Ex Breaking No Contact: What It Means And What To Do?

If your ex broke no contact by contacting you, your ex finally processed the breakup and found a reason to converse with you. He or she stopped feeling the most difficult breakup emotions and developed an urge to communicate with you. The topic of conversation may have been about important matters such as kids or personal belongings or unimportant matters such as guilt, curiosity, boredom, and support, but the reason behind your ex’s reach out doesn’t matter.

Not unless your ex expressed regret and desire to get back together. If you overanalyze things and convince yourself it’s your turn to take the initiative even though your ex just wants to catch up really quickly, you’ll cause more harm than good.

You’ll pressure and annoy your ex and get disappointed and hurt when you learn that your ex still doesn’t want to be with you. You’ll struggle for a while simply because you didn’t know how no contact worked and what your ex wanted.

That’s why it’s important to understand that no contact doesn’t end the minute your ex contacts you and talks for a while. No contact ends when you’re over your ex or when your ex wants you back. You shouldn’t think that your ex breaking no contact means that your ex has become receptive to your pleas, efforts, or tricks and that you’ll be able to bring your ex back if you just try long and hard enough.

An ex breaking no contact for the first time is indeed an improvement over weeks or months of no contact, but it’s not the end of the journey. It’s a part of it. It shows that your ex has dealt with some emotions, but that he or she still has work to do. Your ex still has to see your romantic worth and develop romantic cravings.

It’s unlikely that your ex will develop love during the first, second, or even third conversation after breaking no contact. It’s much more likely that your ex will receive updates on your life and lose the drive to converse and stay in touch. Most dumpers who break no contact have no intention of getting back together.

Most of them reach out for reasons that don’t concern their ex even in the slightest. They often just want to know what their ex has been up to and how he or she is coping with the breakup. If their ex is coping well, they can assuage their guilt and continue to move on with a clear conscience.

So don’t think that an ex breaking no contact means the end of no contact. If your ex doesn’t show regret and desire or need to reconcile right away, your ex’s reach-out is nothing but a breadcrumb. It’s a pointless/selfish message that won’t change your ex’s feelings now or in the future.

Exes who regret breaking up don’t reach out just to talk. They aren’t interested in small talk and the past too much. They’re interested in reconciling romantically and getting close to their ex. Because they have romantic expectations of their ex, they appear scared and anxious and choose their words carefully. They don’t want to say something that would offend their ex and get them rejected.

Their emotions show they want to reconcile quickly, and then talk about other (less important) things.

You may be tempted to communicate about random things, but that’s not a good idea. Even if your ex appears to be back to his or her normal self, taking an interest in your life, appearing calmer, apologizing for hurting or dumping you, and even complimenting you, talking to your ex is bad for your healing.

Your ex’s words and actions will overload your brain with unnecessary information and stop you from moving on.

You should talk to your ex only if your ex wants you back. And you can tell your ex wants you back when your ex appears apprehensive and listens more than he or she talks. If your ex doesn’t start talking about the breakup and why he or she regrets leaving within minutes of reaching out, you can conclude that your ex has no regrets when it comes to ending the relationship.

You must be brave and stop your ex from rambling on. Say you aren’t ready for friendship, ask for space, and immediately go back to no contact. Your ex will leave you alone if he or she doesn’t have any romantic feelings and regrets.

In this post, we discuss what an ex breaking no contact looks and feels like and what you should do about it.

Ex breaking no contact

Whether your ex broke no contact a week or a year after the breakup, you’ve got to keep in mind that your ex may have ulterior motives. He or she may only want to tell you or ask you something that has nothing to do with reconciliation. If you think your ex wants a relationship with you and entertain your ex in the hope of getting back with your ex, you could get your hopes up for nothing and delay your recovery.

You could stay hung up on your ex for a long time, depending on how you handle your ex’s breadcrumbs.

I want you to understand that many dumpers break no contact and mess with their ex’s head. They don’t know or care how their reach-out affects their ex, so they say and do things that confuse dumpees. Dumpees, on the other hand, make the mistake of thinking that their ex is warming up to them. They want their ex back so badly that they talk to their ex (sometimes for hours) and try their hardest to present themselves in a good light.

I suppose they’re so eager to converse with their ex and feel so good to receive their ex’s attention that they ignore their need to heal and avoid emotional setbacks.

If your ex breaks no contact, you must figure out why your ex broke it. Learn what could be so important that your ex cut the silence and disturbed your healing. If your ex doesn’t voluntarily reveal his or her reasons for contacting you, ask your ex directly. Ask your ex why he or she contacted you after all this time and what he or she expects from you.

