Why Is My Ex So Cold And Heartless?

If your ex is cold and heartless post-breakup, it’s evident your ex doesn’t have any more romantic interest, respect, and patience for you. Your ex has run out of them and can’t invest any more time and energy in a relationship that doesn’t feel good.

All your ex can do is stay away from you and spend time with people who give him or her positive energy. The people who empower your ex don’t pressure your ex and remind your ex of all the negative experiences he or she felt throughout the relationship.

They just distract your ex and make your ex ignore the need to reflect and work on things that need to be worked on.

Since your ex is cold and heartless, your ex clearly needs more time to himself. Your ex isn’t getting enough space and isn’t allowed to think and feel what he or she wants. That’s why your ex reacts negatively to your demands or requests when you overstep his or her boundaries.

He or she doesn’t want to respond politely and patiently because your ex thinks the time for polite conversations has ended. In his or her mind, it’s now time to cut off the past and welcome happier experiences and feelings.

One thing you need to understand is that the breakup itself didn’t make your ex into a cold and heartless person. The breakup merely pushed your ex into a difficult situation and revealed his or her ability to deal with difficult situations and emotions.

Because your ex hasn’t learned to deal with breakups properly (sympathetically and empathetically), your ex responded instinctually (the way smothered, guilt-tripped, and unhappy dumpers do). Your ex basically showed you that the breakup isn’t a relationship and that you shouldn’t expect the kind of treatment you received when you were together.

Now that you’re an ex-couple, you can expect your ex to treat you the way dumpers treat their exes. You can expect your ex to give you attention when or if he or she feels the desire to do so. Your ex won’t talk to you like before and be open to talking about the relationship/breakup and the possibility of getting back together.

If you start such topics, hint that you’re not over the breakup, and express that you need your ex to help you love yourself, you could make your problems your ex’s problems, annoy your ex, and see a side of your ex you’ve never seen before.

You could essentially make your ex feel responsible for your pain and for helping you deal with pain and make your ex angry, cold, and heartless as a result.

Each person responds to direct or indirect accusations and pressure differently. But how a person reacts depends on his or her upbringing, personality, and self-development.

If your ex has very little self-control and lacks empathy and breakup experience (especially if your ex has never been dumped), your ex will probably not understand what to do with all the post-breakup power and control.

Too much power will likely increase your ex’s ego to the point where your ex thinks less of you and treats you poorly. Consequently, your ex will hurt you immensely and significantly decrease the odds of your ex realizing that the problem is with him/her, not you.

So if your ex is cold and heartless and you can’t figure out why, know that it probably has something to do with your behavior or presence. Whatever you’re currently doing is too much for your ex as it’s forcing your ex into an uncomfortable situation he or she can’t escape from.

The only way your ex can relax and feel in control is by pushing you away forcefully and heartlessly. Heartless behavior is subjective and varies from person to person.

But in general, it includes:

• responding concisely without interest
• replying impatiently and meanly
• ignoring
• taking a long time to answer
• avoiding important questions/topics
• talking about superficial matters only
• calling you names/refusing to call you pet names
• showing disinterested body language (avoiding eye contact, facing away from you, angry/unreceptive tone, and poor attitude)

So if your ex is cold and heartless, know that your ex doesn’t like what you’re saying or doing. Your ex wants space and freedom, but instead, your ex is getting more or less of the same as before and feels trapped. This forces your ex to react in ways that are normal for your ex’s morals, personality, self-control, and overall maturity.

You need to keep in mind that your ex’s reactions aren’t your problems. You may be deliberately or indeliberately pushing your ex to talk to you, love you, and support you, but your ex is still the one who interprets your behavior and responds to it.

That means your ex is responsible for his or her behavior just as much as you are for yours. You get to decide if you want to be nice and your ex decides if he or she wants to treat you with respect.

In this post, we discuss why your ex is so cold and heartless after the breakup. You’ll learn that your ex’s impatience is your ex’s fault and that you need to pull away and give your ex the space he or she has asked for.

Why is my ex so cold and heartless?

If your ex is cold and heartless, mean, angry, or different from what you’re used to, you need to know that most dumpers treat their dumpee ex differently. They no longer have a romantic relationship with them (a close bond), so they act cold and distant.

Distant behavior keeps their ex and the expectations that come with their ex away from them and allows them to focus on their hobbies, friends, and sometimes even new partners.

You probably want your ex back, but you need to know that dumpers often monkey-branch into another relationship. They feel tired from the end of their prolonged relationship, so they get involved with the first person they see themselves getting close to.

They do this because they want the new person to help them not feel bad about leaving/hurting their ex. Unlike dumpees who date to heal, dumpers rely on the new person to get the most out of life. They’re emotionally ready to move forward, so they prioritize people and things that energize them and let them be in control of their life.

