When an ex swipes right on you, your ex does this for two possible reasons. Your ex either does it accidentally (very unlikely) or half-jokingly to show that he or she discovered your profile and that it’d be fun to match as ex-partners.
Matching with you on Tinder, Bumble, and other dating apps shows that your ex is actively searching for someone else just like you are and that he or she doesn’t see a reason to hide it from you.
Your ex wants to be completely open, friendly, and resentment-free because doing so sends a message that your ex is ready to break the post-breakup awkwardness and is okay with you moving on and being happy with someone else.
Think of it as some kind of positive projection. Your ex is happy and is looking for someone new to date, so it’s only fair that your ex wants the same for you.
This doesn’t, however, indicate that your ex is ready to communicate with you and be in-person friends. All it means is that matching with you on dating apps poses no risk to your ex. As long as there is a healthy distance between you and your ex, your ex is happy to settle for an online dating friendship and keep an eye on you from a distance.
Distance gives your ex control and promotes his or her well-being.
Dumpers and dumpees both keep tabs on each other. They check each other’s social media and try to learn about each other’s life. The information they receive helps them in multiple different ways.
Information usually helps dumpees feel hopeful and makes it easier for them to cope with the breakup. In your case, it lets you know that your ex is still looking for that special someone and that he or she hasn’t settled down yet. This makes you think there’s still a chance to be with your ex.
For dumpers, on the other hand, insight into their ex’s life mainly just assuages their guilt and curiosity. It allows them to see that their ex has got or is getting over the pain and suffering they’ve caused their ex. In other words, it gives them the green light to forgive themselves and move on with a clear conscience.
So if your ex swiped right on you, don’t jump to conclusions and assume that your ex swiped right to date you again. Although some dumpers (very, very few) indeed do that, they also usually leave again. They get tired of the relationship because their reasons for coming back are not good enough for a romantic relationship to continue to exist.
Dumpers need to deliberately return to the person they left. Deliberate actions show and increase regret and commitment whereas random encounters that lead to reconciliations such as online matching and bumping into each other typically show a lack of desire and a need to reconnect.
As a result, they prevent them from investing time and energy into the relationship and cause them to lose interest again. Spontaneous couples basically lack the determination they need to communicate and bond efficiently. Dumpers can’t grow and stay in a relationship if they don’t see how badly they messed up and promise themselves and their ex to do better.
That’s why there are much better ways for your ex to ask you out on a date than through a random dating app encounter. One of them is directly sending you a text and asking you out. A simple text would show that your ex has been thinking about you and that a healthy reconciliation may still be possible.
But since your ex didn’t take the initiative and instead passively matched with you, it’s evident that your ex hasn’t been thinking about you romantically. Your ex was just surprised to see you on a dating app and wanted to show you that he or she saw you.
By swiping right on you, your ex wanted you to know that he or she supported your online dating and that it’d be kind of fun and/or funny to match with each other.
So do your best to avoid thinking that your ex still has feelings for you and that he or she wants to date you again. You’re not some random person your ex matched with for the first time. You’re his or her ex – someone your ex already knows (or thinks he/she knows) and doesn’t find romantically attractive.
If your ex found you attractive and valued you, your ex would have chosen a better method to reconnect with you and get back with you. Your ex would have dialed you, sent a text, written a letter, contacted your friends or family, or even shown up in person if there was no other way to reach you.
Don’t think that Tinder or whatever app you connected on is your ex’s only way of talking to you. Yes, someone who wants you back may be apprehensive at first and may want to dip his or her toes in to see if you’re receptive and interested.
But he or she certainly won’t do that via dating apps.
He or she will contact you directly and try to find out if you’ve moved on or rather if your perception of him or her has changed. If you’ve moved on, your ex will likely still try to get back with you. But if your ex sees that you no longer like him or her, then your ex will probably leave you alone after a try or two.
It depends on how hurt, regretful, and persistent your ex is.