Soon, you’ll learn if your ex’s reasons for reaching out interest you and if there’s any point in conversing with your ex.

If your ex doesn’t want you back, you obviously shouldn’t waste your emotions and time speaking to your ex. You should leave the conversations as quickly right away and go back to healing. Your ex might not like that because he or she was hoping to talk for a bit, but that’s okay.

You have to worry about your emotions more than your ex’s wish to talk.

Always remember that an ex breaking no contact is step 1 of reconciliation. It shows that the dumper is ready to talk and has a reason to talk. It doesn’t, however, mean that the dumper has discovered your romantic worth and decided to be with you again. When your ex misses you romantically, your ex will verbally and/or non-verbally express love.

Usually, the dumper will compliment you, express regret, ask for another chance, and promise to do better. He or she will invest in you with the expectation of making you feel good and lowering the chance of getting rejected.

So if your ex broke no contact or is breaking no contact over and over again, keep in mind that technically, your ex isn’t breaking no contact. That’s something dumpees do. Your ex is sending you breadcrumbs because he or she wants or needs something from you.

This could be company, validation, support, forgiveness, sex, or other relationship benefits. Don’t immediately assume that your ex is looking for a way to get close to you romantically. Most dumpers don’t slowly get close to their ex. They run back to their ex when something bad happens and shows them they won’t be happy without their ex.

Therefore, an ex breaking no contact is not something to look forward to. Many dumpees hear from their ex. And most dumpees, don’t hear anything nice. They receive texts or calls that confuse them and make them overthink their ex’s intentions.

When it comes to breadcrumbs, they’re very straightforward. Your ex either wants you back or doesn’t. If your ex wants you back, your ex will show you that within minutes of reaching out/meeting up with you. And if your ex needs your cooperation, help, or something unimportant, your ex will talk a lot, pretend everything’s fine, and leave you alone after the conversation (at least for a while).

My advice is to not be afraid of messing things up with your ex. You won’t mess up anything by asking for space. You especially won’t mess things up if your ex doesn’t want you back. You’ll only be doing what’s best for you, which is avoiding false hope, pain, and overthinking.

Your ex may not like it, but your ex will respect you for standing up for yourself. He or she will be forced to respect you because you’ll set your boundaries and demand respect.

Having said that, here’s what it means when your ex breaks no contact and talks about non-relationship matters.

How to get over an ex breaking no contact?

When your ex reaches out and says or does things that give you false hope and anxiety, remind yourself that your ex doesn’t understand your feelings or care about them. Your ex’s reasons for contacting you have nothing to do with you and everything with your ex’s desire or need to converse with you. Your ex probably just wants to chat for a while before he or she gets bored and focuses on him/herself again.

You need to think of your ex’s breach of post-breakup silence as a typical breadcrumb rather than a sign of love and regret. If your ex loved you, your ex wouldn’t have reached out to talk about random things. Sure, your ex would probably need a minute or two to break the ice. But once your ex got comfortable, your ex would talk about his or her immense desire to get back together and work on common goals.

Pain, anxiety, regret, need for validation/forgiveness, and other negative feelings would force your ex to secure a place in your heart as quickly as possible.

You can deal with your ex’s reach out by convincing yourself that your ex reached out for him/herself rather than you. By doing so, you’ll keep false hope under control and resume no contact. It will likely take a few days to stop obsessing over your ex’s reach out, but that’s okay.

As long as you don’t take an assertive approach with your ex, you’ll continue to give your ex the space he or she asked for by breaking up with you.

It’s important to tell your ex not to reach out again. Your ex needs to know that he or she isn’t welcome as a friend. If your ex knows that and respects it, you’ll have fewer bad days and heal much quicker. I can’t say how long it will take you to heal because every dumpee processes the breakup at a different speed, but on average, it takes 8 months.

It could take you longer if you were codependent on your ex and have self-esteem or other issues.

You can speed up the process by focusing on things that make you feel good and give you purpose. This includes hanging out with friends, meeting new people, taking up new hobbies, learning new languages and skills, and enjoying your life. The busier you are, the less you’ll think about your ex and his or her reasons for breaking no contact.

Just don’t date anyone new because you’ll rebound and want to talk to your ex even more.

Did your ex break the silence and give you hope for reconciliation? What did your ex contact you for? Comment below and let us know.

However, if you need help and would like to devise a breakup plan with us, get in touch with us here. Together, we’ll use the strategy that is the most appropriate for your situation.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.