If it’s day 7 of no contact and you’re wondering what your ex is thinking and feeling, the answer to your burning question really depends on your ex’s personality and how the relationship ended.
For example, if your ex is a decent guy and he broke up with you because of depression, he likely isn’t thinking badly of you. Sure, he broke up with you because of unhealthy relationship-damaging thoughts and overwhelming emotions, but it’s not that he despises you and never wants to speak with you again.
Only immature dumpers with victim mentalities and explosive personalities/breakups tend to resent dumpees. But even such dumpers usually work through their anger (not negative associations) and reach out when the time is right. They usually do that when karma hits them hard or when they get enough time to distance themselves from the problem and stop thinking they’re innocent.
So if you had a “normal” relationship or breakup and it’s been 7 days of no contact, first of all, rest assured that your ex is thinking about you during no contact. He’s not obsessed with you and crying his eyes out just because you’re not dating anymore, but he is occasionally wondering what you’re up to and how you’re coping with the breakup.
It’s just that he’s finally free of commitment and doesn’t have to do what you want him to do. Now he can spend more time with other people, doing the things he’d been meaning to do.
This means that right after the breakup, your ex feels relieved and is glad the breakup happened. He thinks that breaking up was the solution to all or most of his problems and that he can finally be independent and get what he wants out of life.
Little does he know that relief isn’t the solution to his problems. It’s just an emotion that was created by the prolonged end of the relationship. When relief wanes, he’ll think a bit more fondly of you and perhaps even more often. I suppose this depends on how happy he is.
And how happy he is for the most part depends on the quality of his relationships. This includes friendships, acquaintances, work relationships, family relationships, romantic relationships, and sexual relationships. Relationships as well as mental and emotional health in general determine how much he thinks about you and how he feels about you.
That’s because the worse life treats him and the less prepared he is to handle difficulties, the more likely it is that he’ll think back and want what he had with you. The only problem with this is that 7 days of no contact make no difference to him. A week is not enough time for your ex to have bad relationships with other people or even to experience some kind of emotional difficulty.
Since he’s relieved and elated, he’s far from being unhappy, so he’ll have to process these empowering emotions as well as negative perceptions of you first. Once he’s done that, he could become nostalgic and want the kind of relationship he had in the past. Just keep in mind that this could take months.
Dumpers need a lot of time to disassociate negative emotions from the dumpee, hit a snag, and feel a desire or need to converse again. You can’t force them to think about you and feel in love with you by talking to them or posting a few pictures with people of your preferred gender.
Today’s article is for dumpees who are on day 7 of no contact and want to know what their ex is thinking.
Day 7 of no contact what is he thinking?
If it’s only been 7 days of no contact, your ex, unfortunately, isn’t thinking much. He’s barely had enough space and time to take a few deep breaths and enjoy freedom again. He isn’t thinking the kind of thoughts you want him to think. It’s too soon for him to think about the relationship and all your good qualities and deeds.
For that to happen, your ex must get weeks if not months of time to himself. Not only that, but he must also be the kind of person who can see things from your perspective, acknowledge your worth, and want the best for you.
If he’s a good person who typically understands people’s suffering, he likely feels a bit guilty already. He wishes he didn’t say or do certain things or that he could have avoided hurting you so much.
But if he’s not very self-aware and tends to react to negative emotions poorly, then his way of thinking hasn’t changed at all. He still thinks the way he always has and finds you responsible for the breakup. Such a guy is not going to change his mind unless something bad happens to him and forces him to see things from your perspective.
Something bad could be his new romantic relationship failing or him falling into depression.
Most people need to go through the dumper stages to process the breakup and stop feeling smothered and repulsed. They need time because time helps them distance themselves from problems and enables them to stop feeling annoyed or disappointed with their dumpee.
When their negative emotions subside they become more rational and capable of feeling guilt and sorrow. But this usually happens months later when dumpees are already out of denial and don’t need their exes’ sympathy.
They need to be left alone to heal and continue to detach. Conversations months after the breakup just reset dumpees’ emotional progress and force them to feel hopeful about the breakup.
So if you’re on day 7 of no contact and you can’t stop wondering what your ex is thinking and why he isn’t reaching out, bear in mind that it’s still too early. He either hasn’t had enough time to process the breakup or he hasn’t gotten hurt and reflected on the things he needed to reflect on.
Something is missing internally or externally, so he’s not quite ready for the epiphany you’re hoping for. All you can do is wait and see if he has it in the future.
Keep in mind that dumpers (male or female) have a lot of work to do on themselves. Not only must they disassociate negative emotions from dumpees created by the breakup, but they must also acknowledge that their ex didn’t have bad intentions and that he or she is a decent person.
Only then can dumpers feel compassion or find some kind of reason to reach out to the dumpee.
Here’s what dumpers usually think about 7 days into no contact.
7 days of no contact is nothing if you compare that to the time it takes most dumpers to see things differently and feel differently. In a week, you probably just got out of denial (if you went to no contact right after the breakup) whereas your ex stopped feeling pressured and focused on distractions and things he enjoys.
So don’t think that your ex’s thinking has changed after 7 days of no contact. Even though your ex has gotten the space he needed to be free and independent, he is still the same person with the same beliefs. These things will take something unpleasant to change.
Let’s now discuss what a guy thinks in no contact.
Day 1 of no contact
When you go no contact, the guy initially doesn’t realize you’ve gone no contact. In all honesty, he doesn’t even care about it because he’s putting himself first and needs time to enjoy life. He feels extremely relieved and is glad he broke up with you because he’s free of responsibilities.
