He Wants A Break, How Long Should I Give Him?

When a guy wants a break, you need to understand that you’re no longer a couple. You’re an ex-couple who experienced an emotional separation, also known as a breakup. The word “break” is just a nicer word for the breakup.

Your ex said it to soften the blow and make it easier for himself to get emotional and physical distance from you.

This means that there’s no guarantee you’ll get back together after he’s had enough space. Because the guy enjoys space and isn’t afraid that you’ll move on, he’ll likely continue to enjoy his post-breakup freedom for days or weeks to come.

After all, he just realized that he’s finally happy and that there’s no need to get back together with you. He probably had some doubts at first and thought the relationship was salvageable, but now that he’s seen what the breakup feels like, this is no longer the case.

He’s happy just focusing on himself now.

As a person who was dumped, you have to know that there are no breaks in relationships. Couples who take breaks break up. Some get back together after some time, of course, but most don’t. Most people can’t reconcile because they lose feelings, develop unhealthy opinions of their exes, and focus on their new lives.

So whatever you do, don’t think that your ex is just taking a little bit of a break from you. People who love you and are ready for romantic relationships don’t take breaks. They either work on their relationship and themselves or they give up and break up. There are no such things as breaks because breaks are the opposite of what couples need to stay together.

Instead of fixing problems, breaks ignore them and show couples they don’t need each other to be happy. Sadly, the only person who doesn’t need his partner is the dumper because the dumper is detached and has no plans for the dumpee. He’s happy to stay broken up whereas the dumpee keeps looking over her shoulder and wonders how much longer the break will last.

Because she thinks the break is temporary, she stays hopeful and waits for her dumper ex to return and invest in her and the relationship. But because the dumper is busy with other things or people, he isn’t thinking about getting back with the person who made him unhappy and drained his energy.

He’d rather stay home and do nothing than get back with a person who smothers him and makes him feel uncomfortable.

You see, couples who take breaks seldom discuss how long their breaks will last and what they’ll do to fix their shortcomings and life issues while they’re “taking a break.” Most of the time, they don’t talk about important things at all, which is why they grow distant and oftentimes even meet other people.

Slowly, they forget about giving their tiresome relationship another chance and move on with their lives.

So if you dated a guy who now wants a break, bear in mind that the relationship hasn’t just gone on hiatus because you had a little disagreement. The guy had actually pushed you away. And that means he doesn’t have the energy and skills to maintain the relationship in ways that he needs to.

I don’t want to scare you, but it’s possible that he’s met someone new and that he has no intention of getting back with you.

This post will explain how long you should give a guy if he wants a break.

He wants a break, how long should I give him?

Now that you know that a break is a euphemism for a breakup, you know that the guy has actually broken up with you. He didn’t date to tell you the bad news, so he told you something you were willing to accept and not give him a hard time about.

By doing so, he prevented you from reacting strongly and made it easier on himself to deal with a highly emotional situation. In essence, he lied to you because he was afraid of your reaction and put his fear before your feelings.

The guy probably wanted to tell you the truth, but then he got anxious and chose to run away from the situation he wasn’t ready (developed enough) to face. That’s why he gave you this typical breakup excuse and made it seem like he wants the relationship but can’t be in it because he has something important to work on.

Sometimes dumpers are emotionally unavailable because they’d recently been broken up with and need some time to themselves. But such dumpers tend to come back after a few months when they get their exes out of their systems and open their hearts up to new people.

They come back because they become ready for love and romance again.

A person who has been in a relationship with you for a year, however, doesn’t need to become ready for love. He’s been ready all along but hasn’t been able to get rid of his relationship doubts and improve his relationship mentality and relationship skills.

He’d been thinking about the bad aspects of the relationship and by doing so, gradually fell out of love. This kind of ex-partner doesn’t need time to think about things. He needs to adopt a new way of thinking. One that makes him value his ex and want his ex to himself.

So now that your ex wants a break and you’re wondering how much time you should give the guy, don’t give him any time at all. He doesn’t deserve your time, emotions, and commitment now that he’s gone. He lost access to your life the moment he admitted he lost feelings and patience and proposed a “break.”

I know you love your ex and have hope that he’ll come back to you after he’s dealt with his issues, but you have to understand that he didn’t break up with you to work on himself and find ways to be a stronger/better partner. The guy broke up with you to get away from you and be happy.

