What To Do When He Comes Back After No Contact?

It doesn’t hurt to know what to do when your ex comes back after no contact. If you know how to act, you can encourage your ex to invest in himself and you and give your relationship what it needs to have a strong beginning.

Some people think that an ex coming back is the end of the journey, but the truth is that it’s just the beginning. No contact may be over, but you and your ex still have a lot of work to do.

You both need to communicate better than ever before and actively work on your flaws.

You as a dumpee need to take your lost power back and your ex as a dumper needs to invest in areas of his life that he previously ignored or refused to work on. That’s the only way your ex will be able to catch up to the work you’ve done on yourself during no contact and contribute to the relationship in ways that he previously couldn’t or wouldn’t.

You have to make sure not to go easy on your ex, though. He had it easy while you were apart. But now that he’s come back, he has to give it his all and more.

He has to prove that losing you was the biggest mistake of his life and that he can’t afford to take you for granted again. If he does take you for granted, he should know that you won’t be so lenient with him next time and that you’ll be the one to leave.

You don’t need to (and shouldn’t) call him names and threaten him, but you should tell him that it’s his first and last chance to grow up. If he really wants to be with you, hearing this will shock him, instill fear in him, and consequently, increase your worth in his eyes.

It will make him want to be a better person.

And if it doesn’t affect him in a way that’s best for him, then he’ll probably get angry and react defensively. In that case, you shouldn’t give your ex another chance. He won’t grow as a person even if you beg him to, which is why it’s better to end the relationship right away.

It’s better to do that because a guy who thinks and feels like a boss is going to resume the relationship with you rather than start a new one.

So if your ex came back after no contact and you’re wondering what to do about it, do what any person with self-respect would do.

Take your power and control back and set some new rules. Your ex needs to see that he’s no longer in charge and that he has a lot of work to do before you take him back and trust him completely.

If you don’t exude strength and confidence, there’s a big chance that your ex won’t be afraid of losing you and that he won’t improve. And if he doesn’t improve and change the way he perceives you, he also won’t think that you’re important to him and that he needs to fight for your love and acceptance.

So if you don’t want your ex to lose respect for you and leave again, stand up for yourself and explain what you expect from him now that he’s back. He might not like it (could get hurt by it), but at least he’ll work on his flaws and see that you won’t stay with him if he isn’t willing to change anything about him.

The topic of today’s post is what to do when he comes back after no contact. We’ll discuss the things you need to do to have a successful relationship with a person who’s finally realized your worth and point out some behaviors you shouldn’t ignore.

What to do when he comes back after no contact?

There’s so much you must do when a guy comes back after no contact.

But of all the things you need to do, start by putting yourself first and proving that you don’t need him to be happy. Your ex needs to see that you haven’t been crying and hoping he would come back to you.

This is important because if your ex sees that you’re emotionally dependent on him, he’ll stop being afraid of losing you. He’ll see that he doesn’t have to work hard for your love and stop putting his best foot forward.

Of course, not all dumpers need to be afraid to work on themselves, but, unfortunately, the majority of them do. No contact alone usually isn’t enough to motivate dumpers to continue investing in themselves for months after the reconciliation.

When they get back together with their ex, the fear they accumulated during no contact usually turns into relief and acceptance. They start feeling reassured and comfortable, so they no longer have to suffer and be afraid. They can just relax and take care of themselves again.

So first things first, show your ex a braver, stronger, more confident side to you and prove that the thought of going through another breakup doesn’t scare you. Your ex will respect you a lot for this and try harder to prove his love and loyalty.

Bear in mind that this isn’t some kind of manipulation technique to make your ex feel little and more interested in you. It’s a simple method that will demonstrate that you value yourself and that you expect others to do the same. Anyone who doesn’t value you as much as you do is more than free to walk away.

After you’ve taken your power back and regained respect, you should also state your terms and conditions. Tell your ex what you expect of him now that he’s back and how you’re going to monitor his progress. This will tell your ex that it’s too soon for him to relax and that he needs to continue to impress you until you’ve decided to be with him.

If you don’t know what your ex needs to work on, you probably haven’t had enough time to see your ex’s negative traits yet. You probably accepted your ex back before you detached from him and now don’t know what you and your ex need to work on.

If that’s the case, you’ll need to reflect on your and your ex’s shortcomings and mistakes, so you can begin working on yourselves. You shouldn’t expect the relationship to improve without any work. It can, but it likely won’t unless you grow within and tell your ex what he needs to improve.

Here are some things any dumper can work on:

• perception of the dumpee
• behavior and attitude
• commitment, loyalty
• thinking patterns
• gratitude
• mindfulness
• patience and understanding
• emotional health and self-esteem

If your ex really wants to be with you, your ex will know that he messed up badly and that he has to do better this time. Your job is to make sure he keeps his word and to urge him to keep growing. He only has one chance at this, so he better make it count.

I can’t stress how important it is that you stand firm in your decision. Your ex will crave your acceptance and recognition very badly, but you mustn’t take pity on him and give him his power back right away. Just how you were forced to reflect and change, your ex needs to reflect and change too.

It’s your resolute and unswerving behavior that will allow him to do that.

Of course, don’t put him down and give him a hard time about leaving you. Just make sure that he knows he can’t make any big mistakes or there will be consequences.

To make him aware that he only has one chance to make a good impression on you, you have to tell him that you’re taking him back for a couple of weeks to discern if he’s changed/committed to changing. During those two weeks or so, you will pay close attention to the way he communicates, expresses his feelings, behaves around others, behaves around you, and displays the new him.

You’ll observe him closely and when you’ve seen enough, determine if he’s the right person for you. That’s when you’ll tell him what you think and feel about him and what you’ve decided to do.

