Breakups Happen For A Reason. True Or False?

I’m willing to bet you are tired of hearing that breakups happen for a reason.

Most people you consult are going to give you a generic response about breakups. It’s such a common cliché, you hear people say these one-liners on social media, forums and anywhere online with the possibility to leave a comment.

But in all honesty, when people tell you to “just move on,” it’s not incredibly bad advice. Yes, you could use some sympathy and understanding, but you usually won’t get it from people who don’t care much about your well-being.

Strangers’ direct words on the internet aren’t that bad because they immediately knock your false hope out of your head and set you on the right path to recovery.

It may not make you feel better to be told that your relationship has come to an end and that you need to move on, but on the other hand, it will definitely make things easier for you in the long run.

In this article, we will finally get down to the point—if breakups happen for a reason or if it’s just a common misbelief.

Do breakups happen for a reason?

If you consider breakups from a psychological point of view, then yes, breakups do happen for a reason.

Something does indeed go wrong and the couple breaks up.

Whether it’s cheating, arguments, loss of attraction, incompatibilities, bad communication and relationship skills, bad behavioral patterns, lack of self-control or domestic violence—something doesn’t function as it should.

Breakups happen for a reason because couples say and do inappropriate things that aren’t in line with ethics, relationship goals, and personal standards.

Relationships also fail because of lack of commitment, the inability to flourish the relationship, falling into complacency, routines, bad habits, incompatible attachment styles and taking each other for granted.

These are all internal relationship reasons that create breakups.

Now let’s look at some of the external reasons. They are a lack of ambition, friends, private and personal life, privacy, maturity and personal development.

Deep-rooted causes of breakups are insecurities, bad or abnormal upbringing, controlling behavior, traumas from the past, drug abuse, and much, much more.

These are just a few reasons why breakups befall. I’m sure there are many more I can’t think of from the top of my head.

But the point is that breakups happen for a reason and that it’s normally too late when we figure out why we got broken up with.

My ex broke up with me and doesn’t tell me why

When you are the dumpee and you’re trying to figure out why your breakup occurred, take a step back and contemplate for a moment.

You can start by identifying the relationship killers in your past relationship and try to see why things happened the way they did from a different—more detached perspective.

If your ex is one of those people who didn’t give you closure and expects you to put the pieces together yourself, don’t worry.

Allow me to tell you that you don’t need your ex to realize what exactly went wrong and what you should work on next.

Whether he or she was in a relationship with you for months or years, your breakup plan doesn’t change.

Now that you are on your own, it’s your job to create the breakup blueprint in whichever way you can.

Start digging real deep into the core of your relationship and ask yourself, “Was my ex always happy? What were some of the things that bothered my ex?”

Take a pen and paper and start writing.

As you commence coming up with possible explanations and reasons why the breakup occurred, ask yourself how you may have contributed to the end of the relationship.

Did you sometimes act or react in anger? Put it down and write why you think it was wrong to do that.

Once you have gathered the whys, it’s time to move on to two final questions

1. How can I make sure I don’t repeat my mistakes again?
2. Do I have the determination to learn from my mistakes and succeed next time?“

If you have the determination to improve as a dumpee, keep reinforcing your beliefs by reading what you wrote about your breakup on a daily basis.

If you lack the strength to self-improve, however, it’s time you gather the motivation to develop a new set of beliefs.

When you’re in a lot of pain, you will naturally learn by reading and writing.

The power of the mind is absolutely incredible when it’s in distress as a result of heartbreak. So if you consciously seek information, your brain is much more receptive to permanent changes.

This means if you’re ever going to learn how to evolve as a person, you’ll probably do it now.

Developing a new habit or breaking one for that matter is a piece of cake for the dumpee.

Just think about the things you don’t like about yourself and start working on fixing them. I guarantee your chances of success are never going to be this high in your life again unless you go through something more traumatic than a breakup.

My breakup was avoidable!

Many things are avoidable, but breakups are not one of them.

