general rule of thumb, the less you know about your ex, the better. So push your ex out of your life (if you haven’t yet) and ask your friends not to talk to you about your ex. You need to keep your ex away from you and your hobbies, ambitions, and passions close to you.
Basically, find something to distract yourself with and stay busy. This is how you’ll slowly rebuild your self-esteem, get over the breakup, and realize that your ex did you a huge favor. It sucks that she hurt you, but you’ll realize that she forced you to lose remaining hope and allowed you to finally focus on yourself and those who matter to you.
Did your ex-girlfriend get pregnant with her new boyfriend’s baby? Did it come as surprise to you and hurt you? Comment below and let me know.
Or if you’re looking for 1-on-1 guidance and would like our help, click here to learn more.
Hello, Zan, I hope your having a wonderful day, I’m recently going through this situation, my ex recently added me on social media after 8 months no contact, this gave me false hope of reconciliation and the next week posted that they was pregnant, I had to remove them because my heart is shattered, I just don’t understand why anyone would add their ex and then announce they’re pregnant.
thanks for running this website, it helped me a lot through the process
Hi Gordon.
Maybe she wanted to announce this to you indirectly and also assuage any remaining guilt. Exes do some incomprehensible things sometimes. This is one of those times.
I urge you to unfollow her. Do what you can to avoid checking up on her and getting hurt in the process.
Best,
Zan
Hi Zan, and thanks Gordon for asking this question and sharing:
I had my ex who left and a year later I broke no contact for closure- he reveal he left because he wasn’t ready for the next stage.. and now has a child with his partner which he said was not a planned pregnancy .. barely 10 months after our break up. This was a few months ago. I said goodbye.
He reach out now to say he “saw me in a pic at a Xmas work dinner with another ex partner of his”. I was completely unaware that this person dated him several years ago.
As he is with someone else and has a child – why tell me this? I engaged in some light comments and said it was a small world.
I asked if could I speak to him – his reply
“I’m on holiday with my family”
I didn’t reply.. but if I receive anything more what should i do
Hi Ella.
He probably just wanted you to know that he knows that person and that he doesn’t want you to connect. He just wanted to let you know that so you think twice about hanging out with them.
If you receive any more texts, consider them breadcrumbs that show no desire or need to get back together. You should stop talking to him as quickly as possible.
Best regards,
Zan
Thank you Zan and happy new year!! I do know the person albeit not closely but it left a very awkward feeling as both me and the girl were unaware. I had once gone with her to a salsa night and now naturally I want to keep my distance. It’s reliving a trauma of someone else’s connection with someone you loved once and then the current of knowing they are happy without you…but still wondering why your ex is informing you and then reminding you of boundaries and unable to communicate when they are the one breaking your boundaries by speaking to you..
Hi E.
Happy new year. It seems that he wants you close but not too close. He wants to be your friend but not a partner. He’s afraid of giving you the wrong idea. I suggest you stop communicating with him altogether.
Best,
Zan
Hi Zan!
Please can I ask if the same article above applies to if you now understand that your ex had a baby with another woman .. and told you it was an accident with their long lost ex girlfriend from university days
Do you have any advice for how to kill hope that your ex will return because the baby and mother are in different continents or that even that it’s not even clear if they are together because your ex told you that he had no intention of marrying the person and met you to tell you this but didn’t state anything other than they were previously not ready for that stage with you.. and currently could not make any promises and wasn’t sure what May or May not happ b long term..
Is there anything other than wishing them well:: and no contact you can do? I guess this was closure .. after wondering a year on what happened :: and I feel confused about why I would want to still be connected or why I “miss” someone knowing there’s no turning back..
do you erase the number and focus on finding someone else and if so how do you ever trust that you can..
Thank you for being so effortlessly you in your wisdom! I often tell friends about your site and finding it hard
PS the discord is super kind and supportive haven
Thank you!
Hi MC.