Since the breakup just happened, you’re on his subconscious mind quite a lot, so he thinks about you numerous times a day. He may even have some doubts about the breakup, but other than that, he feels no desire to communicate. Not unless he feels very guilty or has some unfinished business to discuss, such as kids, rent, shared vehicles, etc.
Day 2 of no contact
The next day, he still feels extremely relieved because relief takes weeks on average to process. But now that he’s starting the first day without you, he thinks about the breakup and the way you responded to it. Whether you fought his decision or accepted it right away, he once again convinces himself that breaking up was the right thing to do and that he should have done it sooner if he knew he was going to feel so relieved.
Day 3 of no contact
On day 3 of no contact, he’s back to doing the things he likes to do. He’s hanging out with friends, enjoying his hobbies, and taking care of his wants and needs. In essence, he’s distancing himself from the breakup and beginning to immerse himself in things that give him joy and distract him from thinking about you.
If you contact him when he’s enjoying himself and feeling relieved, he won’t like that one bit. He’ll think you’re being disrespectful and intrusive and as a result, appear cold, distant, or downright rude. It’s hard to say how a guy will react a few days into no contact, but even if he responds politely, that doesn’t suggest that he thinks and feels the right things.
Sometimes dumpers just tell you what you want to hear to avoid causing more problems.
Day 4, 5, and 6 of no contact
When your ex is back to doing the things that make him happy, he’s obviously not thinking about you much. Occasionally he does because certain things remind him of you, but he doesn’t spend much time thinking about them. He gets over them fairly quickly because he finds something or someone else to focus on.
Your ex also occasionally remembers your negative traits and mistakes that created negative emotions and uses them to reinforce his reasons for breaking up with you. That’s how he justifies his decisions and actions and continues seeing himself as a victim.
Day 7 of no contact
As I said at the beginning of the article, nothing significant changes 7 days into no contact. Your ex still thinks you’re to blame for the breakup or if he’s depressed that you drain his energy and make him spend energy he doesn’t have.
For about 20 days, your ex likely won’t see you any differently than he does right now. The pent-up pre-breakup emotions may wane, but your ex won’t see your worth yet. He won’t be able to because he’ll keep enjoying the post-breakup freedom and refuse to self-reflect.
What to do on day 7 of no contact?
If you’ve come across advice that says you need to leave your ex alone just for a week and then pursue your ex, you need to forget what you’ve heard. I know it sounds enticing to break no contact and communicate with your ex, but a week of time for the dumper doesn’t change anything fundamental that would allow your ex’s feelings to return.
No contact can’t end after a certain number of days (especially not after 7 days) because no contact is indefinite. It stays in place until:
- your ex reaches out and wants you back
- you need to communicate about something very important
- you detach and realize you want friendship or some other type of relationship that your ex might want
These are the only times when reaching out after 7 days or 7 years is okay.
You mustn’t reach out with the intention to reconcile with your ex because you’ll be doing that on your terms. You’ll be running after someone who’s been running away from you for at least a week (probably for 2 or 3).
What you must do instead is to come to terms with the end of the relationship. Accept that the breakup has happened and that you don’t have the power to change your ex’s opinion. And even if you had it, it wouldn’t be fair because you’d be at your ex’s mercy and would likely get hurt a lot.
So if you’re on day 7 of no contact and you can’t stop thinking about what your ex is thinking, bear in mind that it’s completely normal to analyze the breakup and your ex’s thoughts and behavior. Your ex broke your heart and triggered your deepest fears, after all.
But no matter how much you’re hurting, try not to overthink things. Your ex probably won’t come back while you’re super anxious. Dumpers who return after a week or two of no contact, tend to leave again because they don’t really want to break up.
They lack the determination or personal power to stay broken up. Such relationships have a high chance of failure.
So don’t rush back into a relationship with your ex even if your heart tells you to.
Are you on day 7 of no contact and you’re wondering what your ex is thinking? What do you think is going on inside your ex’s head? Let us know in the comment area below the article.
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My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
always explaining the process of No Contact in best ways possible! Iβm so happy and grateful to be part of this community and read daily your articles and have one-on-one help. It helped me to start abs keep indefinite no contact rule. Thank you Zan π«Άπ»
I do my best, Linda.
Thanks for commenting!
Zan
I think I know who you’re talking about when you reference ex-back experts who claim seven days is enough time, not only for the dumper’s feelings to change but for the dumpee to reinvent themselves in the dumper’s eyes. That guy is so full of crap.
That’s the guy I had in mind, Jaycie.
He reached out to me a year ago and wanted me to sell his programs. Unfortunately for him, I stayed in no contact. π
Best,
Zan
I actually sniggered out loud to this comment!
Like Linda i read the articles daily. I was so pleased i came across the article about emotional detachment as this is exactly what i think my husband is dealing with. he’s spoke to no one about his grief at losing both parents and 2 friends within 2 years (add to the mix i gave birth 5 hours after his mum passed) anyway after finally accepting that i cant help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, he finally spoke with his auntie. she told me he broke down on the phone and told her he’s going away for a week soon to sort his head. I honestly hope this is a turning point for him. and even if he doesn’t want to reconcile i truly hope he gets the help he needs to deal with his emotions. thanks Zan, you really are helping me and so many others
Hi Jen.
The sad reality is that dumpees can’t help dumpers. They can’t help them deal with depression, improve their perception of the relationship, and give them the energy to give the relationship another try. By interfering, all dumpees do is lose their exes’ respect and make things worse.
Best regards,
Zan