If your ex blocked you online, you probably pushed your ex too far by begging and pleading, asking your ex questions, or annoying your ex. You did something or asked for something your ex wasn’t capable of giving or reciprocating, so your ex did the only thing he or she could.
Your ex blocked you and made sure you wouldn’t be able to make him or her feel unsafe and uncomfortable.
Now that you’re blocked, your gut instincts are probably telling you to do something to get unblocked. They’re telling you to convince your ex to give you another chance so that things can go back to normal.
But if you try to change the way your ex thinks and feels about you, you’ll, unfortunately, only make things worse. You’ll force your ex to lose even more respect for you and give up on you entirely.
The only thing you can do when your ex blocks you is to leave your ex alone. That’s how you can show that you understand you’ve been too intrusive and that you must now give your ex some space.
You probably already tried to prove your worth to your ex by explaining yourself—and that didn’t work. It backfired because your ex wasn’t ready to listen to you. Your ex saw your reasoning as a sign of weakness and reacted to it in a very destructive manner.
So whatever you do, don’t embarrass yourself by continuing to do that which got you blocked in the first place. Now it’s time to do the opposite, which is to go no contact and let your ex deal with whatever issues he or she needs to deal with alone.
Time and space are the only two things that could make your ex feel safe enough to unblock you when the time is right and enable your ex to reach out. But you need to be on your best behavior so that you don’t push your ex further away and bring a bad reaction out of your ex.
This post is for dumpees whose ex blocked them online. It will give readers some valuable information on how to act after getting blocked.
The fastest way to get your ex’s attention
The easiest way to get an ex who dumped you to notice you is to pull away. Pulling away initially makes your ex happy and relieved. But when enough time goes by, your ex becomes curious and sometimes even nostalgic. He or she wonders how you’ve been and what you’ve been up to, so your ex decides to check up on you.
If you have social media, your ex scrolls through your social profiles and tries to learn more about your post-breakup life. But if there’s not much on there and your ex badly wants to know more about you, your ex reaches out and breadcrumbs you.
By breadcrumbing you, your ex intends to take something from you and give very little in return.
As long as you’re sending your ex emails and doing things your ex doesn’t want you to do, know that this can not and will not happen. It won’t make your ex curious about you because your ex won’t even respect you.
Therefore, distancing yourself from your ex is essential. It’s needed so that your ex can see you’re no longer desperate for attention and that you’ve got enough going on in your life to mind your own business.
The problem is that dumpees want their ex to unblock them right away. They don’t want to wait for their ex to see their worth and unblock them willingly months or years later. That’s why they oftentimes continue to paster their ex through communication channels on which they aren’t blocked yet.
Needless to say, this annoys their ex even more and kills their ex’s respect for them.
If you think about it, your ex blocked you because your ex lost respect for you and decided that receiving messages from you would make him or her uncomfortable, maybe even guilty. That’s why instead of feeling unwanted emotions and putting energy into his/her responses, your ex decided to shut you out of his or her life and not worry about you at all.
Blocking instantly dealt with a situation your ex had no energy and willpower to deal with.
As someone who got blocked, you should ask yourself if you even want someone like your ex in your life. Do you want to get back together with someone who lost respect for you and disrespected you by blocking you?
If the answer is “yes,” you need to start respecting yourself first. You need to stop seeing your ex as the most important person on the planet and fall in love with yourself. When you do that, you might detach and realize that your ex isn’t worth getting back with.
He or she is someone who deals with problems by running away from them—and that’s just not good enough.
Stop what you’re doing and think things over
If you think that sending your ex gifts and love letters will pique your ex’s interest, you’re mistaken.
Your ex is a dumper who’s fallen out of love with you and is no longer receptive to lovey-dovey stuff. Your ex is repulsed by it because it demands emotions and responses your ex isn’t capable of giving. Your ex needs to first process the breakup and find reasons to respect you.
Only then can your ex see your romantic worth and return to you to invest in the relationship.
So while you’re waiting for your ex to come to his or her senses, bear in mind that your ex won’t fall for any tricks and gimmicks. Your ex won’t fall for jealousy tricks, pleas, and baits you throw at him or her.
All your perseverance will do is show that you’re in denial and make your ex block you (or keep you blocked). If you continue to chase after you’ve been blocked, your ex might even get a restraining order against you and try to ruin your image. That will significantly lower your chances of reconciliation and destroy the way you see yourself.
At this moment, you need to know that your ex is in complete control of the breakup. Your ex knows that you’re eager to communicate and that you want to get back together. That’s why you must prove your ex wrong. You must prove that you’re not going to look for alternative ways to get in contact with your ex and that you’re stronger than he or she thinks.
To prove you’re stronger, you, of course, don’t have to contact your ex and tell your ex that directly. You just have to stay in no contact and wait long enough for your ex to improve his or her perceptions of you and unblock you.
This could take months, years, or decades even. It depends on what’s happening in your ex’s life and whether your ex is a moral and understanding person capable of reflecting.
Ways to get unblocked
We’ve already mentioned that your ex won’t like your persistence because it reeks of low self-esteem. It puts your ex off and makes it impossible for him or her to feel the want and need to speak with you.
So if you’re emotionally dependent on your ex for recognition, don’t show your ex that. Don’t appear needy because you’ll push your ex away and hurt yourself in the process.
You should try to send the message that you’re doing fine, not that you’re in pain and need help.
Here are some things you must stop doing:
- reaching out to your ex
- sending your ex gifts
- stalking your ex (online and offline)
- spreading rumors about your ex
- feeling sorry for yourself and posting sad pictures or quotes online
- doing anything that pressures your ex
Here is what you should be doing instead:
- when asked about your ex, briefly mention only positive/neutral things
- love yourself and find happiness on your own
- ease your stress with relaxation techniques
- reflect on your shortcomings and work on becoming the best version of yourself
- get busy with work, hobbies, and friends
- post your accomplishments online (don’t overdo it)
- find your passion
These things will show your ex that you’re not going to guilt-trip, smother, and annoy your ex and that it’s safe for your ex to unblock you and reach out.
