What Does It Mean When Your Ex Sends You A Friend Request On Facebook?

What does it mean when your ex sends you a friend request on Facebook

When your ex sends you a friend request on Facebook, you have one of the best signs that your ex has processed the most smothering breakup emotions. You have a sign that he or she thinks it’s possible to get along and that staying unfriended feels morally wrong.

You probably still want your ex back—and that’s okay, but whatever you do, don’t mistake your ex’s friend request on social media for an invitation to get back on talking terms. If your ex doesn’t reach out after you’ve accepted/ignored his or her request, your ex isn’t quite ready for that yet.

Your ex may have realized that unfriending you was unfair, but your ex still needs some time to find a good reason to talk to you. This is why you mustn’t immediately contact your ex, thinking your ex wants you back. A Facebook/Instagram friend request from an ex merely shows that your ex doesn’t want to treat you like a stranger or an enemy and that he or she thinks it’s time to bury the hatchet.

Lots of dumpees make the mistake to reach out the moment they receive a friend request on Facebook or other social media accounts. They think that their ex has started to think and behave reasonably and that they mustn’t waste their one and only chance to get back with their ex.

Because of this thinking, they often show their ex that they still want to get back together and as a result, overwhelm their space-deprived ex and make it even harder for him or her to desire reconciliation.

Desperate dumpees completely slaughter the attraction that has accumulated during no contact.

So if your ex added you on Facebook (or accepted your request) and you’re wondering what that means, hold your horses for a minute. Don’t do anything rash. It most likely means that your ex has stopped feeling relieved and that he or she still needs to find a good reason to reach out.

It’d be wise not to give in to curiosity and temptations and contact your ex just to find out how your ex is doing emotionally.

Reaching out could get you the results you don’t want. It could force you to get:

  • disinterested, cold replies
  • blocked
  • ignored

It’s always best to let your ex take the initiative. Your ex was the one who left because of certain negative emotions, so let your ex deal with those emotions. Let him or her get to the emotional stage that makes him or her curious and nostalgic because that’s when your ex will ask you questions and show a lot more interest in you.

Today, I’ll answer the question, “What does it mean when your ex sends you a friend request on Facebook.” I’ll also share with you some possible incentives that stimulated your ex to send you a friend request.

What does it mean when your ex sends you a friend request on Facebook

Why did my ex add me on Facebook?

Unless your ex was snooping around your profile and accidentally hit the “add friend” button, it’s obvious that your ex has made some emotional progress. Your ex has had enough space and time to heal to the point where adding you on Facebook helps your ex see himself or herself as a more valuable, kinder individual.

Adding you improves his or her self-perception and sets the foundation for personal growth to occur.

Believe it or not, but this is the most common reason why dumpers add their ex-partners on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and other social platforms. They do it to do the morally right thing.

But what are some other reasons your ex added you on Facebook all of a sudden?

If your ex isn’t the most self-conscious person, then it’s possible that your ex added you because he or she got curious about you and wanted to know what you’re up to by checking your pictures and posts. Or maybe your ex saw that you’re dating someone new and felt that it’s safe to add you because you won’t insist on getting back together.

There’s also the possibility that something bad happened to your ex- something that hurt your ex and triggered his or her fears, anxiety, and nostalgia. If that’s what happened, your ex added you because your ex lost personal power and wanted you to validate him or her with your attention and respect.

Whatever the case may be, your ex most likely didn’t add you for the reasons you may think he or she did – to stalk you and inconspicuously crawl back into your life. Dumpers just aren’t that prudent. They don’t think far into the future because the present is all that matters to them.

I’ve seen numerous dumpers come back and I can tell you that the majority of them came back spontaneously. Some had issues with their new partner and needed to encounter one final issue to push them over the edge and come back, but most of them came back within a few days of encountering a problem. This is because they were in pain and didn’t want to/couldn’t deal with pain on their own.

They wanted their ex to help them.

With that said, here are 6 reasons why your ex added you on Facebook.

Why did my ex add me on Facebook

So if you’re wondering, “What does it mean when your ex sends you a friend request on Facebook,” don’t assume that your ex’s Facebook friendship request means that your ex wants you back. Your ex might want you back one day, but probably not the moment he or she clicks that “add friend” button.

