My Ex Says He Needs To Fix Himself ??

When your ex says he needs to fix himself, he doesn’t mean that he needs to discover the reason why he stopped loving you and fix his appreciation for you.

Your ex knows exactly what makes him unhappy about you and why he stopped investing in you.

It’s his negative thinking patterns, poor personality associations, and high expectations.

So don’t take his,” I need to fix myself” excuse literally because he doesn’t mean it in that way.

Your ex is not a robot that needs a few new screws in the head before he can get fixed and operate sufficiently. He’s a human being whose relationship mentality is too poor to be in a serious committed relationship with you.

What your ex therefore needs is a new brain update that will change his perception of you.

This includes:

• improving the way your ex thinks and feels about you
• changing or lowering his expectations
• practicing gratitude and increasing respect for you
• beating depression or unhappiness

Your ex needs to work on himself whether his relationship with you was long-term or short-term.

It doesn’t really matter how long you were together because your ex thought about you in a poor way.

He thought of you as someone who’s stealing his happiness, rather than contributing to it.

So think about that for a minute and try to understand that your ex’s “I need to fix myself,” was merely an attempt to justify his leave.

It was an excuse to distance himself from you so that he could become happy without you/with someone else.

I know this may sound difficult to hear, but when a guy says he needs to find himself, fix himself, or that he doesn’t know what he wants, he’s not being very honest with you.

The guy knows exactly what he wants and who he doesn’t want.

And the reason why he’s not telling you is that he hates breaking your heart and doesn’t want to make the breakup more difficult than it already is.

The purpose of today’s post is to help you comprehend what it means when your ex says he needs to fix himself. I only hope you’re ready to hear the truth.

My ex says he needs to fix himself

If your ex said he needs to fix himself, your ex was indirectly referring to the stressors that have been making his life miserable.

Some of the typical everyday stressors are:

• work
• finances
• health
• lack of passion and ambition
• family

And even though your ex said that he was stressed over one or more of the above reasons, that wasn’t the main issue for your ex.

Your ex wouldn’t have pushed you away if he thought that work, for example, is stressing him.

He would probably project his unhappiness onto you and vent for a bit. But he definitely wouldn’t leave you because of it.

The real reason why your ex left is that your ex perceived your personality in an energy-draining way and consequently failed to appreciate your good points.

Your ex basically continued to associate negativity with your pre-breakup persona for so long that he eventually stopped loving you.

And when he was certain you weren’t the one for him, it was only a matter of time before he officially terminated the relationship.

It was inevitable.

So don’t wait for your ex to “fix himself” because nobody knows if he’ll ever fix the things he needs to fix in his head.

He will probably just skip the self-improvement phase and find someone else to date.

It’s what most dumpers do.

Here’s what it means when an ex says he needs to fix himself.

Your ex thinks that you make him unhappy

The breakup occurred because your ex believed that you weren’t meeting his emotional, physical, sexual, or spiritual needs.

In a way, he felt neglected or victimized for the way he feels in your presence.

Even if you went above and beyond for your ex and sacrificed your happiness to be with him, your ex still perceived you differently – the way he wanted to.

And that’s because:

• you didn’t meet your ex’s relationship expectations
• your ex didn’t like the way you contributed to his happiness and unhappiness
• he stopped appreciating you and believing in your capabilities of making him happy
• communication was lacking
• your ex lacked maturity and self-awareness to disassociate his external stressors from the relationship

So no matter how depressed your ex was about various things in life, the most important thing is that he lacked the strength to persevere.

He couldn’t disassociate you from his personal issues—so he blamed you for his unhappiness instead.

It’s what people who lack maturity and self-awareness usually do.

I want to help my ex fix himself

Whatever you do, don’t force your help on your ex and expect him to cooperate.

You need to keep in mind that your ex pushed you away for a reason – to get some distance from you.

He didn’t like giving you his attention so he broke up with you and declared that he was going solo.

The truth is that he’s been planning to do that for a while. Probably since around the time when he became unhappy.

That’s why you mustn’t try to become your ex’s problem-solver and attempt to “fix” your ex.

You’ll most certainly make him more sad and miserable if you try.

And that’s because the problems are just too big for you to solve. Your ex doesn’t want you around or anywhere near him right now.

He’s on a mission to become happier without you, and frankly speaking, wants to appreciate the things and people in his life that matter to him.

So let him do just that.

