Ex Doesn’t Want To Talk About The Relationship

If your ex doesn’t want to talk about the relationship, your ex isn’t ready to talk about the relationship or the breakup and needs more time to focus on things he or she can and wants to talk about. This can be anything from school or work to hobbies, friends, politics, movies, or ambitions. Your ex would rather have small talk than engage in conversations about the relationship.

Relationship conversations smother your ex and make your ex want to run for the mountains. They tell your ex you don’t care about his or her decisions and feelings and that you only want what’s best for you. Basically, they send the message that you don’t understand and respect his or her well-thought-out decision and that you’re desperate for connection and love.

When you force your ex to remember the past and talk about plans that could make you get back together, you make your ex feel beyond uncomfortable and risk bringing out the worst in your ex. The worst includes not responding (ignoring you), blocking, and treating you badly. What your ex does under pressure depends on his or her personality and how much you annoy your ex.

But for now, your ex is still trying to let you down gently. He or she is aware of your pain and feels in control of his or her feelings and actions. Your ex’s behavior could change (worsen) when your ex stops feeling bad for dumping you and messing up your life and decides to prioritize his or her feelings over yours. When that happens, your ex could show you a side of him or her you didn’t know existed.

You’ve got to understand that no one has unlimited patience. Your ex may be patient and understanding at the moment, but if you keep begging for a relationship and ignoring your ex’s post-breakup needs, your ex will eventually lose his or her patience and feel tempted to treat you like you treat yourself.

This could happen when you pressure your ex long enough or when your ex meets someone else and feels that he or she can’t fully focus on the new person. Either way, you want to stop what you’re doing and let your ex talk about the relationship and ways to back together when he or she is ready to talk about it.

Clearly, relationship talks started by you don’t bring your ex joy. Due to an immense need for space and quiet, they suffocate your ex and make your ex want to get further away from you. Every time you bring up the relationship and hint at getting back together, you trigger your ex’s repressed feelings and make him or her wonder if talking to you even makes any sense.

Your ex probably wants to be friends. But when you openly talk about your desire to be more than friends, your ex sees that your expectations and feelings differ from his or hers. You have romantic feelings whereas your ex doesn’t and only wants to stay in touch to discuss non-romantic matters.

Unfortunately, you can’t make your ex do what he or she doesn’t want to do. You don’t have that kind of power because you’re not his or her partner. In terms of titles, you’re somewhere between a stranger and a friend. You have a history with your ex, but you can’t talk about it directly with your ex because it makes your ex feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed.

All you can chat about is things that interest your ex and bore you.

Therefore, you both want different things and don’t have that much in common. You’re better off as exes than friends who pretend to be on the same page. Friendship will only suffocate your ex and give you false hope and unhealthy thoughts. It will make you stay in each other’s lives even though it doesn’t give you the satisfaction you desire.

Perhaps one day (when you detach), you’ll be ready for friendship. But now that you want your ex back as a romantic partner, friendship is a terrible idea. It’s better that you give each other some space, work on your breakup emotions and differences, and give friendship a try when you both feel like it.

Currently, you don’t act like a friend. You see friendship as a means of making your ex fall back in love with you and getting back with your ex.

You’re ignoring the fact that your ex lost feelings and that he or she won’t regain them by talking about the relationship. Your ex has to develop doubts about the relationship (something to worry and talk about) before he or she can talk about the relationship, breakup, and reconciliation. And your ex can develop doubts by failing in his or her quest for happiness and becoming unhappy and emotional.

When your ex is unhappy, your ex may become open to talking about things he or she previously disliked and refused to talk about.

Your ex might also be willing to talk about the relationship months later when he or she has processed the breakup and stopped feeling guilty and pressured. If that happens, it won’t be to get back together but to indulge in nostalgia. Some dumpers talk about the relationship just to tell their ex they remember the past and appreciate his or her effort and time.

All in all, relationship talks are for couples, not ex-couples. The only time ex-couples should talk about the relationship is when they have feelings and are about to get back together. That’s when they can talk about the good times and create plans on how to get back together.

In today’s article, we discuss why your ex doesn’t want to talk about the relationship and what you should do instead of convincing your ex to talk.

Why doesn’t my ex want to talk about the relationship?

The simplest explanation for why your ex doesn’t want to talk about the relationship is that your ex associates relationship talks with feelings and expectations. Your ex fears that you’ll get your hopes up, express your romantic feelings, and expect to get back together as quickly as possible.

He or she thinks that it’s too soon to talk about the relationship and feels safer not talking about it. Not talking lets your ex focus on the present (things he or she wants to talk about) rather than the past. Other topics energize your ex whereas relationship talks drain your ex’s energy.

It’s obvious that your ex isn’t emotionally ready for relationship discussions and that your ex just wants to enjoy his or her space and freedom.

Most dumpers are like this. They’re emotionally exhausted from the relationship and need some time off. Some dumpers feel ready for friendship because they’ve already processed the separation long before they initiated the breakup whereas the majority of dumpers don’t want anything to do with their ex.