When your ex sees it’s safe to unblock you, your ex might still need to find a reason to talk to you.
That reason could be curiosity, guilt, shame, anxiety, advice, boredom, or something only you can provide.
Control your actions
If you got blocked after the breakup because of something you said or did, you obviously need to stop doing that. You need to change the way you act and react to stress so that you can regain control of your emotions and live life independently of your ex.
This should be your ultimate goal because as long as your ex determines what you do, you’re never going to be free. You’re going to be your ex’s slave and a person of very little worth (at least to your ex).
So do your best to grow your emotional strength and change your behavioral patterns. Something’s got to change significantly otherwise your ex will never see you differently. He or she will hold on to the old image of you and use that image for self-empowerment and staying away from you.
Always remember that your ex doesn’t want you to keep doing what you did when you got blocked. Your ex wants to feel respected and get some use out of unblocking you.
While you’re staying in no contact, waiting for your ex to unblock you, you have a lot to figure out. You have to figure out why your ex blocked you and secondly, what’s the worst that can happen now that you’re blocked. Your ex can’t block you again, so worrying about it is not going to help.
It’s in the past and a complete waste of life.
Every second you spend agonizing over your ex’s actions, you put yourself down and shorten your life span.
There’s no denying the fact that stress is a huge killer and the perpetrator of many mental, as well as physical illnesses. Eighty percent of all medical treatments in the U.S. alone are of mental origin. So control how much stress you let into your system and try to accept that you got blocked.
I sincerely hope you’ll remember this when you’re feeling down, stressing over the blocking.
There are many ways to control stress and get yourself out of a downward spiral. The only condition is that you must really, really want to.
If you become self-aware and grow in ways that you need to, you’ll soon stop worrying about whether your ex unblocks you. You’ll know that no matter how badly you messed things up with your ex, worrying about it is just not worth it.
Your life is too valuable to waste it obsessing over someone who blocked you.
My ex blocked me. How do I get my ex to unblock me?
By asking yourself the right question, “How to get my ex to unblock me,” you’re already one step closer to your goal. Sure you may feel like you’re exactly where you were a minute ago, but that’s not the case.
When you ask yourself appropriate questions, you’ll realize that your ex blocked you for a reason. He or she may not have told you what that reason was, but that doesn’t mean you can’t discover it on your own.
People block others because they can’t stand their actions or presence. They’re afraid that they’ll have to expend energy they don’t have and that they’ll feel miserable because of it.
That’s why even if you didn’t do anything to annoy your ex but still got blocked, you need to understand that your ex is irritated and sees you in a bad light. Your ex wants space and needs to get it otherwise your ex could ruin your reputation and leave you blocked for a very long time.
Maybe forever.
Who you are and how you present yourself is very important because you can’t impress and attract an ex if you aren’t happy with yourself. You can only make things worse because you make your ex feel all the wrong emotions.
Below is Maslow’s pyramid of the human needs a person needs to feel fulfilled. You might find it interesting.
There are no tricks to get your ex to unblock you. But the best way to get unblocked is usually to stop doing what got you blocked in the first place. Instead of making your life all about your ex, get busy with life.
Hang out with friends, get a (better) job, take a vacation, and do something fun. Your ex needs to know that you’re focusing on yourself and that you’re doing fine on your own.
My ex blocked me on everything. Facebook, WhatsApp, Snapchat, everywhere…
If you pushed your ex to the other side of the planet, this doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way forever. For now, you need to stop doing things that aren’t working for you and give your ex what he or she wants.
So give your ex enough space and time to breathe. Even though you want things to go back to normal right now, it’s not going to happen when and how you want it to.
It’s going to happen when your ex wants it to because your ex has to come back and unblock you on his or her own terms. That’s the only way you can have a balanced friendship or romantic relationship with your ex.
You just can’t convince a person who isn’t in a convincing state of mind to please you. For your ex to cooperate, your ex must go through the 5 stages of a breakup and make the necessary emotional progress to let go of the past and the emotions that come with it.
People usually say, “Whatever is meant to happen will happen. If we’re meant to be, we will be”. It’s a bit of a cliche, but it’s true. The breakup is no longer in your control, so you must let go of control and leave it up to fate.
If your ex starts valuing you, rest assured that your ex will show you that when he or she is ready. Don’t try to rush it because rushing your ex will set you up for failure and give you a lot of pain. Pain that you don’t need.
My ex blocked me out of anger
Humans are emotional creatures. We make emotional decisions and often go back on those decisions when time or experiences change our minds.
For your ex to change his/her mind, something or someone must influence your ex and show your ex that keeping you blocked is not the most mature thing to do.
Imagine your ex holding a weighing scale. At one end of the scale are you and all the overwhelming emotions you made your ex feel. At the other end, however, is the world – the experiences your ex encounters and the way he or she feels about them.
At this moment, the scale is completely unbalanced. You’ve put so much pressure on your ex that your ex can’t even think about you. Thinking about you probably makes your ex feel extremely uncomfortable.
But as time goes on and you stay away from your ex, your ex is going to deal with the world and process some smothering emotions. Your ex is going to see that you’re not the main cause of his or her problems and become more interested in unblocking you and speaking with you.
This means that your ex will singlehandedly do all the work you’re trying to do. You won’t even have to convince your ex to unblock you because the world will do it for you.
Since you can only control your side of the scale, you need to let your ex experience life without you.
When he or she encounters difficulties and hits a rough patch, the weighing scale will balance itself out and enable your ex to think about you and maybe even crave your support, forgiveness, or validation. I can’t say what will happen, but give it enough time and you’ll find out.
Just don’t keep your hopes for your reconciliation alive because doing so is going to keep you stuck in the past. Try to enjoy your life while your ex is looking for reasons to unblock you instead.
