She Left Me For Another Man: Why And What To Do?

If your girlfriend left you for another man, she essentially left you for someone she knew nothing about. She left you for someone she was infatuated with and wanted to get closer to emotionally. She wasn’t thinking about the guy’s bad qualities and the things that really matter in a long-term relationship; things like how the guy talks and acts when he gets stressed, overwhelmed, and angry.

All she cared about was how he made her feel in the moment. The moment was all that mattered because she felt empowered (validated) by his attention and affection and stopped thinking rationally. She put a higher priority on her emotions (feelings of falling in love), so she passionately followed her instincts and focused on her new boyfriend’s attractive traits and behaviors.

As a partner, the new guy isn’t a one in a million. But because he’s new and interesting, he attracts her more than anything and anyone. He gives her the validation she seeks and couldn’t get in the relationship with you.

So don’t think your ex-girlfriend left you because you weren’t a suitable partner. Although that is sometimes the case, it usually isn’t. Most of the time, people cheat and monkey-branch to another person because they take their partner for granted, focus on her bad qualities, refuse to maintain the relationship, and look for distractions and happiness outside the relationship.

They lack the excitement and commitment they had when the relationship was new, so they get tempted to connect with (new people) who attract them superficially.

Cheating and monkey-branching are more common than you may think. Lots of people develop a crush while they’re with their partner. But only the least moral, self-aware, emotionally strong, and committed individuals act on their desires (temptations) and cheat on their partner when an opportunity presents itself.

Sadly, an opportunity always presents itself when they keep bonding and do nothing to create emotional distance. Every time they talk, meet up, and flirt, they put themselves in a situation that allows them to get closer to the new person and further away from their partner. To cheat and leave, they just need to keep crossing relationship boundaries and increasing their desire for validation.

When a woman leaves you for another man, she no longer values the things you’d built together as a couple. You’re no longer a couple with common goals. You’re an ex-couple who disconnected emotionally and went back on your commitment to each other. The breakup may have been initiated by one person (your ex), but that doesn’t change the fact that your ex cheated and left.

She broke one of the Ten Commandments, annihilated your self-esteem, and made you blame yourself for your mistakes and her mistakes as well. Cheating affected you deeply—and so did the breakup. It triggered your separation anxiety and forced you to relive the breakup a hundred times a day.

Because you feel abandoned and replaced, you crave your ex’s reassurance and love. You’d probably do anything to feel hopeful and get another chance with your ex. Even though your ex betrayed you and chose another person, you probably still dream about being with her.

Post-breakup anxiety is telling you that your ex is the best person in the world for you and that you shouldn’t give up on your ex that easily. You should fight for her and fix the mistakes you’ve made throughout the relationship.

Unfortunately, you can’t fix anything after the breakup (on your own). You can fix things only with your ex’s help. And at the moment, your ex doesn’t want to participate and cooperate. She’s happy to focus on her new relationship and make it look like she and her new partner are a match made in heaven.

Her happiness is likely driving you crazy and making you want to do all kinds of desperate things. Things that would make you look needy and incapable of letting go of a cheating spouse.

Know that it’s not your fault for wanting to contact her and that you’re not a bad person for wanting to break them up. Most dumpees want to be with their dumper ex. They want to be with their ex whether their ex lied to them, mistreated them, ignored them, blocked them, humiliated them, cheated on them, or hooked up with their best friend.

They’re willing to forgive and take their ex back just to alleviate their pain and feel secure. They tend to stop wanting their ex back months later – when they rebuild their self-esteem, realize their worth, improve themselves, forgive themselves, gain clarity, feel accomplished, detach, and stop idealizing their ex.

That’s when they see that chasing their ex is a waste of time and that they can find someone better than their ex. Someone who won’t leave them for another person and destroy their self-love.

If the breakup happened recently and you haven’t changed your opinion of your ex yet, it’s probably too soon for you to do that. You haven’t gone through all the dumpee stages yet and need to learn to love yourself first. Once you’ve learned how to do that, you’ll detach from your ex and stop emotionally depending on your ex for self-love.

So give it time and bear in mind that you’re not responsible for getting cheated on. Even if the relationship was the worst it could be, your ex could and should have ended things with you before starting a new relationship with someone else.