Couples who love each other don’t do that. They don’t break up and give each other time to meet other people. Those who aren’t afraid of their partner/ex-partner meeting someone else don’t have a strong bond, so they are at a much greater risk of falling in love with someone else.

And if for some reason you think that your ex will say no to other people after you’ve broken up, you’re being very naive. Your ex will likely pursue the first person he likes because that person will make him feel desired and accepted.

So if he wants a break and you’re wondering how long you should give him, don’t give him even a second of your time and energy. He’s not serious about you and, therefore, needs to know that you’re not going to wait for him to have a change of heart.

Waiting would just tell him that you’re happy to wait and that he can take as much time as he wants and do whatever he wants. That would destroy his respect for you and the urgency to come back quickly.

It’s better for you and your self-respect that you start moving on the moment your partner says things like:

• let’s take a break
• let’s be friends/friends with benefits until things improve
• I just want to focus on myself for a while
• It’s not you, it’s me
• I love you but I need some me-time

Any excuse to push you away is an indication that your ex has detached and that he’s not going to change his mind very easily. To come back, he needs to undergo some kind of transformational predicament.

Here’s what it means when he wants a break all of a sudden.

What to do when he wants a break?

When your boyfriend wants a break, the only thing you can do is give him a break. I’m not talking about hitting the pause button on your relationship and waiting for him to come back, but to stop bothering him and instead focus on your own wants and needs.

That’s the only way you can give your boyfriend or rather (ex-boyfriend) the space he badly craves and let him live the kind of life he wants to live. If he wants to focus on work or family drama, you must let him. And if he wants to explore other romantic options, you must let him do that too.

After he’s asked for a break, aka space, he’s done with the relationship. No texting or calling will change his opinion because he’d thought about breaking up for a very long time. It may have seemed like he broke up with you on the spot, but that’s only because he didn’t express his thoughts and feelings much throughout the relationship.

Or if he did, he didn’t directly tell you he was getting tired of reaching your expectations and that the relationship was smothering him. That’s why he decisively told you he wants a break so he can see if he “magically” starts wanting to be with you after some time.

If you’re now wondering what you should do when a guy says he wants a break, you should immediately ask him why he wants to take a break. If his response is about anything other than the relationship and contains no plans and time frames for getting back together, you should not agree to a break.

You should break up instead because that’s what the guy wants.

But if he says something like, “I need just 2 or 3 days to deal with stress and issues at work, I promise I’ll be back to my usual self,” then you can give him the time he needs. Some people feel overwhelmed when they have multiple things to deal with at once and tend to want to be alone to figure their issues out.

But the point I’m trying to make is that people who just need a bit of time to themselves won’t ask for a break. They’ll say they’re very busy with something and then reassure you that they’re going to make it up to you in some kind of way.

If your ex asked for a break, you should try to understand why the relationship overwhelms him and tell him you’re either all in or all out. If he wants you in his life, he’ll compromise with you and look for different solutions to his problems.

But if he wants out of the relationship and is too afraid to say it, then with a little bit of your help and reassurance that you won’t blow up, he’ll admit he wants to beak up. After you’ve had the closure talk, you should ask him not to reach out to you anymore and wish him the best of luck.

What to do if you’re in no contact?

If your ex already told you that he wants a break and you started following the rules of no contact, you have nothing else to say to your ex. Your ex needs space and time, so reaching out and telling him you want him back or conversely, that he’s a coward won’t change anything.

It might make you feel better for a brief moment, but it won’t give you long-lasting satisfaction nor will it make your ex want to be with you again. You have to treat your ex’s “I want a break” as an ordinary breakup because that’s what it is.

The only difference between a break and a breakup is that the person claiming he wants a break is afraid of your response and/or cares about himself way more than he does about you. Such a guy inadvertently gives you a lot of false hope and delays your healing.

So if he wants a break and you’re trying to figure out how long you should give him, don’t give him any time at all. Instead, acknowledge that the breakup has occurred and that you need to stay in no contact until your ex wants you back or until you’ve healed and want friendship.

You simply can’t talk to your ex while you’re anxious and still need your ex to validate your feelings. My advice is to let go of any hope your ex’s words have given you. Let go of it by reminding yourself that your ex was scared and told you what you wanted to hear rather than what you needed to hear.

Does the guy you dated want a break and you’re tempted to give him some time to think things through? How much time do you think someone who doesn’t want you around deserves? Let us know in the comments section below the post.

And if you want to discuss breaks and other breakup excuses with us, sign up for breakup coaching with us on this page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.