If your ex left you and you’re wondering if she will come back after no contact, you must first ask yourself what you define as “after no contact.” Do you consider the end of no contact the moment you stop counting the days of no contact and reach out, the moment your ex breaks no contact and says hi, or the period after the breakup when you’ve settled for friendship and fallen into the friend zone?
As a dumpee, you must understand that no contact doesn’t end after a pre-set number of days or when your ex wants to chat about random things. No contact ends when you’re over your ex and capable of making rational decisions. When you can talk to your ex without looking at her as a mighty being and feeling attached and inferior to her, you can safely end no contact and determine if talking to her is even what you want.
Dumpees initially want to go above and beyond for another chance with their ex. They’re willing to wait for many months just to talk to their ex on equal terms and get their ex to fall back in love with them. They’re highly anxious and scared and consider no contact just a temporary rule to get into their ex’s heart.
They think it lasts, 30, 45, 60, or 90 days and that they can stop following it and contact their ex afterward. Their ex-back strategy involves grinding through a pre-set period of silence before they reinitiate contact and start reaching out and bothering their ex (again).
They forget or ignore that no contact won’t work on their ex if they’re the ones who reach out and do all the work.
Sure, their ex will have a little bit more space to breathe and might get curious about them, but the unsolicited reach out won’t change their ex’s mind about the breakup. It will only reveal that they haven’t detached and that they’re still desperate for love and connection.
Since no contact is indefinite, there is no such thing as “after no contact.” You’re not supposed to reach out after a while and start convincing your ex you’re the right person for her. Your ex already knows who you are and how you make her feel. If she doesn’t want to give you another chance, it’s because she associates negative feelings with you and doesn’t care if you can change.
In her mind, she’s done with the relationship and wants to invest in other people and things. If other people and things let her gown, she could return to you, provided she likes you and sees you as a backup plan.
Don’t hold your breath, though. Your ex-girlfriend will need a lot of time to process the breakup and stop thinking she’s the victim. She’ll need to fail in some major way to reflect on her decisions and want to do something about them.
You don’t have to be there for her all the time. You just need to keep quiet and exude your strength and self-worth. You’ll impress her more if you stay away from her when she gets in trouble and wants a supportive person to talk to. That’s because her mind will take her back to the past and make her remember your reliance and other positive traits.
She won’t think very highly of you if you break no contact (let’s say after 30 days) and start talking to her regularly. If you settle for friendship, she will likely use you for emotional support when she’s having difficulty coping with stress and looking for solutions. She’ll make you think she’s coming back around (give you false hope) when in reality, she’s just letting you help her get what she needs.
Hence, you must keep your distance (avoid being her friend) and act like someone she lost feelings for and dumped.
Act like an ex rather than a supportive friend and remember you have nothing to prove to her. She needs to experience some personal problems to change how she views you, the world, and herself. If she lacks the solutions to the problems she experiences, she could contact you (break no contact herself) and seek your attention, support, validation, or affection.
Your job is to figure out if she needs help with something, if she’s checking up on you, or if she wants you back. It’s important to distinguish breadcrumbs from attempts to get back together with you. Breadcrumbs show that she feels some non-romantic emotion and that she reached out for herself whereas genuine wishes to reconcile indicate that she’s hurt, scared, and anxious—and that she regrets leaving.
Don’t worry too much about that when you haven’t heard from her and want to know if she will come back after no contact. You must first improve your understanding of the concept of no contact, particularly regarding when it should end. Convince yourself that exes must come back during rather than after no contact.
If you talk to your ex after no contact and expect her to come back because you’re nice to her, you’ll expect her to miss you, respect, you, and redevelop feelings while you’re overly available to her and waiting for her. Although some dumpees have gotten back together with their ex this way, most of them have not.
Most of them have fallen into the friend zone and suffered for months. Their ex was close to them, but never as close as they wanted him or her to be. That caused them to stay anxious and crave their ex’s romantic investment.
If you go down this route, your best bet is to wait for your ex to date someone else and experience a shocking breakup and a realization that you’re still her best option. Maybe that will happen. Or maybe she’ll use you for emotional support and discard you when she recovers and meets someone else.
Anything is possible.