Since your ex didn’t do that, it’s evident that your ex kept you around and used you for validation purposes and other relationship benefits until she could get them from the new person and knew she could jump from one safety cushion to the next.

That’s what monkey-branching is. It entails starting a new relationship before officially ending the previous one. Monkey-branchers don’t always commit to someone new right away. Usually, they casually date the new person and grow the bond. When they’re certain the new person wants them as much as they want him or her, they then discard their partner, feel relieved, and enjoy the new person’s validation and love.

In this post, we talk about why she left you for another man and what you can do if you want to get over her or be with her.

Why did she leave me for another man?

If your ex-girlfriend left you for another man, she knew exactly what she was doing. She knew she was developing feelings for the new person and neglecting her relationship with you. Despite that, she ignored the need to invest in you and chose not to distance herself from the new guy. She didn’t want to do that because she felt extremely desired by him.

The temptation to interact with him was too powerful for her to resist it.

And it was too powerful because she lacked:

• sufficient moral values
• self-awareness
• emotional strength (ability to deal with doubts and temptations)
• mentors or influential people in her life
• commitment
• respect
• gratitude for the relationship
• relationship goals

Your ex-girlfriend forgot about these things and embraced the feelings the new guy made her feel. She probably felt guilty at first and wondered if she should cut the guy off. But because she kept talking to him and feeling empowered by him, she soon stopped feeling bad and convinced herself she deserved to be happy.

When that happened, she quickly stopped caring about you, fell out of love, and relied on the new guy for emotional wants and needs. You may have still supported her in other ways, but emotionally, you stopped being her go-to person. She’d found a “better” source of empowerment.

At that point, the relationship became transactional and lost its ability to recuperate. It could no longer be saved because she’d lost the will to fix problems and deepen the bond. She’d given up and unknowingly waited for an opportunity to exit the relationship.

She probably hid her new love interest from you and prevented you from suspecting anything. This shocked you and made it difficult for you to accept the unfortunate turn of events. You basically got hurt twice; once by the breakup and once by the person she replaced you with. As a result, you now consider the new guy competition and wonder what he has that you don’t.

Bear in mind it’s not about what he has that you don’t, but how he can make her feel. The guy can make her feel emotions only new couples feel. Such emotions make her feel like she’s made the best decision in the world and that she’s happier than ever.

You see, your ex doesn’t understand that or want to understand that her newfound happiness is only temporary. She’ll find out about it later when she gets used to the new guy and encounters problems with him.

But for now, she’ll continue to enjoy her life as much as she possibly can while prioritizing instant gratifications.

Most monkey-branching dumpers like to hide the people they have a crush on. They don’t want their partners to suspect they’re unfaithful and detached, so they either overprioritize their partner or pretend they’re busy, working late, tired, or not in the mood to hang out and have sex. They make excuses because they’re getting their needs met elsewhere and feel annoyed or repulsed by their partner.

You can usually tell something’s wrong when your partner stops spending quality time with you and doesn’t seem to be his or her usual self. Of course, you shouldn’t immediately accuse him or her of cheating, but you should figure out what’s wrong so you can solve problems or prepare yourself for the worst.

With that said, here’s why she left you for another man.

Your ex knew that cheating and branching are immoral deeds, but despite that, it didn’t stop her from cheating and leaving. She’d gone too far with the new guy to reflect on her actions and do the morally right thing. It made more sense to her to focus on her new connection and newfound happiness.

Most cheaters can’t stop themselves from monkey-branching once they’ve developed a crush on the new person. They don’t want to stop because they love their new life. The ones who return to their ex (and admit what they did) often do so because they fail romantically and feel emotionally unfulfilled.

So if your ex left you for another man, know that she saw romantic potential in him. She may not know what their future holds, but she’s excited to have her needs met by someone new and interesting.

You mustn’t compare yourself to the new guy and consider him competition. As difficult as the branching has been on you, you must understand that you’re not fighting for your ex’s love and competing with the guy. He’s merely the guy that came after you. He probably doesn’t even know that you exist or that she left you for him.

If he knows you exist, he doesn’t get an ego boost from it. Most people I know are 💩scared of their monkey-branching partner cheating on them and/or going back to their ex. It’s the price they have to pay for making their partner leave their ex for them.