Since your ex isn’t sure about you, your only option is to stay away from you. He doesn’t want to invest in you because he’s not ready for a new emotional investment. You can kill hope by telling yourself that it doesn’t matter where his ex-girlfriend lives. If he has unfinished business with her, he needs to finish it before he can move on. And by the looks of it, he’s not doing that. He’s focused on her and perhaps even others.
You should delete his number and stop checking up on him. Remember that if he loved you, he would have shown you love. If you found this person, you can find another one. One with less baggage and uncertainty. Give it time to detach and you’ll get your happy self back.
Kind regards,
Zan
On the other side of this story, and want to give a different perspective. I was with my ex for 12 years out of college. We had a lot in common and were great friends but our relationship was toxic from the beginning. He was verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive. I caught him cheating about 6 years in, found out it was happening for a year at that point and although I swore I would never forgive him, he managed to convince me he had changed and would never do it again. His vows to change were shortlived and he quickly reverted back to the cycle of abuse and manipulation. He continued to lie and hurt me but I didn’t know how to leave. I became lonely and resentful, and felt trapped. After more years of hanging on, I began to feel the pressures of age and wondered why we he still hadn’t proposed or showed interest in starting a family. After alllll we went through, how could we not be meant to be? I was so disillusioned – I was clearly in a haze. Nearing our 12th year anniversary, I came to the realization that he was never going to be ready nor change his ways. That he was not the person I wanted to share the rest of my life with. A fog lifted and I was seeing it all more clearly. When I finally gained the courage to leave my ex, I felt like I was blowing up my life. I knew I had to do it and told him I was tired of waiting for him and that we grew out of each other and that we’re just no longer right for each other. He seemed shocked and blindsided, which I found hard to believe. After 2 weeks of the break up, I finally asked him to move out, to which he insisted I was rushing him and kicking him out. How much time is appropriate anyway? To me, he was again disregarding my feelings and not respecting my boundaries. When he finally left and he was out of my life, I decided to take up my coworker on having a drink, albeit a week later. Which turned into seeing each other more and more, then realizing he was everything I always wanted – everything my ex was not. We fell in love quick, and it felt like a relief, like a dream. I finally felt a sense of peace with someone that I hadn’t felt in over a decade. I didn’t expect things to move so quickly but it felt right. Then shortly after (1 month post breakup), we found out we were pregnant. Yes, it happened so quickly but I now have a partner who is on the same page and treats me and everyone in his life with so much love and respect. Something I could never say about my ex. It’s easy to judge by how quickly I moved on, but, to me, breaking up was long overdue – what’s the point of stopping something that feels right. I’m not some immature 20 something making reckless decisions and doesn’t have life figured out. I’m in my mid30s, have a successful career and loving community of friends and family. I know what I want and I am just ready to move on and finally pursue true happiness. I may not have known my new bf for very long, but being with someone for 12 years doesn’t mean that relationship is better. You don’t know what ppl are going through so it’s better to mind your business and let people live how they want to.
Hi Queline.
I’m glad you escaped a toxic relationship. I agree it was long overdue. You couldn’t leave for so long because you were attached and lacked the strength to pull away. I know you’re ready to start a family with a new person, but try not to rush things. People show their true colors 4 – 6 months into the relationship or when they encounter stressors. Ideally, you want to make sure you know your partner’s worst side before you marry him, have kids, and commit to various long-term obligations. In your case, things just happened, so you’ll have to/had get to know him better as you prepared for a baby.
Sincerely,
Zan
What should I do if all of this applies but she doesnt want to keep the pregnancy?
Hi John.
There’s not much you can do. It’s her decision to keep or abort the baby. I would keep my distance.
Sincerely,
Zan
Thank you for this! I got anxiety for the first time because of my ex, we’re in a relationship when it happened. But thank you, you hit every point from my worries and trauma and gently walking through it and how to overcome when it hits again. It is really a gamble for her to be with someone she barely knew. the thought of she’s having a happy fantasy life after cheating on me sounds really unfair without any consequences. But you gave me grounded insights of their situation compared to mine. I getting better every day, given i still have hang ups and things that triggers me but my heart and mind is getting stronger to blocked the unnecessary emotions. Thanks again!
