Why Do I Keep Having Nightmares About My Ex?

Recurring nightmares about an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend are very common. Many dumpees have them as they go through traumatic experiences during or after the breakup and need to heal from the shock caused by their ex’s behavior. They can heal from shock in many ways. But they normally do it in ways that feel natural to them – by thinking about the breakup, talking about it, and dreaming about their ex.

Dreams or nightmares are usually involuntary, but they occur because dumpees are stressed and need answers. Their ex has caused them a lot of pain and anxiety, so they can’t just accept the situation and never again think about their ex.

It’s not that simple. Each and every dumpee needs to go through certain psychological processes before he or she can accept the breakup, process it, let go of reconciliation hope, and be okay with the dumper moving on and finding happiness with someone else.

As long as dumpees are not okay with their ex dating someone else and have a fear of being forgotten, dumpees are prone to having dreams and nightmares. They are in highly sensitive/emotional states, so even a quick reminder or encounter with their ex can trigger their separation anxiety and fears and make their ex torture them in their sleep.

Generally speaking, the more anxious, afraid, depressed, and obsessed dumpees are and the lower their confidence and self-esteem are, the higher the chances that they’ll think about their ex throughout the day and dream about their ex at night.

Strong emotions have powerful long-lasting effects on dumpees as they can make them say and do things that pressure dumpers and make dumpees regret their behavior.

If you keep having nightmares about your ex and you don’t know why, you need to understand that it’s normal to have dreams and nightmares if the breakup happened months ago. Breakups activate your longing for love, self-love, healing, and validation, and make you feel incomplete as a person.

They make you miss the way you felt prior to the breakup because you were attached to your ex and intended to stay with your ex. Now that you’re separated physically and especially emotionally, you suffer from rejection, the lack of happy hormones provided to you by your ex, and have a difficult time accepting reality (getting out of denial).

You feel that you’re not worthy of your ex’s love and that you must try harder to obtain it.

Nightmares about an ex are usually highly emotional. They make you dream about real or imaginary events that feel real to you. And because they feel real, the impression they make on you can last for days if the breakup is fresh and your wounds raw.

Nightmares are indirectly trying to warn you that you need to detox from your ex and regain your emotional independence.

How you do that is up to you. Nightmares just want to tell you that you need to take them seriously otherwise you’re going to keep obsessing about your ex throughout the day as well.

Today, we discuss why you keep having nightmares about your ex.

Why do I keep having nightmares about my ex?

If your ex broke up with you recently, you keep having nightmares about your ex because you feel rejected and anxious. You didn’t want nor expect the relationship to end, so you’re now dealing with shock, grief, and perhaps even depression.

Your mind is telling you that the breakup was the last thing you wanted and that you need to find a way to fix things fast. Of course, your mind doesn’t how to do that. All it knows is that your ex has caused you problems and that you need to think about the breakup to solve those problems.

Thinking about your breakup and your ex is, undoubtedly, a waste of time as you don’t know if you’ll ever get back together with your ex and make use of all the realizations and improvements you’ve made after the breakup. But one thing thinking about your ex does help you with is that it eases your anxiety and makes it easier to cope with the unfortunate turn of events.

Ex-thoughts make you relive the breakup hundreds of times, but they also serve as a means of soothing anxious thoughts and preventing you from breaking down emotionally and making things difficult for yourself as well as your ex. Ex-thoughts, dreams, and nightmares all serve the same purpose.

They all tell you that your health and happiness are in danger and that you better make some changes in your life. Changes could be anything positive that helps you distance yourself from your ex and be emotionally independent.

At first, no matter what you do, you won’t be able to stop obsessing about your ex because you’ll be recovering from the shock. But once you get back on your feet, you’ll start to realize that you don’t obsess about your ex as much as you used to and that ex-thoughts and nightmares related to your ex have subsided.

You simply won’t experience them that often (if ever again) because you’ll have processed the rejection, dealt with grief, and become comfortable with who you are and what you have in life. You’ll be fine without your ex and have better things to think about.

So if you keep having nightmares about your ex, consider your nightmares a sign that you’re detoxing from your ex and learning to live without your ex again. You’re becoming self-reliant, and that’s good. Do your best to persevere and remain optimistic.

