Breaking Up Because Of Long Distance

Many couples transition from a physical relationship to a long-distance one and break up shortly after the transition or even before that. They do this because their commitment to each other is lacking and dependent on how much they can benefit from each other rather than how much they can give.

They don’t see the distance as a test of love and devotion, but rather as a nuisance – as something that happened and needs to be avoided instead of worked on.

Nobody likes the distance, but couples who break up because of it detest it. At least one person does due to the belief that long-distance relationships are difficult and that it’d be more convenient for him/her or both of them to separate and date someone more physically available to them.

Some people break up because of long distance because they’d been in an LDR (long distance relationship) before and it didn’t work out whereas others find the distance boring and unfulfilling and don’t want to talk to their partner on the phone too much.

They want relationship perks accessible to them at all times.

Either way, those who initiate a breakup because of long distance do so because they don’t love their partner enough. Their love is shallow, which means it’s conditional on their partner’s physical presence and the things they can take from the relationship.

Typically, they can receive benefits such as:

• intimacy
• affection
• attention
• favors
• (emotional) support
• and company

Some try to justify the breakup by stating their primary love language is physical touch, but that has nothing to do with their poor relationship mentality and a lack of commitment to the relationship.

A love language is just their preferred way of giving and receiving love.

There are 4 other love languages for them to capitalize on. But they choose not to because the prospect of being free and/or getting into a new relationship looks much more appealing to them.

That tells us that LDR dumpers’ priorities are in disarray, that they have a “me mentality,” and that they haven’t yet discovered the joy of deep long-lasting emotional connections.

It’s hard to have a deep connection when they don’t even take relationships seriously. They believe relationships are playgrounds they can abandon the moment they stop being fun. And they stop being fun very quickly when they prioritize people or things outside of the relationship.

I suppose long-distance relationship dumpers are governed by fear as they think they could be having more fun and living better lives if they avoided relationships that are more communicational and less physical and sexual in nature.

Their internal senses tell them something’s wrong and that they have some things to work on, but they instead neglect the problems and fail to gather the strength to do something about them.

That’s why I’m convinced that every relationship should have a little bit of physical distance in it. Couples should experience distance at least once in their relationship as it’s a great tool for measuring couples’ loyalty, determination, maturity, and perseverance.

If they can’t handle the distance, they also won’t be able to handle the problems and differences most couples eventually face.

In this article, we talk about the reasons long-distance couples break up and share some tips on how to deal with long-distance relationship breakups.

Breaking up because of long distance

Believe it or not, long-distance breakups are quite common these days. Lots of couples meet on dating apps, forums, social media, or online games because they find it easier to connect with people with common interests.

As for those who meet in person and become long-distance later, something usually forces them to become long-distance couples.

Oftentimes, they have to move places because of work or university, because their student/work visa expires, because they want to travel for a while, or because they have goals and desires bigger than their long-distance partner can fulfill.

In simple terms, long-distance couples break up because they experience issues and stop valuing each other. They expect their relationships to work better because there is less communication and fewer reasons to argue, but what actually happens is quite the opposite.

The distance makes interactions less personal and makes it easier for them to get upset and show their true colors.

You need to understand that distance itself doesn’t destroy relationships. It’s couples’ lack of gratitude, healthy relationship mentality, and preparedness to identify and deal with long-distance changes and challenges that split them up.

The only thing the distance does is that it highlights the issues couples need to work on. But instead of working on them, many couples get overwhelmed by them and choose to think of them as dealbreakers.

That shows they’re not ready to maintain any relationship (not just a long-distance one) and demands that they reflect on their shortcomings instead of sweeping them under the rug and monkey-branching into a new relationship with someone else.

Bear in mind that people leave long-distance relationships due to a lack of relationship skills and the capacity for intelligent thought. They’re not ready to commit to an intangible relationship that doesn’t give them immediate satisfaction.

What they want is a person they can be with now rather than later.

Long-distance couples have everything they need to take their relationship to the next level. They were born human and have devices that allow them to communicate with people over a long distance.

But the problem isn’t in not being able to keep in touch and forcefully growing apart and falling out of love. It’s in not wanting to stay in love. They think of long-distance relationships as commitments that give them too little happiness for the effort they put into them.

The thought of devoting time and effort to someone hours away from them feels odd to them as they could be with someone who gives them his or her physical presence and the emotions that come with it.