Hi Rocket.
You’re getting stronger every day. It may not feel like it because of pesky setbacks, but you’ll pull through and forgive your ex for betraying you. Once you’ve forgiven her, you’ll be ready to focus entirely on yourself and have better relationships with loyal partners.
Hang in there!
Zan
Thanks Zan! Do you have practical tips to move on easily? I still have thoughts on checking her social media but i refrain because i know it would hurt me more. I have to accept daily that we’re not getting back together because of what she did. What i do is i just talk to people specifically women but i don’t jumped into a relationship. I want to get out of this situation and start a new focus life. It’s just the trauma and memories thar hunts me.
Hi Rocket.
There’s no quick solution to your problem. You have to stay busy, work on yourself, surround yourself with friends, and stay away from your ex. These things will help you rebuild your self-esteem and get rid of hope.
Best,
Zan
Once again, Zan, you are quite presumptious about the dumper and assume that they went into a new relationship recklessless or without thought. For some women, that is not the case. Some genuinely wait to get to see all sides of the new man that they hope to start a life with, and they will/can wait until the man shows himself to be as responsible, mature, compassionate, etc as the ex. Now you may ask yourself – why then did they not stay with the ex? The simple tough truth is that they were not good enough for the dumper to stay with. This new guy may look better, he may behave better, he may have more of his ducks in the water – as they say. Speaking from my own personal experience, my husband is everything my ex was in terms of attitude and morals, however, he was more responsible and he had his own career, etc. He never expected me ONLY to be the dutiful wife at home. He respects me, he’s honest with me, he’s never cheated on me, he’s never had kids out of wedlock with another woman, etc. I dated my husband for eleven years, because he was worth seeing if he was just and good enough. In all that time, I never had sex with him. Ever. (Shocking and hard to believe, but its true- and I was a virgin to boot.) I made it clear to him that if he was just interested in me for sex, he was going out the same way I had dumped the ex. Fortunately, he wasn’t into that – he wanted to be my friend and get to know me, too. Eleven years later, at last, he finally asked me to marry him while we were burying our dead cat Mickey behind our veterinarian’s office in Newtown, CT. (Odd yes, but the locale didn’t bug me). I said yes. Four months later, we finally got married on Bantam Lake, in Morris, CT. It was just us and those who wanted to come (because of their paranoia of an overhyped virus) Now, we are starting a family together and we will be together till death us do part and beyond. So, in my case, I was one of those few who did not rush into a new relationship. In a way, I needed the extra time to also heal from dumping the ex, but in the end, it was a blessing for both of us. I would caution girls and ladies that if they dump their ex – be patient, take the time to heal, moving on may not come easy, and for some, it may never come. You can however move beyond the pain, and focus on taking each day as it comes without them. You can live without the ex, even if you truly love or want to be with them. As I mentioned before, forgive them – sometimes, its just not meant to be. Wish your ex well, tell them that you hope God will lead them to either learn to live their live single in God’s peace OR to find another woman who will choose to stay with them. If you run into your ex in the future, by some fluke, yes, you can be platonically ONLY friends WITHOUT Expecting anything more but even then, let them go. They are not your drama to focus on anymore. You have your new life, you don’t need or have to get back with them. They instead become a fond memory, while you are building deeper fonder memories with the new man you have been staying with and after he has consistently proven himself (re-read and repeat that carefully). May your new relationship be as blessed as mine is and your new boyfriend become the pearl of a husband that you prayed for. Lastly, remember – ONLY UNTIL AFTER he has proven himself and he is as deeply in love with you and more and you also are sure that he is the one you want to marry and only AFTER he has proposed and married you, then think about starting a family. Don’t be like the millions of women who as Zan PARTIALLY was accurate about – who rushed and jumped into a relationship too quick. Take your time. Get to know the new man. If he is proven worthy and you feel he is worth to become your lifelong husband, and if he has asked you to marry him – then congratulations! You have finally moved on and can enjoy your new life with your pearl of a husband! Just some words of wisdom on the opposite side of the fence that you should have mentioned, Zan. God bless, brother!
