5 Signs Your Ex Is Unhappy In A New Relationship

If your ex is dating someone new and you want your ex back despite that, you probably want to know if your ex is happy in the new relationship. You want a little bit of reassurance that things aren’t going well for your ex and that your ex might fail romantically and come back to you.

Your ex’s failure and regret would tell you that you aren’t easily replaceable and that the person your ex is seeing is worse than you. That would essentially boost your ego and patch your self-esteem. It would tell you that you deserve love (especially from your ex) and that the chapter with your ex hasn’t ended yet.

Before you pin your expectations on the signs that your ex is unhappy in the new relationship, bear in mind that obsessively stalking your ex and analyzing everything your ex says and does is not good for you. Obsessive behavior will not just keep you attached to your ex but also make you reliant on your ex to feel better.

The more you obsess and the less you focus on yourself, the longer it will take you to accept the breakup and the possibility that your ex may be happy and that he or she might not come back. Your ex might stay in his or her current relationship or move on to someone else.

Many dumpers move on because their new relationship isn’t much different than the relationship they had with their ex. It’s not different enough for them to abandon it and crave their previous partner. For regret to kick in, the new relationship must be much worse than their new one.

It has to be so bad that dumpers realize they downgraded and signed up for misery rather than happiness. When they realize that, chances are they’ll get tired of investing in an unsalvageable relationship and end the relationship to be with their ex.

Of course, they could also come back if they get dumped. The receiving end of the relationship could destroy their self-esteem (just like your ex destroyed yours) and force them to seek validation from an ex they took for granted and left.

If that happens to your ex, expect your ex to come running back at lightning speed. Your ex will probably apologize, explain what you mean to him or her, and promise not to leave again. Your ex will tell you what you want and need to hear.

Bear in mind that most new relationships start well. Couples get infatuated with the newness of the relationship and feel elated and validated. They’re happy they broke things off with their ex and wish they had done it sooner.

But when they get to know their new partner and stop feeling empowered by the breakup and the new partner, they realize that things aren’t as peachy as they’d thought. They realize their new partner has problems and shortcomings too and that they weren’t able to discover them early on because they were blinded by love.

They were acting on emotions and had too much fun to understand that the new relationship would require work just like any relationship.

Dumpers don’t quit the moment problems ensue. They quit when they get fed up with problems and pain and want to feel happy, secure, and loved. That’s when they leave their partner for someone else. Oftentimes, that person is an ex as they already know their ex can help them deal with their unhappiness and make them happy.

They just need to say they’re sorry and commit.

If the breakup happened recently and the dumpee hasn’t detached and changed his or her perception of the dumper, the dumpee will take the dumper back in a heartbeat. The dumpee will get what he or she had been hoping for and stop hurting right away.

In a sense, the dumpee and dumper will both rely on each other for relationship benefits and happiness. This will make them feel accepted, loved, and reassured.

In this post, we talk about 5 signs your ex is unhappy in a new relationship.

1)Your ex keeps comparing you or other exes to his/her partner

When your ex constantly points out and compares his or her partner’s bad traits and behaviors to other people, your ex is venting and wishing he or she was happier. Your ex is tired of experiencing the same problems over and over again and is looking for someone to sympathize with him or her.

If you’re the person your ex opens up to, your ex is confiding in you because your ex was close to you and didn’t have those problems with you. Your ex had other problems, but those problems don’t matter at the moment.

Right now, it’s about your ex’s unhappiness and inability or unwillingness to resolve the differences in his or her current relationship.

And since your ex is having a hard time accepting and resolving the differences directly with his or her partner, your ex is relying on you or others for help. Not only is your ex looking for help, but your ex is looking for someone to say that what he or she feels is perfectly acceptable and that he or she deserves to be happy.

It is widely known that issues between couples should be addressed through open and honest communication between the partners themselves.

Couples are directly involved in each other’s lives, so they’re the ones who see the issues clearly. If they share their issues with friends and exes, they essentially breach each other’s trust and look for understanding and sympathy rather than solutions.

A craving for sympathy can be a sign that a person in a relationship is tired of feeling criticized and wrong and that he or she wants someone to say he or she is right. 

So if your ex keeps telling you or others about the problems in the relationship, know that your ex is having a hard time resolving those problems with his or her partner. Your ex feels unheard and wants to feel heard by someone who is on his or her side.

If your ex chooses to confide in you (an ex), it doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex will come back to you if the relationship fails, but it does mean that your ex still respects you and values your opinion. Your ex wants to hear your take on his or her problems and thinks you might be able to help him or her feel better since you were together and know each other very well.

Obviously, your ex shouldn’t be talking to you about their problems. Their relationship problems don’t concern you because you can’t and may not want to help. They should talk to a therapist or a mentor if they need advice from another person’s perspective. 

They definitely shouldn’t involve an ex; especially one who may still have romantic feelings.

What’s even more dangerous than seeking relationship advice from an ex is comparing the new partner to an ex. People should avoid telling their exes things like, “I liked that you could cook. My partner can’t even boil an egg.”

Comparisons like that can make couples focus on their partner’s negatives and force them to neglect the positives. It can cause detachment and a loss of feelings.

If you notice that your ex is pointing out your positives and talking badly about his or her partner, things aren’t looking very good for his or her relationship. You have one of the best signs that your ex is unhappy in the new relationship and that things could end if they don’t find a solution fast.