For breakups not to happen, the relationship mentality in the dumper’s eyes would have to change significantly.

The change in the dumper is something you have very little control over. You can influence your partner by genuinely being a nice person and a good partner, but you can’t change his or her mind through sheer force and goodwill.

I know what you may be thinking. “If I didn’t say those words to my ex, she would still be with me.” You know what? Perhaps you’re right.

Your ex-girlfriend would still be with you that day or the next day.

She wouldn’t, however, be with you the next week or the next month.

The culprits to blame for that are patterns. People don’t change unless they absolutely have to. You as the dumpee are a living example of that.

Why are you striving to learn, change and evolve when it’s all over?

To answer that for you, it’s because of your desperation to succeed in your life and/or win your ex back.

Before the breakup, you probably didn’t care much about learning about breakups, becoming the best version of yourself and going to the gym 3 times a week.

Now that you are empowered with desperation, you know exactly what is best for your well-being and your odds of getting back with your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.

The same principle applies to your relationship.

The breakup happened for a reason because nobody took action. Neither you, nor your ex took responsibility in the relationship, so the breakup occurred.

So now that the breakup has occurred, instead of wallowing in despair, disregard what happened in the past and take responsibility this very moment.

Look at your horrible breakup as a lesson to learn from and not as an experience that will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Why do breakups happen for a reason?

We’ve discussed why breakups happen for a reason and how we’re held accountable for them.

Now, let’s discuss relationships from a biological and psychological perspective.

It’s common sense that people are wired to bond, copulate and procreate.

It has been that way since the beginning of human existence and it will likely remain so for a long time—if not forever. So if we’re meant to stick together, why are we then breaking up?

Apart from ourselves and our exes, one of the reasons to blame for our breakups is our society.

Social media, dating applications such as Tinder, movies and books are all distorting our reality on a daily basis.

Unrealistic happiness portrayed around the world is slowly creeping into our subconscious minds, tricking us with a false reality.

It’s ridiculous how easy it is to jump into a new relationship before you even let go of your last one these days.

You don’t even need to leave your house to set up a date. All you have to do is create a profile on some dating app or join a forum of your interest.

Ten minutes later you get flooded with messages, calls, and attention from strangers eager to connect with you.

Because it’s so easy to get a date, couples have a tendency to take each other for granted and refuse to work on their shortcomings.

Instead of fixing their relationship issues, they choose to abandon them and bring them into their next relationship—which only sets them up for failure again.

Breakups happen for a reason because of people’s mentality.

What they think on a daily basis, manifests into reality. If they think they can do better, they will act that way.

And If they think they have to adjust and improve their relationship, they will do just that.

For example, if a guy is in a relationship and has another girl on the back-burner as his back-up plan, his mentality is prone to softening up when things get tough in his relationship.

Since he has a safety net to fall onto, he knows he can call it quits and monkey-branch onto the next person. It’s truly a shame to find such a lack of determination in youngsters these days.

If only they had learned to live with purpose to improve themselves and their relationships.

Breakups happen in the past

We can’t solely blame others for thinking as they do. As people, they have the right to think as they wish, after all.

Certain behavior and behavioral patterns usually stem from a person’s childhood and his or her upbringing.

Needless to say, a person’s childhood is responsible for the development of a child.

When young children incorporate values and ethics from their caregivers, they grow up with certain beliefs. And once they become teenagers or young adults, they become mainly accountable for their own actions.

In other words, they mature enough to use their heads and form their own ideas.

This means that when a person hasn’t had “proper” upbringing, education and instillment of moral values, he or she is that much more likely to develop thoughts and beliefs that aren’t in line with ethics and principles of the society and a healthy lifestyle.

The same goes for your ex and your breakup.

If your ex grew up in an unhealthy or improper environment—whether in the household or due to the society, his or her views of this world are going to be greatly affected.