They’re so irritated by their ex’s behavior and smothered by the delayed end of the relationship that all they can think about is their own wants and needs. Their own life interests them significantly more than their ex’s problems and desires, so they’re unwilling to talk to their ex. They think they deserve to be happy and that they can cut their ex off and respond angrily if they want to.

The fact that your ex wants to talk at all is already a lot. Consider your ex detached and ready to be your friend. What your ex isn’t ready for and willing to do, however, is talk about the relationship. Just because your ex is ready to chat doesn’t mean that your ex is ready to discuss relationship topics. Anything that has to do with romantic feelings and emotional investments is too much for your ex as it forces your ex to do what you want rather than what he or she wants.

And what your ex wants has nothing to do with reconnecting romantically. All your ex wants is to keep you around as a friend – a person to talk to and rely on when needed. He or she doesn’t feel the need to be in a relationship with you. To want you back, your ex would have to realize that what you had was unique, positive, intense, and worth revisiting.

Since your ex doesn’t see potential in the relationship, your ex doesn’t want to talk about it and get close to you again. Getting close would give the impression that he or she is open to bonding as a couple and getting romantically involved again. At the moment, your ex is happy with keeping his or her distance (with how things are).

Your ex doesn’t want to change anything and hopes that you’ll stop convincing him or her to give the relationship another chance. As far as your ex is concerned, the relationship received enough chances already. His or her experience with you was enough for your ex to see that he or she didn’t want to invest romantically anymore.

You have to respect that. As difficult as it may be, your ex considers the relationship over and expects you to give up on it. If you don’t give up on it, he or she will probably lose his or her patience and have no choice but to push you away by force. That could hurt you immensely and cause you to crave your ex even more.

So if you’re wondering why your ex doesn’t want to talk about the relationship, bear in mind that your ex doesn’t feel how you feel. Your ex (being the dumper) has lost all feelings and wants a non-romantic relationship with you. A non-romantic relationship means no relationship talks and behaviors that trigger unwanted feelings and make your ex think you still want to be in a relationship.

Your ex doesn’t understand that you can’t just turn off feelings and that you need more time and space to give up on getting back together. You need to fully process the rejection and learn to fall back in love with yourself. Once you’ve reconnected with yourself, you won’t feel such a strong urge for a relationship.

If your ex knew how to help you feel better, your ex would have left you alone and avoided giving you hope. He or she would have treated the breakup as a breakup rather than a friendship and kept some space from you. Space would have let you know that your ex isn’t open to relationship talks and that you must focus on yourself instead of your ex.

Having said that, here’s why your ex doesn’t want to talk about the relationship.

What should I do if my ex doesn’t want to talk about the relationship?

As a dumpee, you shouldn’t be talking to your ex, let alone discussing relationship and breakup matters. You should be staying away from your ex, following the indefinite no contact rule. This rule will ease your cravings to talk about the relationship and get back with your ex. It will show you that there’s more to life than an ex who doesn’t want to be with you.

It won’t be easy to convince yourself to start no contact and stay away from your ex, but you’ll soon learn that you feel much better when you don’t speak to your ex and don’t get your feelings and expectations crushed. The longer you go without communicating with your ex and hoping he or she has an epiphany, the more you’ll detach and the better you’ll feel.

Don’t be afraid of detaching and giving up on the relationship. Be afraid of staying hooked on your ex and wasting months or years of your life. Every moment you spend obsessing over your ex is a moment stolen from yourself.

My advice is to leave your ex alone completely. Cut your dumper ex out of your life (even if your ex wants to be friends) and spend time with people who want to talk about things that interest you. Talk to friends, family, therapists, or anyone who can give you what you’re looking for.

Just don’t talk to your ex and expect your ex to want you back. Exes don’t come back through persuasion. They come back on their own when their plans fail and hurt their self-confidence and self-esteem. That’s when they come running back like greased lightning and want to talk about relationship and breakup matters.

You must be patient and wait for your ex to become regretful and ready for deep conversations. Don’t assume your ex is ready or will become ready just because you’re ready. That’s a mistake many dumpees make. They think their ex misses them like they miss their ex and that their ex will come back when they reason with their ex hard and long enough.

This kind of thinking keeps their hopes and feelings alive and dissuades them from letting go of a broken relationship.

So if your ex doesn’t want to talk about the relationship and get back together, don’t force your ex to feel something and do something he or she doesn’t want to. Instead of saying or hinting that your ex’s perceptions, feelings, and decisions are wrong, let your ex think, feel, and do what he or she wants. Your ex has to discover reasons to talk about the relationship on his or her own otherwise your ex will never want what you want.

Your ex will want non-relationship things and move on to someone else.

I hope you’ve learned what it means when your ex doesn’t want to talk about the relationship. I also hope you’ve learned what to do about an ex who only wants to keep you around as a friend. Share your thoughts and feelings with us in the comments below.

Or conversely, if you want to talk about your ex, subscribe to our private coaching. We’ll discuss your ex’s reasons for not wanting to talk about the relationship and create plans that align with your needs and expectations.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.