But if you badly want your ex back, it’s safer for you and better for your ex’s curiosity, respect, and attraction not to be friends. She needs to be alone so she can find herself in a situation with no one to help her with her problems and desires. Her post-breakup expectations must crash and show her she had a more stable and promising life when she was with you.
So if you’re wondering if she will come back after no contact, bear in mind that exes come back the most during no contact when you leave them alone, stop caring about them, and find better people or things to focus on. They return when they fail, look back on their decisions, and see that they took for granted the support system they’d built with their ex.
That’s when they start questioning their self-worth and ability to be happy without their ex.
The topic of this post is “Will she come back after no contact. “We’ll continue to discuss what she needs to come back during and after no contact.
Will she come back after no contact?
If you’re planning on contacting your ex and talking some sense into her, you need to stop and remember that she would have come back already if she wanted to. She would have reached out on her own and apologized for taking you for granted. She wouldn’t have waited passively and expected you to beg her to take you back.
Your ex is the dumper. She knows what she did and what she must do to fix the situation. If she doesn’t want to fix it, you shouldn’t attempt to fix it either. You shouldn’t turn into a beggar and try to make her feel something for you. Your ex has to love you to want you back. And to love you, she must dislike her post-breakup life a lot more than she disliked her life with you.
That means any attempts to change her mind will put immense pressure on her and show her you don’t respect her feelings and only want what you want.
Imagine how you’d feel if someone kept ringing your phone and trying to change your mind about something you don’t want to change your mind about. Imagine someone trying to sell you a vacuum machine you don’t like, want, or need—and keep insisting it’s the best for you. You’d probably feel unheard, disrespected, and angry, and may even react aggressively.
Chances are you’d block his or her number and force that person to respect your decision. The same could happen to your ex. Your ex already told you her decision; her answer was no. And even if she didn’t specifically break up with you (if she ghosted you or said she wanted a break), her actions show she lost feelings, felt overwhelmed, and found different forms of distraction.
You mustn’t contact your ex when she hasn’t made any effort to get back with you. You mustn’t do it even if she reached out and talked to you for a while. Reconciliations aren’t a matter of time and sweet talk. They’re a matter of experience (what dumpers go through and how they think and feel about it).
If they get hurt and realize they need their ex to be happy, they return to their ex. And if they don’t get hurt, they think they’ve made the right decision and that getting back with their ex would be a huge mistake.
It saddens me to say this, but most people only learn lessons through pain and suffering. They value their health when they get sick, appreciate their job when they lose it, bring people flowers to people when they pass away, and love their exes when they fail to replace them and struggle to love themselves.
Something must affect them deeply for them to be discontented with the new reality and get their priorities straight.
It’s unlikely that your ex will miss you (especially romantically) when you’re constantly reaching out and showing her you want to be with her. Even if you don’t beg for love and validation, she’ll consider you someone she tried being with but failed. She won’t doubt her decision to leave just because you’re walking on eggshells and avoiding conflict.
Always remember that exes (males and females) come back when they have a reason to come back. That reason is more often than not related to their happiness, (emotional) health, and sense of direction. When they feel sad and don’t like where their life is heading, they return to their ex and hope their ex will put them back on track and fulfill their wants and needs.
Pain makes them think of their ex as a person who can instantly take their pain away and boost their self-esteem and happiness.
So if you want to know if your ex will come back after no contact, know that it depends on what you do after no contact. If you befriend your ex and/or pester her with your emotions and problems, your ex will likely think you’re desperate and get overwhelmed by your unreasonably high expectations. She won’t come back in the near future because you won’t be able to give her the security and stability she craves.
Your ex might still eventually come back, but it won’t be thanks to you. It will happen when (romantic) failure and pain destroy her post-breakup expectations, self-certainty, and self-love.
It’s much better for both parties that your ex comes back during no contact (when you don’t interact). No contact will work better because it will keep your ex out of your mind (help you detach and feel better) and make your ex curious, nostalgic, and regretful.
If your ex doesn’t know what you think, feel, and do with your time, your ex will think about you more often and in a better light than if you constantly show her she can get back with you anymore.