As I said a moment ago, most dumpers who want their ex back want to talk to their ex right away and discuss meeting up.

They don’t want to wait for their ex to accept the friendship first and then slowly come back. When pain, unease, and regret kick in, dumpers run back as fast as greased lightning.

Is my ex looking at my Facebook profile?

Provided that you’re in no contact, your ex probably occasionally looks at your profile (many dumpers do). He or she gets curious and scrolls through your profile to see what you’ve been up to and who you’ve been hanging out with.

Your ex probably wants to know if you’ve met someone new. Someone who distracts you from thinking about him/her and makes you happy. Knowing who you’re with, what you’re doing, and where you’re at reduces your ex’s curiosity.

So yes, your ex probably looks at your Facebook profile as well as other social profiles from time to time. Especially if you were in a long-term relationship with him or her because that would mean that you are still on your ex’s subconscious mind.

Your ex remembers you when your ex does things that you previously did with him/her.

I asked dumpers on the Magnet of Success Discord server about this and here are the answers they gave. Feel free to add your answer to make the poll more accurate.

My ex sent me a friend request, then deleted it

A few of my clients were confused about their ex’s behavior and wanted to know why their ex would send them a friend request and remove it later. Why not just leave the request since it’s already been sent?

I tell my clients that their ex either clicked it accidentally (unlikely) or that their ex wanted to be friends with them at first but then changed his or her mind.

The latter happens from time to time because some exes don’t know what they want. They’re often confused, have doubts, feel hurt, or guilty, so they make highly emotional/spontaneous decisions. Decisions that change as quickly as their emotions do.

That’s probably why your ex sent you a friend request and deleted it shortly after. He or she must have thought that it was too soon to befriend you and that being your friend could give you the wrong idea – that you want to get back together.

Your ex essentially chose the safest route because this route allowed your ex to live peacefully without worrying about whether you’re going to beg and plead, cry, complain, or accuse him or her of something.

Many dumpers contemplate sending their ex a friend request. But because they’re afraid of how their ex will feel and respond, they postpone it for a while. They discern it’s better not to talk than to talk and have an uncomfortable conversation.

So if your ex sent you a friend request and deleted it afterward, act as if your ex didn’t send you the request at all. Your ex clearly isn’t ready for friendship yet, and neither should you force him or her to be. It’s best that you wait for your ex to send you that request again and reach out first.

If you’re a dumpee, you shouldn’t talk to your ex until you and your ex are both ready to talk.

You’ll know your ex is ready when he or she takes the initiative, and you’ll know you’re ready when you feel in control of your emotions and are mostly or fully over your ex.

Should I accept my ex’s friend request on Facebook?

Whether you accept your ex’s friend request is completely up to you. But before you make your decision, I think you should think about whether you’re ready to receive updates about your ex. Can you handle seeing your ex dating someone new and/or having a blast without you? If you can, you’re probably over your ex and can become your ex’s friend on social media.

Seeing your ex or talking to him or her poses no risk to your emotional health.

But if the thought of your ex dating someone else gives you anxiety and affects your self-esteem, then you may want to think twice before you become social media friends with your ex.

Of course, you could always mute or unfollow your ex right away, but there’s always a chance that you’ll come across something you aren’t ready to see and suffer a painful setback.

Keep in mind that not accepting your ex won’t decrease your chances of reconciliation, but it will boost your hope for reconciliation, deepen your emotional dependency, and increase the time it takes to get over your ex.

That’s why you have a very important decision to make. You can accept your ex’s friendship invitation and risk getting hurt or you can leave your relationship status as it is and keep healing. The choice is yours to make.

Did you learn what it means when your ex sends you a friend request on Facebook? Let me know what you think by commenting below.

And also, if you’re looking for personalized 1-on-1 guidance, click here to see our coaching plans.

15 thoughts on “What Does It Mean When Your Ex Sends You A Friend Request On Facebook?”

  1. I also wanted to add that I feel that the breakup was mostly my fault, I pushed him away by being too clingy etc. Should I request to follow him instead? As I feel guilty for declining it

    1. Hi Julie.

      What do you mean he was trying to get your attention? What was he doing? You should wait for him to reach out. He doesn’t need to add you to communicate with you, right? He probably has your phone number too.