In this post, we talk about why your ex swiped right on you on a dating app and share some tips on how to handle dating app matches with an ex.
Why did my ex swipe right on me?
Your ex swiped right on you because your ex thought it’d be fun or funny. He or she wanted you to know that you’re both using the same app for meeting your future partners and that there’s no harm in swiping right on each other.
Your ex didn’t think about the possibility that you might still be healing from the breakup and that seeing him or her searching for someone new to date could hurt you and mess up your healing progress.
I suppose you shouldn’t have swiped right on your ex either. Not if you were still healing from the post-breakup blues and weren’t ready to interact with your ex.
In all honesty, you shouldn’t even have signed up for a dating app and looked for people who could mend your broken heart.
Other dating prospects may keep you busy and give you some validation, but they can’t make you get over your ex. If anything, they can only remind you that they’re not your ex and that you lost someone unique and valuable.
Someone who made you feel good and gave your life purpose.
Jumping head-first onto dating apps after the breakup is a recipe for disaster. It’s the easiest way to rebound and spiral into depression. Hence why it would be best if you thought long and hard about using dating apps so quickly.
Think about whether you’ve recovered to the point where you can see your ex’s pictures and read your ex’s descriptions of his or her ideal dating candidates.
If the breakup happened just a few weeks ago, chances are you’re still obsessed with your ex and will lose sleep over your ex’s dating app activity. You’ll analyze your ex’s pictures, usage of words, and online time like a madman and torture yourself for no reason.
So before I even attempt to answer the question, “Why did my ex swipe right on me,” figure out why you swiped on your ex. Did you think it was interesting to see your ex on the app and that the universe matched you with your ex? Or did you see it as an opportunity to see what your ex was up to and get back in touch with your ex?
Whatever your reason for swiping right on your ex is, discover if it was the right thing to do. Do this by considering how you feel about your ex and how the relationship ended. If your ex treated you badly, refused to give you closure, and made you extremely anxious and scared, adding your ex as an online dating friend was a terrible idea.
It will constantly make you yearn for the validation and explanations your ex denied you by breaking up with you and acting irresponsibly.
In that case, you’re looking at weeks or months of unnecessary suffering due to constant reminders of your ex and not being able to get what you need from your ex.
However, if you’re over your ex, then you can do what you want. You aren’t obsessing over your ex and caring about what your ex does and who he or she dates, so you can swipe right or even talk to your ex if you want to. You can do anything as long as you and your ex are okay with it.
You’re probably thinking why your ex went on Tinder or Tinder-like apps so soon after the breakup when your ex could have just contacted you and saved himself or herself the time and effort of looking for another person. Your ex had someone who loved him/her and wanted to work on the relationship.
But your ex didn’t want that.
You have to remember that in the relationship with you, your ex didn’t feel loved the way he or she wanted to feel loved. Even if you gave your ex everything you could, your ex felt unfulfilled and wanted to see what else was out there.
Whether your ex got the grass is greener syndrome or just lost interest and gave up, your ex wanted a different relationship experience with someone else. And that’s something you mustn’t interfere with. You must let your ex search for new dating prospects and focus on yourself.
It’s possible your ex is currently looking for hookups or friendships with benefits. Some dumpers do that because they don’t want a new serious relationship right away. They want to have some fun before they get serious with someone else.
Your ex’s dating profile should describe what kind of relationship and person your ex is looking for. Read the description only if you can handle it.
With that said, here are 5 reasons why your ex swiped right on you.
When your ex swipes right on you, it usually indicates that your ex doesn’t despise you so much that he or she never wants to speak with you again. On the contrary, it shows that your ex does have some respect for you and that he or she wants you to know that.
If your ex had 0 respect for you and loathed you, your ex probably wouldn’t have swiped right. He or she would have swiped left and avoided matching with you and being reminded of you. That’s how your ex would have minimized the risk of you reaching out and pressuring him or her.
What to do when your ex swipes right on you?