If I were you, I wouldn’t envy your ex. If she understands right from wrong, she’ll realize what she’s done and feel guilty about it after she’s gone through the infatuation phase with the guy. If she doesn’t feel guilty, though, she probably isn’t a very moral person, won’t learn anything from her ordeal, and will probably make the same mistake in the future.

Either way, her life won’t be as peachy as you think it will. It may look that way from an outside perspective (especially while things are new), but eventually, her immoral deeds will catch up to her and force her to face her karma (deal with guilt, temptations, or other difficult situations). If she chose a guy who was good with words, but not good at maintaining relationships and commitments, she could get hurt and regret betraying you.

Rationally, you already understand that a woman who left you for another man doesn’t deserve you. You know that she doesn’t appreciate you and everything you did for her. But because you’re hurt and depend on her for validation, you obsess about her anyway. You can’t stop thinking about her new guy and how happy she probably is.

What you’re experiencing is completely normal. You’re not weird for thinking about her 24/7 and struggling to move on. You got your heart pulverized and need time to recover. How much time you need is hard to say. Generally, it depends on your and your ex’s post-breakup behavior, how you cope with stressors, and how experienced you are at dealing with breakups.

If you got dumped before, you likely developed defense mechanisms that will assist you with dealing with rejection, separation anxiety, and low self-esteem.

What to do when your ex-girlfriend leaves you for another man?

When your ex leaves you for another man, you mustn’t try to rationalize with her and guilt-trip her. Telling her she’s leaving a good, healthy, long-term relationship for a guy she doesn’t know won’t make her want to give up on him. If anything, it will pressure her and force her to keep her space from you.

You must remember that your ex is in an unreasonable state of mind and isn’t thinking clearly. If she was thinking clearly, she wouldn’t have left you for another guy. She’d have avoided temptations and worked harder on improving the relationship.

Since she hasn’t chosen the high road, it’s obvious that she can’t be talked back into a relationship and that she needs to be respected and left alone. By leaving her alone, you’ll let her focus on her new relationship and let her process the breakup.

She doesn’t have to get over you like you have to get over her, but she does need to enjoy her space and freedom for a while. She needs to focus on herself and the new relationship and figure out if they’re a good match for each other. If they are, they’ll stay together regardless of what you say or do. You won’t be able to stop them from committing to each other because they’ll want to be together.

Conversely, if they realize they’re not a good fit, they’ll part ways and consider their next steps. These steps could include moving on or returning to their previous partners.

What they do depends on how nostalgic, regretful, and anxious they are. The more hurt they are, the bigger the chance that they’ll want validation from their ex.

So what should you do when your ex-girlfriend leaves you for another man?

Don’t do anything that shows you’re unhappy with your ex’s decisions and actions. Don’t show her you feel inferior to her new boyfriend and that you need her recognition. Instead, show her you accept the breakup and that you’ll focus on your own life. This will prove you’ve started moving on and falling back in love with yourself.

The last thing you should do as her ex is stay in contact with her and hope that something goes wrong in her new relationship. If you stay in touch, you’ll stay hopeful and make the moving-on process extremely difficult for yourself. You’ll waste your self-improvement time and struggle to find ways to stay busy.

So whether you want her back or not, keep your space from your ex and let them be lovey-dovey if they want to. You don’t have the right, nor the ability to stop them from being together. If you interfere, you’ll just look desperate and incapable of letting go.

Instead of focusing on them, I encourage you to improve yourself. Reflect on your mistakes and shortcomings and strive to become the best version of yourself. When you heal and grow, you probably won’t value your ex anymore. You’ll be happy on your own and might even find someone better to date.

This may be hard to imagine now that you’re hurting, but give it time. If your ex’s new relationship fails and makes her realize your importance, your ex could come back to you. That’s when you get to decide if you can forgive your cheating monkey-brancher or if it makes more sense to start fresh with someone else.

For now, focus on the things you can control. This includes your friendships, hobbies, ambitions, and self-growth. Soon, you’ll learn that the breakup helped you in many ways and that you may not even want to get back together with your ex.

Did your ex leave you for another man? Why do you think she did that? Share your views and experience in the comments section below.

And if you want our opinion on the reasons your ex left you for another man, check out our coaching options here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.