Get your ex to unblock you with self-respect
When/if your ex unblocks you, your ex probably won’t reach out to you. Your ex will most likely just unblock you to see if it’s safe to leave you unblocked. If’s safe, you’ll remain unblocked. And if it’s not safe and/or your ex changes his or her mind, your ex will block you again.
Dumpers can be unpredictable, so don’t put your hopes on getting unblocked.
If you want to leave a good impression on your ex, you mustn’t contact your ex when your ex unblocks you. That would be a big mistake because you’d empower your ex and kill the interest that had built up during no contact.
To your ex, you are a source of power. Your ex can feel your undying love and desperation and feels extremely empowered by your actions. Everything you do gives your ex power and makes your ex less interested in you.
That’s because your ex doesn’t value someone who doesn’t value himself or herself.
The only way your ex could value you is if you start valuing yourself and prove you don’t need him or her to be happy. Prove that you just need yourself and that you’re capable of dealing with any uncomfortable and painful situation life throws at you.
Always remember that your ex will unblock you when it’s safe for your ex to do so or when your ex can benefit from you. And your ex can benefit from you when you’re strong and in control of your life.
Even if your ex doesn’t unblock you years after the breakup, you still shouldn’t take the initiative. You have nothing to prove to your ex because you’ve got to protect your self-respect and keep moving on.
You need to understand that dumpers block their exes because they associate negative emotions with their exes’ persona. They think their exes aren’t worth the trouble and that it’s better and safer for them to stay away from their exes and date other people.
Some dumpers forgive their exes and forget about the past whereas others hold grudges and refuse to improve the way they perceive their exes.
This depends on how developed they are as people and the things dumpees do to annoy them. If dumpees take revenge, for example, they usually don’t get another chance. They blow their chances because they make their dumpers resent them.
My ex blocked me and unblocked me
If your ex blocked you and unblocked you, it’s possible that your ex checked up on you, expected some kind of reaction from you (which you shouldn’t give), or simply accidentally clicked “unblock.”
Whatever the case may be, dumpers unblock more often than you may think. The best thing you can do is to act as if you didn’t notice and stay in no contact. Remember that if your ex wants to speak with you, he or she will do that no matter what.
You won’t have to message or call your ex because your ex will do all the work for you. Your ex will put the work in because your ex will know that he or she messed up.
So don’t overanalyze everything your ex does and doesn’t do. You probably won’t figure out why your ex did what he or she did—and you don’t need to know. You just need to follow the indefinite no contact rule and focus on living your life.
It can feel tempting to reach out when your ex finally unblocks you, but try not to see it as an opportunity to get back with your ex. Remember that your ex is more than capable of reaching out and that it’s your ex’s turn to make a move and ask to get back together with you.
Are you blocked at the moment? Why do you think your ex blocked you? Post your thoughts, experiences, and questions below the post.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Been reading a lot and obviously obsessing over how to get my ex back. Understand I should focus on myself, but I struggle very hard to get it out of my head. Think of all the good times with her, sex, ect and like it’s all my fault she’s gone. Things seemed pretty good. But I know I didn’t put all into it like I should’ve. Held a lot of my feelings back due to being afraid then I’d regret it. When i was ready to step forward she had already taken a step back. Asked for time to figure out what she really wanted and to just be by herself. Well I lost it and kept pushing contacting her reaching out. Then I got blocked everywhere. I knew I was screwing up yet my anxiety and mind made me crazy. I see now I was being selfish not respecting her feelings. If i had just calmed down she wouldn’t have got so turned off by me blowing her up and i wouldn’t be blocked. Granted I’m very insecure from my previous serious relationship that happened like 9yrs ago. Never got help with that and figure out how to be myself again or get my confidence back.
Her last response was that i don’t respect anyone or even myself at this point. And don’t contact her again. So I really pissed her off by pushing and pushing. Wish I could just be confident and not so weak minded. Love her though and feel like if I had another chance to show her how much i did appreciate her instead of keeping it all in. We had just made plans for her to meet my kids and she’d just told me she loved me. Which during my pushing she said she did love me. But I think i ruined it by making her lose attraction from my tons of txts and such. My question now is do I try to send a clean slate txt or letter or anything? I read you don’t want to leave them feeling those negative feelings and a clean slate message helps. Or do I just have to wait hope she unblocks and then let her come to me if that ever happens. It’s been almost 3weeks and i haven’t reached out again. It’s making me crazy sometimes. feel like if she loved me like she said she will but who knows. Maybe I’m a fool for having hope. Started therapy the other week to work on my insecurities as I need to fix that for myself.
Could really use some advice. This all has me in a really dark place
Anyone? Please I need some advice
Hi Brandon.
You have already pushed your ex to the point of blocking you, so don’t do any more damage. Wait for your ex to reach out to you and you’re going to maximize your chances.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thanks Zan. What are you thoughts on a short letter accepting things and taking accountability? Or should I just never reach out again and see if she ever comes to me?
Hi Brandon.
You shouldn’t reach out to your ex because you don’t know how it will make her feel. It usually repels the dumper, so wait for your ex to break no contact and express the wish to see you.
Best,
Zan
I’m sure I’m dumped because my now ex canceled our plans and then blocked me and said he’d be over later at night. I told him he had to be here by 11 because i needed to be up early. Didn’t go through because I was blocked. I blew up his phone on no caller id. I’ve been blocked before and unblocked. But this one was so random. I think it might I have been my uncontrolled adhd (needy, over emotional, not attentive, etc.) that drove him away in the first place. I never told him about my disorder because I was always judged for it. I’m working on it controlling it but I want explain why I act a certain way and that I’m getting help. But when I’m at the finish line i want to be able to come back together
Hi Robin.
The right person will understand your disorder, so you don’t need to hide it from him.
It’s always better to be transparent about your situation than to keep people guessing and making their own assumptions.
For now, let your ex be. Don’t reach out anymore and focus on you alone. He’ll message you if he wants to hear from you.