When your ex swipes right, don’t immediately assume your ex is ready to talk to you but is too afraid to start a conversation. Dating app matches and social media friendship requests don’t indicate that your ex wants to be anything more than he or she is right now.
All it means is that your ex has processed the breakup a little bit and that he or she is okay with being online friends.
Sadly, lots of exes remain or become online friends after a while. They re-add each other out of curiosity and nostalgia and don’t do anything about it. At least not dumpers because they don’t have any romantic expectations.
Most dumpers just check up on their ex, satisfy their curiosity, and decrease their guilt. Those who engage in conversation tend to talk about superficial things such as what they and their ex have been up to since the breakup.
Such conversations are completely pointless and counterproductive as they confuse dumpees and give them tons of false hope.
So whatever you do, don’t message your ex the moment your ex swipes right on you. Don’t message your ex at all because your ex still thinks and feels the same way about you. Your ex still thinks the breakup needed to happen and feels it’s too soon to discuss relationship and breakup matters.
At the moment, a right swipe on you is a random occurrence that shows no change of heart and an urgency to get back together.
You may think that you can use the dating platform to weasel into your ex’s heart, but that’s extremely unlikely to happen. Your ex probably won’t fall for it because you’ll try to influence your ex on your terms (before your ex is ready).
You’ll have a much better chance of making a decent impression and reattracting your ex when your ex contacts you and puts in the effort himself/herself.
That’s when you’ll at least know that your ex is asking for your attention and has some kind of reason to converse (as silly as that reason may be).
You need to wait for your ex to express that reason to you. When he or she does, you’ll have an important decision to make. You’ll have to decide whether there’s any point in talking to your ex or if it’s better to continue with no contact.
Also, you needn’t stay friends with your ex if this online friendship enables you to stalk your ex 24/7 and forces you to obsess about him or her. You’re more than free to just delete your ex or stop using the dating app.
The first 3 months or so after the breakup are a great opportunity for you to recover emotionally and improve yourself.
Don’t waste that time by checking up on your ex and looking for new people to date. You have lots of better things to do that don’t entail getting validation from people who can’t or don’t want to give it to you.
Did you learn why your ex swiped right on you? Why do you think dumpees and dumpers swipe right? Share your experience/opinion below.
And lastly, if you’d like to talk to us about why your ex swiped right on you, go to our coaching page and subscribe to breakup coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Many thanks for this great article Zan, it’s exactly what I needed to read. As I have just recently fallen for this fantasy twice. The first time I reached out and asked my ex why he swiped. He said simply because “he was pleased to see me there and pleased I’m happy.” I didn’t understand it. I stupidly asked why he would think that and he said “I just guessed”. Even more stupidly I asked him if he was happy. He said “I am my usual, not happy, not sad” and then I asked if he was happier now then we broke up and got “I am the same, nothing changed”. It really hurt because he then started a random conversation before drifting again.
I stayed off apps for three months. Then went back on and he liked me again. Both times, I knew he had liked me prior to liking him. As I had paid subscription. I won’t reach out again. But was considering it prior to this article. Thanks for that.
Can I just ask though Zan. Do you find this a mature thing to do? Because I don’t. I don’t agree that they do this for support. It’s not something I would ever do to someone I was done with. Especially if they reached out the first time when I swiped right. Id take that as a sign they might not be over things and even if they were, I wouldn’t want to mislead them regardless. I find it to be a hurtful act. But does that make immature? I’ve never personally had any other ex rematch me. And whilst I agree they may do it for fun. I don’t agree that it’s because they want their ex to be happy. It feels like a cruel and selfish act. Though I’m obviously still hurting
Hi Leanne.
I wouldn’t say it’s immature unless immaturity includes lacking consideration for the needs of other people. I’d say he wasn’t aware of how you felt and that you’d get hope out of it. He should have just left it alone and avoided sending you any messages. In all honesty, he should have stayed off the dating apps. That wasn’t thoughtful and respectful either.