One thing to keep in mind though is that your ex could point out his or her partner’s negative things just to assuage guilt and make you feel important. But for your ex to do that, your ex would probably have to care a lot about you and see that you’re struggling to love yourself after the breakup.

2)Your ex is posting depressing things on social media

Depressing posts on social media are yet another sign that your ex is unhappy in a new relationship. They indicate that your ex isn’t happy with his or her circumstances and that he or she feels the need to share unhappiness with those he or she associates with.

An unhappy ex could post a lot of anxiety-inspired things.

He or she could:

• express discontent
• complain about unmet relationship needs
• post relationship quotes about how partners should behave
• unfollow or block his or her partner

If your ex is posting a lot of negative things online, your ex clearly isn’t happy in his or her relationship. Your ex is turning to social media to vent instead of talking about it directly with his or her partner. That’s a sign that their arguments aren’t getting resolved maturely and efficiently and that they have a lot more work to do.

This won’t necessarily make them break up, but it will slow down the speed at which their relationship progresses.

To overcome their problems, they’ll have to put their differences aside and learn how to communicate. Communication is essential for them to leave their relationship matters off Facebook and confide in each other.

Basically, your ex shouldn’t be revealing his or her unhappiness with the relationship to people who shouldn’t know about it. He or she should instead be improving the things that need fixing and express gratitude about the things that work.

3)Your ex is re-establishing contact with his or her exes

If your ex got back in touch with his or her exes, your ex has taken his or her partner’s love and feelings for granted. Your ex doesn’t care that communication with exes is extremely inconsiderate and that his or her partner doesn’t or won’t appreciate it when he or she finds out about it.

Friendships with exes are disrespectful and meaningless as they can’t improve the love and bond in the relationship. But what they can do is create additional problems such as insecurities and doubts and cause unnecessary suffering.

Simply put, partners should talk to each other and keep their exes in the past. If they bring them into the present, they could affect trust and love in the relationship and get tempted to abandon the relationship when issues arise.

The person talking to his or her ex could go back to the ex whereas the person being disrespected could abandon the relationship and look for someone new to connect with.

So if your ex started regularly talking to his or her exes (including you), know that your ex isn’t very grateful for what he or she has in the current relationship. Your ex wants to feel more positive emotions and is doing that by reaching out to people who should no longer matter.

Since your ex has shown that they do matter, it’s clear that your ex isn’t getting the emotional fulfillment he or she wants and that things must change if your ex wants the relationship to thrive and be healthy. 

4)Your ex is trying to escape reality by engaging in self-destructive behavior

If your ex is doing drugs, drinking, partying excessively, playing computer games all the time, and doing his or her best to avoid relationship obligations and bonding, your ex may be trying to distract himself or herself from unpleasant aspects of daily life.

That means your ex is coping with depression and/or unhappiness in the relationship by overprioritizing hobbies and addictions. Such things feel good whereas the relationship brings your ex down and makes your ex want a better life.

Some people aren’t happy but choose to stay in a relationship anyway. They like the perks they receive from their partner, so they focus on the things they can get. By doing so, they become the takers in the relationship and wait for their partner to feel unprioritized.

When he or she does, they typically get in a fight and break up. Their bond isn’t strong enough to overcome their problems.

So if you notice that your ex has emotionally and physically withdrawn from the relationship and that your ex is doing unhealthy things, know that your ex is just waiting for the relationship to end. It’s only a matter of time before someone gets annoyed or tired of being in an unfulfilling relationship and wants out.

This could happen when they meet someone else and/or convince themselves they deserve better.

5)Your ex looks tired, stressed, bored, unattractive, depressed, and uninterested

If your ex’s relationship lost the spark and your ex looks exhausted, bored, and stressed, your ex’s relationship probably ran its course. It exhausted itself and lost the drive to fix its issues and become stronger.

Because your ex and his or her partner ignored their issues for so long, your ex now looks unenergetic and disinterested. He or she has doubts about the relationship and doesn’t want to invest more time, energy, and money into something that might not work.

Not after trying so hard to make it work.

If you notice that your ex’s focus isn’t on the relationship and that your ex is stressed and overwhelmed with relationship or private matters, know that the relationship isn’t progressing the way it should.

Due to unpredictable issues, it stopped growing and affected your ex’s mental and physical health. If things stay the way they are, it’s only a matter of time before they completely lose interest and decide to go their separate ways.

Many couples disconnect emotionally when they experience stressors they lack the skills and willpower to resolve.

You can tell your ex is having a difficult time if your ex:

• signed up for therapy
• started couples counseling
• appears visibly anxious and scared
• quickly lost or gained a lot of weight
• picked up some bad habits

No matter how pale and haggard your ex looks and how badly you want to be with your ex, you need to let your ex’s relationship end before you talk to your ex. You need to make sure that his or her relationship is completely done and that your ex reaches out to you on his or her own.

If you contact your ex, you could learn that your ex is still committed to his or her partner and that they’re actively working on the relationship. That will probably hurt you and make you question your ex’s unhappiness.

What do you think about the 5 signs that your ex is unhappy in a new relationship? Do you have any signs of your own to share with the readers of this blog? If you do, post them in the comments area below the article.

And if you’re looking for 1-on-1 help with your breakup, visit our coaching page for more information on our services.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.