Kind regards,
Zan
My partner of 6 years left me Boxing day, saying he needed space and disappeared, ghosted me. I stupidly chased him hard, begged him to see me. For 6 months we carried on dating twice a week and sleeping together, until I found out he had took a woman 15 years older them him away for the weekend. I was broken, I confronted him, she tried to hit me with a baseball bat and the police stopped it. He did protect me but then blocked me on everything. I was stupid and got mutual friends to text him.. he finally met me and I said if you dont want me in your life Im not begging anymore lets just say bye, he said no ill unblock u and we can take it step by step. He unblocked we started talking daily for a month or so. Then I had a call off a mutual friend telling me he had moved in to this womans flat with her teenage son! And that the woman is a drug dealer! I confronted him and he blocked me again. Monday gone I went to his work (he runs a pub) was to have a quiet 5 mins with him and tell him I’m done with this drama, He went crazy, screaming the most hurtful things at me. A couple of hours it calmed down, he hugged me and said I’ll be in touch when Im ready i need to sort my head out we cant fix things like this. I said I’d rather have closure and end it civil, he said no theres no need just give me space and I will be in touch on my terms when im ready…
I am so broken, I cant eat sleep or leave the house. I know I deserve better but I can not walk away like this. He is my entire world, he did say to me how can I miss you when you cant even give me a days space?! I know now I need to stay away, no more chasing him like your article said and wait for him to be ready. I need to focus on myself and get better and my respect back. Im just praying it works as he is my world and I can still see a happy future for us.. whats ment to be will be eh? Your article has given me hope that they do unblock, maybe he needs to miss me and realise what hes doing?
Hi Kate.
You mustn’t chase after him again. He’s given you multiple warning to back off so listen to him.
He won’t respect you if you don’t respect yourself and show high levels of confidence and self esteem.
So leave him alone, focus on yourself and he’ll probably unblock you out of the blue.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi, I begged for my ex back and she said do i have to block you in order for you to stop and i said yes because i honestly didnt see myself from stopping because i love her so much. we have been on and off for 7 years but together for a sold 5 years. we have had problems. We were living together and we fought quite a bit about money (she is 20 i am 22) and the fights continued to other stuff. She is struggling in school. She just found new friends and started hanging with them more and a new job. She always complained and asked why no one liked her and I was always there for her telling her they are jealous or that there is nothing wrong with her and I was always there for her! The love we shared was magical and honestly I will never experience that love with anyone. I loved her more then my own family and my goal in life was to marry her. (she asked for a promise ring and always talked about future and kids with me.. We even had a cat and she was mom and i was “daddy.”) Anyway she broke up with me saying she has been to emotional past years to focus on school. She now has friends and work and does not need me. She has her own apartment now that i moved out in a big party school and she is even going out and partying with these new friends. She has only ever been with me as well but i have been with a lot of girls before her and she knows this. There even was a guy that when we were off for a week while she was there she flirted and went out with(caused some fights.) I love her so much and want her back. I have been focusing on myself and fixing any problems with myself that have caused fights. I know that even if she does hook with guys or whatever she does while she isnt dating me I will want her back and not care or fight about what she did. She is always the happiest when she was with me and we grew up together. SHe is my favorite person on the earth and we were eachother’s best friends. I have ALOT of guy friends and have no problem finding another girl, but I am praying for her back because honestly I just miss and love her so much. Im on like day 22 or so of no contact and im just wondering if i have a chance. I cry because i miss her so much and i cry even more because i don’t know how she does not miss me. I am just wondering if she will unlblock me and come back, or if she is done and wants to move on with her life.
Hi James
She doesn’t miss you because she detached from you. She didn’t get her heart ripped out like you did.
If you remain in no contact, she might reach out.
But it might not mean she’ll be back. So prepare for the worst ahead in time.
Stay strong, James!
Zan
Encouraging article…. but how do you explain a relationship of 8 years and on her birthday after your happy birthday greetings and all…. before the end of the day you got mixed signals from her and the next boom you have been blocked with no idea of Why that happened….
Hi Adeleye.
I think she felt elated with her birthday and conversed nicely with you that one time.
And when the conversation ended, she likely became temperamental.
Best,
Zan
Hi. My boyfriend (ex) blocked me on all his social media acc 6 days ago. I tried calling him using his phone number, but he also blocked me there. And then, i stopped contacting him. We have been together for almost 5 yrs. What should i do?
Hi Maria.
You need to let him go. If he ever changes his mind, you will hear from him.
If not, you will have moved on.
Kind regards,
Zan
My ex girlfriend broke up with me while she was on family vacation, we was engaged and lived together. I plead and begged her. She blamed everything on me and also saying her parent didn’t want us together.
On her return from holiday she came around took her stuff but left some behind but also took stuff she had bought me. She won’t return engagements rings
We communicated few times, but she blocked me on everything apart from what’s app. It had been three months now still blocked. Messaged on what’s app apologising a clean slate message but no reply.. two weeks after message again recommending a tv show and she blocked me.
What to do now? I haven’t messaged after that just left it and working on myself
Hi Kevin.
Follow the instructions in this article. They are your best guide to get unblocked. And once you do, wait for her to reach out and want to talk to you.
Best regards,
Zan
This is such a thorough article, thank you for this. I had a short-term relationship, we weren’t really “dating” per se but it was something that went from 0 to 100 to 0 in just a span of weeks. We had a huge fight about something incredibly petty and it was downhill from here. He went from someone who was extremely communicative to not wanting to discuss our issues in person. I sent a video apology. He reached out after a week and we argued some more. Fast forward to two weeks later, my counselor and I worked on a note to send to him to acknowledge my own misgivings. I needed to do it for my own mental health. I sent it via text and got the read receipt. Then I realized about an hour later that he blocked me on social. I can’t even check if I’m blocked on the phone – I mean, what’s the point of checking? I’ll just assume that I am.
I’m just incredibly disappointed at this childish behavior. He might still be mad, or annoyed but i think it’s just incredibly immature to do that versus discussing things. I’m trying hard not to take it personally. I know I did the right thing for me, but at the same time, I don’t know if I’m ready to fully move on or let myself believe that he’s just “cooling off” or whatever.
