5 Occasions When Not To Use The No Contact Rule

Some time ago, I wrote an article in which I shared a few examples of when the no contact rule likely won’t work. Today, I’d like to mention that just because the no contact rule is unlikely to work in those (and other) situations that it’s more often than not still the best option.

It’s the only option even when you live or work with an ex or when you have a child together. You just have to minimize the time you interact with your ex by making sure that the communication is only about essential matters. Technically, that still counts as no contact; only that it’s limited.

There are, however, a few very specific situations when not using the no contact rule could manifest better results. Those situations could allow your ex to see that you’re the best for him/her and give your ex the determination to commit to you.

But for that to happen, your ex would first need to become receptive and open-minded to reconciling with you.

And that’s what we’re going to talk about in this article. We’re going to discuss when it’s better/safer not to use the no contact rule with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and how you should act in those specific situations.

1)Your ex says you need to correct your mistakes/improve your shortcomings

Obviously, don’t use the no contact rule when your ex breaks up with you and gives you a chance to correct your mistakes and shortcomings. Going no contact when you were given the opportunity to make things right would tell your ex that you aren’t taking him or her seriously and that you aren’t going to change even though he or she broke up with you and showed you how serious things are.

Going no contact would tell your ex that you don’t care about him or her and that you’re incapable of learning your lessons and growing within. That would then leave your ex with no choice but to detach from you completely, and consequently, overflow your ex’s brain with happy hormones and relief.

Getting rid of a huge burden (you) would create a permanent breakup and make it extremely easy for your ex to focus on the things that matter to your ex. Things like hanging out with friends, meeting new people, and even dating others.

So don’t use the no contact rule when your ex has specifically said that you need to grow, prove yourself to him or her, and that it’s your final chance. Taking your ex’s final warning for granted by using the no contact rule with the expectation to make your ex see your worth can’t and won’t work because you’ll once again demonstrate that you don’t see things from your ex’s perspective, that you don’t care about your ex, and that you don’t have the will to fight for a romantic relationship.

I know that many of you reading this are looking for excuses not to use the no contact rule, but please, don’t mistake this no contact rule exception for an ordinary mess-up. If you’ve made a mistake or mistakes and your ex is no longer receptive to you, bragging on social media about your achievements and directly communicating with your ex about how much you’ve grown isn’t going to cut it.

It’s just going to make your ex more annoyed and less inspired to love you and get back with you.

The only time you can and should explain or demonstrate that you’ve learned from your mistakes or improved your flaws is when your ex gives you the green light to fix them and display them. That’s when you should increase your self-awareness and confidently work on all the things your ex wants you to work on.

Personal improvement should be something you focus on from the moment you’re born up until the day you die. It’s a shame that most people only work on themselves when they’re forced to.

2)Your ex says that he/she is thinking about getting back with you

Another good example of when not to use the no contact rule is when your ex has noticed that the breakup has made you wiser, stronger, and more self-aware—and said that he or she is thinking about getting back with you.

Ignoring your ex, throwing tantrums, treating your ex poorly, or not communicating with your ex when your ex wants to see better communication on your end just won’t impress your ex. It will instead show your ex that you’re still the same old you and that you won’t improve your communication/relationship skills no matter how much time passes.

Because of this, your ex could get disappointed with you, give up on you completely, and direct his or her attention to new things and people. Your ex could become the one who no longer wants to communicate and appear overjoyed to finally separate himself or herself from you.

So if your ex complimented your personal growth and said that he or she might want to get back with you, bear in mind that your ex is still open to reconciliation. Your ex is extremely cautious of your old behavioral patterns and won’t like it if you make the same mistakes again.

At some point, your ex will give up on you completely and start to think that you’ll never change.

Again, be careful not to mistake your ex’s “we might get back together in the future” breakup excuse for an actual desire to get back together with you. A breakup excuse given to you on the day of the breakup is just an excuse that indicates no wish or need to get back with you.

It merely indicates that your ex wants to separate from you and that he or she is too scared to tell you it’s over.

So if you’re wondering when not to do no contact, don’t do it when your ex shows interest in you, appears happy about your improvements, and/or makes plans to evaluate your self-improvements in the near future. Don’t do it if your ex wants to see you soon so that you can get back together.