Don’t be afraid of putting your ex on a trial period. If he loves you and respects you, he’ll be more than happy to get a chance to prove himself. He’ll be relieved and thankful at the same time and will grow more than he’s ever grown before.

All you’ll have to do is compliment him when he does things right and warn him when he slips back to his old ways.

Here are 7 important things you need to do when your ex comes back after no contact.

What if your ex doesn’t respect you after no contact?

No contact is supposed to make your ex realize your worth. If it doesn’t have that effect on your ex, your ex may not be the right man for you. He’s someone you were supposed to meet but not destined to be with.

You need to remember that a guy who lacks respect and the determination to learn from his mistakes can’t and won’t contribute to your life. He can only take from it and waste your time and emotions. It’s best to part ways with a guy like that as quickly as possible.

You can simply tell him that you appreciate him coming back but that the relationship isn’t making you happy and that you have no choice but to end things with him. The guy might resist at first and promise to do better, but he likely won’t do better even if you give him 5 more chances.

If he wanted to give you what you required of him, he would’ve already done that because as we mentioned before, he’d be afraid of separating from you.

So if your ex comes back after no contact but doesn’t even come close to reaching your expectations, don’t prolong the relationship longer than necessary. You can tell very quickly if he’s committed to you and the relationship or if he’s come back for himself out of boredom and convenience.

There are many things you shouldn’t endure for a guy who comes back after no contact. You should know what these things are because they are extremely important. If you accept a guy back after seeing him display unhealthy traits or behaviors, there’s a high chance that you’ll be miserable, that he’ll leave, or that he’ll leave and make you miserable.

I suggest that you leave a guy who comes back and:

• argues, demands, yells, or expresses disapproval
• repeats mistakes from the past and seems not to care about it
• refuses to change as a person
• gets angry because he lacks control
• expresses doubt for you and the relationship
• seems distant, cold, uncaring, self-centered

These behaviors are a recipe for disaster as they’ll destroy any love left in the relationship and delay the inevitable – which is the breakup. My advice is to break up with the guy before he makes you feel unimportant and breaks up with you.

It will hurt a bit, but it won’t hurt more than it would hurt if you got attached and dumped again.

Many women don’t take this seriously. They’re so attached to their ex that they put up with their ex’s unhealthy/inadequate behavior and watch their ex treat them badly and fall out of love

As a result, they grow even more dependent on obtaining their ex’s validation and suffer when their ex dumps them (possibly for someone else).

So if you’re wondering what to do when he comes back after no contact, look out for signs that the guy has come back for himself rather than you. Observe the way he treats you and be prepared to walk away if you see no improvements.

It sucks, but most guys either improve a lot or nothing. They either make it a goal to grow and impress their ex or they twiddle their thumbs and continue to blame others for their unhappiness and misfortune.

If your ex fits in the second category, you can beg him and hope that he improves but he still won’t. Instead of improving and having a better relationship with you, he’ll see that you’re an overly forgiving person and mistake your kindness for weakness.

Yes, some guys will do that. They’ll treat you exactly how you let them treat you. Such guys need to learn to respect you through pain, anxiety, and fear because such emotions are the only incentive that can inspire them to respect those around them and be better people.

How much time to give a guy who comes back after no contact?

When a guy finally wants you back, you might think that he’s changed for the better, but his growth has just begun. He’ll need at least a few weeks before he develops himself into the man he’s portraying himself to be.

So give the guy at least a couple of weeks to see if he’s capable of growing and another week or two before you give him his power back and let him back into your heart. If he’s into you, you’ll most likely see improvements in just a week or so.

You’ll see that he wants to be with you and that he’ll do whatever it takes to assure you things are going to be different this time around.

The only problem with this method is that the reconciliation could trigger another love phase. It could make your ex so excited to be with you that he wouldn’t even have to try to be a better person. He’d be better without conscious thought or attention because he’d be in love again.

If this happens to your ex, it will likely take him a few weeks before he shows his true colors. You can help him get there faster by putting his patience, willpower, emotional strength, and everything he lacked to the test. He won’t be able to pretend that everything’s okay forever when he keeps facing challenges.

Of course, you don’t need to push your ex by saying or doing things that would hurt him, but you should keep an eye on how he reacts to situations he previously reacted poorly to. If he previously wasn’t willing to talk about certain subjects, he should now be much more open-minded.

He should want to discuss them to prove he’s overcome his mental barriers and become a better version of himself.

After a month or so, you should have a good understanding of the direction your ex is heading in. You should know if his goals are in line with yours and if it’s possible to create a relationship that won’t go down the same path as the previous one.

You both have work to do

As a dumpee, you’ll likely worry that your ex will break up with you again and cause you immense pain and suffering. You’ll have trust issues that stem from pain and anxiety—and will have to overcome them and get ready to be hurt again.

This is the only way you’ll be able to relax around your ex and have your ex relax as well. If you remain overprotective of your heart for months and months, your ex will likely think that you’re too stubborn and unwilling to have a well-balanced relationship, which could lead to unexpressed resentment and ultimately, detachment.

So make sure not to look angry, demanding, controlling, or anything your ex doesn’t want to see after giving it his best to win your trust back. At some point (probably after a month or so), it’s time for you to lower your guard and focus on growing communication, love, gratitude, and other important things.

Your ex, on the other hand, will have to remain true to his word. He’ll have to show that he’s capable of outgrowing his old self and being the person he should have been before.

The road ahead is long. But with the right mindset and attitude, the two of you can learn and improve from this ordeal. You just have to want to.

Did you learn what to do when a guy comes back after no contact? What do you intend to do? Comment below the article.

And if you’re looking for help with your breakup, go to our coaching page and get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.