Thanks for the comment, Emily.
It’d be nice if people were this rational and careful, but unfortunately, most people aren’t. Most people rush things because they do what feels right rather than looks right. Women who take their time to get to know the man they’re seeing tend to have trust issues or take their religion, culture, and belief system seriously. Perhaps this is more common for people who know what they want and those who have reached a certain level of maturity.
Best regards,
Zan
Lies. No one goes 11 years without sex. You was prob smashing other guys and just a liar lol.
My experience was similar. I was with my ex for four years. Her family seem to like me and was use to me. We lived together about a year went on a lot of vacay trips. Had ups and downs. We broke up and she moved out of town to live with her father. We were still in communication and were having casual sex. All of sudden I start noticing the changes in her. She became alot more careless of what I thought and felt. She called me randomly and said she was ready to have a child with me. I agreed. About a week later she switched the whole deal. She said it would be better if we moved on. She blocked my phone number and social Media. Later on she got with some other guy I seen on her sister’s ig. Which really hit me. 6 months later she’s pregnant with this guy. I don’t know if he’s a fling or someone she really connects with . All I know is after 4 years seems like she dropped me with out hesitation and replaced me for this new guy
Hi Andre.
Your ex had put a lot of thought into dumping you. After pulling away, she came back to give probably out of guilt or because someone encouraged her to try again, but then she realized it was going to work, so she left again and found someone else.
Stay far away from her so you can heal.
Zan
Good article. Very helpful. I was with my ex girlfriend for 4 years. We had a few problems which needed resolving, but for most part got on well. She dumped me a number of months ago. A few days later she text me to ask if I am okay, and said that hopefully if problems solve we will rekindle in future. We still kept in touch a couple times a week, and she called me a couple of weeks later and had a nice Chat.
She went cold for a few weeks, then text me on my birthday and I returned the favour. I finally met her in person after 3 months due to working for the same company and we had a nice chat.
A few weeks later she told me she was in a new relationship. Then a week later told me the news I had long dreaded, that she was pregnant. As this article alluded to, I felt the emotions of this devastating news. The feelings of betrayal and how quick she was able to move on and have sex with another man. I had my failings, which contributed to the downfall of our relationship, but this still was incredibly painful to digest. She was very apologetic to me, and says it was a mistake but couldn’t have an abortion, that her new relationship isn’t the best. She said her situation is very tricky.
She says she would like to meet me at some point when she has settled things. I said that I would offer support if she needed it, and could find it in my heart to forgive her. She said my support means everything to her. She said she hopes I find happiness some time soon.
We plan to keep in contact, but I explained i needed to clear my head for an undecided time, which we understood. I feel she is genuinely apologetic for hurting me and understands how I feel.
The big question is would I be deluding myself to think we could ever reconcile a relationship in the future?
Hi Jim.
It seems that your ex isn’t very happy with her new boyfriend. If things continue like this, her relationship likely won’t improve. It will get worse because if it’s not great this early when they still don’t know each other, it won’t get much better in the future either. The baby won’t bring them together but test them for patience and perseverance.
There’s a decent chance they’ll break up one day and that she’ll come back for you. I hope you’re over her by the time that happens.
Sincerely,
Zan
Def that’s why the most important thing you can do is to go no contact! This saved me a lot
But this situata it’s so hard to cope with…thank you Zan as always
Hi Linda.
No contact is hard, but that makes it so important/effective.
Best,
Zan
An ex getting pregnant with another guy’s baby is a blessing in disguise for the dumpee. It’s the point of no return. If you’d been harboring hopes of her wanting to return to you, those hopes are gone in a second. She’s someone else’s problem at that point.
You’re right Doug.
An ex getting pregnant can give the dumpee the boost he needs to accept that his ex may not come back—and that he needs to move on. Unfortunately, some exes don’t see it that way. They still hope that their ex will come back.
Kind regards,
Zan
Not if she has a miscarriage before telling you about it