Seeing light at the end of the tunnel will reduce the number of nightmares and keep you on the path to recovery.

However, if you’re experiencing nightmares many months or perhaps even years after the breakup, then there are other possible reasons for their occurrence. The most possible reason is that something’s not going the way you want it to go. Some part of your life needs more stability, so your brain is reminding you of the person you felt safe or comfortable with.

That person likely also traumatized you and made it difficult for you to love yourself. Maybe your ex was abusive or just not right for you. Whatever it is, the more anxious the relationship or the breakup made you feel, the more likely it is that you reminisce and dream about your ex months or years later.

It’s also possible that you recently thought of your ex, saw your ex happy, or compared your life to your ex’s. That may have triggered your craving for a happier life and made you dependent on your ex again.

Either that or the nightmares you have about your ex are completely random. Sometimes these things happen and there’s no logical explanation for them. Most of the time, they go away on their own as long as you don’t give them too much thought.

Here are some possible explanations for why you keep having nightmares about your ex.

How to stop having nightmares about your ex?

You can stop having nightmares about your ex by understanding why you keep having nightmares. A good understanding of these unwanted dreams is essential as once you comprehend their cause, you’ll also know what to do to stop them.

In other words, you’ll know how to interpret nightmares and how to convince yourself that they’re not worth your time.

So start by figuring out the root cause of these nightmares. Once you’ve discovered it, start working on the way you perceive your nightmares as well as your ex. If you perceive your ex as the best person in the world and let your ex as well as your nightmares create strong emotions, you’ll end up thinking about your ex even more. Consequently, you’ll have more negative dreams (nightmares) and find it harder to stop your ex from messing with your head.

From what I can tell, the best way to end nightmares about an ex is to avoid thinking about nightmares when you have them. Instead of trying to remember them, brush them off by telling yourself they’re normal after the breakup or that they’re random (depending on your situation).

The idea behind this is to create an explanation for the dreams, accept the explanation as the only explanation, and reduce the importance of ex-dreams in your eyes. If you tell yourself they’re a waste of time, you won’t memorize them, fear them, or despise them.

You’ll just think they’re normal and that it’s not worth losing sleep over them. This will allow your brain to forget about them and encourage it to have better dreams.

So if you want to know how to stop having nightmares about your ex, don’t give your nightmares any significance. Instead, acknowledge them as a part of life and that it’s okay to have them. The moment you accept them, feel comfortable having them, and improve your shortcomings, I guarantee that you’ll stop having them.

That’s because you won’t have anything you regret or fear. You’ll once again be in control of your emotional well-being and focus on enjoying your life.

I used to experience nightmares about my ex too. But when I processed the past, improved myself, forgave myself and my ex, and became okay with nightmares, I haven’t had any since. I had some ex-dreams over the years, but they were so insignificant I don’t even remember what they were about. They didn’t make a strong impression on me because I brushed them off and didn’t care about them.

And that’s how you should feel too. You can get into this detached state by letting go of your ex and your mistakes during and after the relationship. Whatever issue you have with your ex, you should do your best to overcome it. Overcoming it will help you have fewer or no nightmares about your ex.

If there are no things you need to work on, then remind yourself that dreams are random and that it’s normal to sometimes have a few nightmares in a row.

Nightmares about an ex will cease on their own when you don’t give them what they need to exist.

And what they need to exist is for you to:

• obsessively think about them
• talk about them
• try to decipher their meaning
• fear them
• google them
• and give them more attention than they deserve

If brushing nightmares off and distracting yourself doesn’t work, then you may want to consult a sleep and dream specialist. He or she may delve deeper into the reasons for your recurring nightmares about your ex and provide you with some tips or medications.

And lastly, don’t forget to put your life and happiness in general under the microscope and figure out if you’ve been feeling okay recently. If you’ve been anxious, that may be the culprit you’re looking for as it may have affected your subconscious mind.

Are you still wondering why you keep having nightmares about your ex? Let us know what you intend to do about them in the comments below. ⬇️

And if you wish to talk about your nightmares with us, sign up for coaching on this page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.