They don’t want to be in a phone/online relationship and miss out on the physical aspect of the relationship non-distance couples get on a daily basis.

That’s why so many couples break up and pursue people closer to them.

Of course, not all long-distance couples break up because of the distance. Many couples think that distance causes their problems and makes them miserable, but usually, the distance merely makes their existing problems worse.

It shows couples that they have things to work on and that if they choose not to put the work in that they may be able to get away with unhealthy relationship behaviors.

Unhealthy behaviors such as:

• secretly talking to other people and neglecting the relationship
• hanging up in the heat of the moment
• lying about their whereabouts
• communicating poorly
• projecting their trust issues onto their partner
• refusing to open up and bond emotionally
• waiting for the other person to initiate, apologize, propose solutions

If couples act like they have the right to do whatever they want, it’s only a matter of time before they lose feelings and fall for someone else. This happens to couples regardless of whether there’s a physical distance between them.

Neglect is neglect and always manifests negative results.

So if you’re breaking up because of long distance, figure out who took the relationship for granted. The relationship didn’t end on its own for no reason but rather because something was wrong with the people responsible for maintaining it.

Here are 7 reasons why people abandon long-distance relationships.

What to do if you broke up because of long distance?

The very first thing you should do when you break up because of long distance is identify who the dumper is. Typically, the dumper is the person who loses feelings and proposes a temporary or permanent “break.”

That person has no more patience and energy to work on a long-distance relationship and wants to focus on things or people who vitalize him or her.

Some relationships don’t have a dumper because both people lose feelings simultaneously due to neglect or self-neglect.

But such relationships are rare. Most of the time, only one person (the dumper) ends the relationship and forces the other person to learn about the dynamics of a long-distance relationship breakup.

So if your ex initiated the breakup and the reason for it is the distance, don’t think that distance is the only problem. I promise you that if you visit your ex right now and express the eagerness to move in together, your ex will shut that idea down faster than you can say “whoops.”

Your ex won’t be game for it because your ex has associated negative thoughts and feelings with you and doesn’t want to disassociate them at the moment. Your ex might do that later, but right now, he or she prefers to be alone and/or with someone else.

If your ex is already dating someone or ends up with another person within weeks of breaking up, your ex probably hid the truth from you which is that he or she developed feelings for another person or broke up with you to be with someone new.

It was your ex who stopped investing in the relationship, planning to make the distance better, and looking for ways to cut the distance.

Long-distance relationships can’t stay long-distance forever. At some point, couples must take their relationship to the next level by moving in together, getting married, having kids, or doing anything that gives their relationship a sense of direction and purpose.

Those who stay long-distance for years are at big risk of getting tired of staying still and wanting something more exciting.

So if your ex broke up with you because of long distance, don’t write LDR breakup letters to your ex. Don’t send or say anything that shows you’re finally ready to get serious with your ex.

Anything you say or do after the breakup will look desperate and inauthentic to your ex. And as you probably know, desperation isn’t attractive. It guilt-trips dumpers, puts them off, and makes it harder for them to enjoy the breakup in ways that they want to enjoy it.

That’s why you should instead accept your ex’s decision to break up and treat the breakup as any other breakup. Treat it as a relationship that lacked communication, willpower, self-awareness, planning, and progression.

If you made your ex feel stressed, anxious, depressed, and uncertain because you didn’t want to see him or her more often and grow as a couple, reflect on your reasons for acting that way and do something about them. This is your chance to evolve.

But if you reflect and reflect and can’t figure out how you contributed to the ending of your long-distance relationship, then you should find your ex responsible for ending the relationship and do your best to move on.

Don’t think even for a second that your ex still loves you and would be with you if it weren’t for the distance. The relationship might have lasted longer without the distance, but don’t try to make your ex’s love look conditional because a man or woman who has a love for you will tell you and/or show you love.

You won’t have to ask for it like a beggar.

I’d rather you hear the hard truth than tell yourself your ex thinks you’re the most amazing person on the planet and that he or she will come back if you show you’re ready to take the next step.

You should remember it’s the lack of emotional bonding that caused your ex to seek something more tangible.

Are you or someone you know breaking up because of long distance? What kind of consequences did the distance have on the relationship? Post them below the post and we’ll get back to you soon.

And lastly, if you’d like to talk about your long-distance relationship breakup with us, click here to check out our coaching services.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.