Allow your ex to explore the world (if that’s what he wants) and give him the chance to find happiness wherever, with whomever he wants.

He has the right to do so as a human being.

But if he fails to find happiness elsewhere and comes crying back to you, be very careful before you accept him back.

Make sure that he’s learned his lesson before you give him your heart on a silver platter—or otherwise, history could repeat itself.

What do I do when he says he needs to fix himself?

Since your ex refused to tell you the truth and distanced himself, there’s not much you can do right now.

His mind is made up and his focus is on himself—so you won’t be able to get close to him no matter what you say and do.

Or if you somehow manage to latch on to him, your unintentional demanding behavior will soon become a burden to him—and he’ll shake you off.

Maybe he’ll even start dating someone else right in front of you and ask you for relationship advice.

Whatever he decides to do after the breakup will hurt you. I promise you that.

So chant to yourself that you mustn’t remain in close proximity to your ex because your ex’s relationship mentality and his perception of you are very unlikely to change.

They’re most likely going to remain as they are.

And that’s only if you’re lucky.

If you’re not so lucky (which most dumpees aren’t), your ex’s suffocation for you will increase tremendously and you’ll see a side to your ex you will never forget.

You have to improve yourself!

As a dumpee, you need to acknowledge that you weren’t contributing to your ex’s happiness toward the end of the relationship.

You were somehow making your ex feel weaker rather than stronger, so your ex decided to let you go.

Although I don’t personally know your case and can’t tell you why this has happened, I can tell you that your ex’s perception of you just wasn’t good enough for him to want to stay with you.

It was actually so bad, your ex thought he’d be better off without you.

So now that your relationship has ended, do your best to identify your relationship killers and work hard to correct your shortcomings.

Do this by fixing yourself rather than your ex and you will have accomplished three things:

1. Become the best version of yourself.
2. Find happiness within yourself.
3. Increase your chances of reconciliation.

Try to view your breakup as a lesson—and ruminate about the times when you could have made better decisions.

If you think rationally, you’ll quickly realize that not everything you did was perfect and that you (just like your ex) could also use an improvement.

When you decide it’s time to make a few healthy adjustments, take a piece of paper and put down your shortcomings.

It’s okay if it takes you a while. Just make sure you have at least 10 of them on your paper.

The more the better.

Once you’ve done that, write next to each shortcoming the reason why you behaved the way you did.

And finally, write next to the reasons how you should and will behave when you find yourself in similar situations next time.

If you do this task and read your notes regularly, you will consciously rewire your behavioral patterns and make sure that you don’t repeat the same mistakes in the future.

It’s your ex’s job to fix himself

Since your ex is the dumper, it will take him quite some time to “fix” himself.

“Quite some time” is probably an understatement because your ex isn’t doing much to fix himself right now.

Instead of looking for answers for his discontent from within, he’s removing external stressors from his life.

He’s basically avoiding his difficulties instead of dealing with them the way emotionally mature people do.

And that’s why your ex isn’t learning efficient problem-solving techniques.

He’s just running away from problems, hoping that they magically fix themselves in his absence.

Perhaps they will one day when circumstances change, but your ex’s mentality likely won’t change very much.

It will remain fixed until your ex fails miserably, hits an all-time low, and is forced to adopt new beliefs.

Only then will he finally be ready to improve his internal happiness.

Do exes who say they need to fix themselves come back?

First of all, the “I need to fix myself” breakup excuse is a guy thing.

It signifies either unhappiness in the relationship or unhappiness within the man himself (depression).

And that’s something you should try to figure out.

Read the next two points and discern which category your ex fits in:

1. If the guy you dated is mentally healthy and he stopped loving you because you weren’t nice to him, he probably won’t come back. He’s tired of feeling down all the time, so he swiftly got rid of you with an “It’s not you, it’s me excuse.”
2. If the man is suffering from depression and low self-esteem issues, then chances are that he will struggle to find happiness on his own. And when he gets tired of looking for it, it’s possible that he will contact you and apologize for leaving.

So technically, whether your ex is unhappy with himself or unhappy you, all you can do right now is to focus on yourself and get over your ex.

Start improving your overall well-being—and your chances of success with your ex or with someone else will be as high as they can be.

Did your ex tell you that he needs time to figure things out? Did he say he wants to better himself? What typical breakup excuse did your ex give you? Let’s know by leaving a comment.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.