Hi Ida.
Thanks for the comment.
The person you were seeing is indeed acting immature. But just, because he’s angry, doesn’t mean that he can disrespect you and treat you like you never existed.
The fact that it ended so quickly clearly means that he wasn’t your ideal partner. His behavior is far from what you deserve.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi, so my ex of 5 months dumped 2 weeks ago, right when I came back from Chicago. I went to Chicago for 15 days, and during that time I was gone it made her re-evaluate our relationship. The last day I saw her things were great, and we even talked daily the first week I was gone, so her dumping me was out of the blue. I thought she broke up with me because she sometimes ignore my txt msgs for days. And during those times (happened 3 times), I would start working worrying, leaving her a lot of txts and calls until she replied. The second time I did this, she told me she’s very sensitive and her personality goes up and down often, so she wants an emotionally stable man who can hold her. Never fought, but me trying to keep calling her and txting her “you need to share your feelings, so we can grow and I can understand you.” She finally texted back saying she never wants to talk to me. She thought about it during the time I was gone. She didn’t miss me once while I was in Chicago, which concluded she must have not liked me that much, and she finds it so uncomfortable when I keep calling and texting her, and being so emotional. When we went on dates, there were fireworks all the time, we were very touchy, she’d always laugh and smile, but suddenly she made a 180. Even blocked me on txt, phone, all social media. So my initial thought was, did she find another man while I was gone. There’s got to be more, I thought. So I picked up the book Men are from mars, women are from venus. And learned on the outside, she may have been all smiles and giggles, but inside was counting every time I made a mistake, or I did something that bothered her, which concluded that we weren’t right for each other. I’m a talker. I talk too much, and would often ask are u ok, how can I help, tell me how you feeling. While she’s the opposite. She just likes having fun, but feels uncomfortable talking about things too serious. Also, the book says men try to find solution to problems, while women just want empathy, so need someone to just listen. Which was another thing I did wrong. As much as she didn’t like to talk too seriously, one of her main concerns was needing to get married soon before she hits 30, and finding her career path. Instead of empathizing, I would show and express my emotions constantly that I am emotionally and financially ready for marriage. And as for her career, I would assure that I will help her find other jobs, and we will start a business together even. We were different, and whenever I couldn’t reach her I’d come out as insecure, needy, which probably was a big turn off. Anyway, from the book I found out why she broke up with me and understood. Afterwards I watched youtube vids how to get my ex gf back. And they all say do the no contact. Majority of them say a month, one guy says 7 days is enough cus the longer you wait she’s already moved on. Once u leave her alone, showing that you’re not emotionally dependent on her, leave simple texts like “hey do u remember that restaurant we went to? Do you know the name? I’m going there tomorrow, but forgot the name.” And after a few chit chats, ask her help on something and grab a coffee. At that meet up show how much you changed for better, and start from square one.
But it did not mention what to do if she blocked you. They said just wait and eventually she’ll be curious and she’ll unblock you. But…. I have a feeling she won’t. I did leave one txt to her last week from my friend’s phone. Our last talk I was desperate, so I wanted to have some composure.. so she would have neutral feelings for me rather than be annoyed when thinking of me. In short, I said sorry things happened the way it did. Thank you for this and that. I’m gonna grow to be a better man. I’ll pray for your health and happiness. Always be happy, cus you’re most beautiful when you smile.
Anyway, whether I wait a month or a year.. I have a feeling she’s not gonna unblock me. And me trying to keep in touch with her any further while she blocked me is stalkerish. So a recent idea I had was, my female cousin who went to the same college and same degree as her, hanged out with her two months ago with me. We all had a great time, those two exchanged numbers. I’m thinking about telling my cousin to txt my ex gf to hang out between college alumni girls cus my ex had such a fun time, my cousin pretending she doesn’t know us two broke up. And if my ex says, us two broke up.. then my cousin will be like, that’s a shame.. I’d still like to be friends with you. And she be the inside woman, updating on how I am without seeming like a spy. Is this a good idea or is there any other solutions? Thank you
I met this guy through the app Bumble on June 4. We chatted on that app for a day before he added me on snapchat. After he added me on snapchat, we started snapping everyday. We had conversations but they never got to a deep level and that’s on both of us. However, over the past week we both started initiating conversations more often and on June 23 I asked him if he wanted to get to know me and he said yes but he wasn’t good with asking questions because he didn’t want to ask the wrong ones. Well anyway we actually started asking each other simple questions. Then on June 24 he asked me if I wanted to hangout on June 26, and I said yes so we had arranged to hangout. Unfortunately, later in the night on June 25 he said his dad needed him to run a ton of errands so he wouldn’t be able to hangout anymore, and I believed him and said that I understood. But then when we were snapchatting on June 26 he was in his room in all of his snaps that me sent me, and he was at home during the time that we would’ve been hanging out. He made up an excuse as to why he couldn’t hangout anymore. I had to drive somewhere later that evening and he snapped me while I was driving but I was waiting to open it until I got to my destination. Well once I arrived at my destination, I tried to open his snapchat but he had apparently blocked me over the course of the 40 minutes since he snapped me and therefore I wasn’t able to open his snap and see if he said anything. I never even said anything to him about making up an excuse for not hanging out. I then went onto Instagram and saw that he had blocked me on there as well. So I messaged him on facebook asking why he blocked me since I couldn’t see his snap and I did not do anything wrong. Well he didn’t answer my message and blocked me on facebook too. He also blocked my sister on instagram and I think my mom too because she couldn’t find his instagram even with the correct username. I then asked a girl from his school is he is a player/f**k boy and she said that she asked some people since she didn’t really know him and everyone said that he is nice and a good person, he seemed weird because he was shy and never really talked to anyone and also gave off a weird vibe. One person even said they don’t think they saw him ever talking to a girl like that and that his mom didn’t really let his sister or him date. I actually started to like this guy and I am really hurt and confused as to why he blocked me.