Sincerely,
Zan
Zan; good article, but if you think dumpees should just move on and forget about our dumpers, no offense, but why are you in this business? It’s invalidating, as if we can flick a switch and dispose of them. Or perhaps you don’t consider yourself a breakup coach. If this is your philosophy you have every right to it, but I’d be more transparent that is the case as some of your articles for dumpees I’ve noticed end with realistic slight optimism & others like this one tsk tsk at the very notion of wanting an ex at all. Please clarify in future. Maybe a mission statement. Anyway I do enjoy your work that aside. Thank you.
Hi Daniela.
It may not seem that way, but I write about breakups to help dumpees get what they need. Most of the time, they need a reality check and a lot of support with the whole letting go process. I know it’s not easy to get over the dumper—and I apologize if some of my words are too blunt, but you do agree with me that holding onto hope is not very good for you, right? I strongly believe that dumpees have a much better chance of reattracting their ex when they are hopeless (detached). It’s much easier to attract someone when you’re self-reliant and not desperate to be with him or her. This goes for breakups and relationships.
I’ll do my best to be more optimistic and less hope-crushing in future posts. Thanks for the feedback, Daniela. I appreciate it.
Best regards,
Zan
such a good article Zan! Thank you as always ❤️
Thank you, Linda!
Nice article Zan.
I know (thru friends) that my ex was on hinge not even a month after our 1.5 year relationship. I hopped onto the app 3 months after our breakup. 2 weeks ago (4 months post breakup and NC), hinge recommended her as “most compatible” which is bilateral so she saw it too by design. It also was hard to see that even hinge thought we would be a good fit. Anyway I swiped left. She did too.
I didn’t think about it for a week and then discovered she had deleted her profile… (thru friends of friends). I am wondering if seeing me could have triggered something (I’m the dumpee) to push her to delete the app.
Anyway I think dumpers go on these apps for hookups mainly (which hurts) but more often than not, they end up finding either a person who wants a relationship or someone they like to have around for a while.
Both cases suck. I think as a dumpee there is nothing positive about a breakup except the work you do on yourself. Dumpers always have it easy and often don’t realize the damage they ve done. This is hard in no contact coz you d like your ex to see how badly she hurts you, but she ll never know and probably think you moved on as quickly as they did.
Tim
Hi Tim.
She might have deleted the app after seeing you on it, but that’s unlikely. She probably found no decent matches or found someone else.
I agree with you, Tim. Dumpers indeed jump on dating apps mainly for hookups. But eventually, they also develop feelings and want a serious relationship. They are capable of emotionally bonding right away whereas dumpees need time to process the breakup.
Kind regards,
Zan
Its a big knee jerk move. AFter all that he put me through before and during the break-up, it means nothing. His word is worth less than mouse poop. I don’t need his validation. Plenty of dudes on the app that hasn’t betrayed and broke my heart, -yet giving my profile likes. If anything it’s him that seems to need his ego stroked. The sucker has all the opportunity to contact me but leave me the *F alone while I am trying to get on with my life. He’s the one that chose it. Not ME.
Hi Vero.
I know you’re hurt, but don’t rush on the dating apps and get involved with other guys right away. I suggest you take some time to heal and figure out what went wrong. You probably have some things to work on as well. Learn what they are so you can have better relationhips thanks to him.
Kind regards,
Zan
Idk. I am still learning how ridiculous my ex is. I have not paid for my subscription on Hinge, so the guys who liked my stuff are blurred. One of them without a doubt looks like him. Same pic he had on fb at one point. I’ve only been on the app a week at most. We’ve been broke up at least 3 mos at his doing. 🤷♀️ to me, it’s such a jerk move. I mean, it’s pretty obvious it’s me. I mean why?? He’s got all the opportunity to contact me l, and knows where I live. I don’t need his “support”. I mean, what? Now he’s gotta hide from all the new supply he picked up while he discarded me?