Dumpers simply don’t respect dumpees who throw themselves at their feet. They especially don’t respect them if dumpees are in pain and don’t love themselves. Their ex’s unhappiness and emotions in general tend to overburden them emotionally and cause them to run away. Naturally, they gravitate toward people whose attention they need to work hard for.
If it’s given to them for free (especially when they’re allowed to treat their ex badly and don’t deserve it), they don’t appreciate it and want their ex to leave them alone.
This is something you need to understand very clearly. As long as your ex gets everything from you on a silver platter, your ex won’t feel the need to reciprocate your efforts and feelings. Your ex will have too much power and control over you to consider herself an equal and want to change anything.
So don’t stay in your ex’s life if you or your ex reached out once or a few times. If there’s no progress in your ex’s thinking and behavior, you need to go back to no contact and stay in it permanently. Let your ex enjoy her life while you work on rebuilding yours.
However, if you haven’t heard from your ex yet and wonder if your ex will come back after no contact (when she reaches out for the first time), this is hard to predict. It depends on your ex’s reasons for reaching out. If she just feels guilty, curious, and nostalgic or wants help with something, your ex’s reach-out will have nothing to do with reconciliation.
It will be non-romantic and won’t grow into a relationship. At least not anytime soon.
But if your ex-girlfriend encounters big problems and realizes your romantic worth, then your ex will probably come back after no contact. Your ex will break no contact to tell you she regrets dumping and hurting you and thinking you were the main cause of her problems and pain.
A big part of the reconciliation process is luck (what kind of problems she runs into) and how she copes with stress. The less equipped she is to resolve life problems, the bigger the chance that she’ll reflect on her decisions, realize and admit her flaws, and come to the conclusion that life wasn’t perfect but that it was better than it is currently.
The belief that she’s doing worse than before could incentivize her to come back to you even if things ended on a bad note.
Having said that, here’s when your ex-girlfriend will come back after no contact.
How can I get another chance with my ex?
Since you can’t help your ex experience problems and realize your worth sooner, you must give her the space she’s asked for. Let her enjoy her independence and free time while you focus on things you can control. Things such as your self-awareness, communication style, bad habits and vices, shortcomings, emotional strength, and purpose in life.
These things aren’t the main conditions for getting back with your ex as they won’t make your ex fall back in love with you. But they will make it possible for your ex to find you attractive and stay with you when life gives her lemons. Your personal improvements are a precondition for getting back with someone who dumped you and post-conditions for making the relationship work.
If you were a terrible communicator, you want to learn to express yourself respectfully and give your ex fewer reasons to leave you. You must show your ex you’ve learned from your mistakes and grown within.
But while you’re waiting for your ex to have an epiphany, your focus should be on detaching and healing. Your ex won’t respect you and want you if she sees you still depend on her for happiness and survival. She’ll probably feel repulsed and look for people who can give her the support and validation she craves.
I encourage you to focus on yourself rather than your ex. This will be hard to do for a while because of the shock and pain your ex has caused you. But despite that, it’s important to do your best and become happy with yourself and other supportive people. You must wean off your ex and discover your worth.
That’s the only way you’ll feel emotionally independent and stop thinking about your ex all the time.
You won’t get another chance just because you want it very badly. You’ll get another chance if you respect your ex, preserve your value, and wait for your ex to encounter some kind of problem she can’t deal with without you.
When that happens, your ex will contact you and try to have a fresh beginning. She’ll express that she misses you and regrets abandoning you.
The hardest part of no contact is letting go of hope and understanding you don’t have the power to manipulate your ex’s feelings. In the past, you probably could make your ex feel all sorts of feelings and influence your ex’s decisions, but now that you’re a dumpee, you don’t have that kind of power.
Your ex must first trust and love you and feel ready to be vulnerable around you.
So give up on forcing your ex to come back during or after no contact. Instead of forcing her to feel what you feel, accept that her feelings are gone and that she needs to have a bad experience to want to get back with you. When she wants you back, you’ll be doing her a favor because she’ll need you as much or more than you need her.
The balance of power will be restored.
Are you still wondering if she will come back after no contact? What are you doing to keep busy and maximize your chances of reconciliation? Let us know in the comments below.
And lastly, if you’re looking for breakup guidance, visit our page dedicated to coaching. There you can choose a form of communication of your preference.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