Also, thank you for this article Zan!
Hi Natalie.
I can only speculate why he would block you.
Whether he didn’t like you, had other girls he was interested in, or a third party prevented him from talking to you, we can’t say for sure.
We do, however, know that you can’t obsess over his reasons for blocking you as they will only harm you.
You see, blocking a person is cowardly so I hope you understand how he crossed the line. The least you deserved was an explanation, and he wouldn’t even give you that.
Good luck,
Zan
So my case is really weird. I live abroad and I fell in love or let’s say I really like this girl on my Facebook friend list. We talked and chat for like one month and we actually started a long distance , a very short one maybe lasting just 2 weeks, during this time she was developing feeling for me I guess, but at the same time it happened maybe 4 times that she wanted to end thing because she was like: I don’t want to live abroad or I don’t want a long distance relationship… but nevertheless every time she would get closer to me. Finally a few days after she got really emotional with me, everything looking perfect, all of a sudden she ends things for good with some cold messages, just a second after chatting friendly and said we shouldn’t have any sort of contact and that she doesn’t even want to see me in person anymore. But we were still friends on social media, though actually not talking and not really friends anymore! Now after two weeks I thought maybe me trying to find a job for her, cause I knew she’s desperate to find a job, would actually show her I care for her and though she responded a bit cold, she was actually happy that I cared. But then I sent her another message telling her that I’m sure she finds the job very soon, it was a backfire and she told me never text her again for any excuse! And after a few messages back and forth, like me telling her that I don’t know what happened between us, that a normal message from me upsets you, she said that since there is nothing between us there should be no contact, no messages, no hope nothing! And that whatever there was between us now it’s not and that I shouldn’t think about it anymore! And then she suddenly blocked me everywhere. Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp…
I know it might sound stupid to chase after her but I really like her. And in 3 months I’ll be back in the country. Do you thing there might be a chance that during this 3 months something changes and she changes her mind, that she might be into me again and that maybe something in her life right now is the reason for such a response? or you think a No is really a No?
Hey Zan,
My ex broke up with me about 2 months ago. We had a relationship for 3 months.. When he told me he wanted to break up he also asked me to be friends and I told him no.. I regretted that decision. So I’ve made the mistake of asking my ex to be friends a few times. He never responded and decided to block me of off everything. I don’t understand why he doesn’t want any contact with me. I shouldn’t have sent him these messages. But I was never rude to him. We had a great friendship before we started dating. And I at least would love to go back to being friends. Is there any chance for him to unblock me?
I’m curious about your answer. Thank you in advance.
Hi Lisa.
3 months is a very short relationship. The fact that it didn’t last longer than that clearly states it’s not meant to be for now. At least until things that broke you up change for the better.
He blocked you because he doesn’t want to be friends right now. He could be busy with someone else or just with his life. Blocking seems to be the worst, yet the most effective way for him to run away from problems.
You’ve already expressed the wish to be friends a few times so there’s nothing more you can do. Now it’s his turn to unblock you and explore friendship again. All you can do is wait, get over him and see if you really want him as a friend. He disrespected you badly so think twice about your eagerness for friendship.
Best of luck,
Zan
Great article, thanks!
My ex of four years ignored me for 5 months after a huge fight and she was deeply hurt (I didn’t invite her to my 30th birthday party as I wanted to drink and have a drink problem but am 4.5 months sober now and in AA), then eventually blocked me when my messages increased in frequency.
First Facebook, then I asked why on Whatsapp, then I got blocked there. I haven’t tried anything else.
As they haven’t actually said we’re over, is there still hope and a good chance if I give her space or is she done for good?
We’ve had a couple of five-month gaps before, but always seems to reunite as our bond, connection and love is so strong.
She has ignored me for months before – these are our ‘breaks’, but never blocked me. Plus, it took five months of ignoring me to block me this time. If she truly wanted to end things, I think she would say or would have blocked me before now as she said we were done last time. Then I didn’t reply and eventually she reached out. Do I have a good chance given this pattern of behavior? Thanks.
“A break” is usually the end. And a quick reunion often occurs because of insecurity issues. If your ex is too weak to go through the breakup, then yes, you have a good chance. If she’s done for now, you need to let her go so that she can ruminate about what she wants.
Zan
Hi Anon.
There is always a chance, but first, you must let her go. It could be for a few months or forever. Nobody knows. Give her enough time to process her feelings and you will likely hear from her in the future.
Until that happens, work on yourself so you won’t have any more gaps.
Best,
Zan
Hey. My ex blocked me after an argument – someone told mean thing about him and he thought I made them do it. Sad to say but in the very beginning I panicked and asked some mutual friends to talk to him and make him understand the situation. He wouldn’t have any of it. So I just stopped trying anything else.
Now, it’s been nearly two months and I haven’t been unblocked yet. Should I start losing hope already?
Hi Gaea.
When a relationship comes to an end and you don’t like it, you must lose hope of getting back together. Moving on is the best thing you can do for yourself and your ex—whether you got blocked or not. He will eventually unblock you and check up on you. When he does, I suggest you wait for him to contact you. That way, you’ll know he’s ready to talk.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi. My ex and I had been dating for a little over a month. Initially, he was all in for being with me but later on he said that a lot has been going on in his life and he feels he isn’t ready for a relationship yet. We argued a little and he blocked me.
I called him a few days later from a friend’s phone and I asked him that don’t you have any feelings for me, he said he does and then eventually he unblocked me and said we should give it another shot
After a few days, he again started acting distant and I had an argument with him regarding the same and the next day he blocked me again.
I asked him why did he do that, he said he just cannot do a relationship now.
I haven’t called him post that, and was wondering would he ever unblock me again ? It’s been a week now…
Hi Akansha
Your ex will most likely unblock you again. Clearly, there is something going on in his life which demands his attention. It could be another girl, school, family issues, stress, etc. The fact that this happened only a month in, is quite frightening.