      Try not to feel guilty. The guy will use words if he wants to get back in touch with you.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

  2. What if he requested to follow me, and was trying to get my attention on other social media platforms. But I declined the request and then he stopped trying to get my attention. Does that mean I’ve lost my chance of him reaching out to me?

  3. Hi Zan, me and my ex had a bad break up. He said something hurtful and I completely cut him off. I started dating this other guy(ex doesn’t know) but things ended between us. I decided to send my ex a friend request and he accepted it but a week later he unfriended me without saying anything. I’m so confused. Why would he do that?

    1. Hi Fora.

      He may have seen your old or new posts and felt he wasn’t ready to be online friends yet. It’s hard to know why exactly he unfollowed you, but he clearly regrets befriending you. Don’t overthink it. It’s just too soon for him.

      Best,
      Zan

  4. Ok… how do I explain myself politely? I find a deep lack of investigation and, instead a great amount of assumption through this whole article. Is it merely directed to people with the anxious attachment style? or assumes there’s just one attachment style and the only people who exist in this planet gets dumped cause their partners got tired of being suffocated by them? What I’ve just read certainly lacks of any deep investigation (discord poll? are you literally proud enough of your interpretation of the scientific method, cause Galileo Galilei sure didn’t die defending it so you could literally sit on it) Read more please, I would suggest you to start with bibliography based on attachment styles so you don’t get to embarrass yourself this much again. I write this with much respect, but also knowing that maybe you are just projecting your own subconscious trauma, cause of course, we talk about what we have inside, so be clear about that because your projections might hurt and influence beliefs of fear and low self-esteem on someone else, if that’s the case I really hope you reach to heal and love and be loved as you deserve, I know at some point you will.

    1. Hi Nat.

      I’m sorry this article didn’t reach your expectations. Perhaps some other article will explain things better and help you with your breakup.

      Thanks for reading,
      Zan

  5. Actually my ex unfriend me on Facebook 2 years after NC… maybe because he proposed to the girl that cheated me with.

    Anyway I enjoy always reading your newest articles!

    Thank you a lot as always 🤍

    1. Hi Linda.

      It took your ex a long time to unfriend you. Way longer than most dumpers.

      It’s possible that his new girlfriend asked him to do that or that he cleaned his Facebook.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

  6. Hi , Zan.
    Thanks for another great post. I got to the conclusion that he was absolutely toxic and insane, and I definitely Don’t want him back.
    This is a suggestion, if I may, could you write an articole about gaslighting?

    1. Hi Sly.

      That’s a very good conclusion! Understanding what your ex did/is like is crucial for your detachment. It will help you make that last push toward complete independence.

      I wrote down your article suggestion and will write about it soon.

      Stay tuned,
      Zan

  7. “Dumpers just aren’t that prudent. They don’t think far into the future because the present is all that matters to them.”

    Honestly, Zan, judgmental much? Lots of dumpers have the future top of mind, because they’re no longer able to see one working out with the dumpee. Would it really be “morally right” for them to send the dumpee a friend request if the dumpee can’t expect anything to come of it?

    1. Hi Jaycie.

      Sorry for the confusion.

      What I meant is that dumpers are focused on their emotions in present and that they don’t think about getting back with their ex at some distant point in the future. They have too many internal conflicts to resolve before they wish to make plans that involve the person they feel smothered by.

      I hope this helps.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

  8. It means… Watch your back!! if he left once, there’s the chance he would do it again. Tell him you are elated but you don’t want to rush into anything and you want to take the relationship down a notch to make sure you both are on the same page. If he cares about you, then he will agree to it and not get angry if you don’t move as fast as he wants you to, Sending you a friend request is great and is a step in the right direction, I wish you nothing but all the best of everything. :o)

    1. Hi B. Carter.

      Guys often come back and leave again shortly after. They don’t learn how to value their ex-partner, so they leave when new or old issues overwhelm them. I think dumpees should be careful about befriending their ex because they could get strung along.

      Best regards,
      Zan

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