Your boyfriend or girlfriend could develop:

• a lack of motivation and determination
• impatience
• a lack of perseverance
• the inability to cope with stress and difficult situations
• poor communication skills
• inadequate moral values
• shortage of determination
• bad self-control and impulsive behavior

Breakups are not the only predicaments that occur because of some explicable or inexplicable reasons. Everything we say and do in life affects others.

We’ve already covered what affects us to say certain things, such as childhood and beliefs, but we haven’t mentioned the most fundamental and such an important reason.

Here it is.

Breakups happen because of uncontrollable emotions

One of the most important things in a successful relationship is how a person feels toward you.

The way a person feels toward you is dependent on everything we mentioned up to this point.

His or her perception of himself or herself and the world is what makes a person who he or she is.

I often ask people what makes them act in certain ways. I ask them if they can explain the reasons why they’re angry, sad or vindictive.

Do you know what the most common answer I get is?

People usually say, “It’s because of the way I am—the way I feel and the way things are”

In the book The Essence of Success, Earl Nightingale says, “That’s the way things are? If everybody had said that from the very beginning, we’d still be running around without any clothes on, throwing rocks at each other.”

Kindly note that most people give very little thought to the emotions they feel and the people they are.

Instead of thinking before taking certain actions, they simply react to their stimulus and project their feelings onto whatever made them feel angry or sad.

It’s a very primitive way to live a life, but many people do so anyway.

It’s shockingly true that people who don’t engage their brains are often classified as the sheep of society.

They don’t use their own heads to get from point A to point B. They instead just react by following the herd in whichever direction it goes.

So remember that the emotions your ex is feeling are incredibly powerful.

Your ex—just like the sheep of the society is following his or her instincts.

Although some exes try to rationalize and explain their dumpee’s behavior, many rely exclusively on their emotions. These dumpers appear incredibly stubborn and oftentimes destructive post-breakup.

They don’t know why they are infuriatingly angry. They just know that they are and that they must react accordingly.

It’s not you, it’s them

What your ex feels post-breakup is not your fault at all.

You are not responsible for angering your ex and seeing him or her cold. Your ex’s uncontrollable emotions appear as a result of the breakup and the way he or she perceives you and his or her world.

If your ex thinks negatively of you and wants to ditch you as soon as possible, give your ex space.

You must understand that you are no longer in a relationship with the person you are trying to get back with or physically and emotionally close to.

Your ex broke up with you because of uncontrollable cravings for freedom and independence.

So give your ex what he or she wants and let him or her experience life without you.

If you’re having difficulties understanding why your ex feels repelled, put yourself in your ex’s shoes.

Imagine you’re in the same room as a person that you don’t like. Chances are that you will feel uncomfortable and will want to leave the room as quickly as possible.

The same is happening inside your ex’s head when you talk or message him/her

He or she wants to be alone and you’re stepping on his or her toes. In doing so, you create a form of emotional pain and elicit all sorts of reactions from your ex.

These reactions can vary from hot to cold, mean and rude, irritated and disinterested.

It happened for a reason. Now take action!

Now that you know that breakups happen for a reason, it’s time you do some soul-searching. I don’t mean you do some ex-back researching.

You’ve likely done that to the point of obsession already.

Find out whether your breakup happened for a reason and what you can do today to make sure your next relationship doesn’t go down the same path.

I have put together some great books you can start with. They are truly the best anxiety management, personal development and relationship books up to date.

Give them a try.

Once you’ve read a book or two and done enough research, it’s time you take your learning passion elsewhere.

I’d like to encourage you to read more and absorb vital information from all over the globe. No other ex-back website seems to want you to improve your behavior, change your bad habits and expand your ways of thinking.

That’s why I’d like this place to be an exception.

If you read just 2 or 3 books a month, you will quickly become the best version of yourself.

You have my guarantee.

When there’s a will, there’s a way.

What do you think? Do breakups happen for a reason? Why do they happen? Do you believe in cause and effect? Leave a comment in the comments section.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.