There’s a reason why he doesn’t seem to be into you. Begging him to give the relationship another chance won’t work. It will only make things worse.
While he does what he wants, you should also be doing the same. Don’t put your life on hold for him when he doesn’t even tell you what’s bothering him. You deserve better than that.
Best regards,
Zan
Hey ,my ex broke up with me about 3months ago and first after 10days he texted me until 20dayd ago we were in touch even he told me i wanna talk to you to make things right but i need time but i screw up and acted needy again then he disappeared again and blocked me out of blue and i blocked him back..after 1week when i unblocked him he did it to immediately but again after 1 week i called him and he texted me if i wanted something and i answered no,then the next day he blocked me again and did it to on whatsapp and after i texted him on instagram what’s wrong with you he said plz don’t text me anymore..so what should i do to get him back?consider this the one who blocked me was him and i blocked back i think it’s childish and unblocked him 2days ago but still no sign of him..plz help me to get unblocked
Hi Sogol.
Follow the guidelines in the article. Sooner than later, your ex will unblock you without you even knowing. You have to also understand that even if you speak to him, it won’t necessarily help you get back together. He is not ready for that, so I would suggest you leave him completely alone and start moving on. Your ex is a in a love-hate position of power, and will throw you around like a ragdoll. Hot and cold behaviour is going to drive you insane. He is acting mean because he feels suffocated, and wants space from you.
Since he resorted to blocking, you don’t have a choice other than to allow him to unblock you naturally. Unless you stalk or creep him out, he will eventually unblock you. I only hope you get the distance you need to see it isn’t worth it.
My advice while you’re waiting to get unblocked:
– go indefinite no contact
– wait for him to reach out first
– get busy so you won’t have the time to obsess
– delete him off WhatsApp and hide his FaceBook so you don’t see his online status
– work hard on your neediness
– do what you must to move on
Best regards,
Zan
Hey thanks for your guidance..i should add that he never let the distance between us become more than 10days..as the other times last night he texted to my cellphone and said happy persian new year to me and i replied but no more talking and didn’t unblock me from whatsapp and telegram..so what does that mean??u think he aint gonna back to me?or he just started by saying happy new year and intend to com closer little by little and as he told he cant let me go?
Hi Sogol.
I think he wished you for New Year out of kindness, and not to creep his way in. If he felt bad – really really bad, he would come flying in and nearly demand your attention. He isn’t doing that, so there’s not much to think about.
He didn’t unblock you because you acted needy last time. Having fewer possible ways of communication is safer for him. Because you’re half blocked, don’t push him to seal off the remaining channels of communication.
I think a lot more time is going to pass before you see an improvement in his interest. By the time that happens, I think you won’t care any more.
Zan
Thanks for this article.
We dated for 3 months and then he wanted to be friends only, because he didn’t wanted to get attached nor losing me from his life. He’s quite younger than me so I was able to understand his issues, but unfortunately we couldn’t be able to be just friends, we started some sort of fwb thing. Then I tried to cut sex and be friends and he agreed, but we failed again. I suffer from severe anxiety and major depression but he’s well aware of that before we started dating. He blocked me once because I had a crisis and called him too much so he got stressed. I gave him some space and eventually started to chat again and went back to friends. That was a month after the break up and when we were trying to be just friends . Now after 2 months of this fwb thing, despite keeping a great friendship connection, we had an argument. I was feeling very anxious and he told me he will block me. I felt hurt and angry and pushed his buttons on purpose, immature I know. He blocked me from everything. Due to anxiety I blocked him back. I just unblocked him from WhatsApp yesterday. Today is 2 weeks of “forced” NC. I sent him an email the day he blocked me, no answer, so I didn’t insist. I still have him blocked on facebook. Yes you can block someone even if they have blocked.
I’m worried because we will probable see each other in about 2 weeks and I don’t know what should I do. I would like to apologize for my immature behaviour and ask him if his goal is to become strangers again. I don’t want to be his fwb but I love him and want to be real friends. He’s a good man. But I don’t know how to react in person, I don’t know if he want some time or if he wants to forget we ever met. What should I do when we met?
Hi Ari.
Before you even attempt to be in a new relationship, I would suggest you look at what’s going on with you internally and solve your inner struggles. Depression and waves of anxiety are always going to stand in your way when it comes to romantic relationships. Uncontrolable emotions are going to take over all rational thinking, and make you act on impulse.
You must do this for yourself, so that you can once again live independently. Don’t be afraid to seek professinal help, as it’s more common than you think. Becoming anxiety-free is a worthwhile, long-term investment.
When you see your ex, refrain from asking him anything regarding your relationship. If you do, it’s only going to push him further away. Anything about the past has to stay burried in the past, no matter how hungry you are for answers. The truth is, you don’t need them, and his answer would only hurt you more. He would either hurt you directly or lie to you to soften the blow. If you REALLY want to apologize for something absolutely horrible that you’ve done, make it seem like you aren’t apologizing to bring out a reaction out of him. If I were you, I’d say “Hey, sorry about my outburst. I was pretty silly.” After that, I’d quickly pat him on the shoulder twice like a friend, and walk off. In this way, you will show him you aren’t desperate, and you think of him more as a friend. He would feel less threatened by your eagerness to be in a relationship, and his ego would also take a hit. Who doesn’t hate being friendzoned, right?
Since he only keeps using you for his own satisfaction, staying friends with him is not going to make him want more from you. I suggest you completely cease contact, and give the love and attention to yourself.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you very much Zan!
I’m gonna take your advice, absolutely. I will apologize for the outburst, don’t ask anything and leave, fortunately a lot of my friends will be there.
I am on treatment and working to get better. At first I was unsure about dating him because of my issues, but I gave the relationship a chance. I don’t regret it, because now I’m sure I’m still not ready.
Again, thanks so much!
Ari.
Hi Ari.