What you should say to an ex who’s leaving the doors open is that you see the problem clearly and that you wish you saw it sooner. Say that you’ll stay committed to improving yourself and that in return, all you ask is for a little bit of time and patience.

Your ex needs to understand that people sometimes make tiny, tiny mistakes before they change for the better and that your ex should tolerate a few minor errors and setbacks on your journey to permanent improvement.

If your ex gives you a little bit of room for mistakes, don’t take your ex’s generosity for granted, though. That will likely cause your ex to give up on you and dissuade him or her from ever placing his or her faith in you again.

3)Your ex is suicidal

Whether your suicidal ex is the dumper or the dumpee, you need to hear your ex out. You need to forget about the rules of no contact and put aside (preferably let go of) all the grudges you may bear against your ex.

Some of you may not agree, but no matter how badly your ex treated you or how betrayed you may feel because of your ex, you need to listen to your ex and get him or her appropriate help. You need to do the right thing.

Of course, you don’t need to put your health at risk by tolerating your ex’s insults or threats, but you do need to find someone who can help your ex.

Most of the time, friends and family do the job just fine. But if they’re not around, then you can contact the suicide prevention center (to find out what to do) and encourage your ex to do the same. You have to stay by your ex’s side until he or she is in good hands.

If after listening to your ex’s story you discern that your ex isn’t suicidal, however, then just tell your ex that you need some time to process the breakup and ask your ex not to reach out anymore. You have your problems to deal with and your ex has his or hers.

4)There’s unfinished business to discuss

You also shouldn’t use the no contact rule on your ex when you share finances, assets, or have some kind of unfinished business to discuss. If you ignore your ex about important matters such as money and divorce, you could anger your ex and make it even harder for your ex to remember why he or she fell in love with you in the first place.

You could make it so your ex wants to move out/get out of the relationship quicker and with fewer doubts.

So discuss anything your ex wants to discuss and anything you need to discuss to separate from each other peacefully. Always take the high road because if anything’s going to make your ex change his or her mind about you later down the road it’s compliance and remembering that you can handle uncomfortable situations in a mature manner.

It’s not a guarantee, but your ex might eventually encounter issues and stressors and return to you because you’ve always managed to maintain a calm and controlled attitude.

5)Your ex takes you back on a trial period

If your ex takes you back on a trial period and starts acting like your partner again, it’s extremely important that you get over the hurts and turn over a new leaf. You need to avoid bringing up the past because if you don’t, you’re going to open up your ex’s old wounds, disappoint your ex, and most likely cause another breakup.

When your ex takes you back on a trial period (and not vice versa), you need to be on your best behavior and have faith that the relationship will work. Of course, there’s always a chance that it might not work, but if you have reservations, the likelihood of making it work is going to be significantly lower because your ex is going to sense a lack of effort and commitment in you.

Your ex is going to think that you’re taking him or her for granted and that you aren’t worth the time and emotional investment.

So if your ex took you back on a trial period and you’re serious about being with your ex, show it to your ex. Swallow your pride, get over your fears, and give it all you’ve got. As long as your ex has expectations of you, you have a chance to prove your loyalty, worth, and commitment.

You just have to put in the effort.

And although your ex will analyze everything you say or do and be in complete control of the relationship for a while, keep in mind that your ex will do that only because your ex will want to see some changes. He or she will want to know that you’ll stick to your word and do what’s necessary for the relationship.

This is the end of the article. If you’ve been hoping to come across some kind of excuse to break no contact and reach out to your ex (but haven’t found it), I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Your ex currently doesn’t want to get back with you because your ex hasn’t found a reason to get back with you yet.

He or she is still enjoying the post-breakup freedom and relief and will need more time and opportunities to discern if he or she wants to return to a relationship that he or she abandoned. All you can do for the time being is to stay in no contact and wait. Wait for your ex to become receptive to you and express an interest in exploring other options.

If your ex ever redevelops feelings for you, it will most likely be when something bad (influential) happens to your ex. And that’s because the bad experience will force your ex to update his or her thinking patterns and see you differently.

Are you wondering when not to use the no contact rule? Can you think of any other situations where the no contact rule might not be applicable? Share your thoughts below the post.

And also, if you’re looking for 1-on-1 guidance and you’d like our help with no contact, click here to get in touch with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.