If they feel they can’t be in control because their ex wants their attention, love, and reassurance, they tend to get cold and say things that hurt their ex.

So if your ex is cold and heartless and you have no idea why, ask yourself two things.

1. Has my ex always been so mean and cold but I only noticed it now that he/she doesn’t want me?
2. Am I doing anything to annoy my ex and bring an unwanted reaction out of him/her?

If you’re constantly texting and calling your ex, you’re giving your ex a reason to respond coldly. It’s not your fault your ex is reacting negatively, of course, but you are indirectly asking your ex to pay attention to you and invest in you.

Generally speaking, anything that asks for attention from your ex puts your ex in an uncomfortable situation and risks overwhelming your ex.

Things that are likely to make your ex go cold on you are:

• messaging, calling, stalking
• talking about your ex
• contacting your ex’s friends and convincing them
• sharing your ex’s secrets
• expressing your emotions strongly
• or just being around your ex

Your ex doesn’t want you to act as if the breakup doesn’t affect the terms of the relationship. Your ex wants you to accept the fact that the relationship has ended and that you’re not going to guilt-trip him or her and try to get back together.

If do resist the breakup, you’re probably going to push your ex so much that your ex won’t hesitate to hurt you in order to protect himself or herself from your expectations. When that happens, your ex will stop caring about your perception of him or her as he or she won’t have any more romantic feelings and expectations of you.

With that said, here’s why your ex is so cold and heartless after the breakup.

If your ex is cold and heartless, your ex stopped caring about you romantically and is slowly distancing himself or herself from you. Your ex is growing more and more distant and could eventually stop replying altogether.

When that happens, your ex will feel emotionally depleted and probably won’t feel bad for hurting you anymore. Instead, your ex will just prioritize his or her emotions and let you take care of your emotions.

On the other hand, if your ex is shifting between hot and cold, that doesn’t indicate your ex is thinking about being with you. Hot and cold behavior indicates that your ex has strong morals and wants to be nice and friendly with you for the sake of healing.

When it comes to reconciliation, your ex hasn’t changed his or her mind yet. If your ex had an epiphany, your ex would have warmed up to you and stayed warm long-term.

The dumper either likes you and craves you (romantically) or doesn’t. There’s no half-loving someone. If your ex appears or says that he or she is confused, your ex doesn’t want to be with you and won’t be with you until doubts are resolved.

What to do when your ex is cold and heartless?

You must be doing something wrong if your ex is cold and heartless. You’re either contacting your ex and pinning your expectations on your ex or you’re lingering around and not finding a way to separate your life from your ex’s.

Some ex-couples live or work together, so they interact and make the moving-on process more difficult than it has to be. Because they take the breakup lightly, they essentially interfere with each other’s happiness and increase the time it takes to fully let go.

If you’re doing anything that brings a negative reaction out of your ex, I encourage you to stop doing that immediately. Instead of pressuring your ex and shooting yourself in the foot (making your ex less receptive to the idea of getting back together), let your ex know you’ll be moving out (if you leave together) or just stop interacting with your ex (if you don’t).

Your ex must see that you have no romantic expectations of him or her and that you’ve got the strength to move on and find happiness without him or her. If your ex thinks that he or she is the center of your attention, your ex won’t feel the urge to reconnect.

On the contrary, your ex will take his or her sweet time to get to know other people and come back to you only if he or she thinks you still respect yourself and deserve another chance.

For your ex to come back, things need to be the opposite of how they are right now. You need to gain power and your ex needs to wonder if getting back together is possible and something you want.

As long as your ex feels empowered and in control of the breakup, your ex decides what to do regarding the breakup and how fast you heal.

He or she decides if you suffer or move on.

So try not to let your ex’s cold-heartedness bother you. In fact, don’t even give your ex a chance to show you his or her lack of interest and affection. The best way you can handle an ex who doesn’t care about you anymore is to initiate no contact and adhere to the rules of no contact at all costs.

It won’t be easy at first as starting no contact and staying in no contact requires immense determination and blind faith, but know that it gets easier after a while. It especially gets easier when you stop seeing that your ex is cold and heartless and that your ex doesn’t want to be with you.

The breakup basically gets easier when you get your ex out of sight and get used to your ex’s absence. When that happens, you’ll stop caring about your ex’s lack of love, patience, and respect and worry more about your health and happiness.

Did you learn why your ex is so cold and heartless? Are you willing to forgive your ex for not being sympathetic and patient? Let us know in the comments section below.

And if you’d like to talk to us about your ex’s cold-heartedness, click here to visit our coaching page.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.