I’m glad you’re willing to work on yourself during this hard time and better yourself. It’s truly the best time to do so, as you are vulnerable and ready for a change. You are the only one who is there for you from the beginning to the end.
I wish you the best of luck!
This is a great article and it’s really helpful! I just want to know on what to do on my situation. I’ve been in a 3.5 years relationship with my ex and he said that he’s feeling unhappy with our relationship months ago. He said he started to find his happiness elsewhere and that’s when he met someone and he started dating. He left me for someone else and he said that he cannot continue with us because he’s unhappy and even though he will give us a chance he will still choose the new person over us. They’ve been dating for 3 weeks when he dumped me. I did all of the wrong things, after a week of our break up, I begged and pleaded and that’s when he blocked my number. After that incident I started NC. It’s already the 3rd week of our break up and still I’m not hearing anything from him. He created a new facebook account but not posting anything with the new partner. Even in instagram there’s no post at all from the time of the break up. It’s like he completely shut me down.
I am dying inside and I feel really hopeless. I understand that I took my SO for granted and neglected and did not support him that’s why we lost the spark and he said he tried but it did not work out. He said he love me but he’s just not happy being with me.
Is still there a chance that I can get him back from the person he left me with? Is that considered a rebound? Please help, I am really lost and it’s hurting everyday. Thabks in advance!
Hi Chiller.
I understand that you’re going through a tough time, beating yourself up for what you may and could have done.
What happened in the past needs to stay there, buried deep beneath the surface. It’s important for you to understand what exactly went wrong. It’s never entirely one person’s fault, so I hope you eventually come to terms with your own mistakes. Learn what you can from them to make sure it doesn’t happen again in the future.
There’s only so much you should feel responsible for the demise of the relationship. Normally there are signs before the termination occurs. They can indeed be prevented, but why put the whole burden on yourself when you know it’s the other person who isn’t prepared to work for it. It’s nearly a 4 year relationship he is quitting on due to loss of attraction (which occurs over time). Not only that, there was a different source of attraction, which made the whole process much more appealing to him. A new person suddenly instilled hope and a fresh beginning into his mind. New and shiny is always more appealing than old and rusty — at least to your ex which had been slowly detaching from the relationship for months before he left you.
When you’re with somebody for 4 years, you attach to him or her on a deep emotional level. That level of intensity fluctuates all the time as it is a part of a push-pull dynamic. Your ex is currently experiencing what others call the GIGS – grass is greener syndrome. If you didn’t argue much and otherwise had a great relationship, chances are both of you had fallen into a routine and ceased the courtship. Taking each other for granted at least a little bit is almost unavoidable. It happens when you spend a lot of time together, and have certain idealistic expectations of your lover. People are emotional beings. Your ex bf is acting based on feelings, rather than logic. He simply feels more attracted to the person who doesn’t try as hard at the moment and has a clean conscience.
Technically it’s not a rebound situation. It’s a slow detachment from a partner, while monkey-branching to the next person. You said he’d been cheating on you for three weeks prior to breaking up with you. You know you deserve better than that as he completely disrespected and undervalued you. Will he experience rebound symptoms? Most definitely. ThIs new girl isn’t perfect either, and he will see that when you stay away from both of them. Save face by working on yourself and moving on – that means dating others when you are ready.
You personally don’t say or do anything to get him back. What you must do, is figure out a way to become a high quality person. Fly back in time and find suitable solutions to as many problems in the past as you can. Once you’ve done that, improve your pyhsical and mental state, and become a highly desirable individual. Living well and successfully is what’s going to bring back a person who’s lost attraction and respect for you. Don’t play any silly jealousy tricks. Simply pull that focus back on you. If you take no contact and personal growth seriously, you will eventually realise your own worth. Validation from a cheater won’t have mattered to you any more, as you will be able to attract people of higher value.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan, I’ve really enjoyed reading your posts on your blog. Thank you for helping me through my breakup.
I’ve unfriended my ex on all social media but have not blocked him. As you know, my ex and I have been broken up a month now. As soon as the breakup happened, I immediately went into NC. I never once asked him why we broke up or anything. However, a good guy friend (whom I trust greatly) did speak with him about our breakup and found out the following for me.
My ex still really likes me but is convinced that we won’t work out romantically but still wants to be friends. He broke up with me because he no longer saw a future for us. He said that he was thinking of breaking up for about a month before it happened and that he hasn’t been very happy (although he did not explain why he was unhappy). When asked if he still had romantic feelings for me, he said that he didn’t know. When asked if he saw us together again the future, he said he didn’t know. He did say to our mutual friend that he needs time (not sure what he means by this since we’re already broken up and he has all the time he needs). I’ve also noticed that he hasn’t removed any of our pictures as a couple off his social media accounts and lately I’ve noticed that he’s looking at my instagram stories. I realize that my question is opposite to your post but I’m hoping to get your thoughts on this situation. Thank you.
Hi again, and thank you for sticking around.
You’ve done the right thing to enter NC immediately. There must be a solid reason for him to not see a future with you. Did you argue a lot or were there issues outside of the relationship? You would know if his statement is true, and whether it was just a cliché.
Break-ups normally occur weeks or months before the actual separation. He had been unhappy for a while prior to officially breaking up with you. Again, you would know whether you contributed to his unhappiness.
Your ex is currently in a confused state where he is “feeling things out.” He unknowingly wants to know if he misses/loves you. This is what he is tryig to figure out by saying he needs time. He wantsto want you. He wishes to feel the need to bond. Does that make any sense? Time makes heart grow fonder, so continue giving him what he wants. Him not removing any of your social media could either mean he’s indifferent towards this, or he still cares enough because you haven’t pushed him away yet.
He’s curious about what you’re up to, so let the world see you are having so much fun without him. Everyone wants to be with a fun, energetic person that is full of amazing adventures. Show him what you’re really made of in a positive, authentic way.
Best regards,
Zan
Oh, really nice.. I hope that someday my ex unblock me, but I’m not waiting for that :D, so it will come as a surprise haha